L.Dallas Reviews

Hard Feelings (1981)

Why isn't this movie available on video?

[8/10 · 28 September 1999]

"Hard Feelings" is a lot better than dozens of movies in the "American Graffiti" ilk, so why did I have to wait for it to play on TV to see it? "Hard Feelings" avoids sappy nostalgia for a "simpler time," and grapples with real social issues without ever getting too heavy-handed, and without losing its entertainment value. My fave line is by Latham: "Man, people are like dogs...if they smell fear they'll be on you like flies on sh!t"

Silent Predators (1999 TV Movie)

Haven't I seen this movie before?

[6/10 · 14 June 1999]

"Silent Predators" uses every single cliche from countless other horror movies which have "nature vs. the greedy interests of capitalism" as a theme e.g. "Empire of the Ants" Although this formula is tired, sometimes two big heaping scoops of banality is just what the doctor ordered. Rating: 6 out of 10

Squirm (1976)

Squirm is the very best of the (uniquely 1970's) "nature gets even with humanity for messing her up with its garbage" genre.

[10/10 · 1 May 1999]

Squirm is superior to its brethren primarily because of its use of worms as the "beast". Being at the top of the food chain, as we humans are, there is little risk of any of us being eaten alive by wild animals (e.g. "Jaws") during our little sojourns into nature. Director Lieberman realized this and took this horror sub-genre to a higher level by combining the best elements of "nature in retaliation" cinema with our innate fear of death i.e. literally our fear of being "eaten by worms". Kudos to Rick Baker's make-up design which was probably the inspiration for a countless number of shoddy Halloween make-up kits. He cut his teeth on movies such as "Squirm" and "Incredible Melting Man" and continued his greatness in "Videodrome" and "Ed Wood". Credit must also go to director Lieberman. Whether it was his choice to use sparse lighting in the night scenes or it was merely the lack of a budget, the effect is unnerving nonetheless. In too many horror films night scenes are lit so that you can virtually see everything. In short, they are unrealistic. When the characters walk through the dark, in Squirm, you feel a sense of unease because you can't see what is in the outer edges of the frame. American International Pictures were responsible for the production of many great obscurities like "Squirm" and "Food of the Gods". I hope AIP's films will be rerun on late night TV ad infinitum, and be given their due recognition well into the next millennium!

Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

Forget "Independence Day." I'll take great writing and dangerous, sexy women like Anitra Ford over colossal egos and budgets any day!

[7 January 1999]

Never has world domination seemed more appealing than in "Invasion of the Bee Girls." How can you NOT root for these Bee Vixens from outer space? Their "coming and going" strategy seems "sure-fire" and is definitely a lot more fun (and effective) than in blockbusters such as "Independence Day."

But of course some dumb secret agent is out to spoil all of their over-sexed shenanigans. Nonetheless, Anitra Ford's (an early Barker Beauty on "The Price is Right") performance as top Bee Girl, Dr.Susan Harris, is alone worth the price of admission! I'm definitely going to make it a point to see some of her other movies!

Arnold (1973)

A perfect dark comedy!

[8/10 · 3 December 1998]

Arnold is everything a black comedy should be! It has the all the cynicism and wit of a Gogol novel. Another terrific performance by the incomparable Roddy McDowell...if only I could find out where to buy one of his "shrink wrap suits" to send to all of my "favourite" people.

The Revenge of the Teenage Vixens from Outer Space (1985)

THIS FILM LEFT ME LUSTING FOR MORE!

[9/10 · 7 November 1998]

Guilty Pleasure? Naaaaa!!! I feel no shame whatsoever in saying that I loved this movie...and what's not to L-O-V-E?! First of all, the acting is somewhat above par for a "homemade brew" of this sort. The Vixens, although rapacious in their sexual appetites, demonstrated in the end that they were not at all slaves to their libidos, but rather masters of their pathetically inadequate lovers ( there has never been a funnier symbolic "premature ejaculation scene" in the history of the movies!). There has also never been a funnier farce made of phallic imagery; "You mean to say that all that's left of my son is a pickle!" Of course this requires an explanation! Quite simply the Vixens mate with vegetables on their home planet... 'nuf said?!

To top everything off you have the" poor man's" Roddy McDowell playing Mr.Morrelli, and just when things couldn't get any better there is a killer soundtrack (which I will never own) and an homage to the Wizard of Oz! Who is responsible for this little gem? (and more importantly) What has become of them? What

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989)

Cannibal Women... a very funny spoof!

[4 November 1998]

By the title of this movie, you obviously aren't expecting

"Lawrence of Arabia." What is surprising is that "Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death" is hilariously funny as a spoof of such movies as "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and "Apocalypse Now" and has a witty, intelligent script to boot!! Of course its strength lies in the fact that it never takes itself too seriously...and how could they with that title?! Take heed! Beware of the deadly Californian hippo!!