pooh-24 Reviews

The Five Heartbeats (1991)

Five Uneasy Pieces

[1/10 · 20 September 2007]

The rise and fall and the return to glory of an African American rhythm and blues singing group is presented in Robert Townsend's, The Five Heartbeats. Set between the years of 1965 and 1977, The Five Heartbeats is a biopic that tells the story of how five young black fellows catch a break and rise to fantastic fame and breathtaking stardom, only to be taken down by greed, jealousy, drugs, womanizing, and corruption from within.

Like most, I would love to like The Five Heartbeats. But it is a film made with totally simplicity. That is, the film glosses over how the Heartbeats made it so fast and how their music made them so special in the eyes of the public.

You see in the movie, the Heartbeats making the cover of Time, Newsweek, and Ebony magazine in their epic rise to stardom. Yet sad to say none of the music in the film ,despite having R&B music great Thom Bell's input, is anything special. The songs are not sung by the actors portraying the Heartbeats in the film and are poorly lip-synced by the same actors.

The movie shows the corrupt head of the record company the Heartbeats work for, "Big Red" (Hawthorne James), taken down and indicted and sentenced to prison for murdering the Heartbeats' manager, Jimmy Potter(Calvin Patterson) in a big front page headline in a newspaper. For a movie that many posters here have said portrays the reality of the music business perfectly, the fall of Big Red is a bit of a stretch. Red was supposed to be a Berry Gordy type of businessman. It would have been impossible to have pinned the murder of Potter on him and even harder to bring him down.

As for the part in the film where The Heartbeats see a new album of theirs have the picture of a white family at the beach instead of themselves on the cover, well that had to be one of the most awkward scenes in the film. Yes black R&B acts in the 1940's and the early part of the 1950's had faced a great deal of racism. But by the time the Heartbeats (Their rise started after 1965) became big why couldn't they be seen on an album cover together? Why would their own record company present this them way? What would putting an white family on an album cover of black R&B group have to do with crossover appeal? Townsend seems unable to present the problem the group supposedly had with racism properly. I mean if you make the cover of Time magazine that is crossover appeal isn't it?

When the film was made, Robert Townsend, was hot and he knew it. Hollywood Shuffle and Eddie Murphy's Raw made him a hot producer. He and Keenen Ivory Wayans wrote The Five Heartbeats. The Five Heartbeats, missed the mark by a wide margin. The film is inconsistent ,trite and a bit too long. In the long run the Heartbeats, their own stories as individuals, and their own music, couldn't and cannot match real life music groups. The story is supposed based on the real life R&B group ,the Dells, but Townsend couldn't translate their story in a competent manner.

The in Crowd (1988)

A Good Crowd

[9/10 · 21 July 2007]

The time:1965. The place:Phiuladelphia. The movie:The In Crowd. A fun and enjoyable timepiece about the time when Americans enjoyed and loved seeing and participating in dance shows in their various local cities. You see this when the movie ,cleverly, shows the beginnings of several dance TV shows from across the country and the hosts of these TV shows (Sam Riddle in Los Angeles, Wink Markindale in Memphis among others).

The movie centers on three stories. One having the movie's star, Donovan Leitch playing a character called Del. A bright young man with a bright future ahead of him but he wants to be a dancer on the local TV dance program, "Perry Parker's Dance Party". Del doesn't know it but he has nothing in common with the dancers on Perry Parker's show , except that he is a fine dancer himself which gets him a chance to be on the show.

The second part of the movie deals with Perry Parker himself, played by that great actor Joe Pantoliano. Parker .like most people in Philadelphia, feel betrayed that Dick Clark took American Bandstand away from Philaelphia and moved it to Los Angeles.He tries to tell his dancers that if Dick Clark fails the network may want to look for a replacement, like his own show for instance. Parker is like a lot of TV hosts of local shows of that era, hoping to be the next Ed Sullivan, the next Steve Allen, the next Dick Clark, the next Johnnny Carson. Hoping the networks will take him in a make him a big star on network television.

The third part deals with Del and his short love affair with Vicky (Jennifer Runyon). Vicky is pretty but is too lowbrow even for Del. This is one movie where the pretty girl fails to meet the expectations of the supposed geek in the film rather than the other way around. In the end Del tries to help Vicky leave Philadelphia and join her Fonzie like boyfriend Dugan (Scott Plank) as they head for Hollywood.

The In Crowd has great music using some good soul music in the film that is true to the era and not just the same old music you might have heard over and over again in other films about the early 1960's. The choreography is great and inspired and it makes for a good musical and that is what The In Crowd pretty much is. A musical. The living room dance duel between Del and Dugan is proof of that.

The movie told a true tale of how things were changing in America without getting highhanded and clumsy in how they did it. Perry Parker is a prime example of this. An associate producer tells him the show is getting low ratings and that the type of music he has on his show won't work. He should try Mitch Miller instead says the producer. The station manager(Blake Soper) has no use for Parker or his dance show and wants something else. When he brings along a British Invasion like group ,longhair and all to the TV studio and wants Paker to put them on the show, Parker says no saying that,thanks to the long hair, he can't tell if they are boys or girls. He was right, the group was all wrong for his dance show but Perry Parker's days on TV are numbered anyway.

