The Magicians (TV Series)

Remedial Battle Magic (2016)

Hale Appleman: Eliot Waugh

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Quotes 

• William 'Penny' Adiyodi : If Martin killed The Beast, would we be here now talking about him?

  Quentin Coldwater : Yeah, but here's the thing.

  [Reads] 

  Quentin Coldwater : "So little did Martin know he would fail to recover the blade, which would remain hidden for decades". Which means it could still be sitting somewhere waiting for us.

  William 'Penny' Adiyodi : Right, in Fillory. The place where The Beast is.

  Eliot Waugh : Ergo, fuck that.

• Margo Hanson : What are we planning?

  Quentin Coldwater : Nothing yet. Just discussing how we're all probably gonna die before we even set foot in Fillory because the Neitherlands are full of mercenaries.

  Margo Hanson : Sounds like a problem.

  Quentin Coldwater : Point is, we need some serious battle magic.

  Margo Hanson : But that stuff's illegal.

  [Quentin gives her a look] 

  Margo Hanson : I'm fucking with you. I'm in.

  Eliot Waugh : I'm in too. I heard the word "illegal".

• Eliot Waugh : We're not learning anything new. In every scenario, The Beast comes next week.

  Quentin Coldwater : There was one time we didn't all die: when we went to Fillory.

  Eliot Waugh : No. Everything went white. It's not necessarily better.

  Alice Quinn : Well, I agree with Quentin.

  Margo Hanson : Oh, that's because he blows you.

  Quentin Coldwater : Seriously, eight tries. We get seven deaths, one mysterious? Give me that.

• Quentin Coldwater : Where did you get this? Is this, like, from World War II?

  Eliot Waugh : I tripped and fell on it locked in a drawer in Sunderland's office.

  Alice Quinn : My Japanese is a little rusty, but I think that this says, "Majikku misairu".

  Quentin Coldwater : "Magic missile"? That's, like, straight-up "Dungeons & Dragons.

• Margo Hanson : What if we got guns?

  Quentin Coldwater : What? No. No, look, this is basic prime directive. Fillory is a pristine, non-industrialized society. You can't-...

  Eliot Waugh : Oh, yes, very pristine. It's been taken over by a kiddie-diddling mutant.

  Quentin Coldwater : Yeah, and that's not Fillory's fault.

  Margo Hanson : Great. Let's go native. Scale of one to ten, how are you with a broadsword, Quentin?

• Eliot Waugh : Bottling our emotions, literally.

  Alice Quinn : Kady says we shouldn't use these for more than three hours at a time, right? That it's too hard on the system, and when the feelings come back, it's extremely intense.

  Eliot Waugh : Yeah, yeah. Don't lean on the bottle.

• Eliot Waugh : Remember that spring? At the foot of the mountains in Fillory?

  Quentin Coldwater : It was Chatwin's Torrent. Thought you didn't remember the books.

  Eliot Waugh : Rupert was wounded, right? Till the spring healed his leg? Do you think it's real?

  Quentin Coldwater : Some of the good parts have to be. At least I hope so. Why?

  Eliot Waugh : Because I probably have liver damage.

• Quentin Coldwater : So Martin's desperate, 'cause the Plover had figured out a way to change physically, which opened up a whole new class of spellwork, which meant that pretty soon he'd be able to follow Martin into Fillory.

  Eliot Waugh : Urgh.

  Quentin Coldwater : Yeah. So Martin got a line on an enchanted knife, the Leo. Uh Yeah, powerful enough to tear through the fabric of magic itself - like, kill a god. So qualified to murder a fairly invincible mutant Magician.