Toast of London (TV Series)

Global Warming (2015)

Matt Berry: Steven Toast

Photos 

Quotes 

• Steven Toast : I've never...

  Ed Howzer-Black : Had sex at the Globe? I have.

• Clem Fandango : That's a cool hat. Are you DJing tonight?

  Danny Bear : Oh yeah. I'm dropping some MP3 bombs down at Hip-Hop Karaoke.

  Clem Fandango : What, the social?

  Danny Bear : No, no, above the multi-storey car park by the Westway... oh yeah, have you got any candies?

  Clem Fandango : Yeah, I've got loads, yeah. How many do you want?

  Danny Bear : Just a few. I'm pulling an all-nighter, so I'm thinking... six?

  [Clem gives the candies to Danny] 

  Steven Toast : Can we get on with this?

  [Danny and Clem switch focus to Toast] 

  Steven Toast : Or have I got to sit and listen to you two talk about leg warmers all day?

  Danny Bear : Sorry, man... oh Steven, do you want a cup of tea before we start? There's a hell of a lot to get through.

  Steven Toast : [Toast looks at an enormous pile of script paper]  You're not lying. Jesus Christ! I mean, what the hell is this? The Bible?

  Danny Bear : That's exactly what it is. We're recording an audiobook of the Bible. What, did your agent not tell you?

  Steven Toast : No she didn't. And if she had had told me I'd be reading the Bible, I wouldn't have f***ing agreed to it.

  Clem Fandango : Hey Steven, this is Clem Fandango. Can you hear me?

  Steven Toast : Uh... not really, cock. Not with all this Bible paper soundproofing the booth!

  Danny Bear : [Denise arrives carrying 3 cups of tea on a tray]  Oh cheers, Denise... oh, just a sec, um... which cup is Steven's?

  [Denise points out Toast's cup] 

  Danny Bear : Yeah, well just leave them here. I'll take it in to him.

  Steven Toast : [Toast scrolls through the Bible script]  What the f***?

  Clem Fandango : [Danny takes a drug out of a packet and puts it in Toast's cup]  What, are you f***ing kidding me? Those pills are intense. He'll be chewing the carpet!

  Danny Bear : I'd better put another one in then.

  [Danny and Clem laugh quietly] 

  Danny Bear : Shh...

  Steven Toast : Oi! Where's my cup of tea?

  Danny Bear : Coming...

  [brings Toast's tea to him] 

  Steven Toast : [In the next scene, the Bible pages are scattered across the booth with weird writing on them, and Toast is seen standing up and drinking out of a large bottle of water]  This is the most beautiful thing I've ever read. It's better than Shakespeare.

  [Danny and Clem start filming Toast] 

  Steven Toast : And his ass was beautiful. I'll read this one again. Are we rolling? I love you.

  [laughs] 

  Steven Toast : And I love you. And did I tell you that I love you? Sod this, let's go from the beginning.

  [Danny and Clem laugh at Toast] 

  Steven Toast : Where...?

  [Toast searches through the scattered paper]