master_d Reviews

Silent Hill (1999 Video Game)

Good old-fashioned horror

[10/10 · 4 July 2000]

What a kicker of a game, Silent Hill takes ideas from Rosemary's Baby, The Shining, and even a little Jacob's Ladder, and runs with it, making it the most horrifying game ever released, even topping Resident Evil 1. Harry Mason, the main character, decides to take his daughter Cheryl on a vacation. Harry is a writer and has just lost his wife to an unknown disease, and decides to take a break. While driving to Silent Hill, Harry is passed by a motorcycle cop in quite a hurry. The cop looks at him, and zooms off. Harry pays no mind until he sees the motorcycle wrecked a couple miles up the road, he quickly takes his eyes off the road to check out the wreck and spots someone walking across the road. Harry slams on the brakes and ends up wrecking... He wakes up in Silent Hill, his head is bashed a little bit, but other than that he's fine, except for the fact that Cheryl is missing... The game sends you on a hellish mission to find your daughter, with the help of Cybil, the motorcycle cop. Silent Hill turns out to be a nightmare town, full of evil creatures. This game screws with your head as Harry undergoes several sequences that makes it seem like he's trapped in hell. You fight several different creatures during this period like evil devil children and hellhounds. But it's all just a dream... isn't it? The music doesn't make the playing experience any easier on you, evil and ominous industrial music adds to the tension of yours and Harry's quest. Great graphics and great music, and great gameplay. Instead of screwing with your nerves like Resident Evil does, Silent Hill screws up your brain. Is this real? What is that creature? Who do I trust? The only beefs I have with this game is that it's short, and when you find out how to solve every puzzle, you can breeze through the game when you play it a second time. In my opinion, Hollywood should quit trying to come up with the right script for Resident Evil and should put their attention into Silent Hill. It's a much smarter and much more frightening game with a better script and a better plot... what's the main plot? Beats me, there is never an exact plot to begin with...

Leprechaun 5: In the Hood (2000 Video)

Ties with 3 as the best in the series.

[6/10 · 4 April 2000]

The Leprechaun has built up a healthy reputation. First comes the stupid, but ground-breaking first one. Then comes the way-better Leprechaun 2. After the box-office failure of the second, Leprechaun 3 went straight to video, and was the first one I had the pleasure of seeing. I can't really recommend Leprechaun 4, (how the hell did he end up in space?) so I was wary after hearing that the 5th would be on its way in early 2000. But it turns out that this Leprechaun is the funniest, best-written one yet. Leprechaun in the Hood starts out with a showdown between Mack Daddy and the Leprechaun over a magic flute. After pulling several weapons out of his afro, Mack knocks out the Leprechaun with a burst-open gas pipe, and renders him "statue-esque" with a magic medallion. Several years later, Mack is relishing in his success as a rap-producer thanks to the magical flute, although he also decided to keep the immobile Leprechaun in his living room for safety reasons. Meanwhile, three budding rappers and best buddies Postmaster P, Stray Bullet, and Butch are struggling to get to Vegas for a rap contest. Unlike other rappers, all three prefer to stick to rapping with positive vibes. After getting humilated by Mack Daddy after he destroys their demo tape, the three to rob Mack Daddy of his possessions so they can pawn them off to afford decent audition equipment. They rob the place, and end up shooting Mack Daddy in the melee. Butch spots the Leprechaun statue in the center of the room and removes the medallion, freeing it. Post makes out with Mack Daddy's flute just before the Leprechaun confronts the three. They shoot him down and dart off. Mack rises from the floor, surprisingly unharmed. He meets the Leprechaun, recovering from his wounds, and runs off to a club, where the Leprechaun catches up and meets him in the bathroom. Mack and the Leprechaun share a blunt and decide to team up to retrieve the flute after the Leprechaun rips off Mack's trigger finger. The three discover that the flute Post made out with has magical powers, and use it to get them fame and fortune. (SPOILERS) This film is best described as a mix between Leprechaun and Friday, to tell you the truth, the Lep doesn't even show up as much as the previous sequels. This film also has a quality that the other films lack... emotion for the main characters. When Stray and Butch die, you actually feel something for them. Believe it or not. Diehard Lep fans will enjoy this film, the kills are gory, the acting is actually good for a change, and Warwick Davis continues to dominate. Don't miss the church scene!!!!

