sparky-76 Reviews

My Big Fat Greek Life (2003)

My Big Fat Bowel Movement

[12 October 2003]

Nia Vardalos's efforts in tv land joins the ranks of the McLean Stevenson Show and the Starland Vocal Band Hour. I can't say I'm shocked. Wish this show had stuck around. I respect artists who push the envelope and think it could have gotten a lot worse.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

My Big Fat Oversold TV Movie

[12 October 2003]

There was NOTHING in this film I haven't seen a million times (with the exception of one joke by the brilliant Andrea Martin). The script was so lame it could have been written by stapling together pages of mad libs (insert ethnic group here).

On the other hand there was nothing offensive about this film. It's desire to please was genuine. The charm of one-hit-wonder Nia Vardalos preening for the camera--"Oh my gosh, I'm in a real movie"--is undeniable.

If you miss this film, though, don't worry. You'll see it a million more times--or until every ethnic group gets its shot. "Aunt Mbunga *click click* come meet my Hottentot Hottie--*click* but don't tell Dad!". Um, yeah, right.

The Godfather (1972)

Wowzers! Unoriginal?

[11 October 2003]

I got a laugh from the people who found this film to be unoriginal, lukewarm, or not up to the standards of other mob films or tv shows. "The Godfather" is the grand daddy of them all! Coppola and Puzo practically invented the genre of "mafiosi as Shakespeare". Given how subsequent films and tv shows have run with these themes (even done them to death) most of what you're left with in this film is acting and craftsmanship. But man o man. It doesn't get better. "Shawshenk Redemption", in contrast, was a good installment of the Hallmark Hall of Fame.

Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull's History Lesson (1976)

Yikes!

[19 September 2003]

This film deserves to be seen as an artifact of a curious career more than anything else. Um, Altman's, not Bill's. Altman's portrayal of Cody, Sitting Bull, and the entire Wild West Show is so false it's heartbreaking that one director had this much talent to work with and essentially blew it. The Wild West Show played a huge role in forming popular attitudes about the American West. The public loved it. And they had reason to--the show and its creators were inventive and energetic.

This film was more like going to a circus with a friend who is in the midsts of a deep depression. Or seeing a film about how the sitcom "I Love Lucy" was created which culminates in Castro's revolution. Bad bad bad!

Lost in La Mancha (2002)

Oh Well, It Was Just a Movie

[16 September 2003]

I enjoyed this film because it brought the art of film making down to a human level. Great films inspire but there isn't much about the making of films which matches the heroic publicity put out by Hollywood. And here you see it all: the flaws of the principles, the boredom on the set, the unpredictability, and the tyranny of the bottom line. If this film hadn't tanked I gag to think what this documentary might have turned into. Because it did we have a rare gem.

Oh, and here's my suggestion for who should play Don Quixote if the film within a film is ever revived: John Cleese! That would be great!

Enemy at the Gates (2001)

A Little Too Slow For Me

[13 September 2003]

I thought this was an okay film but was done in (as are many Hollywood films about historical events) by an preference for formula over true material. Why are directors and screenwriters reluctant to just tell the story they want to tell? I left this film feeling like I'd seen it years ago.

And for those who are curious. Vasily Zeitsef was a real person (though not quite exactly the character portrayed by Jude Law, who still did an excellent job). Tania Chernova was also a real person and their live affair actually happened (she was also a Russian-American and was a sniper in her own right, I can only wonder why screenwriters didn't run with a more accurate version of their story).

As for Major Koenig and the duel--no one really knows if this happened, the story comes completely from the Russian side, this could have been propoganda, pure and simple, though snipers in Stalingrad definately fought it out with each other. Oh, and Sasha was a real boy but played no role in the sniper events (the writers wrote him in, I guess, to make the film more dramatic).

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

I can't hear you!

[13 September 2003]

The only film which comes close to capturing what life was like for grunts in Vietnam--wait, that was Platoon! This film would be crap w/o the bootcamp scenes. But because they're in its great. Ermey deserved all of the awards he could carry for his Sgt. Hartman. He pulled off the near impossible--a character who is farcical and brutally realistic. The rest of the film was was the usual "oh boo hoo hoo, we're in Vietnam" claptrap put together by people who weren't there. The whole sniper scene is overwrought but, if you think about it, pointless (people shot at us? gosh she was a girl? c'mon). Kudos, though, for the seamy portrayal of the call girl scene. Papillon Soo was cheated out of her best supporting actress award (and deserves royalties from every 2LiveCrew album ever sold).

American Wedding (2003)

Gotta Have Your Third Slice

[30 August 2003]

I loved the other two films, read bad reviews, and put off seeing this one for a while. Just shows you can't trust critics. I think this film had the most laugh-out-loud funny moments of the series (I don't see many films where people keep going for minutes, there are two scenes which involve dogs...well, you just have to see the film).