Pantoliano is his usual great self here. As with all of his roles he makes Perry Parker his own. The film is a nice timepiece just before everything came apart in the US.The music, the dance numbers, and some decent acting make this a decent movie if you really wanted to know what America was like back in 1965.

It is the type of tale that Dick Clark tried to tell himself through the American Dreams TV series but failed miserably because the show was all over the map. It wasn't overwrought and overrated like the NBC mini series about the sixties called The 60's. The In Crowd is a good film that wasn't all that appreciated when in came out in theaters in 1988. Hopefully people shall take a better liking to it when they see it again in the future.

Fantastic Four (I) (2005)

Four On The Floor

[2/10 · 13 June 2007]

After making movies for their other comic book titles like Spiderman, The X-Men, the Hulk, Daredevil, among others, Marvel Comics goes about and makes a film about the characters that started it all for the Marvel Universe, The Fantastic Four. Yes Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm , and Ben Grimm are brought to life in a feature film that will give them the respect and studio money that the marvel title that was billed "The World's Greatest Comic Book Magazine" deserves. Well it was planned that way anyway.

But something happened along the way that is quite apparent that the new Fantastic Four film didn't quite meet expectations. The story is about four people, Reed,Sue,Johnny and Ben going in a private rocket ship ,funded by Reed's own money, to reach the moon. The ship doesn't reach its' destination and goes through a massive storm of cosmic rays that transform Reed, Sue,Johnny, and Ben into people with fantastic powers. This does not happen in the film however:

The space flight is done for different reasons. The flight is funded by the very successful Victor Von Doom , who in the picture, is the finance of Sue. Von Doom goes with the four on the fateful flight and receives a dose of cosmic rays as well. A tremendous change from the origin of the greatest villain in the Marvel Universe that one sees in the comics.

The four find out about their powers in a very different fashion than they did in the comics. Quite naturally, their portrayals don't even come close to bringing out the Fantastic Four and fleshing them out as deep well rounded characters.

Ioan Gruffred looks lost as Mister Fantastic. Reed in the comics was a highly successful confident man(Tim Robbins would have been great as Reed). Gruffred ,no matter how one looks at it, isn't Reed Richards.His chemistry with everyone in the movie is readily not apparent.

I know many studio executives may have thought that making Jessica Alba as Sue Storm would bring in a lot of publicity for the film and it may have. But to say a studio can't find a blond white woman to play Sue (Say Naomi Watts) is incredible. I am not a hater or anything but Sue in the comics wasn't Hispanic like Alba is. Alba and her acting skills left a lot to be desired too. Having Jessica Alba playing a scientist is a bit of a stretch that not even Reed Richards with his powers could reach.

Johnny Storm in the comics was a teenager so it is hard to believe Chris Evans was to play Sue's younger brother. Huh? Evans and Alba don't even look like brother and sister(The danger of the stunt casting just mentioned above.) and Evans looks older than Alba. He does do a decent job playing a hard edged Johnny Storm. He seems to be the only member of the four who enjoys his new found powers.

That can't be said for Ben, who now has become a large body of orange rock thanks to the accident. Michael Chilkis does a fine job playing the unfortunate Thing. But he like Alba seem to have no great chemistry with Gruffred. Alba and Gruffred have absolutely no chemistry with each other at all. Gruffred is old enough to be Alba's older brother but not really suited to be her love interest.

Why they had to make the blind Alicia Masters into a black woman (Kerry Washington) for the movie is not easily understandable. Her comment about not being accepted by society when she meets Ben in the bar late in the film is smacks of political correctness not real human frustration.

Julian McMahon makes for a serviceable Doctor Doom. But changing his story, changing how he met Reed and how he became Dr. Doom hurt the film the most. The Reed/Doom rivalry of great masterminds, one for good one for evil, is totally lost in the shuffle. As with everything else Gruffred seems to have no chemistry in his dealings with McMahon. The Richards/Von Doom rivalry is ruined even more.

There is not enough action in Fantastic Four to make it an exciting movie. At the very best it is just serviceable. The final showdown between the Fantastic Four and Dr. Doom is one quick let down. The showdown is over and done with before you know it.

Director Tim Story(Barbershop) seems as if he didn't really put his best foot forward into this movie.The acting, at times, is stilted and awkward. Marvel Comics could have found a better producer for this film than Story.

Whereas Marvel hit two home runs with Spiderman and the X-Men, with the Fantastic Four, Marvel gets a single but gets thrown out trying to stretch it into a double. As with the creators of The Adventures Of Rocky And Bullwinkle not having Jay Ward around to help that movie out,the creators of this Fantastic Four movie didn't have the mentoring of its' real creator, the late Jack Kirby. Stan Lee may have had his little cameo in the film. But the spirit, the flair, and the imagination of Jack Kirby was truly missing with this film. It only goes to show how much studio executives and their focus groups do to ruin feature films through their lack of imagination, their lack of experience in film making, and their own greed.

