Antilles-7 Reviews

Real Men (1987)

Danny Likes it. Hey, Danny!

[18 November 1999]

I'm a very picky movie-goer. But I consider this gem one of my all-time favorite comedies, a very short list that also includes "Raising Arizona," "A Fish Called Wanda," "Groundhog Day" and anything written by Albert Brooks. Although it can't fully compete with these outstanding comedies, it actually comes pretty close.

I generally reject movies with severe logic problems--even when they're comedies. And even though this picture had a big one (Jim Belushi and John Ritter spend most of the movie being chased by bad guys trying to get a map indicating where aliens will land, but when they arrive at the spot they find the bad guys already there waiting for them.) I didn't really care. Between the "clown attack," clever banter and the premise of aliens offering a formula to save the world in exchange for a glass of water, this movie delivers by continually taking the viewer in unexpected (and often ludicrous) directions.

Watch it with an open mind and few expectations (as I did the first time I happened to catch it on cable late one night) and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

A Tremendous Disappointment!

[1/10 · 25 May 1999]

I have been a 'Star Wars' fan since first seeing it back in 1977 at the age of thirteen. I've seen 'A New Hope' at least twenty times, 'The Empire Strikes Back' about a dozen, and 'Return of the Jedi' more than once. I've read many of the novels and to this day still collect toys and action figures. I spent eight hours in line for tickets and a seat, finally seeing 'The Phantom Menace' on the first day at 3:00 AM. I desperately wanted to like it, and made every attempt to make allowances and keep an open mind.

But I couldn't do it. It was just too pathetic.

Had this movie been made by someone else, I might not be so critical. But George Lucas has always insisted that cutting-edge effects are secondary to a good story. Too bad someone close to him doesn't remind him of this. I've heard Lucas say he hates to write. Well, it shows. Most scenes are just tedious, obligatory filler material between spectacular effects sequences. Rather than illustrate character through action and behavior, the script delegates that task to other characters to say aloud.

Even though the first movies appealed to both children and adults, many defend 'The Phantom Menace' by saying it was made just for kids. But I find it hard to imagine children caring about trade disputes. And the level of violence is more suitable for teens and adults. Besides, how will these children in the audience react in a few years when their hero 'Ani' grows up, turns evil and kills everyone?

Perhaps George Lucas' biggest crime is his attempt to explain the Force in scientific terms. This not only contradicted what had been established in the other films, but it eliminated the one thing that distinguished 'Star Wars' from standard science fictions films - an element of fantasy.

Although all the archetypes of the original are here: a wide-eyed youth, a wise mentor, an alien sidekick and a royal damsel in distress, this time it doesn't work. Keen characters and witty dialog have been replaced by potty humor and pratfalls. This will be the last 'Star Wars' film I ever see.

I, the Jury (1982)

A Must for Barbara Carrera Fans

[25 May 1999]

This so-so detective yarn feels more like a TV movie than the noir-ish piece of cinema you might expect from a Spillane novel. But it has a few moments.

What makes this movie worth watching is the smoking Nicaraguan beauty Barbara Carrera. She has a fully-nude love scene that steals the show. If you're a Barbara Carrera fan, you should rent this movie and fast-forward to that scene (a little over 1 hour into the movie). You won't be disappointed.