- Colin Mochrie: [in "Mixed Messages"] All right guys, we have some trouble. I see on the monitor there's an alien ship coming from the fiery planet.
- Greg Proops: [reading text messages from Jessica's phone] "Oh! Basically, go to Babs's house, and when you're on Laurel, park on the right hand side of the street. It's close to Fryman Canyon."
- Colin Mochrie: That's not going to help! By the time we get to Babs's house, the aliens will be on board and we'll be fried to a crisp.
- Wayne Brady: [reading text messages from Kristin's phone] "I'll put you down as supervisor of the design team at Casa Stillo. Since you're pretty much and were, I'm sure it'll be fine. If you say no, longer than-"
- Colin Mochrie: [interrupting] Shut up! I am the commander of this ship!
- Greg Proops: "Oh, yeah!"
- Colin Mochrie: Yes, I am! So everybody, arm yourself, we may be in for a fight.
- Wayne Brady: "I'm excited."
- Colin Mochrie: Yeah, me too.
- Wayne Brady: "I'm proud of you."
- Colin Mochrie: Thank you.
- Greg Proops: "So, can you take whoever wants to go and meet me there at 3:30?"
- Colin Mochrie: We can't go anywhere, we have to protect the ship!
- Wayne Brady: "Fo sho."
- Colin Mochrie: No, not "for show", for real!
- Greg Proops: "Oh, you're sleeping. K, cool. Well I haven't even burned the incense yet, I just set it up in my room, it smells AMAZING. So that's cool."
- Colin Mochrie: I want everyone to calm down. I understand burning incense calms you down-
- [to Wayne]
- Colin Mochrie: What are you doing?
- Wayne Brady: "Everything works out."
- Colin Mochrie: Oh, okay, good.
- Wayne Brady: "... For YOU."
- Colin Mochrie: All right, they've just breached the hull.
- Greg Proops: "How tall are you?"
- Colin Mochrie: I'm 6'1". Why?
- Wayne Brady: "Dude, yeah!"
- [high-fives Colin]
- Colin Mochrie: There is not a height requirement to be a space commander!
- Greg Proops: "Uh, J.K., at the happy hour, they were asking how tall you were, and we both texted at the same time."
- Colin Mochrie: Really? J.K.'s interested? Anyway, we don't have time for that! All right, there, in the mess hall, they're heading this way. I want you to barricade the door.
- Wayne Brady: "I'm happy that you're satisfied with your repairs."
- Greg Proops: "And it's not like, okay, average to be like, oh I'm comfortable telling you my height after saying you liked tall girls. Like, no."
- Aisha Tyler: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Things you can say about America that you can't say about your partner."
- Ryan Stiles: Well, we're fucked.
- Colin Mochrie: Wow, the farther south you go, the hotter it gets.
- Aisha Tyler: I'm afraid I can't let you in, I built a wall down south.
- Wayne Brady: Borders!
- [goes on stage]
- Wayne Brady: So many people, and more coming every day.
- Aisha Tyler: I'll let anyone in, everyone is welcome, regardless of your ethnicity, race, creed, age, gender, you're all welcome!
- [audience cheers]
- Colin Mochrie: I can name all the places of interest.
- Aisha Tyler: Nice. Nice.
- Greg Proops: Wow. We've been out here for weeks, and I haven't even seen the Great Divide.
- [audience oohs]
- Greg Proops: Really? Really?
- Wayne Brady: It's so big, with so many ports of entry.