Krisko1974 Reviews

Armageddon (1998)

Underrated, regarding the emotional aspects

[10/10 · 17 April 2004]

*light spoilers*

OK, I admit, the physics of this movie are plainly ridiculous, much of the acting (Affleck) is cheesy and the story is predictable.

But this movie succeeds in creating a dense emotional atmosphere, not towards one of the characters, but to the setting itself. Best example: You don't care WHO gets to manually detonate the bomb at the end. You only care THAT the bomb is detonated so that the mission succeeds. This emotional bondage is greatly created by a very thoughtful use of slow-motion and an intensely gripping musical score.) And you feel a great satisfaction that it DID succeed, a feeling that touches your conscience so greatly that you feel deeply emotionally involved with the protagonists. I have to admit that the feeling is so intense that the final scenes brought tears to my eyes. Next to "Armageddon", only "Titanic" has ever succeeded in doing so.

I also have to disagree with quagga about the "Hail to the US"-thing of this movie. I know a lot of End-of-the-world-movies who exceed the US-patriotism, like "Independence Day".

So, this movie has many flaws, sure, but it touches even the intellectual (!) viewer on a level that he surely did not expect. And that makes it very special.

9/10

Ginger Snaps (2000)

If it hadn't been for the end...

[10/10 · 22 August 2003]

...this would have been one of the greatest movies of all time.

It is really a shame how a lousy ending can (almost) ruin an otherwise perfect movie.

*SPOILER*



Brigitte killing the Ginger-Wolf in the end is like a slap in the face of everyone who likes this movie and thinks "Hey, that monk's hood is gonna work on Ginger, too." Well, maybe the producers think that such a movie just cannot have a happy end - but I - and I guess many more people - disagree. The solution was at hand, and having the protagonist killed in the end is an extreme disappointment. Why? Because all Brigitte would have had to do is to stab Ginger with the syringe instead of the knife.

This disappointment almost destroys the whole movie. If it had ended the way I mentioned it, I would have not the slightest problem of placing it into my list of "10 best movies ever". But know it just keeps the bad aftertaste of a passed chance.

Therefore my advise: enjoy this movie until the final scene where Brigitte fights the Ginger-Werewolf - and shut off the tape/DVD and pretend that it *could* work out in a good way. That will make you feel much better and it will make you think about this masterpiece in a different way.

So, for me it is a 9/10, because of the spoiled ending. But it doesn't change the fact that you won't find a more entertaining werewolf movie with such greatly portrayed characters out there.

U-571 (2000)

Plainly disgusting.

[1/10 · 2 March 2003]

Next to Saving Private Ryan, this must be one of the most disgusting pieces of Anti-German propaganda that I have ever seen.

Say, does it never get old to show German WWII-soldiers as mindless, brainless and heartless killers? Probably not if you are a jewish director and have a personal grudge against Germany. Very sad that people like Mostow get the chance to show their hatred in this way.

And regardless of the propaganda, the plot is so ridiculous that my girlfriend shot strange looks at me as I was almost falling of the couch by laughter. All this bullsh** about this handfull Americans capturing a German boat and do way better than the full crew of fifty or more German sailors is so incredibly funny. Let alone their heroics of sinking German boats and destroyers as they wish is so stupid that a viewer of common intelligence feels at least mildly insulted.

I wish to stop here because I already wasted two hours of my life on this crap and don't intend to waste any more precious time.

1/10, but only because there is no 0/10.

Contact (1997)

Why does everyone...

[7 October 2000]

...think it is 'God' what Ellie discovered on her trip?

Is it so hard to understand, to believe, it is really an extra terrestrial species that was discovered - or better: that discovered us? Isn't it played obviously in that movie: that species in the Vega system is so advanced they don't even consider us a threat! Let that get to your minds! Not a threat, us, the aggressive and destructive humans! Think a bit farther and imagine 'they' would actually think we could harm them in any way.

They'd just wipe us out like we would swat a fly!

That's your problem, folks. You think it is about discovering God.

No, it isn't!

It is about how insignificant the human being really is. Considering the size of the Universe and all other intelligent life forms in it, humans are not more than lower life-forms, insects, or even viruses (Ever seen 'Matrix'? Nice idea of what humans really are!), something really weak and unimportant, that stares with awe at things it can't understand.

That's what I loved about this film. It showed us our real position in space and time.

Scary Movie (2000)

The funniest film any Scream-fan will ever see (but read below)

[10/10 · 6 October 2000]

There are two kinds of audiences to this movie: those who have seen the Scream trilogy and those who haven't.

The second group will think: "What the hell was this sh**?"

The first mentioned group will be rolling on the floor laughing!

Thank God I'm one of the first group. Scary Movie mocks about EVERYTHING that happened in Scream 1 - 3, and in such a twisted way that you cannot help but to laugh your a** off! Just take a look at the names: Neve Campbell's character Sidney Prescott becomes 'Cindy (notice the exchanged 'd' and 'n'?) Campbell'. Hilarious! And it goes on like that.

For those who haven't seen it yet, I would say it is making fun of the following movies: 90% Scream 1-3, 7% I know what you did last summer, 1% Blair witch project, 1% American Pie and 1% Matrix - even though that seems off-topic, but you just has to love it when you see the parallels.

Oh yes, of those 90% Scream I'd divide it as follows: Scream 1: 75%, Scream 2: 20%, Scream 3: 5%. And I really liked it that way!

