batzi8m1 Reviews

The Life (2004)

Cheap Thrills, Titilation, Occasionally Candid

[2/10 · 16 September 2005]

I saw this on Showtime, just before the 147th showing of Spidergirl.

This gives you an idea of what we're talking about here. T&A between interviews of Ho's Pimps and Gigolos from the legal trade.

OK in the beginning they all talk like it's their choice and what they want. By the end they're whining about wanting to get out and have a normal family with kids and all that. Right down to the interview with the faceless Russian mobster talking about force, violence and keeping the passports to keep the girls working for them. All pure stereotype and nothing we haven't seen better before by real documentaries. Oh except they have flashy sexy sets from inside tacky euro-trash whorehouses complete with the red satin and mirrors.

Denise Richards and Darryl Hannah provide the titillation to keep the viewer interested with one of those horribly lame plots like you get in soft core porn like the Red Shoe Diaries.

A long time ago Umberto Eco wrote an essay on how to tell if you're watching a porno film. If the drive to the house takes way too long as a setup ... ie. if the fluff is just to fill time then that's what you got.

Not the worst ... by far ... of porn producers trying to justify themselves.

Personally Spiderbabe was much better.

Señorita Justice (2004 Video)

BEST direct to video B movie in years

[6/10 · 13 September 2005]

I admit it, I like B movies. I loved Russ Meyer movies (even with Roger Ebert's lame scripts) I constantly look for them at the Video Store and 90% are lame worthless waste of time like the late-night soft-porn on Cable.

But this one Rocks. It's got Style. It's got real babes that can act and do Martial Arts. I haven't seen one this cool since Faster Pussycat Kill Kill.

Every scene looks like a setup to a porn scene, only just as you get ready to see hot babes rip the clothes of the guy, BAM! POW! BIFF!

(That's right I said BIFF!)

The hot babes kick the livin daylights out of the bad gang bangers!

Besides the title character by Starlet Babe Yancy, you get Eva Longoria as a Latina gangsta moll, Latin Soap star Edith Gonzales as a head detective (zipping her top up when Lawyer-Yancy walks in to end the "interrogation") Graycie Wey is the hottest evil Chinese Kung Fu Killer since Lucy Lui and only one of those incredibly boring cable soft core candle-light soft-jazz "tender lovemaking" scenes.

Every other time you think somebody's gonna get lucky they get a kick in the face instead.

Checkit out - Awesome!

Barry Lyndon (1975)

Bildingsroman - The development of Character

[10/10 · 9 September 2005]

I was sitting drinking with a friend one night talking about movies, art and literature after a Werner Herzog Q&A following the premiere of his "Little Dieter wants to Fly" at the Roxie when the topic of Stanley Kubrik came up. We both instantly agreed he belongs in the pantheon of the movie gods.

"What's your favorite Kubrik movie" he asked.

"I know all the Kubrik fans and the critics hated it, but for me it's Barry Lyndon hands down." I replied.

Long story slightly shortened, he agreed wholeheartedly and pulled out a copy from his shelf saying, "It's the only one I own." Most people are Kubrik fans for the spectacle of the extreme from films like Clockwork Orange and 2001 - brilliant in their own right - but never get beyond that to the essence of Kubrik - Character Development. Yeah I know, it's the bla bla bla the critics whine about being missing all the time, but that's what makes a movie, not the exploding cars.

Barry Lyndon is all about the development of the character of a country Casanova becoming a lord and how his times shaped his character, much in the same way Clockwork Orange is about how language shapes our character.

The Bildungsroman - or Character Development Novel - is most often cited as a German development attributed to Goethe and supposedly culminating with Thomas Mann, but the focus on the development of regular people was the major theme of 19th Century European Literature from Stendahl

to Dostoyevsky all the way back as far as I can trace it to Shakespeare, Homer or the stories of Cuchullain - and most certainly Thackery and his contemporaries from Charles Dickens to Jane Austin.

From Path's to Glory, Spartacus, on to the his last Kubrik is all about character -- even 2001 is strictly focused on the development of human character from the screeching ape to the dying aristocrat in his bed. (When even the development of a computer's character is a theme we are really expected to get the picture of what this is all about.) But he took it to the limit with this one, focusing over three hours on character and boring the action junkies, who were still on the Clockwork Orange horrorshow high, to death.

