- Himself - Host: And finally, new rule: from now until election day, everything else - every issue, every fight, every cause - has to take a back seat to defeating Trump. He's like an infection you don't fool around with.
- [audience applause]
- Himself - Host: Look... we all have our issues that are important to us, and so just to lead by example, let me say that I will take my own close to the heart pet cause, pot legalization, off the table. And you know me; I have seeds in my urine.
- [laughter]
- Himself - Host: But if...
- [to a laughing Jeff]
- Himself - Host: You know that. But if someone... if someone told me that pushing for pot might cost Hillary Ohio, until November 8th, I'm just gonna shut the fuck up about it.
- Himself - Host: New rule: the owners of the soon to open Fellatio Café in Geneva, where, for sixty dollars, patrons can get fellatio and a coffee, have to explain: what's the point of the coffee?
- [laughter]
- Himself - Host: 'Cause you had me at "fellatio". Trust me, when asked "Would you like fellatio?", no man has ever said "Not until I've had my coffee."