Charles Grodin: Self - Guest

Quotes 

• Charles Grodin : When I tried to talk about my book in the hardcover, you said "$18.95, y'know, that's a lot of money for a book-"

  Johnny Carson : I thought it was.

  Charles Grodin : It's my whole life, you said, y'know, "Maybe if it's Mother Teresa's life."

  Johnny Carson : You remember those things, don't you?

  Charles Grodin : Yes I do.

  Johnny Carson : I didn't know you were that sensitive. You actually remember that.

  Charles Grodin : I, I'm so sensitive, I really can't answer a question from someone who's not interested in the question.

  Johnny Carson : I'm very interested in the question. Now,

  [audience boos] 

  Johnny Carson : It's all right, it's okay, I'm used to it.

  [audience laughter] 

  Johnny Carson : Now, what, what is the, uh, the paperback going for? The hard copy...

  Charles Grodin : This is, uh, $9.95.

  Johnny Carson : Well now we're talkin'.

  [audience applause] 

  Johnny Carson : You see? You should've started out at $9.95, this would've been $4.60 by now. People don't understand when you come out here.

  Charles Grodin : But look at you. I mean, you don't really care what I have to say, do you, honestly?

  Johnny Carson : No, no.

  [audience laughter/applause] 

  Johnny Carson : I gotta do an hour a night! I'm lookin' for warm bodies. That's all. If I can get seven minutes out of you, I take a bundle, I go home to Malibu!

• Charles Grodin : What do you care about? I mean in life. You care about anything? I mean, we hope the show goes on forever.

  Johnny Carson : Sure.

  Charles Grodin : All right, we hope everybody's happy. But given that and we're all healthy and happy, is there anything in the world that you actually care about?

  Johnny Carson : Yes, yes. My health. And I have this terrible pain right now. Which... it's aggravated by you asking me dumb questions like that.

  Charles Grodin : I'm trying to get through- I'm trying to cut through the list.

  Johnny Carson : Well forget the list!

  Charles Grodin : I'm really asking you, man to man, as if we weren't here.

  Johnny Carson : Yes.

  Charles Grodin : We ARE here, but as though we weren't here.

  Johnny Carson : Yeah. I'm here, I don't know about YOU.

  [audience laughter] 

  Johnny Carson : Sure, there are a lot of things I care deeply about!

  Charles Grodin : Deeply?

  Johnny Carson : Deeply!

  Charles Grodin : Come on. Deeply? You?

  Johnny Carson : Of course. Yes. I can care about the human condition.

  Charles Grodin : Come on, like what?

  Johnny Carson : Don't you know what the human condition means?

  Charles Grodin : Yeah, but what do you care about the human condition? You've reduced the entire world situation, Iraq and everything, to an opening monologue. And, "Saddam Hussein", ba boo boo boo, y'know, you really, is there anything in the world that you really- do you lie awake at night and worry about anything that doesn't have to do with the show or yourself?

  Johnny Carson : Yes, the mentally impaired.

  [audience laughter/cheers] 

  Johnny Carson : Nobody's perfect.

  Charles Grodin : You're afraid you're going to become mentally impaired?