Mallrats (1995)

An overlooked-American classic.

[9/10 · 3 April 2000]

Mallrats is Kevin Smith's sellout to Hollywood. But, of course that doesn't make it bad. To be quite blunt, I prefer Mallrats to the over-rated American Pie. Mallrats follows the adventures of the recently-dumped T.S. Quint(Jeremy London) and his slacker buddy who has also been dumped, Brodie Bruce(Jason Lee). They decide to numb their pain by going to the local mall to chill. T.S. discovers that his former girlfriend is going to be auctioned off at her father's "Dating Game" ripoff show, which is going to be broadcasted live at the mall. T.S. and Brodie run into Jay and Silent Bob, and enlist them to destroy the gameshow. This is where the hilarity ensues. The movie isn't as good as Clerks, but it's a helluva good ride. Complete with Easter Bunny Bashing, topless fortune telling, Stan "The Man" Lee, comic book, Sega, and a very obscure reference to Clerks. NOTE!! Brian O' Halloran (Dante in Clerks) shows up in the movie as Gill Hicks, an obvious relative to Dante Hicks. And don't miss the hat that T.S. picks up in the Flea Market.

Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

Cowbell Solo!

[9/10 · 11 February 2000]

What an excellant film to show to your children if they are wanted to be in the film biz. Trey Parker made this film in college and took great care into making it one of the best black-comedies ever made, along side Dead-Alive of course. The opening of the film opens us up to the background of Alfred Packer:The Musical, claiming that all the violent scenes have been edited out for our viewing pleasure. After this of course, a fantasy scene pops up in which Packer kills his comrades in extremely gory fashions. (I couldn't stop laughing when Packer beat Noon(Dian Bachar)to death with Swan's(THE SNOWMAN GUY!)arm. The gore was shocking, but I was laughing to hard to notice. But of course Packer insists that this is not the way his friends died. Later on, newspaper reporter Polly Pry(Toddy Walters, who did Winona Ryder's voice on South Park:Bigger,Longer and Uncut) attempts to question Packer about the murders, but doesn't get very far until she mentions LeAnne. Packer's best friend... a horse. Packer begins spilling his guts to Pry, talking about how he got into the mess of leading his comarades into their doom in the first place. Packer is matched up with Swan, the happiest man on the face of the Earth. George Noon, a horny teenager. Miller, a grumpy butcher. Humphrey, an idiotic Jew. And Bell, a religious man who wants to find gold so he can start a church. So the men head to Breckinridge, they run into evil trappers, Japanese indians(You don't believe we are...indians? Look at all these teepee... we have), and a Confederate Cyclops who is fooled into thinking that Packer's party fought for the Confederate's until he tests them by seeing if they remember the words to "Dixie". Throughout their pain and torment; songs are sung, snowmans are bulit, and people are eaten... This great diamond in the rough was reportedly made with virtually no money whatsoever and was the film that eventually got poor Trey kicked out of college(he spent more time on the movie than in class). Excellant movie that echoes Blair Witch and Blazing Saddles, the music is great and the scenes are hilarious. Take for instance, this. During the song "Hang the Bastard". A cowbell solo is ordered. Now as you know, a cowbell has no melody whatsoever, but the cowbell is played anyway, sounding horrible and hilarious as the enthusiastic player smiles with glee through the whole solo. Cannibal is a film you should definitely give a look at, if you can find it. Don't forget about the Japanese indians!! "Oh I wish I were in the land of cotton..."

The BBC Television Shakespeare: Romeo & Juliet (1978) Season 1, Episode 1

Alan Rickman is the man

[11 February 2000]

I watched this in high school and thought it was okay, not great, a little over-acted, but okay. I am reviewing this because I just found out that Alan Rickman plays Tybalt in this. In my opinion Alan plays the role with gusto and power. Not over-acting like the other characters. God bless RickMAN. God bless you for saving this show. Too bad he had to die early...

