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Reviews
Bad Eggs (2003)
Ill conceived and truly awful
Who would have thought that Tony Martin, the director of this crass witless "comedy" was once a member of the fabulous D Generation comedy team? To say the plot is threadbare and ill thought out would be an understatement - nothing gels together and apart from a few hackneyed set pieces, this film reeks of desperation. Boys, you might get a few cheap laughs from the easily pleased, but for those people with a modicum of understanding of humour and screenplay development, this is a shoddy pitiful attempt at a comedy.
Swordfish (2001)
Sena one, senam all!
Swordfish Recipe
1. Take one director (Dominic Sena)who is more interested in stylish representations and loud explosions than character development or script refinement
2. Throw in an a-list star (Travolta) with a shaky recent track record in bad need of another success
3. Place some seductive eye candy (Berry) into as many scenes as possible to deflect the viewer from noticing plot holes the size of the Grand Canyon
4. Carefully stir these and all other ingredients until the inevitable cacophanous dolby sound and smoke affects assauge what is left of your senses
5. Serve with an obvious twist garnish leaving the way open for the recipe to be followed identically again for a sequel
Bon Appetit!
The Patriot (2000)
A nasty, vile and unnecessarily violent movie
Once again we are subjected to yet another piece of rewritten history, especially in order to make American history more noble at the expense of other nations. What disturbs me so much about this unpleasant film is the use of unnecessary violence in terms of incidents which did not historically take place. It is one long piece of cartoon characterisation of the English to make them more "evil" thus justifying the revengeful violence.
Gibson got away with rewriting history in Braveheart but with a better script than this tripe and with less manipulation of the facts was able to achieve just praise. However, this is a classic example of how not to make an historical film.
Chopper (2000)
No slipping on the overacting Bana-na skin
Playing larger than life characters can often be a difficult task for any actor. The over the top performances of De Niro in "Cape Fear" and Pacino in "Scarface" are a case in point. The need to underplay characters especially those prone to sudden outbursts of violence can be a tricky banana skin to avoid. Pleasingly this has not been a problem for Eric Bana who gives a bravura performance as Aussie criminal cult figure, Mark "Chopper" Read.
With a stare, twitch, eyeroll or fidget, Bana displays perfectly the idiosyncrasies common to those members of our society who can erupt at any given moment into displays of savage intensity. He both repels and attracts as the audience, especially those not familiar with the Chopper Read tale, shifts uneasily in their seats.
The cinematography in the Bojangles Nightclub effectively adds to the uneasy tension which emanates from Chopper's presence. Equally creative was the speeded up sequence which appeared to come from under a corpse's body, showing the different law enforcement officers approaching for examination.
However, "Chopper" is far from a perfect movie. The "real" (if we are to believe what was written in Mark Read's first book)life of the man is colourful enough without making artificial links between characters and subsequent events.
Moreover, there was little evidence provided as to what Chopper Read had actually done prior to being in prison for the opening scenes of the movie. This would have been extremely helpful to explain his paranoia on being released from prison. We needed to see how he had created terror in the Melbourne criminal fraternity to know why he was such a marked man later on. The scene with the painter and docker in prison alluded to this but wasn't enough.
Ultimately, the strength of "Chopper" lies in the performance of Eric Bana and on the creativity of the director, either of which make it a must see movie.
Sleepy Hollow (1999)
Lush cinematography but muddled script
Lovers of Tim Burton will appreciate this gorgeous to look at film. The settings and animated trickeries combine to provide a feast for the eyes. The plot, well known as it is, seems to get in the way though of the scenery and special affects.
Sleepy Hollow is watchable, especially listening to Johnny Depp try oh so hard to keep that accent going. But the report card on this one is "Okay but could have done better!"
Cruel Intentions (1999)
Morally bankrupt and devoid of character
This vacuous piece of fluff has all the character of belly button lint. As a comedy it fails miserably and as a moral drama, that love will succeed in even the most self-centred person it also fails.
