- The Great Gonzo: So, Kermit, we got a great sketch for Patrick Dempsey.
- Rizzo the Rat: Mm-hmm.
- Pepe the King Prawn: Si.
- Kermit the Frog: Oh, no, Dempsey's out. We're going with a big block of butter.
- Rizzo the Rat: Okay, we'll just tweak it. Piggy's having a dream where she's making out with a big block of butter. Huh. It's actually funnier.
- The Great Gonzo: Yeah.
- Pepe the King Prawn: And more realistic.
- The Great Gonzo: [disappointed that, while Kermit is going on leave, he has left Scooter in charge] You know, when you're choosing somebody to handle a high-pressure job, you might want to go with the guy who won't get rattled. I mean, I was a stunt man. I was shot out of a cannon straight into Niagara Falls. Although, technically, I was supposed to go over Niagara Falls. Always check the wind.
- Kermit the Frog: [singing in his backyard] Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side...
- Bill: [shouting offscreen] Learn a new song!
- Kermit the Frog: [shouting back] Chill out, Bill!
- [resumes sing]
- Kermit the Frog: Rainbows are visions, but only illusions and rainbows have nothing to hide...
- Kermit the Frog: You know, Rowlf, there are so many selfish people in this world who won't lift a finger to help anybody.
- Rowlf: Mm-hmm.
- Kermit the Frog: Sometimes I wish I was more like them.
- Rowlf: Oh, but then you wouldn't be you. And that's no way to live. Took me years to accept the fact that I'm part corgi. Guess that's why I can't dance.
- Kermit the Frog: How do you do it, Rowlf? You're one of the easiest-going guys I've ever known.
- Rowlf: Well, when I'm having a tough day, I go home, draw myself a hot bath, get out, run around the house like a maniac, and chew on an old shoe.
- Kermit the Frog: And that makes you feel good?
- Rowlf: Oh, especially the shoe part. Brings me back to a simpler time. A-as a matter of fact, I got one right here.
- [Rowlf holds up a chewed-up shoe]
- Rowlf: Want to give her a go?
- Kermit the Frog: Hmm? Oh. Oh, no, thank you. I... I should probably find my own thing.
- Rowlf: Are you sure? 'Cause this one's got an odor eater in it so you get that smoky taste, and then the gum on the heel gives it the perfect mint finish.
- Kermit the Frog: You... you go ahead.
- Scooter: [freaked out] I broke Kermit's show!
- The Great Gonzo: [one-on-one interview] I feel sorry for Scooter. Being in charge is not easy. But you know what I learned when I was shot into Niagara Falls? Sometimes you gotta ask for help. Yeah. And learn French in case the wind carries you to the Canadian side.
- Kermit the Frog: Scooter, why was Sweetums driving around with a giant block of butter?
- Scooter: Uh, well, because Patrick Dempsey got a poison ivy rash.
- Kermit the Frog: What, are you gonna rub his body down with butter?
- Scooter: What? Ew! K... Kermit! No! Ew! Dempsey canceled, so we're filling that segment with Swedish Chef carving a butter sculpture of Piggy's head.
- Kermit the Frog: Everybody, listen up. Uh, could I have your attention just for a second? Uh, listen, first of all, I just want everybody to know that I am fine.
- Zoot: Are you sure? You look a little green.
- Kermit the Frog: I'm always green, Zoot.
- Zoot: Oh. You look great, then.
- The Great Gonzo: Scooter, you're not going anywhere. What is the oldest saying in Hollywood?
- Scooter: Uh... "This is where we should put Hollywood"?
- The Great Gonzo: No. "The show must go on."
- Scooter: Well, why would you say that before Hollywood exists?
- The Great Gonzo: [sighs] Look, Scooter, what I'm trying to say is... I believe in you. And it doesn't matter how scared you are. You can do this. You have to do this.