- Beverly Goldberg: He looks like a criminal, or in a barbershop quartet.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: Don't mention barbershop quartet, that's the lowest form of musical entertainment. Just use an instrument, dammit.
- Barry Goldberg: Boy George, of the glam group Culture Club? What does he have that I don't have?
- Erica Goldberg: He's handsome, he's stylish, he's everything you're not.
- Barry Goldberg: We'll see about that. I'm flying to England and challenging him to a duel. Maybe I can show him my demo tape. No, no distractions!
- Murray Goldberg: You shaved my moustache whlie I slept? Who does that?
- Beverly Goldberg: Me. I do that.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: She hopped on top of you and shaved you and you didn't even noticed?
- Murray Goldberg: I'm a hard sleeper. When I drop, I drop hard.
- Beverly Goldberg: I do a lot of things while you sleep. Nose hairs, toenails, Q-tip stuff.