MissTRious Reviews

Revenge (I) (2000)

Flat and Uninteresting (and that's not just the victims)

[4/10 · 7 October 2009]

I have the dubious honour of actually owning this film on DVD (don't ask; it was the a case of a bottle of red wine, credit card and amazon.com). Well, it's not the worst money I have ever spent, but it does come close.

The story is a stock "revenge" story, which actually tells you all you need to know. Woman wronged seeks retribution on the guilty parties. The movie tries to be clever with a "surprise" twist at the end, but if you have ever seen any movies like this in the past, it won't be that much of a surprise.

As for the cast: Alexandra Paul (Laura Underwood) is way too butch as a woman (actually she is probably the most masculine officer in the Police House). The whole beginning "fantasy" arrest (as commented on by a previous reviewer totally NOT realistic) sets the mould for her character. No nonsense, no romance, no personality.

Vlasta Vrana (Dan McCartney) plays the role-reversal as Laura's partner. Although being male and older, he plays dumb to her clever cop. And yet has the dubious honour of extolling pseudo-Confucius like gems of wisdom and witticisms (on the death of one guy he utters the immortal line "guess he was coming as he was going" - how did this escape the Oscar nomination panel!?!).

Anthony Michael Hall (Brian Cutler) Laura's "love interest" (bit of a misnomer) is hardly seen through the film and doesn't really have the chance to shine. Oh and the surprise.... is not a surprise (you'll see what I mean).

Michelle Johnson (Vicky Mayerson) the eponymous "Fallen Angel" again another character given no opportunity to develop and flesh out. Suddenly appears, does the deeds and then goes. The motive is given but to say it's weak is an understatement.

So, in summation, a poor movie, not unwatchable but only just.

Hitched (2001 TV Movie)

Watchable, if a little odd

[7/10 · 5 October 2009]

The first thing you notice about this film is that it is about 45 minutes too long. You quickly get the premise of the story and the extra time doesn't really add any value to it.

Crazy wife + cheating husband = REVENGE.

Sheryl Lee as the wife quickly seems to degenerate into Psycho-kitty and I found myself losing all care and sympathy for her or her plight. The husband (Anthony Michael Hall) on the other hand, after some quite funny outbursts about his standpoint on fidelity and the power of "Little Ted" (if you get my meaning) actually seemed to grow and develop as a man leading to a slightly sad (yet predictable) outcome.

One comment on Anthony's physique, heck even he had to grow sometime only Peter Pan was the eternal child. And as for looking overly big, nah, it's just the camera adding 10 pounds and your 108" Plasma TV.

The ending smacked more of the Twilight Zone or Outer Limits than a Hallmark moment, but oddly it fitted.

This is not an unwatchable film and it definitely has its moments however I wouldn't call it a stalwart for the Feminist Cause.

Funny Valentine (2005)

Gentle Romance (with an 80's feel)

[10/10 · 5 October 2009]

This is quite a hidden little gem of a romance, and one you should try to discover.

The story revolves around Street Performer, Magician and part-time Book store worker, Josh (Anthony Michael Hall) and his two more worldly wise (??) friends Tim and Sean. Josh is looking for love where as his two friends are looking for lust (with varying degrees of success and quality).

The story is gentle and more than a little believable (if you overlook the usual "Friends" faux pas that a lowly worker/performer can live in a nice large apartment without starving to pay the rent and in this case dine out regularly). The stand point of both Josh and Doreen (the love interest) will ring true with most singles the world over along with their insecurities and anxieties. The romance is slow but sweet without being cloying.

The second plot line, the two friends helping to find love for Josh in the Lonely Hearts Ads is a little hit and miss, although the "Interview" sequence to find their top three is quite funny.

The look of the clothes and the scenery gives the 80's impression which is hard to shake off. That and the carefree attitude to random sex seem out of place in a 21st century film but if you let your imagination take you back to the days of Dynasty and Robert Palmer videos you can excuse this.

This is a good solid cast, the four main actors more than hold their own and provide a little escapism for 90 minutes or so. More believable than Pretty Woman for those of us still paddling in the singles pool.

