- Emily Locke: It's cool that you guys can laugh about this, but with Crimson Fox gone, petty crime will skyrocket. And let's be real, women are always the target.
- Jackie: Emily is right. The creeps are already feeling emboldened. Weird Tony the Hot Dog Guy was extra weird this morning.
- Ron: Wait a minute, you mean Fun Tony the Hot Dog Guy?
- Teddy: Yeah, what's wrong with Fun Tony the Hot Dog Guy?
- Emily Locke, Jackie, Wendy: [disgustingly] "Hey sexy lady, come sit on Tony's lap and touch Tony's hot dog."
- Ron: Oh, he's definitely talking about his penis.
- Teddy: Yeah, it's his penis.
- Emily Locke: Hey, I was thinking about taking a self-defense class now that Crimson Fox is gone. Want to do it with me?
- Jackie: Look, I don't have time for some class. I'm either taking care of a child...
- Van Wayne: Jackie!
- Jackie: [rolls her eyes] ... or I'm at home with my kid.
- Jackie: I'm going to be direct which is something you love about me.
- Emily Locke: All right.
- Jackie: My daughter Ruby is taking a trip to Six Flags Metropolis. It's $500 and money's a little tight right now. I really don't need any of these human bedbugs knowing that, so as far as you're concerned, I *am not* an Uber driver.
- Emily Locke: Yeah, but with the Crimson Fox gone you could get mugged or hit with a Jack O'Lantern fireball. It's just now safe for you to be driving strangers around.
- [Jackie grabs Emily's arm and twists it behind her]
- Jackie: Who's driving strangers around?
- Emily Locke: [grimacing with pain] No one. Not one percent ever.
- Emily Locke: Where did you learn that?
- Jackie: I have two brothers.
- Emily Locke: Are your two brothers older or younger?
- Jackie: Please stop bonding with me.
- Emily Locke: Listen, if you need...
- Jackie: I don't want to talk about it and I really don't want you to "Emily" this!
- Emily Locke: Aw, did you just use my name as a verb?
- [Jackie grabs Emily's arm again]
- Jackie: Ah, I will not "Emily" this.
- [Emily overreacts with pleasure when she learns Jackie put her down as her emergency contact]
- Jackie: Calm down. I had to put somebody down and you're kinda sort reliable and capable in a middle school hall monitor sort of way.
- [last lines]
- [Peter deletes the file from Van's computer showing how many office workers are using his executive washroom]
- Peter the Janitor: My name is *Peter*.