The characters, for the most part, are rounded out beautifully (a few aren't given enough to do). Sean William Scott's "Stifler" will go down in movie history. Kudos also to Biggs, Hannigan, Thomas, and Levy, who add subtle shades to characters we've come to know.

The biggest surprise for me is that this wasn't a sloppy sequel (um, unless you mean messiness, like the scene where...see the movie). The opening scene in the restaurant, to me, was the funniest moment of the whole series.

Apocalypse Now (1979)

A Mess

[25 July 2003]

One of the most overrated films ever made. "Apocalypse Now" is the confluence of brilliant directing and horrible screenwriting. Wait, what script? Coppola lifted the most memorable moments from a coffee table book on the Vietnam war (I think most fans of the film don't know this).

War films are problematic from the get go because directors face overwhelming pressures to sensationalize the violence and preach to the audience. Coppola does both. What's worse is by film's end it's clear he doesn't have much to say ("the horror"? come on).

Fortunately so many films have now been made about Vietnam that its intent to be some "definitive statement" has receded and one can now appreciate the artistry. Coppola is a brilliant director and even his train wrecks are worth watching.

This is not a brilliant film, though.

Band of Brothers (2001)

A Story of Real Soldiers

[21 July 2003]

Hollywood war films are problematic from the get go because those who make them (however good their intentions) succumb to the temptations to sensationalize violence and preach about something they've never experienced. "Band of Brothers" is the rare exception. It recreates the life of American combat soldiers during WW2. For many topics which are perennial in the literature of war it stands alone (small example, the ambivalent feelings of veterans to new recruits). People who prefer John Wayne films or even more "artsy" war films ("Apocalypse Now", "Thin Red Line"), I think, just don't get just how easily such films devolve into a kind of sanctimonious war pornography. HBO did well.

Gods and Generals (2003)

Civil Wargasm

[19 July 2003]

Anyone who liked "Gettysburg" should invest the four hours. The biggest thrill of this movie, for me, was seeing Jeff Daniels and others recreate the rolls they played ten years ago (this was like running into old friends). Robert Duvall's portrayal of Robert E. Lee was brilliant (I don't think an actor will ever get closer to this complex person). The battle scenes were great. The story lagged. But anyone who is willing to log the time has probably read dozens of books on the Civil War already.

I wasn't bothered by the "Southern point of view" but agree that the film whitewashes slavery and offers apologetics in the place of facts (when a character makes a racist or insensitive comment he's always wearing a blue uniform, come on). What's good about this film, though, more than makes up for its flaws. I give it a hearty endorsement for history buffs.

A Mighty Wind (2003)

Hahaha, Very Cute

[10/10 · 17 July 2003]

In each of Guest's films the characters get a little older, are farther from the center of the action, and have to struggle more to define who they are. "A Mighty Wind" is true to this pattern. It's about nostalgia.

The cool thing about these movies isn't just that they're funny (I got more yuks from "Best In Show") but in a weird way they're wise (this one is tops) and tackle subjects which are real but appear no where in pop culure.

Can't wait to see what comes next. The Spinal Tap guys in a nursing home? Whatever it is I'll go out of my way to see it.

A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Any Guy Who Doesn't Want to Get It On with Jennifer Connelly...

[26 April 2003]

...must be crazy! I thought this film was wonderful. I can't imagine how Hollywood could make a film which was more intelligent and sensitive about the subject of mental illness. I write as someone who grew up in a family where a parent was suffering from...cockle doodle doo...paranoid schizophrenia, so I have some first hand experience of the malady. Face it, people. It's not a fun subject. But this film did portray what it's like to be around someone who is suffering from this. And...yikes...to actually suffer from it. That's a small miracle.

If the screenwriter took a few liberties with the story, characters, and so on, he caught what mattered. Nash's story is unique. If he hadn't won the Nobel Prize there's no way this film would have been made (it would have lacked the "Hollywood ending"). And that's the film's genius. Because it does end this way the film makers are able to depict mental illness for what it is (and I can't think of another film which does this and isn't so depressing it drives away the audience). Well done. Clap clap clap.

Swept Away (2002)

Sigh

[14 April 2003]

This remake was a limp vanity project. The brilliance of the original film was that underneath the bitchy and proletarian exteriors you had two people who were drawn to each other in a twisted and masochistic way (but hey, that's life sometimes). The problem with casting Madonna in this version wasn't that she can't act (who cares?) but she's too freaking old. Madonna and Richie might have considered this a tongue in cheek project (she's older, their relationship is reputed to have tempestuous moments) but a celebrity marriage is not stuff which makes for great political satire. If this film hadd the honesty of Wurtmuller's original Mr. Hunky Italian Guy would have spent his time fishing for lobsters while Ms. Over the Hill rationalized his lack of interest. Yawn.