Final Approach (2007 TV Movie)

Not really bad, just really long

[6/10 · 5 October 2009]

As has been pointed out by fellow reviewers this is a bit of a clichéd/hackneyed film, full of hokum and nonsense.

This is true; however as a rainy Sunday afternoon film it isn't that bad. Yes, there are some really wincingly bad plot features: the Super Agent fired for one punch, the passenger coincidences that put them on this ill-fated flight, the ANNOYINGLY competent, plucky rookie stewardess (she was late for her first flight, yet when all this goes down her more experienced colleagues reduce to tears whilst she runs around like Halle Berry (another Executive Decision reference)). And the whole sub-plot with the White Supremacist although it started well, sort of got lost especially with the prison visit and faded to nothing. The producers were trying too hard at the Red Herring aspect.

Another thing, a handsome face means you are good, true, brave and to be trusted without question - cue Dean Cain saving them all.

Oh, and at the mind blowing running time of 2 hours and 46 minutes, this film was almost in real time for the flight. Even Lord of the Rings struggled to keep your interest over times like this, so this film had no chance. Maybe, a little editing could have saved some of the groans and heightened the tension.

Two good features of the plot were the "Chase the Ace" sequence with the vans at the beginning, nicely done and the concept of them parachuting out of the jumbo before it came in to land.

Next, in answer to points raised in previous reviews, the Nuclear Bomb was a fake (as was explained in the disarming sequence. They managed to get guns on board using the luggage carriers (luggage is scanned BEFORE it goes into them not after so it would be possible to unlock them and hide in there).

Finally, to the cast, most of them are faceless crowd workers with the occasional line of dialogue. Dean Cain is turning into a bit of a Julia Roberts in that his whole acting arsenal consists of a smile. Obviously, he uses his more than Julia to win over Men, Women, Good Guys and Bad Guys alike, but I would liked to have seen a little more depth in his character. Lea Thompson, how she ended up in that role I don't know. She was quite wasted in the role and looks as uncomfortable delivering some of those lines as she did in that male-fantasy tight short skirt. Definitely, not Desert Storm Combat gear. Anthony Michael Hall, well at least he put some effort into his role (wasted overall on the rest of the film). His role started off complex and menacing and then faded to shallow and two dimensional. A wasted opportunity.

So, like I said, not a bad rainy day film but could have been much, much better.

P.S. Does anyone else think that Anthony bears more than a passing resemblance to Steve McQueen? (Or am I suffering altitude sickness?)

Secrets (1992 TV Movie)

Not an Oscar nominee and doesn't pretend to be

[8/10 · 2 November 2006]

I have read some reviews which slam this film for being uneventful and dare I say bland.

First of all I would like to say that the title of this drama is Danielle Steele's Secrets, this is important because no offence to Ms Steele but her books are hardly War and Peace or Lord of the Rings. She has cornered the market in soap operas on paper, holiday books that are read once, enjoyed and then used to raise funds for the disadvantaged at your local charity shop. This is by no means a complaint or a sign of disrespect to the lady, she is good at what she does and is well loved.

So with this in mind the film had no illusions at being a blockbuster. It is flashy, glammy, 80's (even though it was filmed at the beginning of the 90's the influence is still there) and lightweight.

The story line presents all the scenarios from the beginning, each are worked through in succession and all happily concluded by the end. Personally speaking in this day and age of movies with non-endings or bittersweet tales that show that dreams and hopes and romance are not only dead but very suspect that they ever existed I find little bits of escapism like this a breath of fresh air.

The stars are not looking to win awards, just do a little TV movie which to the heavyweights such as Stephanie Beecham and Christopher Plummer keeps their hands in, their profile current and their bank account healthy. For some of the up and coming stars such as Ben Browder and Josie Bisset it provided a useful stepping stone to bring them to the attention of other directors, etc. which lead to their later more high profile appearances.

So all in all, this is a likable pulp novel dramatisation which is as entertaining, stylish and forgettable as the book. Just perfect for a rainy afternoon and a box of quality street and a nice cuppa.

