The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (TV Series)
It's Comedy or Cabbage (2019)
Rachel Brosnahan: Miriam 'Midge' Maisel
Photos
Quotes
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Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : I just can't think of anything funny to say.
Lenny Bruce : Me either.
[a beat]
Lenny Bruce : It's kind of nice isn't it?
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Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : [They're both sitting opposite each other on a small table in a club, smoking] You're staring.
Lenny Bruce : Am I?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Do I have a hair out of place?
Lenny Bruce : [Softly smiling] I didn't know how to tell you.
[They continue to simply stare at each other for a few seconds]
Lenny Bruce : What do you think?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : [Jokingly] I just wish it had a little more atmosphere.
[pause]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : You're still staring.
Lenny Bruce : So are you.
[They continue with more silent staring]
Lenny Bruce : Come on. We're gonna dance.
[He gets up and heads nearer to Midge]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : You dance?
Lenny Bruce : Well, we're certainly gonna to find out.
[He holds his hand out for Midge to take, which she takes. They both head towards the dance-floor]
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Carole Keen : To someone with tits to talk to.
[clinking bottles]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : I was going to go with new friends but yours is better.
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Susie Myerson : Okay, go ahead walk down the staircase. I'll be in the bar wondering why I never used my law degree.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Your what?
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Brye Adler : [Talking about a woman looking over at Lenny, while she handed Brye a drink] I think she likes you.
Lenny Bruce : She's just never seen a circumcised schmeckle before.
[laughs]
Lenny Bruce : Uh, but actually, Brye, I'm here with someone special tonight. Someone I love dearly, almost as much as I love myself.
[Looks around in the direction of where Midge is sitting backstage]
Lenny Bruce : Uh... uh, sweetheart? Where are... Ah, there you are.
[Walks on over towards Midge]
Brye Adler : Lenny... Looks like we have a wandering Mr. Bruce.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : What are you doing?
[She throws some donuts behind her quickly before she takes Lenny's outstretched hand]
Lenny Bruce : [For the cameras] Well, it's time everyone knows, don't you think?
[They begin to head over towards the cameras]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : [Whispers] Uh, I need to powder things.
Lenny Bruce : What is on you hands?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Frosting.
Lenny Bruce : Other hand. Other hand.
Brye Adler : Oh, he's back. Well, who do we have here?
Lenny Bruce : Brye, I'd like you to meet my wife--or possibly my sister.
[Turns to Midge]
Lenny Bruce : What are you, my wife or my sister?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Depends on what state we're in.
Lenny Bruce : Let's go wife. What the hell?
Brye Adler : Well, it's nice to meet you, whoever you are.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : It's nice to meet you too.
[They both sit down on the sofa]
Lenny Bruce : She's a very big fan. She called in sick to work tonight just to be here.
Brye Adler : Oh? What do you do?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : I'm a Mountie.
Lenny Bruce : Yes, she's very good with horses.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : And moose.
Lenny Bruce : [Turns to Midge] And squirrel.
Brye Adler : A female Mountie? I didn't know there were female Mounties.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Are you kidding? Have you seen the hats? There's only female Mounties.
Brye Adler : So, how long have you two been married and/or related?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : [They both turn to one another] Oh, it's been six...
Lenny Bruce : Uh, seven. You forgot our time at sea.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Yes, lost at sea. I almost killed you and ate you.
Lenny Bruce : But then we remembered fish.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Seven fun-filled...
[At the same time]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : years.
Lenny Bruce : [At the same time] Weeks.
[Chuckles]
Lenny Bruce : We got to rehearse this next time.
Brye Adler : Well, you make a very handsome couple.
Lenny Bruce : Oh, well, we get our looks from our mother.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Ooh! They just put out some new onion dip, and I heard Betty Bacall is a notorious double-dipper. I've got to go.
[She stands up]
Brye Adler : Well, it was nice to meet you...
Lenny Bruce : [At the same time] Rhoda.
[laughs]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : [At the same time] Scheherazade.
[pause]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Scheherazade Rhoda Maisel. Quite a culturally confusing mouthful.
Brye Adler : [Both Brye and Lenny watch Midge walk away] Great girl.
Lenny Bruce : Well, you should see her rob a liquor store.
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Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : [Having been mistaken for a high-class hooker, by a guy who sat himself beside her] Yeah, look Mom, I'm not a hooker. I'm working on my act, and I can pay for my own drinks.
Andy : Okay. Modern woman. Maybe I should just keep you company so no other man makes the mistake I just did.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : I appreciate you wanting to be the savior of my reputation, but I'm just writing dick jokes, so if you don't mind...
Lenny Bruce : [Lenny suddenly stops beside Midge, looking over at her jokes in her notebook, who's unaware he'd be there] Number three really paints a picture.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : [Surprised] What on earth are you doing here?
Lenny Bruce : I am living here.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : In Florida?
Lenny Bruce : At some point, every Jew must live in Florida. It's in the Torah.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Wow. You know, it's weird, I never picture you living anywhere. You just exist.
Lenny Bruce : Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I do live places, and right now, it's here. I got a key, I get mail, I wear an apron.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Must go good with that tie.
Lenny Bruce : I heard Shy was in town, so I thought I would stop by and say hello. Hello.
[Turns to the guy at the bar still sitting by Midge]
Lenny Bruce : Goodbye.
[the guy begrudgingly leaves]
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Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : What are you doing here?
Abe Weissman : Well, I hate Moishe and Shirley.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel : Yes. But, did something specific happen?
Rose Weissman : Shirley was screaming in the street, and then I started screaming in the street and I called a man a putz.
Abe Weissman : I wasn't there for that part. I was on the subway because they won't let me have my friends over.
Rose Weissman : She made Zelda take off her uniform.
Abe Weissman : And she is using stuffed cabbage in a very punitive manner.