Wayne Brady: Self

Quotes 

• Colin Mochrie : [in "Mixed Messages"]  All right guys, we have some trouble. I see on the monitor there's an alien ship coming from the fiery planet.

  Greg Proops : [reading text messages from Jessica's phone]  "Oh! Basically, go to Babs's house, and when you're on Laurel, park on the right hand side of the street. It's close to Fryman Canyon."

  Colin Mochrie : That's not going to help! By the time we get to Babs's house, the aliens will be on board and we'll be fried to a crisp.

  Wayne Brady : [reading text messages from Kristin's phone]  "I'll put you down as supervisor of the design team at Casa Stillo. Since you're pretty much and were, I'm sure it'll be fine. If you say no, longer than-"

  Colin Mochrie : [interrupting]  Shut up! I am the commander of this ship!

  Greg Proops : "Oh, yeah!"

  Colin Mochrie : Yes, I am! So everybody, arm yourself, we may be in for a fight.

  Wayne Brady : "I'm excited."

  Colin Mochrie : Yeah, me too.

  Wayne Brady : "I'm proud of you."

  Colin Mochrie : Thank you.

  Greg Proops : "So, can you take whoever wants to go and meet me there at 3:30?"

  Colin Mochrie : We can't go anywhere, we have to protect the ship!

  Wayne Brady : "Fo sho."

  Colin Mochrie : No, not "for show", for real!

  Greg Proops : "Oh, you're sleeping. K, cool. Well I haven't even burned the incense yet, I just set it up in my room, it smells AMAZING. So that's cool."

  Colin Mochrie : I want everyone to calm down. I understand burning incense calms you down-

  [to Wayne] 

  Colin Mochrie : What are you doing?

  Wayne Brady : "Everything works out."

  Colin Mochrie : Oh, okay, good.

  Wayne Brady : "... For YOU."

  Colin Mochrie : All right, they've just breached the hull.

  Greg Proops : "How tall are you?"

  Colin Mochrie : I'm 6'1". Why?

  Wayne Brady : "Dude, yeah!"

  [high-fives Colin] 

  Colin Mochrie : There is not a height requirement to be a space commander!

  Greg Proops : "Uh, J.K., at the happy hour, they were asking how tall you were, and we both texted at the same time."

  Colin Mochrie : Really? J.K.'s interested? Anyway, we don't have time for that! All right, there, in the mess hall, they're heading this way. I want you to barricade the door.

  Wayne Brady : "I'm happy that you're satisfied with your repairs."

  Greg Proops : "And it's not like, okay, average to be like, oh I'm comfortable telling you my height after saying you liked tall girls. Like, no."

• Aisha Tyler : [in "Scenes from a Hat"]  "Things you can say about America that you can't say about your partner."

  Ryan Stiles : Well, we're fucked.

  Colin Mochrie : Wow, the farther south you go, the hotter it gets.

  Aisha Tyler : I'm afraid I can't let you in, I built a wall down south.

  Wayne Brady : Borders!

  [goes on stage] 

  Wayne Brady : So many people, and more coming every day.

  Aisha Tyler : I'll let anyone in, everyone is welcome, regardless of your ethnicity, race, creed, age, gender, you're all welcome!

  [audience cheers] 

  Colin Mochrie : I can name all the places of interest.

  Aisha Tyler : Nice. Nice.

  Greg Proops : Wow. We've been out here for weeks, and I haven't even seen the Great Divide.

  [audience oohs] 

  Greg Proops : Really? Really?

  Wayne Brady : It's so big, with so many ports of entry.