The Sky's on Fire (1999 TV Movie)

A little mindless fun

[5/10 · 4 August 2006]

OK, so this will never win an Oscar but it wouldn't win a Razzie either! This is the televisual equivalent of an airport trash novel. A little love, a little danger, a little science mixed together to make a quick, frothy eco-drama.

The story concerns the damage that Mankind has inflicted on Mother Nature and the fact that even the most benevolent of entities will get hacked off from time to time.

Basically, it is a morality tale that we reap what we sow. As we blindly pour CFC's and the like into the atmosphere and the earth, eventually something will happen.

In this case the "happenings" stretch from the ridiculous to the sublime. The beached whales, psychotic birds and my personal favourite the full grown human held hostage by maggots and spiders (OK when it comes to the second creepy crawly I can see why she did what she did urghh).

The characters never really have the opportunity to develop more than two dimensions, but even then the actors carry it well and I have to say to their credit this movie could have been "hammed up" a heck of a lot more. Even the "it might just work.....it has to" solution to the situation was handled well and didn't feel to easy a plot feature.

As for the main stars, John Corbett (Dr. Evan Thorne) managed to convey the eco-scientist without either hysterical apocalyptic panic or cold detached "I told you so". He made the character reasonably believable (for all it's dimensional limitations as previously noted).

Bradley Whitford (John Morgan), favourite of mine, added some credibility to the film just by being in it. His character again was played middle of the line. Not so closed minded as to be Anti-science/Anti-tree hugger but not so open minded as to be looking for his next quote from Revelations! The love interest/action parts were left to the two "youngsters" Josie Bissett (Jennifer Thorne) and Ben Browder (Racer, never knew if this was his whole name, first name, surname or nick name! But it was pretty annoying as a name anyway). Here we have the double love interest (Jenny is Racer's Fiancé and Dr. Thorne's sister), the obligatory hero (Racer is a Airforce Jet Pilot) and the human element (Both are affected by the situation at one time or another). They were credible performances and again not over the top or soppy! So all in all, it is not a film I would give up shopping or visiting friends to watch. But saying that if I saw it on Channel 5 (UK) or TNT (US) one quiet afternoon I would happily while away and hour and a half with a good cuppa and a digestive.

A Killer Within (2004)

Not THAT bad

[8/10 · 31 July 2006]

So before I start this comment a couple of pieces of information.... Firstly, I am a Ben Browder fan so not only saw but purchased this film for this reason and secondly, even before I clicked the purchase button on Amazon I read the comments already listed on this site.

I would like to say that although it would never win any Oscars, on the whole this was not that bad a film.

C. Thomas Howell, one of my favourite 80's stars, does not look good in this movie I have to admit. At times he looked more like a strangulated Jim Carrey doing one of his goofy faces. His acting was not the best I have to admit, although I have to say in his defence that the story was quite preposterous at points (especially the whole idea of him just jumping in his BMW and tootling down to the wrong side of the tracks to find out answers!)

Sean Young is of very little consequence really. Aside from looking good (and naked for about .05 of a second) she is ignored on the whole.

DeeDee Pfeiffer's role could have been expanded but as it is was left pretty two dimensional.

As for Ben Browder, his was actually quite a pivotal role and aided the story twists, but again was under utilised.

I have to say the worst culprit of the whole movie was the story. It was very slow in places dragging its feet over unnecessary elements and then suddenly making great leaps across other plot features.

However, even though it was no "Usual Suspects" (the only film in creation to keep me guessing until the last second, no mean feat I can tell you) it had some nice twists and the ending was explained well (I hate half-endings).

Overall, if I saw this coming on TV I would watch it again, and I feel that I have made a worthwhile (if a little frivolous) purchase from Amazon.

My final two thoughts are:

Firstly, re: the extras on the DVD, DON'T bother with the deleted scenes and DO listen to what Brad and Ben say in their interview! They tell you NOT to watch the interview before the movie as they give away a MAJOR plot feature (I did not heed their advice and so fell foul of this fact!)

and secondly, it is so strange to hear Ben swear. Never could quite get used to it :-)

Constantine (2005)

Not bad for the uninitiated

[8/10 · 24 November 2005]

The eponymous hero of the piece John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) walks the line between Heaven and Hell, trying in his own way to tip the cosmic battle towards the light. Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) crashes into his world after the suicide of her deeply devout, yet disturbed identical Twin sister Isobel.

