- Doug Gardner: [to his co-worker] So, Casey has a boyfriend.
- Chuck: Uh-oh.
- Doug Gardner: Oh, no. It's okay. Casey's got a good head on her shoulders.
- [to his patient]
- Doug Gardner: Just breathe normally, ma'am. You're doing great. She told me about it, so that's a good thing, right? I'm sure I got nothing to worry about.
- Chuck: That's the same thing I said about my daughter. It's fun being a grandfather. You'll like it.
- [first lines]
- Doug Gardner: [jogging together] You worried about the regionals? I know Clayton Prep has that one speedy Mexican girl, but I know you could beat her. Are you offended I called her Mexican? 'Cause she actually is.
- Casey Gardner: [blurting out] I kissed a boy.
- Doug Gardner: Wow, that's something.
- Casey Gardner: Yeah, I wasn't gonna tell you, but you're kind of my go-to, which makes me feel like a loser.
- Doug Gardner: Wow. That's your first kiss, huh? That's That's a big deal.
- Casey Gardner: Oh, God, you're being weird.
- Doug Gardner: I'm not being weird. Yeah you are. You're running away from me, moving your arms weird.
- Casey Gardner: No, I'm not. I'm just gangly. It's how I run.
- Sam Gardner: [narrating] Whoever said "Practice makes perfect" was an idiot. Humans can't be perfect, because we're not machines. Unfortunately, the best thing that you can say about practice is that it makes better. Which is why I know that in order to be a good boyfriend to Julia, I need a practice girlfriend first.
- Sam Gardner: Talking to girls makes me a little nervous, but Julia says it's good to do things that scare you.
- Elsa Gardner: Sometimes. Fear is also there for a biological reason. I mean, fight-or-flight, right? If I'm walking down a dark alley and I start to feel afraid, that's my body trying to protect me from gang boys with knives.
- Sam Gardner: Mom, I'm getting older, and at some point, I really hope that I get to see boobs.
- Casey Gardner: His name is Evan and he goes to tech school. And he's coming over today after school so we can do homework.
- Doug Gardner: Homework? What kind of homework do they give you at the tech school? Can he fix our AC?