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Reviews
Burned at the Stake (1982)
Another brilliant performance by Swift!
The biggest reason I had to see this movie was that it stars Susan Swift, an outstanding and all-too-underappreciated actress. Time travel movies usually don't interest me and neither do movies about witchcraft, but this movie was fascinating and creepy. It didn't rely on outrageous special effects and it didn't focus so heavily on the time travel that the viewer gets lost and confused. This was a really creative movie kept simple and focused with great acting by all.
The Three Stooges (2000)
Short but sweet
I was skeptical of how good a TV movie could be about the Three Stooges. Their career spanned nearly fifty years, so how could it be condensed into a two hour program? It was done fairly well, though it seemed to move too quickly. Some of the re-creations of the Stooges old films were not completely accurate either, but Paul Ben-Victor, Evan Handler and Michael Chiklis did outstanding jobs as Moe, Larry and Curly. A good film for any Stooges fan to see, but it could have been a lot more thorough as, say, a three part mini-series.
Kook's Tour (1970)
A sad swan song.
Ever since I was a little boy, I was a big fan of the Three Stooges. I had seen every movie they ever made, except "Kook's Tour." When it was finally released on video in 1999, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Unfortunately, my hopes were too high for what I was about to see. Billed as "Their last and funniest film," the Stooges simply take a camping trip and that's about it. Larry Fine suffered a stroke and was unable to complete the filming, so Norman Maurer filled the remaining time with scenery and narration by Moe Howard. "Kook's Tour" is indeed an important piece of Stooge history, but it is not a worthwhile film.
Lo squartatore di New York (1982)
Fulci at his finest
Lucio Fulci was a master of his craft; and that craft was to make a movie that had a good plot while still managing to gross out even the strongest of stomachs. This film indeed had a good plot -- a maniac roams New York City terrorizing his victims before they experience the most horrible death imaginable. While the plot and the acting are both good and should not be overlooked, the special effects steal the show (the razor blade through the eyeball still makes me queazy!) A must for any horror movie fan!
The Night of the Strangler (1972)
Not just for Monkees fans!
The biggest reason I had for wanting to see this film is the fact that it stars Micky Dolenz of the Monkees. As anyone could tell by watching it, Night of the Strangler is pretty low-budget but has a good (and, for 1972, very controversial) plot. It centers around a white girl who falls in love with and gets pregnant by a black man. When the two are mysteriously killed, the investigation focuses on the girl's two brothers, Vance, who is kind and was supportive of his sister, and Dan, an arrogant racist who would rather have seen his sister have an abortion than have a black man's baby. A black priest who tries to console the two brothers throughout the film also adds to the increasingly obvious tension. Sort of a "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" meets "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane." A really good film if you're lucky enough to find at your local video store.
Lisa, Lisa (1977)
California axe monotonous
I bought this movie from my local video store for $3 out of the previously viewed bin. Thank goodness it was only three bucks. The movie looks like it's trying to be a much less graphic cheap imitation of "Last House on the Left" or "I Spit on Your Grave." The front cover of the box reads, "AT LAST! TOTAL TERROR!" However this movie wouldn't scare anybody. A group of guys force their way into a farmhouse where a girl lives with her paralyzed father who may also be a deaf mute -- who knows? I hope they didn't actually PAY a guy to sit in a wheelchair and stare off into space the whole time.
The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
The incredible melting movie
As a collector of movie memorabilia, I had to buy the movie poster for this film which, now that I've finally seen it, has to be the best thing about it. There's nothing more attractive to hang on your wall than a 27x41 inch image of the melting man. However, there's nothing more awful to put in your VCR than an hour and a half long image of the melting man. At first I thought this movie was pure garbage but then I realized that it did have some qualities which made me laugh. The character of Dr. Ted Nelson has to be the most wishy-washy persona ever brought to the big screen. His dialogue is so trite it's unbelievable! ("It's incredible! He seems to be getting stronger as he melts!)
And could somebody tell me please how the heck they know exactly how much time Steve has left before he melts completely and exactly what their plan is to "help" him? If this movie was meant to scare its audience, I think it missed its calling.
Street Trash (1987)
Yecch!!
Probably the grossest film I have ever seen. The plot is a little wishy-washy. In a nutshell, it deals with a liquor called "Viper" that a liquor store owner discovers in a crate in his basement and decides he can get "a buck a bottle easily." Little does he know that this "Viper" causes people to melt immediately. The special effects are what makes this movie worthwhile. Complete with melting vagrants, exploding fat guy, flying genitalia and a bum getting sucked straight down the toilet. Yummy!
La tumba de los muertos vivientes (1982)
Even less exciting than dirty socks
I bought this movie at a video store out of the previously viewed bin for $3.00, and I thought the title "Oasis of the Zombies" was pretty cool, and it's only $3.00! That was three years ago and, to date, I still haven't got to the end of the movie because it's so awful. Some movies are so bad, they're good. This is not one of them.
Virus (1980)
Watch when you have lots of spare time!
Zombie movies are pure brain candy. There's nothing scary about them, they're usually just about gore, sex and violence. Some zombie films like "Dawn of the Dead" or "Zombie" have a good story line, or good acting, special effects, etc. However, "Night of the Zombies," as I've grown accustomed to calling it, is not one of those films. Undoubtedly this film has the worst acting (when the zombies come out of the woods, a quick-thinking onlooker says, "Maybe they're drunk."), the worst special effects (the zombies look as thought they just rolled around in mud to simulate rotting flesh) and a lousy storyline (in fact, the storyline seems to change throughout the film). Still, I have a great deal of love for this film for two reasons. Number one, I love zombie movies and this was one of the first I ever saw. Number two, the worse a movie is, the more enjoyment I get out of it because I can't help but thinking that probably everyone involved in the making of the movie must think they're making an awesome one. (I wonder where the cast of "Night of the Zombies" are now?) I highly recommend this film -- for giggles.