The Fantastic Four is one of those types of films. We all thought that with this film, we could forget the small budget Roger Corman FF film of 1994. But it seems like we shall have to wait somewhere in the future for giving The Fantstic Four the type of film they and their fans and movie fans everywhere really deserve.

Cooley High (1975)

Cooley Low

[1/10 · 24 March 2007]

On the heels of the well received and beloved coming of age film classic ,concerning the lives of teenagers as they headed into adulthood, George Lucas' American Graffiti, we have Cooley High. An adaptation of sorts by one Eric Monte, co creator of the popular 1970's CBS sitcom Good Times.

Cooley High was, and is, viewed as a black version of American Graffiti.Instead of central California ,as in American Graffiti, we have the black slum of Chicago's Cabrini Green as the backdrop for the story here. Instead of America in 1962 Cooley High is situated in 1964.The movie stars Welcome Back Kotter's ,Lawrence Hilton Jacobs and Glynn Turman as the movie main protagonists and its' main characters. It has Garrett Morris playing the principal who tries to keep Jacobs' and Turman's characters,named Coceise and Preach, out of trouble a great deal of the time.

You know, I would like to say that Cooley High is a worthy comparison piece to American Graffiti or that it is a great film on its' own but I can't. The problem lies with the fact that the producers of the film couldn't or wouldn't hide the sad underside of black life in America.Having the film in the Cabrini Green part of Chicago doesn't help things.

Neither does the crass gross attempts at humor here. When Coceise is looking for a letter of intent from a college he finds his little brother has thrown down a toilet. When the gang visits the Chicago Zoo, one of the gang named Pooter, has manure thrown on him by an ape. When the Turman's character,Preach, is being chased by two hoodlums in the school hangout(A dirty and depressing place to eat food in much less meet people at), he opens the door of the girls' bathroom while a girl is relieving herself as he escapes through the window of the same bathroom! The high school, the homes of the characters, the bathrooms, just about everywhere in the film displays the unfortunate look of urban decay and poverty.

If that wasn't enough there was the rough display of humor in the film. The use of violence and profanity in the film. Cooley High may be an coming of age film ,but it is a hard and rough coming of age film with little or none of the wit and liking of the use of nostalgia that made people like and appreciate American Graffiti so much.

Motown Records had a hand in making the film. The company's music was part of the film's soundtrack. But even here you get a sense of same old same old as one has heard these songs before a million times over. Not that they weren't great songs within themselves but black music,of that time period was more than just Motown.Especially in Chicago. The song nearing the end of the movie, by the Spinners' G.C. Cameron, was not all that impressive. There have been better Motown ballads that have been done, by better Motown artists than Cameron without question.

The last part of the film showing where the characters went to pay homage to the film Cooley High aimed to be ,American Graffiti. It shows that Preach,an intelligent but underachieving student went to Hollywood and became a successful television writer. Eric Monte may have patterned himself as Turman's character. The last shot of film show's Preach running away from Coceise's funeral ,held on a dark rainy afternoon, and all the bleakness that Cooley High came to represent. Eric Monte ,through Preach and that final scene, had one little lesson for all of us when watching Cooley High and for the love of the past. Don't look back.

The Lost World (1999–2002)

"The Lost Mess"

[12 October 2004]

More television junk food for those who enjoy such trash one must submit to you,The Lost World,also known as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,The Lost World.The show has not all that much to do with the original adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's book and it shows to the regret of all that see it.

The television series is a politically correct piece of nonsense that uses dinosaurs in the very beginning of the show,but as the series goes on the dinosaurs are seen less and less frequently.How "lost" is this civilization one cannot fully say.All kinds of strange races,tribes,creatures,and characters show up here.The Lost World,really,is sort of like Gilligan's Island with dinosaurs.

The focus groups used to create the show have made this "Lost World" fit for today's audience.The female characters lead the way,first with Rachel Blakely,playing the annoying and selfish character named Marguerite Krux.Krux wasn't not a character in the first "Lost World" movie in 1925 or the 1960 remake but she is here in the current day TV series as pushy opinionated heiress who usually gets her way.

Then there is Veronica,played by Jennifer O'Dell.O'Dell is sexy and a delight in her native girl outfit showing off her legs and tush and going around in her undies pretty much all throughout the series.But they make Veronica,like Krux,far too aggressive than she should be.She winds up beating up and besting men twice her size and she always wins the hand to hand combat battles with every man she faces.

The male characters,meanwhile,are pretty much pushovers and do not resemble the male characters of earlier Lost World adaptations.Will Snow and his Lord John Roxton is all too wimpy as is David Orth's Ned Malone.What they did to Challenger here is pretty sad.They make him out to be a dottering old fool.The same could be said for Arthur Summerlee,who would be killed off at the end of the first season by the show's focus group.The show's male characters,if they are the show's protagonists,or this week's villains are easily pushed around and hardly seem threatening when you right down to it.The show,because of this,seems so gay.

