The Movie Goblin Reviews

The Outsiders (2006 TV Movie)

Bourne + DaVinci = Unintentionally hilarious spy thriller

[1/10 · 3 October 2006]

Oh dear. Britain's main commercial channel, ITV, have yet again thrown a load of money at another star vehicle that has gone down in hilarious flames. Ex-Eastender Nigel Harman (good look, shame about the voice) stars as an ex-spy now running a lobster restaurant who is re-recruited by his shadowy former employers to steal a painting that's got some kind of formula on it (the usual kind you can only see under ultraviolet light). Brian Cox texts in his performance as the head of the agency - clearly all his scenes were shot in one day as he probably needed a new kitchen or something.

What else is there to say? It's badly made, clumsily written, flatly directed trash. ITV are clearly testing this out to see if they can get a series which, trust me, they shouldn't. ITV need to take a page out of the Beeb's books and stop making crap star vehicles and develop ideas into decent scripts and THEN hire the actors.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

A big enjoyable Summer popcorn movie...

[5 July 2001]

JP3 seemed to appear in the Summer 2001 movie schedule with a lot less hype than its competitors, so I didn't know what to expect... but that's good, isn't it? I'd enjoyed the first Jurassic Park movie but, like a lot of people, thought the sequel was a bit poor (to say the least). Thankfully Part III is much, much better. It won't linger too long in the memory but as far as Summer Popcorn Movies go, this is great stuff.

The story is slight but it's enough. Kid gets stranded on Dino Island. Parents journey to island, with Sam Neill in tow, to rescue kid. And basically that's it. But hey, who wants convoluted character arcs and labyrinthine subplots in a movie with dinosaurs in it? You want running and screaming and velociraptors running amok, right?

Jurassic Park 3 delivers.

The cast, led by the ever dependable Sam Neill, spend most of their time running and jumping and looking pensive -- their acting muscles aren't exactly taxed -- but it's fun to watch these great actors (especially William H. Macy) on a big rollercoaster ride, getting the hell knocked out of them.

Joe Johnston takes over the megaphone duties for this sequel and he does a damn fine job. The action sequences are thrilling and a nice line of tongue-in-cheek humour is woven throughout. And the visual FX are so well integrated in this movie that you really do forget you're watching something that isn't real. Hats off to ILM!

My only complaint is the running time. As the end titles rolled I looked at my watch and saw that it hadn't even been on for 90 minutes! Too short! I wanted more! I suppose it makes the film more of a sharp adrenalin boost. There's no time to get bored. Top stuff.

Lucky Break (2001)

A Half Monty: a bit of a disappointment...

[28 June 2001]

LUCKY BREAK is Peter Cattaneo's follow-up to his hugely successful 1997 comedy THE FULL MONTY, which I thought was great. Unfortunately his second stint behind the camera isn't half as successful. The main problem with this comedy is simple: it's not funny enough. Yes, there's a few chuckles but my sides definitely weren't split... they weren't even creased.

James Nesbitt, from TV's Cold Feet (in the UK), is full of cheeky Irish charm but I didn't think he cut it as a leading man. He's great on TV, but he lacked something on the big screen. The love interest is provided by the lovely Olivia Williams, who plays the same same sort of role she's done before, and is fine again here. Christopher Plummer plays the Prison's Governor and it's always good to see him even if the film's not that great. The rest of the inmates were pretty good, with Bill Nighy's scene-stealing poncey Roger as the standout.

Storywise it hit all the right notes but, as I'd said, wasn't nearly funny enough. There are echoes of MONTY throughout but the production put on by the inmates at the end of the film didn't work nearly as well as the MONTY finale. So, overall I'd say it was a bit of a disappointment, which is a bit of a shame.

Hannibal (2001)

I preferred the sound of silence...

[5 February 2001]

As enjoyable and watchable as Hannibal is, and as much as I wanted to like it, I was disappointed. It's a completely different film from its predecessor and that, I think, is the main problem. Whereas The Silence of the Lambs was a gloomy and realistic Serial Killer pic, Hannibal plays more like a glossy, jokey comedy-horror. And I wasn't scared at all!!!