Sadly, this movie probably destroys the chance for a true remake. Those who don't think this was possible aren't being creative. Imagine two twentysomething Americans shipwrecked in the Carribean. She's a Jewish American Princess from Long Island. He's a black wannabe hip hopper from Harlem. This could have had the fire, humor, and relevance of the original. This remake, by comparison, is gutless.

The Mists of Avalon (2001)

I Liked the Movie More Than the Book!

[19 February 2003]

And probably for the reason some posters here didn't: the movie didn't go overboard with the goddess stuff. Every version of King Arthur, of course, is imaginative mythology. I can only smile at those who think Bradley's book bares ANY similarity to the England of 5c AD (uh, hate to break it to ya, but the Romans did a pretty good job erasing Celtic culture during the previous five centuries, and the Celts didn't have a religion of the Great Goddesss before that).

But that's history and this was a movie. I thought Julianne Margulies was excellent. Of course the characters weren't as complex as in the book. But the film created a vivid world. I felt for the characters. All stories about Camelot are in some sense an exploration of how the ideals of youth match up with, and to some extent get beaten down by, the experience of real life. This version captured that very large arc better than any filmic treatment I've seen (and that includes Boorman's "Excalibur"). Sniff. I cried at the end.

I can't escape the feeling that the people who hate this film are women who read Bradley's book when they were 13 and still think 1) she was writing history (that's a laugh); 2) what makes the book special was its uberfeminized sense of spirituality and women's power (which, um, well, yeah, I can see what they mean). In the film the characters grew up. In Bradley's book, weirdly, they never moved beyond adolescence.

But yeah, the ending was unfortunate (Margulies deserved her scene disappearing into the mists, *bravo* Julia!).

Amélie (2001)

Wonderful

[27 August 2002]

All French films, to me, are the same, but "Amelie" is a wonderful distillation with something new: Audrey Tautou's astonishing performance in the title role. Nothing feels false or forced. The cynics who don't like this film lack the imagination to approach it on a different level: one can see it as a testament to cultural malaise, the boredom which comes from living in the Paris of today, each character is trapped in a prison of his or her own making, do they escape or learn to accept the smallness of their lives? Romantics will have no use for such interpretations, of course. The story is magical. The writing and camera work is superb. Those who hate this film are either jealous or made of stone.

The Thin Red Line (1998)

War As Seen From the College Dorm

[11 January 2000]

Every so often a film is made which captures a few moments of experience from wartime, which conveys the sights, smells, and fears of those who have been touched by this unique human experience. And then there are films which just pretend.

"Thin Red Line" is one of the latter, it's the work of someone who is trying to imagine what he hasn't experienced and so we get a lot of water cooler philosophy. I wanted to like this film. The falseness of the premise, that soldiers, essentially, are walking philosophers, made that impossible.

The number of muddled themes in this film, the nature of authority, myth of the noble savage, transported me back to some freshman room dorm. There's very little in the way of character or story which compensates for this falseness of premise.

Those who want a feel for the life of soldiers might check out E.B. Sledge, "With the Old Breed", a memoir of Marines at Peliau, which is more cinematic than anything seen in this film. The tightness of relationships forged in combat comes through, the fear experienced is real, the horror of it all is palpable.

I have a lot more respect for the other war film of 1998, Spielberg's "Saving Private Ryan", because while that film had flaws it did have moments of real authenticity. Resisting the temptation to preach or choreograph in combat scenes, I think, should be a minimum requirement of modern war films.

Those who enjoy water cooler conversation, who don't want to think "outside of the box" (the conceit of this film is astounding), won't know what they missed.

Dirty Dancing (I) (1987)

A Small Gem

[8 January 2000]

Those who look down on this movie and deride its fans might pay closer attention to the the very small details which make this film work. Economic use of dialogue, superb lighting and camera work, buried in this film is a very sophisticated sense of myth and symbol which turns what should be a very tired story into an enjoyable ride. Every moment accomplishes what it's supposed to, the film's intelligence plays out in small gestures, movements, no film better illustrates the truism that film is a visual medium. Or one can forget all that and enjoy the chemistry between the two stars. Those who call this film a guilty pleasure, though, shouldn't be that guilty. A silly story is pushed to a high level by excellent craftsmanship.