As the show was on its' last legs,it brought on another aggressive female character,Finn from the future,destroying whatever creditibility the show may have had,if it had any to begin with.This,"Lost World",gives us a lot of what we have seen before from shows like Gilligan's Island,Batman,and The Land Of The Lost.Cheesy junk food for the mind masquerading as an adventure and a drama,of which it is neither.The Lost World TV series is more like a parody.A proper and well done adaptation of Arthur Conan Doyle's Lost World,fit for the small screen and for the general viewing public,shall have to come in the future.

Supreme Sanction (1999 TV Movie)

Supreme Mess

[1/10 · 18 September 2004]

Kristy Swanson plays an elite hitwoman who is supposed to have knocked off a TV reporter for a group of bad guys,but once she sees this poor fellow at home playing with his kids she decides to junk the whole project and the TV reporter's life is spared.The hitwoman's life is up for grabs as the people who wanted this reporter killed now want her dead for not following through with her assignment.Such is the basis for a movie called Supreme Sanction.

Supreme waste of time is more like it.We see Swanson's character beat up,pummel and kill men far bigger than her.And she always one two fifty steps ahead of the group of murders who can't,for some reason,do away with this super hitwoman.Having one woman do away and beat all these men,makes the movie seem so gay.It is too predictable once you figure Swanson's character is going to win out anyway,thus making the film boring and inept.

Kristy Swanson is decent actress,who in her younger days was always sexy and easy on the eyes.Supreme Sanction is not one of her better efforts however.

Livin' Large! (1991)

Livin'Large.Thinking Small

[1/10 · 13 August 2004]

When a young lower class black fellow from the ghetto,who aspires to be a journalist,wants to meet his idol,a black tv newsman while that tv news reporter is at a crime scene,and then when that same older classy black tv reporter,who turns down the young man's offer to see a video of the young man's work,gets killed in an accident while at the crime scene,the young black fellow takes his place reporting from the crime scene and becomes a hit with local viewers and the tv station and its' news producer.Such is the story of Dexter Jackson in the 1991 film Livin'Large,about a young black man who learns that despite the rewards of fame and money to never forget where you come.

That lesson would be decent enough to take in except that in the case of Livin'Large,the lesson becomes heavy handed.Dexter,played by Terrence Carter,changes more and more and becomes more remote from his ghetto neighborhood roots as he becomes successful.When a realtor shows him around a new townhouse he is going to buy,and his girlfriend tells Dexter that she can see the old neighborhood from the townhouse and Dexter replies,to his girlfriend's dismay,"and that is the way I prefer to see them from",the movie shows how much he is changing because of success and not for the better.

As with most films centered around black people,these days,the politics concerning blacks and white come into play.Blanche Baker plays her role as the manipulative sleezy news producer very well.Her character,Kate,mentions to Dexter that they,white woman and black men,together must work to keep the white man from keeping them from reaching the top.It is a horrid message from a trashy character and yet it is a message the film itself doesn't distance itself too far from.

Livin' Large tries to tell blacks,in a nutshell,that having too much success,being too refined in speech,dress,education,and manner,makes you white.It is a message that is somewhat clumsy to present to the audience.There is nothing wrong with success.There is nothing wrong is doing the best you can and having dreams far from one's position in life.Livin'Large would wish to sell the idea that if you are black,and trying to improve your lot in life,in being different than how blacks are usually seen and portrayed by the American entertainment media,is an idea filled with compromise,or "selling out",or "acting white".The film's makers,in this case,could not be more than wrong.One would not hate the film,there are some funny moments in it,but it is not quite the film one should reccomend to the general audience at large.

It's All Relative (2003–2004)

"It's All Over"

[10 July 2004]

Trying to inject some imagination in their stable of cookie cutter tv sitcoms,ABC brought to the public "It's All Relative".A show with the situation for it's comedy that a son of a straight Boston couple,that own and run a pub,is in love with a young girl who is the daughter of two gay men,with conflicts rising between the two families every now and then.

Had this been done in Britian(A show,with this premise,may have been considering how networks here copy after British shows all the time),the show would have been the all out laughfest ABC had hoped for.

But the comedy was somewhat low key because the gays on the show were too low key in how they were portrayed.No Out magazines in at their homes,no pink shirts,no tv viewing of American daytime soap operas.I am not saying that these things make up a gay person,but the things about the two gay men were toned down so much that they turned out to be some dull characters.The jokes were so subtle and down low,that after a while,there seem to be no real conflict between the straight Boston pub owners and the gay men.The show drifted in its'dullness and the general public reacted accordingly.

Hollywood is dominated,on and off screen,by the gay community.This community is expressing itself more and more each year.Many gay projects play hardball with the general audience(Queer As Folk) and few projects throw soft ball pitches to this same audience.Guess which group It's All Relative falls into?

The only good thing about It's All Relative is the beauty we saw from Maggie Lawson,who played the gay couple's young daughter.Hopefully she shall find another project to be apart in.A successful one.ABC thankfully pulled the plug on It's All Relative and now it's all over.

The Tuxedo (2002)

This Tuxedo Does Fail

[1/10 · 28 April 2004]

Without a doubt there are few showmen in cinema today who can still entertain us as Jackie Chan can.But his film from 2002,The Tuxedo,was a disaster,for him, and his audience who adore him worldwide.