Mixed Nuts (1994)

Please see this film

[7/10 · 3 December 1999]

What can I say, this is a film destined to become a cult classic. My mother rented it near Christmas in 1994, and ever since it has become a Christmas classic for us. The cast is excellant, not a dull star among them and I don't see how you could find anything bad about, besides the black comedy that takes place when Steven Wright shoots himself and when Garry Shandling gets shot, but we could look past that. And we thought it to be very funny. And why it didn't get play in enough theaters is beyond me, it was a well-made film, with an excellant cast and great cameos and it should have made more at the box-office. In a world where trash like Pokemon dominates the box-office, the true gems are overlooked, Election is a good example. Steve Martin, Rita Wilson, and Madeline Kahn run a suicide-clinic from their apartment and don't make any profit from it, for they do it from the bottom of their hearts. Garry Shandling the landlord confronts Martin and evicts him with extreme-heartlessness as only he can display. Meanwhile, Juliette Lewis and Anthony LaPagila are a poor couple ready to have a baby. Juliette gets mad and makes her way to Steve Martin's apartment to stay with Rita Wilson. And Anthony follows. Meanwhile, Madeline Kahn gets stuck in the elevator and decides to call for help using a toy-karoake machine. Meanwhile,once again. Steve gets a call from a transvestite played by Liev Schrieber, and is pressured to letting him/her come over to the apartment.

All of these plot points tie in together, along with a few cool twists. This film could be a lighter, Christmas version of Pulp Fiction. And with Madeline Kahn's sudden death of cancer, this makes an excellant reason to check this film out this Christmas.

R.I.P. Madeline Kahn

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Magnificent

[22 November 1999]

Well, this is one film that definitely lived up to it's hype. Unlike Star Wars. It's one of those few horror films that can make you laugh and scream at the same time. The gore was realistic looking and the cinematography was magnificent. Christoper Walken does the role of the horseman, who has worse teeth than Juvenille. And Johnny Depp plays Ichabod extremely well, causing laughs every time he faints. Christina is absolutely beautiful, and Martin Landau makes a cameo, albeit a short one.

But check this out, it is pure Burton and will not disappoint. If you like films like this, check out Deadalive.

Braindead (1992)

IFOUNDTHEUNCUTONEINAGROCERYSTORE!

[8/10 · 6 November 1999]

DUDES! I was like you once. Dumbfound, surprised. Yes, I had rented the cut version of Braindead(DeadAlive) at a conventional video store. And especially after hearing it was one of the goriest movies ever made. Was disappointed. But then I found out that I had been duped. Two versions of this masterpiece were floating around America, I had to find the other one. I got obsessive. I checked out pictures of the uncut version on the internet. And found out that the stupid censors had to get their panties ina wad and cut every bit of "FUN" out of the movie. They even cut Peter Jackson's cameo out! But then guess what happened my friends? I was shopping ina grocery store last night, and found a video store within it. I decided to get a membership so I could rent Big Daddy. I also found DeadAlive in the horror section. I grimaced when I picked up the box. Remembering how I'd been duped at my OTHER video store into getting the R rated version. But then I noticed something. The box claimed that it was... UNRATED! Yes! And it had 12 extra minutes in it! I was, needless to say, very happy. So I picked this and Big Daddy up and went home. I watched this new DeadAlive and was treated to a much better version of this classic. Limbs fly everywhere, ratmonkeys, feeding a zombie through their neck. And let's not forget the hilarious scene where Uncle Les (the best character) pulls the zombie priest's teeth claiming that he has "a nasty plaque problem". That had me in stitches. And don't forget the lawnmower scene either. Which is much better and makes a lot more sense in this version. So whatever you do. Pay attention to the box to Deadalive if you come across it. It may mean the difference between "FUN"(unrated) and "P***Y"(R-rated).

Cheech and Chong's Next Movie (1980)

One of the funniest movies of all time.

[5 October 1999]

Needless to say, this isn't just your garden-variety sequel. It has a new storyline to it. Cheech and Chong undergo several adventures at: A movie set,their house,a neighbor's house,the welfare office,a hotel,a brothel,a music store,a rich girl's house,a comedy club,the ultimate weed field,and a ufo!! Cheech plays two roles, himself, and his red-headed party animal cousin Red. Chong is wonderfully deadpan, and Pee-Wee Herman shows up in the hotel and the comedy club! I personally suggest the comedy club scene and the welfare scene, and don't miss the "Urine Test joke!" Too good to be true. Better then Up in Smoke.