But for myself and for many others this one is his greatest masterpieces because of that focus on character development. I would really like to see a previous poster explain what contemporary have film plots less "thin" than this.

Stroszek (1977)

For Herzog fans and fans of black humor

[7/10 · 25 May 2005]

Kurt Vonnegut once said the problem with the hippie generation is that they expect love and happiness but "I would settle for a little common human decency."

This movie is Herzog being "decent." He promised Bruno (his challenged actor) another movie, but when Bruno couldn't learn the part of Woyzeck he realized his old friend Klaus Kinski had to take the role -- and did so brilliantly. But he had made a promise so he kept his word and wrote this movie on the spot, and even got the great Eva Mathes (who won the Golden Lion in Venice for her role as Marie, Woyzeck's tragic love) to pitch in and play an abused hooker. All the rest of the cast were amateur "characters."

It has the basic Herzog themes of struggle against all odds and regardless of outcome even in the most hopeless cases. And just that spirit of struggle is worth applauding. This one just doesn't go into the usual richly layered labyrinths of dreamscapes that Herzog, being the romanticist he is, tends to use as story within the story as allegories for the whole story -- the romantics' arabesque. Strozeck is more blunt, straight forward and hits the viewers over the head with a lot of grotesque black humor.

This movie has great hilarious black humor scenes and a great punchline when the hero compares the bank repossession agent's pen with the beatings by the Nazi's in the Concentration Camp -- unfavorably.

It's great fun to watch and wallow in if you're in a dark or twisted mood, but I wouldn't base drastic decisions about the rest of my life, especially its remaining duration on what is arguably Herzog's most crude slapstick and that includes the one with the rebellious Spanish dwarfs.

But it really isn't fair to compare this or any other Herzog film to his big dramatic successes like Aguirre, Kasper Hauser, Fitzcaraldo, Nosferatu or Woyzeck. While they share some common themes (see above) every one of his movies and documentaries are their own work and can range from remakes of 19th century realist play, 1920s silent movie, 18th century romanticism or the joys of mountain climbing or ski jumping.

As its own work, Stroszek is fun to watch and a good laugh watching one of the 20th century's legendary independent filmmakers present a very different mood.

Fausto 5.0 (2001)

Techno Horror Faust

[6/10 · 5 January 2005]

It's Faust. If you know the story Marlowe and Goethe made famous, well this ain't it. But it's about the same thing -- the whole What Price My Soul thing. Does meaning well absolve us?

This movie is all about the nature of redemption and what price we would put on our soul. In the Goethe's version it's to save the babe he knocked up from being beheaded for killing the baby at birth. This guy's an MD -- that should be your clue.

It's got plenty of lurid stuff, human failings, falling into the pit of depravity and despair that's required of a tragedy. Is there redemption? That's what makes a story worth my time any day.

This film is not the greatest but it beats the hell (pun intended) out of that lame Pacino/ Keanu Devil's Advocate. I mean we can all see a LAWYER as the devil's pawn but the selfless head of a clinic for the terminally ill? And while we don't get Sex Goddess Charlize Theron as sole redeeming quality, we do get sex with the devil's own daughter, and that's got to be hot.

It's the prurient lurid stuff that makes me downgrade it from "Damned Good" to "Interresting". I like to keep those two separate. I like lurid and prurient movies like House of 1000 Corpses and examination of the soul stuff like Mystic River. But trying to mix it like these boys do in Fausto 5.0 is distracting to me. It's like if Rob Zombie got religion and decided to take on Goethe and Marlow and delve the deeper meaning of God the Devil and the Soul while listening to lots of industrial goth techno dance music.

All in all, I thought it was worth while watching and might rent it again some time, but it will probably not become part of my permanent collection.

The Relic (1997)

Horror By Committee OR Let me save you 2 hrs

[3/10 · 4 January 2005]

MASSIVE MASSIVE SPOILERS OK?

I just saw it on Cable. OK I lied, I saw bits and pieces. I kept flipping back to see if it would improve, but found the NOVA special on Gamma rays more exciting (For the record I am a horror freak and even loved the latest Beyond Reanimator and think Bubba Hotep and House of 1000 Corpses were among the best films of the last year.)

Here's the problem... It's a novel written by 2 authors turned into a screenplay by 4 screenwriters.... horror by committee ... the too many soups spoil the chef or something like that. Lets face it this piece of trash is your generic horror rip off of every successful money making horror hack piece since Alien, Predator etc with no original redeeming elements.