The plot was horrible.The film's supposed villians were not even a bit scary.The script was terrible.Then there was the lack of chemistry between the movie's two stars,Jackie Chan and Jennifer Love Hewitt.Lack of chemistry?Actually,there wasn't any between the two and it showed in the film.

Hewitt who,is paired with Chan in this adventure,looks great,no doubt,but she has this problem of whining and complaining all throughout the movie.So much so,her character becomes completely unbearable.You wish Jackie would overpower her with one punch and spare himself,and the viewing audience,anymore of Hewitt and her horrid character.

The plot of the movie would not allow this therefore we must continue to see the little girl from Kids Incorporated punch out every man she comes up against making the movie even more unbelieveable.Hewitt,it seems,is more dangerous,in this adventure,than martial artist veteran Jackie Chan is.

This movie was a setback for the once hot star Jennifer Love Hewitt,her acting is just horrid here.But one hopes this is just one bad film that is allowed every great film star every once in while,that being said The Tuxedo shall be a film that shall be considered a miss,in the many hits Jackie Chan has made in his career.

From Justin to Kelly (2003)

From Worse to Horrible

[1/10 · 10 April 2004]

No,From Justin to Kelly shouldn't be compared with the Godfather part 2,and no doubt there are a few good souls out there who actually liked the movie(The film's producer,director,writers,actors,and so forth).But putting a film on public display and hoping the public shall put out ten dollars or more to see that film well....

You are entitled to little scrutiny from the public at large therefore....

From Justin to Kelly is one of the worst films of all time!The film has horrible writing,unknown actors who can't act,poor editing,a terrible plot,and worst of all,having the two main stars with about as much good chemistry between them as cooking grease and red wine.

Kelly Clarkson seems like an decent enough singer ,but the movie's designers went about as if she was playing an old maid,dressing her in some of the worst outfits ever for a young girl on spring break in Florida.You would think she going to the library instead going to the beach in this movie.

Her battery mate,Justin,has to be one of the worst leading men for a movie ever.The word masculine does not even come close to describe him.As for their friends with their sub plots in the movie,the only question that mattered was what was the point to all this?

If a movie is going to stink,at least it should have one thing going for it.For Justin to Kelly it is time,the movie is suppoose to be one hour and twenty one minutes long,but if you know something about movies,great movies seem short even if they are two hours or longer(Goodfellas),and horrible movies seem longer even if they are less than 90 minutes(From Justin to Kelly).

Destined to be a comedy classic for all the wrong reasons,From Justin to Kelly is like buried treasure,a treasure that should buried deep underground never to be seen again.

Survivor (2000– )

Fools Rush In........

[8 April 2004]

.........To see this not to be believed piece of crap called Survivor.Well we all know now that the Survivor franchise has hit the mother lode as it is still going strong with the placid American viewing television public.CBS should be so happy with a program that has given it good ratings and plenty of advertising dollars.

The spinoffs of the first Survivor that this Survivor has spawned and all the other reality shows that have come forth since have given one actual proof beyond a doubt.Some of the viewing public, in the American general population, can be fooled with little or no effort put forth.

How can fans of this show,and other reality shows,think this is "real" or have anything to do with so-called reality?The show is a quasi drama and comedy production with scripts,behind the camera personnel,contestants picked at random for how they would fit in the story,a nice safe vacation locale that would be good for everyone involved,and most of all,the choice by the network,beforehand, of who the winner shall be at the very end.Survivor,and all its' spinoffs, are about as real as the tooth fairy.

Yet the series keeps going with no end in sight.One would guess the American viewing public,in view of its' current taste in entertainment, is getting the programming they deserve.

Easy Come, Easy Go (1967)

Bad Movie Come,Elvis Go Bye Bye

[19 March 2004]

Please don't get me wrong.I respect the talent of Elvis Presley,a great singer,good dancer,and decent actor.

But Easy Come Easy Go is just a lousy film for him to do.His final film with Hal Wallis,who made all those Elvis formulated films in the 1960's,Easy Come Easy Go is about Elvis as a Navy frogman who finds a buried treasure deep in the sea an sets out to retrieve it.He gets some help and has his love interest,as usual in these films,and has an evil counterpart,this time Skip Ward,who plays the heel that Elvis gets the best of in the end.

As with the movies he made in this time period,Elvis sings some songs here that are just horrible and,clearly,Elvis is uncomfortable singing them as they don't sound right for him at all.The yoga scene was one of the worst he ever was did as an actor.

Playing a U.S.Navy frogman,and being in a town that runs counter to his character's conservative ways,Presley,sadly,comes off as a square,in a time when so much was changing in America.The people,especially the young at the time,must of felt Elvis was as corny and square as the older actors he worked with in this and other movies of this period.Easy Come Easy Go is a light breezy film,but it comes off as a bad tv movie,and it makes its' star,Elvis Presley look even worse.