On the story, I'll write no more as being a spoiler junkie myself I have ruined many a film by reading the synopsis/ending before watching a single minute, and also I am sure greater minds than mine have outlined it more succinct terms than I.

My comments on this film come from a relatively uninitiated point of view. I knew nothing of John Constantine before the release of this movie and to be honest I would not have looked at it if the actors involved had not interested me.

Keanu Reeves has always been on the receiving end of criticism, but lets be fair to the guy He has been around for quite a while now and, although he is no Tom Hanks or Harrison Ford, I don't see his star fading anytime soon. The John Constantine he portrays owns a lot to his Matrix Neo (in my opinion) with the ascension at the end providing some Matrix III deja vu shivers. He is cold, emotionless and distant. He is dammed and so wishes not to communicate with mankind in general because he knows his fate unlike the rest of us poor souls. I like his character and his portrayal of the situation. Rachel Weisz's character is not given room to do anything. I must admit I read the novelisation before seeing the film and missed the background scenes used in the book to flesh out Angela and her sister. Saying that, this was an OK film for her but I feel she could have been given more room to make an impact.

Over all, I liked this film. You like, you don't there seems to be no halfway house and makes no difference to me. All I would suggest is that if you liked it, read the book it will make you appreciate it more.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Terrible waste of an Excellent Book

[3 August 2004]

Back in the midst of time (1980's ish) when I was a mere Whippersnapper I was addicted to Star Wars. But back then the spin-off book factory we know and love nowadays had not been created so after reading Star Wars & The Empire Strikes Back I fell into a Sci-Fi Desert!!!!

Then on one visit to the Big Smoke (London - village to none Brits) I saw an advert for Battlefield Earth, advertised as the "Best thing since Star Wars". I duly bought the book and was blown away by the 1000+ page story.

So imagine my delight when through the Movie grapevine comes the news that one of my favourite Sci-Fi books is being brought to the screen! OK, the first hurdle was John Travola but hey, Tom Cruise wasn't exactly everyone's first choice as Lestat and on the whole that turned out OK (Even Anne liked him!)

But by now the rot had set it, this was not going to be a glorious masterpiece of Sci-Fi history to rank along side Stars Wars (just the first three films mind you), The Matrix, 2001, ID4 (well each to their own). Instead this was an embarrassment, a shame, a humiliation.

Instead of this book living on in fans minds as the greatest film never made, we were presented with a half cocked, half hearted, half film. The acting - bad, the CGI - bad, the editing - bad, the whole idea - bad.

Other reviewers more verbose than I will outline all the specific issues and will advise you the same as I to avoid this film at all costs.

Derailed (2002)

Was this sponsored by Hornby ?

[27 July 2004]

Don't think I am going to knock a Jean Claude Van Damme film just because Jean Claude is in it! On the contrary I usually enjoy JCVD movies as a good source of gratuitous action and violence to watch on a Saturday night either with popcorn at the cinema or a cup of tea at home.

Saying that this is a Bad film, as re-iterated by other reviewers. The story is weak and second hand sort of a cross between the Cassandra Crossing & Under Siege 2. The illness makeup was laughable; a non-specific hive type rash would have been cheaper and more convincing to create instead of the rampant acne devised.

Potential Spoiler Alert---------------------------

JCVD's nonchalant attitude to his son's apparent death was a clear indicator that he would pop up safe and sound before the end of the film.

I have seen better special effects with model trains in the British B&W War films such as the Dam Busters, etc.

To be honest this won't really damage JCVD's career, as it seems to have been on a downward slide since Timecop, which I find a genuine shame. He may not have been particularly eloquent but was good at delivering cracking high-energy action movies with a touch of humour.

Soldier (I) (1998)

Well, I liked it

[8/10 · 26 July 2004]

OK, so Soldier isn't deep and meaningful like Blade Runner or as big budget as Terminator 2 but on the whole I found it quite enjoyable.

