- The Angry Video Game Nerd: The manual says "Go to meetseaman.com". The website no longer exists, but I heard it was once a porn site. I just heard, that's all. A Dreamcast game that sends you to porn. More like wet-Dreamcast.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Set the time? Since when did video game consoles start telling time? I have a clock. A Rolling Rock clock. I don't need this shit; I can wear a watch! Or a watch is not cool enough? No, no, kids nowadays, they just look at their phones.
- [the Nerd holds up a rotary dial phone]
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Yeah, I'd look so cool telling time on my phone. Yeah, you wanna look cool? Put a Sega Dreamcast on your wrist with a TV and a gas-powered electric generator! YOU'D BE SO AWESOME! Let's play this.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: It's Sea-Man! Sea... Man! Not semen. As in jizz! Splooge! Man-bazooka juice!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: In the name of fuck. How do I get involved in this shit? I-I gotta figure it out. I gotta do it, I gotta do it for Nimoy.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Well, there's nothing I can do right now. The instruction manual says it best: "This is not the type of game in which one can spend several hours in one sitting and expect to experience vast amounts of action or change. As with life itself, change only occurs over time and even then, slowly. Change is only evident through the accumulation of experience over time." Woah. That's deep, man. But it's bullshit! The game demands I play by its schedule. So, what am I gonna do to pass the time? Well I guess I'll play this Famicom Disk game, which roughly translates to "Explosive Fighter Patton". Why? Because people told me so; they keep feeding me this shit. Let's check it out.
- [He inserts the disk. The screen says: "TURN TO SIDE-B AND INSERT TO FUCKING BOX!"; stunned]
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: No... NO WAY. It's an official Famicom Disk game that says the F-word! And this was in the 80s, this is before Hong Kong 97! It's an officially released game on a Nintendo console - THAT SAYS "FUCK"! OH, MY GOD, my life is complete! IT SAYS FUCK! IT SAYS FUUUUUUUUUUUU...
- [Brief montage indicating the passage of time]
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: ... UUUUUUUUUUUU - Oh-oh, I forgot about Seaman!
- Baby-like voice: Forkabo!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Did it just say fucker bell? No, I just want there to be cursing in retro games.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: [Talking in the mic with Seaman] Hello.
- Seaman: Yeah, hello. Whatever.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: I just want to talk.
- Seaman: Blah, blah, blah. Happy?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Yo fuckface!
- Seaman: Let's be sure and get my name right, skinpuppet. You're a pain in the ass.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Suck my dick.
- Seaman: Hey! Seaman don't play that.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: I'll- What can I do? I'll tickle you.
- Seaman: Are you coming on to me?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle
- Seaman: I'm gonna pee if you don't stop, hehehehe
- Seaman: [singing] I come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Okay...
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Okay, so to pick up the egg you have to hit X and the right trigger at the same time. Why couldn't it just be X? Well, maybe the idea to go like this:
- [makes a grabbing motion]
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: You know, like you're grabbing something? Yeah, well, grab my scrote! It's 2015, it's time to start sayin' "scrote".
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: It's alive. The creatures evolve slowly over time. This is a game all about patience. You spend most of the time waiting as things happen; you feed the fish, raise the heat back up, raise the oxygen, talk to the Seamen and keep them to live long... and prosper. That's about all there is to it; you turn off the game, come back to it a day later... or... five minutes later, like me.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: OH, MY GO- AH! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU MYSTICAL ANCIENT PHARAOH MOTHERFUCKERS! Ah! I gotta do it! I gotta do it for Nimoy!
- [gives the Vulcan salute]
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: FOR NIMOY!