It was great to see Anthony Hopkins back in the part, and hear his Lecter voice again, but this time he plays it more like a caricature. You end up rooting for him instead of fearing him. Julianne Moore is one of my favourite actresses, but she seemed a bit out of place and I did miss Jodie Foster. Clarice doesn't seem to have a lot to do for a large chunk of the film, so she's just left to skulk around her darkened office. Ray Liotta was fine, but it's an unrecognisable Gary Oldman that'll stay with me long after the credits finished. His disfigured make-up is truly amazing. You'll never look at a baked potato the same way again.

As for director Ridley Scott - enough with the overhead fans already! They're in almost every scene! He gives the film a wealth of glossy visuals which are pretty to look at but take away from the gothic realism that Jonathan Demme gave Silence of the Lambs. David Mamet and Steven Zaillian's script does have a few choice lines but considering they're probably two of the best screenwriters around, I was expecting something stronger. I just wasn't expecting to have my sense of credibility to be given such a work-out. Also, Hans Zimmer's choral score was no substitute for Howard Shore's unsettling themes for Silence of the Lambs.

Despite all that, I did enjoy Hannibal. As a 'movie blockbuster', it was fine. I just expected something a little scarier...

Elephant Juice (1999)

Smug, pointless and impossible to like...

[24 September 2000]

I'll make this short and sweet. You will not like, empathise, root for or understand any of the characters in this pointless little London-based drama. They have the combined depth of a paddling pool. It's produced by the team who made 'This Life' for the BBC -- I never saw that show, but if it's anything like Elephant Juice... I'm glad I missed it. Avoid.

The Criminal (1999)

This is the type of film Britain should be making...

[27 August 2000]

Okay, it may not have the budget of Enemy of the State, but Julian Simpson's first film was undeniably enjoyable nonetheless. The Criminal, withstanding a few minor glitches, is one of the most likeable British films I've seen in ages. I must admit that I am slightly biased as I love conspiracy films but this had all the right ingredients: the innocent everyman hero on the run, spies, femme fatales, plot twists etc. It occasionally felt as if some scenes could've been cut to quicken the pace, but as it is it's still very entertaining.

Bernard Hill, the Captain from Titanic, was brilliant as the foul-mouthed bad-tempered policeman, and Steven Mackintosh was believable as the everyman hero, without resulting to cliche's. The rest of the cast was made up with faces from TV, but this didn't matter as they were all great.

Gladiator (2000)

Crowe is outstanding in this bloody Roman epic

[19 April 2000]

At the centre of the pic is a solid performance by Russell Crowe, which should finally cement his reputation as one of Hollywood's brightest new stars. He's as tough and mean as he was in LA Confidential with a likeable heroic edge.

Director Ridley Scott manages a near return to form. The action scenes are visually impressive, but somewhat messy, but I suppose he'd say he was capturing the chaos of battle.

There are numerous panoramic Roman vistas but they're obviously, for the most part, CGI (and are strangely always accompanied by poorly executed flocks of CGI birds). Also, to my eye, it was clear which of Oliver Reed's scenes were re-edited with doubles and/or digital composites.

These are minor grumbles though -- for the most part Gladiator is a mean, bloody, sprawling epic. The supporting cast are all great: Connie Nielsen is as alluring as ever, Joaquim Phoenix is a fine baddie (despite being slightly miscast; occasionally struggling with a british accent) and Richard Harris is great in a small role.

On the whole the script is strong but, as is often the case with blockbusters, it's unfortunately drowned out by sound effects and, in this case, by a heavy-handed score.

My main grumble is the film begins with a Saving Private Ryan style battle sequence, contains numerous large scale action sequences in the interim, but the finale is just a plain-old run-of-the-mill two man swordfight. Yes, it's very exciting but it felt like it needed a grander end fight.

Tube Tales (1999)

Nine short stories set on the London Underground...

[16 November 1999]

I saw the film at the London Film.

As is often the case with anthology films, some stories work better than others. None are particularly bad and none are particularly great either. The best shorts were Armundo Ianucci's "MOUTH" segment that is hilarious and unexpected, Charles McDougall's "STEAL AWAY" which is great, but starts off telling one story and ends with another, Stephen 'Lost in Space' Hopkins "HORNY" which stretches one gag for about ten minutes but gets away with it and is quite funny, and Gaby Dellal's "ROSEBUD" which is quirky but visually stimulating but ends without an ending.

Overall, not a bad try, most of the stories work but don't have a punchline.