The fact that Kurt Russell stayed in character not speaking and being virtually emotionless made the moments when his humanity broke through all the more poignant. I found his portrayal of restricted emotional development more touching than Arnie's in the T films (and before I get comments yes I know that Arnie was a cyborg and Kurt was human but the premise put forward by both films was the same).

So to the film itself, a reasonable US/Brit cast are able to flesh out this little story. Not really sure if Gary Busey and his two deputies were baddies or goodies, so was unable to decide whether I liked them or not. The colony was a little more realistic neither a misguided bunch of peace loving/gullible/cowardly hicks who get wiped out from the get go nor a group of subversive aggressive terrorists paranoid about offworlders and each other.

Kurt Russell is good and unlike other comments I do not feel this will have a negative impact on his career (unlike maybe Escape from LA - sequels are such fickle creatures!). Sean Pertwee has really done his late father proud by continuing the families noble Sci-Fi lineage. And the rest of the cast helped flesh out this pathetic band of people making the most of a bad situation and not doing too badly.

If you see this on your TV schedule I would recommend giving it a chance. I don't think you will be disappointed.

Two Hands (1999)

Quirky Aussie Gem

[9/10 · 10 April 2004]

"Two Hands" is a good addition to the Australian Film Catalogue.

It is that curious mix of real life, surreal life, comedy, tragedy and love the Australians have developed on their own.

Heath Ledger is basically a good if naive guy. Wanting to get on he falls in with a local "Big" Man Pando (Bryan Brown). But at the very moment he sets a first toe on the dark path to crime he meets Alex (Rose Byrne). Here is the cause of the error to change his life in ways unexpected. After getting on the wrong side of Pando accidentally, things get very bad very quickly and if not for a little otherworldly help this would have been a short sad film. Yes, Jimmy learns a few lessons in life and no one escapes uninjured in one way or another but at the end of it has a feel good feel to it. Although there is a lawless theme through the story, it is not glorified and helps to show how destructive crime can be on normal lives.

Heath Ledger is excellent as Jimmy, innocent and savvy at the same time, Rose is hypnotic as Alex and Bryan is marvellous as usual. This is a small ensemble of characters are believable and I found myself caring about the good guys and disliking the baddies.

This DVD is usually in the cheap aisle so I would recommend adding it too your DVD collection, it would be money well spent.

8 out of 10

The Order (2003)

Where's the beginning and the end ?

[8/10 · 15 March 2004]

What we have with the Sin Eater is really the middle of a trilogy. It's like watching "The Empire Strikes Back" without watching the other two. Many questions without answers and answers without questions. The end hints at a sequel which any watcher knows will never materialise.

The story is about two priests of a dying order and their dealings with the eponymous Sin Eater and other more ethereal dark forces. Yes, it is a little slow, and in my opinion Not at all confusing. Heath Ledger is good at portraying the strength and vulnerability of Alex, Shannyn Sossamon as Mara the fragile/injured/beautiful soul who is the greater threat to Alex's faith and Mark Addy's Thomas who's only real disappointment is the "accent". As a northern lass I would like to know why his priest hadn't come from Yorkshire (we do have them here as well you know).

There was a realism and a depth to this film as some more preceptive reviewers have discovered. As for the others they skimmed the surface and naturally it disappointed them which is fair enough, Not all films talk to all people on the same level.

In summation in my opinion and as written on many a school report card - Not Bad Could've Tried Harder

Ted and Alice (2002)

Cosmic !

[10/10 · 21 April 2002]

I really enjoyed this little drama. I loved the mix of humour and drama so that it neither became the nerdish Sci-Fi drama nor slapstick comedy with Dr. Who Papier Mache aliens.

Dawn French is always excellent, but for me Stephen Tompkinson stole the show.

My only regret, that I didn't keep it all on tape and that as yet it doesn't appear the BBC will be releasing it on either Video or book. I look forward to a repeat then.

An Ideal Husband (I) (1999)

Wilde about Oscar

[10/10 · 5 January 2000]

This a wonderful piece of English Comedy Drama. The Gentle humour and laser sharp wit make for an enjoyable film all round.

Oscar Wilde's masterful narrative is as funny today as it was in his time. Rupert Everett is the character personified, elegant, charming and as sharp as a needle. The whole cast work well together to bring this magnificant story to life.