Life is too short to watch dross like this. Dangerous Liasions did it better and with more style. See that instead!
Lost in Space (1998)
If only the robot had finished the job!
Early warning signs abound when one begins viewing this deeply confused nineties adaption of the popular sixties television series. When Matt Le Blanc (Major Don West) utters to his fellow fighter pilots in about the third line of the movie, "Last one to kill a bad guy has to buy the beer" you know that this movie is going to be a deep disappointment.
The scriptwriter completely missed the point. The strength of the original series, hokum, cheap and laughable although it was, was the relationship between Dr Smith, Will Robinson and the robot. Instead of focusing on this in the script, he has attempted to bludgeon the viewer with computer animated explosions and "witty" asides which frankly not even the most juvenile of viewer would find amusing.
All in all this is an overlong and pathetic attempt to cash in on what was a surprise hit on T.V. If only someone had actually taken the time to discover what made it a success in the first place, I, and many others would have been spared the waste of time which was "Lost in Space '98".
Apt Pupil (1998)
Slow burner which sizzles without boiling over
Bryan Singer's "Apt Pupil" is a credible interpretation of Stephen King's unsettling novella. Singer deserves praise for removing the unnecessarily gory elements from the book and focusing instead on the psychological warfare waged between Todd Bowden (Brad Renfro) and Kurt Noorsander (an excellent Ian McKellen).
The film falls down when it tries to show the breakdown of the previously model student Bowden in relation to his new relationship with Noorsander. Renfro appears to have difficulty displaying the obvious inner demons which would torment a teenager in a similar situation and could have been helped with some more dramatic nightmare sequences. The scene in the shower was frankly ridiculous.
As McKellen begins to play a more significant and less passive role, so does Renfro begin to shine. Learning from such a master craftsman can only hold the youngster in good stead for future roles. Overall, "Apt Pupil" manages to convey successfully the way in which power and fear seduces even the most "normal" of people.
The Sixth Sense (1999)
Atmospheric thriller with first class performances
The Sixth Sense is without doubt the most intelligent and cleverly scripted movie of 1999. Haley Joel Osment (Cole) puts in an incredibly convincing performance as the young boy tormented by inner demons.
Toni Colette, most famously seen as the star of the delightfully black Aussie comedy "Muriel's Wedding" strikes just the right note as the mother of Cole displaying fear, frustration and love in the right measures.
Bruce Willis is suitably restrained as the child psychologist searching for the angst within his new patient.
Without being a masterpiece,The Sixth Sense is well worth a journey to the local multiplex.
Never Talk to Strangers (1995)
Thriller without the thrills, just the er!!
What could have been a reasonably interesting idea ends up as an underwritten piece of dross in this turgid film. Directed in such a shambolic way,"Never talk to Strangers" sleepwalks its way through one uneventful plotline after another.
There is no build-up at all. Indeed the opening half an hour is one of the slowest you will ever see in a film with aspirations of capturing the attention of even the less demanding viewer.
The acting by the leads is passable at best with Antonio Banderas particularly poor as the ubiquitous "tall and dark stranger/suspect".
It seems as if all elements required to make a decent 90's thriller have been thrown together hastily and what is left is a desperately disappointing letdown.
Alien Resurrection (1997)
The fourth movie should not have seen the light of day.
They say that in space, no-one can hear you scream. I wonder if they can hear you snore! This was complete and utter pap from start to finish. Obviously weighed down by her huge paycheck (the only reason to appear surely), Sigourney Weaver lumbers around looking about as mean as a junkyard dog crossed with a squirrel.
If you are an Alien aficionado perhaps you might have had your kicks here but for the serious movie watcher this was yet another pitiful example of a sequel which should have been buried long ago.
Fierce Creatures (1997)
Desperate gags written by desperate men
Pathetic! Truly pathetic! This over scripted, over written piece of trash totally wastes the excellent cast. John Cleese appears to now have "got lucky" with his previous effort, "A Fish Called Wanda" as this garbage, masquerading as a comedy fails to meet any criteria required of one.