Man on the Moon (1999)

Pulls Its Punches

[28 December 1999]

Jim Carry turns in an excellent performance in this film but is let down, as he was in Truman Show, by a director and writers who don't have the courage to go all the way. While some tout Kaufman's originality this film had the vitality of a Wolfgang Puck tv dinner...yes, we know it's supposed to be gourmet food, so why does it go down like warmed-over meatloaf?

Kaufman, let's face it, was an unhappy guy who used his comedy to work through some deep mental problems and never quite succeeded. Was he a genius who died at the height of his powers? No, by this time he was a has been. Of course it would have been difficult for writers and directors to write close to the bone with the knowledge that those who loved and cared for him would be watching (indeed were part of the production), but how could Foreman, etc., not delve into the self-hatred and contempt for audience which was clearly a part of Kaufman's act? I say that with respect for the dear departed, I was a fan, but I wasn't fooled, surely we're more sophisticated about these sorts of things.

Watching this film reminded me of the feeling I got during the last few minutes of Truman Show, the directors and writers were opting to cut and run just when the story got good, when Truman was about to face the rest of the world, when the story might have a chance to say something original, nope, that was too risky. Only in Man On the Moon such feelings lasted for two hours of movie. Not brave, not a classic, this film will be forgotten quickly.

The Living Daylights (1987)

All Dressed Up And No Place To Go

[4 December 1999]

I saw this film twice when it came out and enjoyed if for its entertainment value (think Dalton and D'Abo were charming in their roles). Those who think this film was among the best in the Bond series, though, have it all wrong.

Dalton should have never been cast as 007, he's gentle, idealistic, at times broodish, these are not the characteristics of a secret agent, even the cartoonish kind, these are not qualities developed by Dalton's predecessors, he's the Bond antithesis, one might reasonably wonder why the secret agent in this film doesn't hand in his resignation and get a job as a management consultant.

Connery, of course, was the best Bond who ever, and while some accuse his character of being sadistic, mysogenistic, and unemotional, Bond lives in a world where he must be cool under fire, he's clearly a Casanova who enjoys different women's company and will never settle down, and wry charm, of course, is the man's trademark.

Dalton is the "politically correct" Bond, liked by those, perhaps, who never warmed up to the original formula. Does that make him the "more authentic" Bond? No one as nice as Dalton would ever be given a "license to kill". Dalton's two films are the apocrypha of the Bond series.

Gimme an 'F' (1984)

Gotta See This One!

[22 September 1999]

Okay, I'm kidding, the film is a cheap "Meatballs" ripoff that's beyond bad. I had to see it because I went to junior high school with one of the female leads, a snotty actress who thought she was going to be the next Meryl Streep. This was as far as she ever got. I suspect she now thinks she did one movie too many. Hahahaha! Neener neener! That inside joke is the biggest laugh you'll get from this movie.

Celebrity (1998)

Woody, Get A Day Job

[11 September 1999]

"Celebrity" solves the riddle of why movie studios are willing to give 25 years old millions of dollars and gamble that they'll make decent films. I'd rather see a bad film by someone who cares than a mediocre one by someone who doesn't. Give the NY angst thing a rest, Woody, it's been done. You did it. Twenty years ago.

Hamlet (1996)

I Don't Get It

[11 September 1999]

This film reveres Shakespeare's play but doesn't bring it to life. I'll admit to a bias, I have not seen a film based upon Shakespeare which worked as a film, which made one forget that one was watching an intricately contrived presentation, with the single exception of Franco Zafferelli's "Romeo and Juliet".

Brannagh's "Hamlet" was chisled from marble, intricate work but little else. If you're an expert on Shakespeare you might like this film. If you enjoy movies you'll be bored.

Trog (1970)

Simply Amazing

[3 September 1999]

If I were a film studies professor I would show this film to my students, it's remarkable and I think yields countless lessons on what film makers should not do at every level of production. Joan Crawford, amazingly, turns in a decent performance, or one which would have been decent if she'd had any material to work with. Since the script is beyond bad her valiant efforts only add to the film's bizarre qualities. To recycle a cliche of moviedom this film made me laugh and cry, but not for reasons I'd expected.

Drop Dead Fred (1991)

An Excellent Film

[29 August 1999]

I'm mystified at why some people consider this film "mediocre". Yes, Fred is an annoying ass, but the story requires him to be this way. I think those who "get" this film understand the complexities of the film's premise, retreat into fantasy isn't healthy but sometimes it's the only refuge a person has, Fred is as destructive as he is supportive but every annoying action requires the Phoebe Cates character to strengthen her own boundaries and sense of purpose.

Okay, I don't want to sound like Doctor Joyce Brothers, just find it ironic that what some people don't like about this film is what distinguishes it from the usual Hollywood bull***t, Fred isn't cute and cuddly, that would have been false, imagine Robin Williams as Fred...that film would be a complete waste of time.