The People's Court (1997–2023)

Disorder In The Court

[19 January 2004]

The People's Court is another of those syndicated daytime court shows that sprung out to public display a few years ago,with nearly all of them filled with sloppy minor court cases presided over by judges in love with themselves and the tv camera.

The People's Court heads the list of these horrid court shows,once headed by former New York City mayor Ed Koch at the start,and now presided over by a one Marilyn Milian.

Milian is terrible.She acts too haughty,she is full of herself,and she treats the court's defendants and plaintiffs,alike,with distain and rudeness.It is safe to say that if you are female and the plaintiff,Milian shall treat you fine.But if you on the opposite side and male,forget it.Milian will treat you like you are dirt on her shoes.

Most judge shows are a strange form of entertainment that is if you call these types of cases entertaining.Perhaps Milian's crude wisecracks are supposed to make it more entertaining than it really is,but that's doubtful.To anyone with a small civil case in the future,go to your local court and hope your case is never tried on "The People's Court".

Line of Fire (2003–2005)

Show That Misfires

[26 December 2003]

ABC throws to the general viewing audience another show featuring the FBI in its' latest installment,Line Of Fire.Like another action show that ABC has in its' nighttime lineup,that features an law enforcement agency of the state,Threat Matrix,Line Of Fire is heavy-handed and poorly done.

Like Threat Matrix,Line Of Fire features an antagonist who,pretty much, is the centerpiece of the show in Leslie Bibb,who plays the soccer Mom/FBI agent in which the show goes out of its' way to prove that she is as tough as any male FBI agent out there.In TV land we have rough tough female FBI agents.In real life any FBI agents who are soccer moms aren't out on the field handling cases.The show goes overboard to show how tough Bibb's character can be.

Conversely the mob boss in this show is David Paymer,who is about as hard as a piece of bread.Do not get me wrong,Paymer is a great actor,he is just miscast here.He seems more like Fredo Corleone than Michael Corleone.Because of the characterizations of Bibb's and Paymer's roles,it is hard to take this show seriously.

If one wants to see an ABC series featuring the FBI,check out the old tv series that ABC ran back in the 1960's of the same name,that is somewhat better than this one and one is sure shall last a lot longer without a doubt.

Scratch the Surface (1997)

Self- delusion, incorporated

[7 November 2002]

Are models really stupid? Well, after watching this film, I'd have to say, "almost always." Being beautiful does not preclude one from possessing intelligence, nor opening a book. I learned more "truths" from Eileen Ford and John Casablancas than anyone else. If you were a reader of "Seventeen" magazine, which I wasn't, then you can see what time has wrought. Only a couple of the models were truly beautiful- the rest had the necessary "blank faces" upon which skillful makeup application produces wonders. The gossip-y "bad stuff" in modeling always happened to other people, and they were always far, far away... Very few comments of the former models could be even remotely viewed as insightful. In fact, they were all pretty vapid (including Brooke Shields- and what a surprise). By the way- can anyone recall Whitney Houston's modeling career?

Justice (I) (1999 TV Movie)

Injustice

[20 September 2002]

Routine tv movie drama starring some actors who have done bigger and better things but seemed to be in this movie just for the paycheck.The movie "stars" James Belushi,JoBeth Williams,Charles Durning,and Tracey Needham in a plot that is totally unbelievable,filled with poor writing,and bad acting.Belushi,himself,is hardly in the film.It is true Tracey Needham looks great in the film,and one of the reasons for her healthy look is that she was pregnant while doing this movie.It is then hard to believe that a female DA in high heels(Needham) and an elderly heavyset cop(Durning) are working together and staying ahead and outsmarting the drug cartel that wants Needham's character killed.The real name of the film is Backlash.Horrendous is more like it.

American Idol (2002– )

American Disgrace:Star Search For Dummies

[15 September 2002]

Well tv talent shows aren't new to the general public.There have been talent shows trying to find new talent since the 1950's.But American Idol is perhaps the worst of the tv talent show lot.

Trying to find the next Brittany Spears(If you had seen the ads for the show in the summer her image was the main focus of the ads) the show is a phony contrived piece of crap promoting individuals who don't write their own music,don't play a musical instruments,don't have a clue about being original or innovative.It is just some televised game show for karoke singers.

The thing about American Idol was that,over the summer,how much publicity the mainstream media was giving it.The media made the show a hit with all kinds of stories about who was going to make the next round,or stories about the contestants,or the show's hosts(The washed up overrated Paula Abdul) or the excitement about the ultimate winner.The media now,not just the usual suspects(TV Guide,Entertainment Tonight)but Time and Newsweek was giving full blast attention.For why I don't know.It is not as if the next Micheal Jackson,Miles Davis,or Stevie Wonder is ever going to wind up on this show.This show is looking for no talent media packaged types like Spears and Abdul.

The shill about this show and the shill it got from the media was reasons enough to avoid it.It doesn't matter who got cut or who won.Can anyone believe the winner of this year's show will amount to anything?Treating Kelly Clarkson as if she is Aretha Franklin is like comparing Jim Miller to Dan Marino,there is no comparison in any way.