Mavellous !

Ladyhawke (1985)

Sadly under-rated classic

[9/10 · 2 December 1999]

This for me is a real rough diamond. A beautiful film with a magnificent cast and a good storyline. Rutger, Matthew and Michelle work wonderfully together to create a magical romantic drama.

It saddens me that the only time this film is shown on terrestial television channels is in the wee small hours. It should have been treated better.

I have to say the only disappointment in this film is the awful electro-pop soundtrack but, with this film that can be endured.

Tron (1982)

My reason for becoming an IT geek

[10/10 · 29 November 1999]

When I first saw Star Wars I wanted to be an Astronaught, but being from the UK I knew that was not going to happen in this life !

However, when I saw TRON I knew the world of computers was within my reach. The visual beauty of the film has never left me and I still can visualise the electronic world as a luminous land of electric sparks and stars.

The story line was pretty good and although the well known games of the time were not used I don't think it detracted from the finished product. In fact not having Pac Man, Space Invaders, etc helped let the film shine through.

I saw it first when I was 15 and as I am a little older now, I still love it and all it's olde worlde charm.

The Sixth Sense (1999)

So much better than Blair Witch

[10/10 · 18 November 1999]

I will confess from the onset that I am a Bruce Willis fan, there I've said it and I'm glad I've said it. The reason for this admission is that I was biased towards this film prior to seeing it.

However, this film well surpassed my little favouritism. I found it to be pacey, tense and heart-warming. Willis is wonderfully understated and Osment is fantastic. The interaction between the characters flowed well, and the twists were excellently done (especially the video tape !)

All in all a value for money film with a little for everyone. This will definitely be joining my video collection when released on sell-thru !

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Oh dear, what a disappointment !

[2/10 · 1 November 1999]

I think the most horrify aspect of this film was the cost of admission to the Cinema. I found it rambling, pointless and predictable. I must salute the creators for the wonderful hype and mystery that really was a work of art !

To say the characters were 2 dimensional would be to reward them with too much depth. Three US college kids were always going to find it hard to connect with a UK audience but these three managed to make it damn near impossible!

The ONLY time of tension for me was the un-steady-cam run from the tent into the dark, but 5 minutes does not make a suspenseful movie.

Anyway, I was very disappointed with the film in general and the end in particular. Just one final point, why didn't they just follow the river ??????

Live! From Death Row (1992 TV Movie)

Not bad, could have been better

[9/10 · 6 October 1999]

The story is a little far-fetched, however Bruce Davison's presence on screen managed to compensate for that in part. His character as the cool killer is enjoyable to watch and suitably un-nerving. On the whole a little of a wasted chance at a serious social comment, but a fine performance from Bruce none the less.

Playing God (1997)

What a Pity ......

[28 September 1999]

I must admit I was (and still am) a Duchovny fan. I love him in X-files and Kalifornia and so looked forward to this film with great expectations. What I found was mediocre story which dragged in most places and yet shot through other points at break-neck speed. David was good, but I felt the ghost of Mulder was there, not enough to influence the character but enough to sour his performance. Tim Hutton was as excellent as ever and I thoroughly enjoyed his role. On the whole I give this film a 7. That is not bad considering my friend and I were they only people in the cinema, she fell asleep and the soundtrack broke down during the last 15 minutes. As it says on my school reports "Must try Harder !"

The Matrix (1999)

Quick Opinion

[23 September 1999]

This was an awesome film. I saw it twice and loved it more the second time. The premise was original, the casting spot-on and the special effects breath taking. I must admit that if Star Wars had come up against this film I feel Star Wars wouldn't have done so well at the box office. Go and see it on a large screen if possible or even on a small screen if you have missed the cinema releases. This film screams out to be experienced !

Ladykiller (1996)

Quick Opinion

[23 September 1999]

All in all this is not too bad. The film has some moments of real suspense and drama, however they are unfortunately counterbalance by some appalling script points. Ben Gazzara is OK as the cop, not too nasty and not too nice. Alex McArthur is the other main character, and he turns in a pretty decent performance. In summary, a little brainless at points but not a bad film.