The crude caricature of an Australian media magnate, played by Kevin Kline sums up the movie. Miss it at any cost!
Shakespeare in Love (1998)
A master class of acting from Geoffrey Rush
Proving he is one of the finest actors of this generation, the Australian actor Geoffrey Rush produces a master class of acting in this brilliantly scripted film by English playwright, Tom Stoppard. Gwyneth Paltrow, producing her annual display of flawless English diction also shines in this factional tale of love and lust in Tudor London. The current rash of historical dramas emanating from Britain can only be applauded as they have been amongst the highest quality films of the past 12 months.
Elizabeth (1998)
An ethereal performance of sublime mastery by Blanchett
Containing one of the most mesmerising female performances of recent times, Elizabeth stands head and shoulders above other films in depicting the early life of this most fascinating of British monarchs.
The Australian actress, Cate Blanchett projects an ethereal aura as the young and feisty Queen.
A further magical performance by Geoffrey Rush, Oscar winner for "Shine" as Walsingham, an influential courtier lifts this film to well above average.
Ronin (1998)
Bitterly disappointing action extravaganza
What a joke! Apart from some terrific set pieces in the guise of car chases and explosions, Ronin is a poorly thought out movie. It seems all creative thought went on the stunts. Perhaps the scriptwriter should have devoted more time to creating a credible storyline which would have provided a much needed intelligence to this disappointing action extravaganza.
Robert de Niro sleepwalks his way through his role of hired gun and was obviously pre-occupied with other matters when filming this French made "thriller".
Bulworth (1998)
Complete and utter rubbish disguised as satire
Warren Beatty once again proves he has no idea when it comes to producing truly effective satire in this woeful display of over acting and inept scripting.
The film fails on all counts. It remains neither an effective satire on political America or a comedy of any subtlety or finesse.
This film is complete and utter rubbish and one of the few I have seriously thought of working out on since I began my movie viewing life.
Deadly Embrace (1989)
Wooden performances seal the fate of this film
Jan Michael Vincent puts in one of Hollywood's most wooden performances as a philandering husband bizarrely determined to resist the obvious charms of his wife, the gorgeous Ty Randolph.
Randolph manages to skilfully combine poignancy and a charged eroticism to her role as the neglected and ultimately disturbed wife.
Ultimately, the poor plot and acting performances of the other principals condemns Deadly Embrace to mediocrity.
They're Playing with Fire (1984)
Sybil Danning in one of her best roles
The statuesque Sybil Danning dominates this rather poor film of murder and intrigue.
Who could not be impressed at the skilful way she manipulates one of her students, played by Eric Brown onto her luxury cruiser in order to overwhelm him in a way only she can manage.
Ultimately, Miss Danning is the only good thing in this film as the poorly scripted plot spirals out of control. It fails to convince in almost every department of a thriller.
Chained Heat (1983)
Wonderfully bad acted film.
What a hoot! There's plenty here to appeal to lovers of many genres. John Vernon's acting is comically inept and the never ending stream of stunning inmates never seems to amaze. Linda Blair exhibits a constant look of concern, especially as the hilarious riot scene takes place. Sybil Danning shines as usual displaying her fine attributes regularly,
Private Lessons (1981)
Unintentionally hilarious male teenage fantasy flick
Eric Brown stars in this unintentionally hilarious male teenage fantasy flick. The delectable Sylvia Kristel appears as a French maid hired by Brown's rich parents to look after the house while they are away.
Howard Hessemann, the brilliant D.J. from W.K.R.P in Cincinatti plays the role of the family chauffeur who gets involved in a comical plot which not even a kindergarten inmate could dream up.
Watch out for the obligatory seduction scene. The fortunate Eric Brown more than made up for his modest acting ability by appearing in a number of movies where he was seduced by beautiful older women. "They're Playing with Fire" with Sybil Danning is an example.