That American Idol was able to get on the air is sad enough but the fact Americans fell for the hype and watched this crap is even more unfortunate.

The Temptations (1998)

Lead Us Not To This Tempataions Movie

[11 September 2002]

This NBC tv movie about the great Motown singing group the Temptations seems good enough on the surface.It has the feel of a tv movie for sure and the movie itself is seen through the eyes of the only remaining original Temptation alive,Otis Williams.Quite naturally ,of course,because the film is based on an autobiography based on Otis Williams and co-written with a one Patricia Romanoski.



This is where the movie falls to pieces.Otis Williams ,despite being the founder of the Temptations,was sadly the least talented member of the group.None of the great hits that anyone,I mean anyone,can remember concerning the Temptations was sung by Otis Williams.That distinction belongs to Eddie Kendricks,later lead singer Dennis Edwards,and the man who made the Temptations sound so memorable to begin with,David Ruffin.



Otis Williams seems to have a vendetta going against David Ruffin in the way Ruffin was portrayed in the movie.He makes Ruffin seem selfish and mean.He had this idea that Ruffin and his brother Jimmy(Portrayed as a drug dealer in the film) wanted to have the group's name changed to David Ruffin and the Temptations.Suffice to say but has Otis Williams ever heard of Diana Ross and the Supremes?Smokey Robinson and the Miracles?Gladys Knight and the Pips?Martha Reeves and the Vandellas? Junior Walker and the All-Stars?This putting the prime talent on first ahead of the background singers in a group name was a Motown staple.Something that Otis Williams seemed to have overlooked but something that he and NBC wanted to pin on Ruffin to add to some drama to the movie.



There was drama enough about the Temptations.Their early failure to land a hit then their fantastic rise,and then their rough fall from Top 40 pop chart grace.Ruffin,Kendricks,Paul Williams(not related) and Melvin Franklin had enough of a story of their own to make a tv movie from.Not Otis Williams himself however.



The aformentioned four made up the Temptations's sound while Otis was strictly a background singer.The least talented of the group,he was the one who reported to Motown owner Berry Gordy about whatever was happening with the group and became a gofer for Gordy.The movie suffers through because Otis Williams could not,or would not, see himself be regulated as a background player in the group he and his brother founded.Hence his jealousy toward David Ruffin,Eddie Kendricks,and Dennis Franklin.



Like most tv movies about singers and other entertainers,The Temptations was better at the start than at the end.There are some good quick looks at how songs were done and graded by the Motown hit factory.The part about the Temptations biggest hit before they hit the big time 1962's "I Want A Love I Can See" was very well done.



Sadly the movie doesn't even come close to showcasing the other Motown heroes of the era,Gordy,Mary Wells,Marvin Gaye,Stevie Wonder,the Supremes,Smokey Robinson.They are either shown very little or not at all.The movie,based on Otis Williams' book,does fall short in the end.A better book about the Temptations,"Deliver Us From Temptation" by Tony Turner,delivers a better story about the Temptations than this movie does.A movie sadly filled with enough half truths and falsehoods enough that a better movie about the Temptations shall have to made in the future.

Sheena (2000–2002)

Sheeeese!........

[14 July 2002]

........What a horrible show.Yet another one of those female as the hero of the show who is a butt kicking babe and is so tough she could take on a bunch of savages from Rwanda and finish them off in a few minutes.Yeah right.When I saw Gena Lee Nolin from Baywatch fame cast as the hero,jungle girl Sheena,I knew quickly how bad this would be.And watching some of this proved me right on how bad this is.

John Allen Nelson and Douglas Schwartz,also Baywatch alumni,help make this show the cheesy,awful, action show you would figure it would be with three people coming from Baywatch as the show's strongest influnces.It is implausible to watch one jungle girl beat up all those big athletic men in savage Afrca as Sheena does,the special effects here are just horrible,but this show is for those who like seeing women strong and heroic and men just the opposite.With the show's horrible quality however tv stations were right to present this late at night,lest the people who made this mess,on screen and off,ever be recognized by the general public with this turkey of a tv show.

Double Teamed (2002 TV Movie)

Double Dribble

[21 April 2002]

Another politically correct movie thrown at kids by Disney.This time telling the story of a blond female duo who eventually end up in the WNBA.

Gee,would have Walt Disney wasted his time and money to make such a project as this?Who cares about this basketball playing duo anyway?Sad to say the twins didn't even look like each other.Plus what obstacles did these two really face that a movie had to be made about them?The twins were taller than all the girls at the school,they were made to play basketball,ableit womens' basketball.

A semi promotional vehicle for the WNBA,Double Teamed is a movie with false moves and as a biography,the movie fouls out.

Two of a Kind (1998–1999)

Two Blow The Show

[3 February 2002]

ABC long ago thought that people wanted to see the Olson twins after their "success" on "Full House",hence Two Of A Kind.A promotional vehicle for the Olson twins that didn't make the grade because no one over the age of six wanted to see MaryKate and Ashley week after week on a run of the mill TV sitcom no way no how.