And, again, the warning to all German spectators: Go to your local video store and rent all three Scream movies in English! Then visit a theater/cinema near you that shows the films with the original language. Under NO circumstances you should watch either in the German dubbed version!

Vacation (1983)

Just one word: Awesome!

[10/10 · 30 July 2000]

I have seen this movie many times on TV (the German dubbed version, of course) and I loved it every time...allthough the more often its shown, the more it gets cut on TV.

Now, for the first time (thanks to DVD), I have been able to watch it in its original language. And it was just awesome! The dialogues were even better and the characters were so much better outlined.

I swear that I will never see such a great movie in a dubbed version again!

To any Germans in here: go get it on DVD (even though it is just in Mono) - and delete the video tape if you have recorded it from TV.

Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

Underrated - Not as bad as everyone in here says.

[8 July 2000]

Heavens, why is everybody bragging about this movie? Maybe because they compare it to "Matrix? Probably, I wouldn't know another reason.

Nobody says that this is a real block-buster, but it is definetely not as bad as everyone here wants to make it.

It's a nice movie to enjoy (especially on DVD) and forget afterwards. Not because it was bad but just because it was good and entertaining for a short while. Nothing more, nothing less.

And it DID have its benefits: that crazy preacher was so hilarious to behold. A nice and funny mirror to the numerous fundamentalistic Christians in the American society. And, of course, some nice fighting scenes, cool hi-tech equipment, and a gorgeous Dina Meyer, all packed in a futuristic ambience. What else could I ask for for an action movie that you can enjoy and forget about afterwards?

Cruel Intentions (1999)

Really evil!

[8/10 · 11 June 2000]

(Jeez, who has all those weird ideas on how to make other people's lifes miserable?)

This movie is not just 'cruel', it's plain evil. How come that two young folks like the protagonists can be so twisted in the same way when they are only step-siblings? Or is this real N.Y. Upper East Side behavior?

But besides this movie _is_ a well done and intelligent social drama we get to see here, with the only weak point being that ridiculous accident near the end.

Lost in Space (1998)

Just one question...

[10/10 · 14 April 2000]

When may we experience a sequel to this incredibly great movie???

And to anyone complaining about it: I know your problem. You definetely didn't understand it at all. You didn't see that almost ALL of the dialogues were made up as jokes or quotes from other movies or TV series. And that the SFX were intended to look like they were made on a Amiga 500 to ridicule todays obvious need to stuff any movie with special effects. I propose that you watch it again and again to finally understand these facts.

And, no, I didn't see any dubbed German version. I always prefer the original english language.

10 out of 10, nothing less!

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Definitely one of the best movies ever

[10/10 · 25 February 2000]

How could anyone not love this hilarious movie?

The plot is incredibly intelligent and the movie gets more funny every time you see it.

And the best of all is the music. Most of the songs give me a shiver of pure pleasure every time I hear them.

And for anyone who cares: generally there's nothing wrong with the Germans - there aren't more people interested here in 'German Sick Fetish Video' than everywhere else in the world. :-)

And this is for every German who reads this: Seht euch den Film bloß in der englischen Originalfassung an und macht einen großen Bogen um die deutsche Synchronisation!

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Hello, hello, scary part, where are you?

[3/10 · 14 April 1999]

Did this movie really scare anyone? Then you must be 10 or younger. The movie was soooo slow, so dull, so boring, nothing really happened, and up to to end credits you wait for some suspension. But you will wait in vain. Or did I miss the "scariest-movie-ever"-part? What else is wrong with this movie? Well, the horrible cast for example. I don't remember having seen worse acting and flater characters in a long time. OK, that "family" sure is worth a cheap laugh or two, but nothing more.

This is definitely Hooper's worst movie, but since it was his first one, he can be forgiven. If you want a good Hooper movie to give you the creeps, watch 'Poltergeist' instead!

I give this movie 3/10, one for its famous title, one for this funny cannibal family and one for being only 75 minutes, thus not wasting too much of my time.

The Cold Light of Day (1996)

Fair Remake

[15 January 1999]

This is a fair remake of a grand old movie, "It Happened in Broad Daylight" (1958) or "Es geschah am hellichten Tag" in German.

The story is almost the same, but the movie is much more modern, of course. It has some Hollywood-like cliches that don't suit the original.

If you like detective stories of that kind you might enjoy it, but if you understand just a few words in German I'd always suggest to watch the original old movie with German cult-actor Heinz Ruehmann.

Poltergeist (1982)

The best horror movie ever made!

[10/10 · 15 January 1999]

Without any gore, even without a single person dying, this is the best horror movie ever made!

I always love to have a bottle of wine, turn off the lights and watch this movie. And I'm scared and fascinated every time!

The most scary scene, when the Freelings and Tangina contact Carol-Ann and when they hear the girl saying someone else is there with he, gives me the creeps every time I watch it. And I'd say it is very hard to scare _me_ with a movie!

This movie is very intelligent and simply breathtaking. A must-see! Definitely 10 out of 10!

Starship Troopers (1997)

A historically correct movie

[20 December 1998]

The whole movie definitely reminds me of American history:

The bugs (=indians) are attacked by the Terran army (=settlers) on their own land. And the bugs/indians, who would have guessed, really dare to fight back!

How could they do that? Let's wipe them out! Send in the cavalry...oops, the Mobile Infantry!

And even the statement 'Only a dead bug is a good bug!' sounds very familiar! It was used already a hundred years back by some army general. But he wasn't talking about bugs back then!

That movie is life history!

And, next to that, a real joy to watch. A 9/10 from me.