The shows' plots are standard sitcom fare ,the jokes are not funny,but mostly,the twins act and portray themselves as if they are 25 years of age.They look silly trying to wear things a woman in her twenties would wear,while the other kids on the show wear things kids their age would wear.The Olson twins,in truth, wanted to play themselves here but it doesn't work out at all.

The only saving grace from this show is Christopher Sieber and Sally Wheeler who are the girls' father and nanny respectively.Sieber has a good comedic touch to him while Wheeler is very cute and has a great looking tush to look at.They make "Two Of A Kind" something you could look at....for a short while.

But not always.This brings us to the Olson girls again who should learn something from this disaster. Something when one sees "So Little Time" makes one think they have not done so.

Motocrossed (2001 TV Movie)

Doublecrossed

[12 December 2001]

I can't believe my eyes when I read some of the user comments here about this Disney tv movie "Motocrossed" with some saying this is the best Disney movie ever.Have some of these characters left their wits at the door or haven't they heard of "Treasure Island"?

Motocrossed is the old switcheroo story of a girl(Alana Austin)taking over for her injured brother at motorcross racing and fooling everyone who thinks she is a boy and winning the big race and the big stud at the end too.Such creativity.

Most who like this tripe believe that what a boy can do a girl can do,that is the message of the film here.But this isn't always true.Especially with motorcross racing,you just can't become the best in ten minutes.Yet the story has this girl cheerleader beating out her male counterparts with ease with little or no training.That sound you just heard was Walt Disney flipping over in his grave.

The feminists types,of both sexes,could enjoy this movie no doubt but the best part of Motocrossed came at the beginning when the cheerleader sequence was shown to us in slow motion no less.There should have been more of that in this movie rather than the feminist nonsense that was actually presented.

Moolah Beach (2001– )

Moolah Barf

[24 November 2001]

Moolah Beach is a survival of the fittest reality show for kids that the Fox Family Channel came up with before their competitors did.It would have a group of nice looking kids put on a isloated but controlled environment of an island,have the kids paired off in groups of two and have them battle

it out with competitive games against each other that would determine who would be the last duo standing at the end.

Because of the games,because of the controlled environment,because of host J.D.Roth being present with the kids,Moolah Beach is not quite Survivor or Big Brother or The Amazing Race.But it is a great deal like them because every thing the kids say seem to be scripted.Their emotions after the games are scripted and seem like bad overacting.With everything controlled there seems to be little or no tension to how everything shall turn out at the end.

Like with the adult reality shows,the big winners at the end seem to have been chosen way in advance,to provide the show with an good reason to watch the show until the end.One of the winners of Moolah Beach's first(only?)season,a beautiful girl named,Summer seems to bare this out.We stay until the end of the process because Summer is still in the running at the end for the big prize.What a gimmick.

Moolah Beach is tame enough,but like its' reality adult show like relatives,it is so fake and overhyped that it is a surprise people go for shows like these.A show that would provide real rewards in a setting that has real challenges to it,would be worthwhile for contestants and viewers alike.It would,however,have to have more imagination to it than a fluff show like Moolah Beach.

The Stranger (1995 Video)

The Stinker

[1/10 · 10 November 2001]

The storyline of this movie goes that a small town in the American southwest is ruled by a evil biker gang that has already killed the sheriff's finance and has pretty much made him unwilling to take on the gang himself.

Enter Soccer Mommy on a her motorcycle and also carrying a whip.She comes in and beats up all those mean biker dudes all by herself beating them up with no trouble at all.The movie suffers from the four p's,it is predictable, preposterous,phoney,and putrid.

The star,Kathy Long,is no beauty to look at.She seems like many of these female martial arts B-movie types who do movies like these,they look beat up and have next to no sex appeal to them.Not to mention her lack of acting skills which need no mentioning anyway.

The women of this film are made to be the heroes here,the star,the murdered finance of the sheriff(She was going to give the FBI pictures of the bikers doing their crimes but was killed before she could do it.),while the men of the film are made to be the villians of the film,the cowardly sheriff,the bikers.Hollywood liberal politics at work again.

Made for feminists and girly male types,who like to see men beaten up by a woman for the sake of it,The Stranger is an action film loaded with violence, short on common sense,and hardly entertaining.High Plains Drifter it is not.Leonard Part 7 it is.

Next Friday (2000)

It Was A Bad Day

[1/10 · 13 October 2001]

Next Friday is one of the worst films ever made.Starring rap "star" Ice Cube,this is an awful film portraying black people as a bunch of lazy,stupid,indecent,trashy goofballs with no purpose in life but indulging in sex,drugs,money,and pleasure.

No character in the film,including Ice Cube's own character,is anybody that you would care about when watching the "film".The attempts at humor fall way short of O'Shea Jackson's(Ice Cube's real name) means of achieving them.It is just a ugly feature film filled with vulgarity,violence,poor taste,and ebonics,showing blacks in a terrible light.

Most American blacks are in no way shape or form what one sees portrayed here in Next Friday,but the movie is heavyhanded in its' demeaning portrayal of black people and the filmmakers seem not to care that it is.One hopes Next Friday is the Last Friday to be made.