Speaking of soup ... well it starts with one ... in an Amazonian witchcraft ceremony ( I was tempted to sing Double Bubble Toil and Trouble in Soprano.... loved the Vienna Boys Chior version in the latest Harry Potter)

In the interest of saving you 2 hrs of your life, here's what I saw in your basic "Every Horror Cliché Including the Cauldron"

Voodo, Couldron, White Man Drinks,Witch Doctor in Grass Wing and Monster Tusks Pounds Floor, White Man screams hysterically "It's You!"

Ship Is Leaving with Crates containing Monster, White Man tries to stop Crates, Captain is Late, Bows him off, White Man sneaks on Board..Ship Arrives ... everyone's dead

Did you know that after 30 years they finally discovered the source of seemingly random gamma ray bursts in the universe were created by giant stars collapsing into black holes with such force that the spinning debris creates pure energy conversion on the order of the complete mass of the sun instantly converting into pure energy?

Shots ring out Somebody Screamed Down the alley the Ice Wagon Flew You Should have Heard Just What I seen (props to Bo Diddley)

Lots of Blair Witch Face Screaming in Flashlight Closeups...Down in the Sewer System Monster Eats Screaming Panicking Victims

All but Doc Babe and Cool Cop Die, Cool Cop Gives Doc Babe A Bullet Babe Doc Sticks Bullet Between Her Breasts And Pulls on Rubber Gloves (Hot)

Monster Version of Aforementioned Witch Doctor Chases Screaming Babe Into Her Chemical Lab (Dooya Tink She Gonna Makey Chemical Firebombstuffexplosion?)

Flaming Monster Skeleton Chases Doc Babe ..Doc Babe Says "Go To Hell" and not being Ahnuld Tehminatoh, monster dies.

Firemen break into Lab, Old Geek Cops Nod and Mumble

Doc Babe Smiles, Cool Cop Smiles ..Doc Babe pulls Bullet from Between Breasts...Cool Cop Says "Keep it" And They Step Over Incinerated Tusk

The End

Save your time, watch a documentary on PBS, there are plenty of good Horror Movies past present and probably future, this is not one unless you are really inebriated or just plain dumb.

Sword of the Valiant (1984)

Wonderful Entertainment for All Ages

[22 December 2004]

Both the stories of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and Owain a the Lady of the Fountain are classic remnants of an oral tradition more ancient than the French Norman Romances and 14th Century Welsh Mabinogion story collections, yet both thought these two stories worthy of retelling and recording in written form much like Tristan and Parzifal. And there's a good reason for it, obviously good enough reason to get the likes of Sean Connery, Trevor Howard, Lila Kedrova, and John Rhys-Davies to take part in this admittedly cheesy production. (The fact that this was a Golan Globus production should have been a clue to any movie fan.)

The ancient Celtic bards had to memorize some 100 major stories and 200 minor ones to entertain the folks during those long cold winter nights. While Tristan and Parcival belong to the former, Gawain and Owain belong to the latter. These are ribald entertainments for light late night story telling entertainment much like a James Bond, or a cheesy B-Movie. In fact I have heard one professor of Medieval Studies refer to Owain as the James Bond of the Arthurian cycles. And the middle part of this film that deals with Lyonese captures the whole Bond formula (or I should say formula which Fleming followed) of impossible predicament (ala Dr. Evil's "No. Intend to set up an elaborate death and walk away assuming it happened."), narrow escape, beautiful damsel, daring do, hand to hand combat against impossible odds complete with tongue in cheek reparté.

I loved the movie for what it was from the moment I saw Trevor Howard's aging Arthur acting line the mean spirited cranky old fart the Welsh triads depict (not the "boyish" one of the Gawain poem) , through Lina Kedrova's scary horny old widow queen, Rhys-Davis's Fontenbras playing with toy soldiers, and of course Connery's transcendental Green Knight. Sure I missed some of the original story elements of both stories - the fountain and the ogre with the giant club - and I hated that cheesy last scene with Linet that they added on the end of the perfect ending scene with the Green Knight.

But this one captured the spirit of the older tales of the Mabinogion (from which we get the oldest Owain and the Lady of the Fountain) much better than the Saxon-Norman poetic retelling of the Gawain story. Ribald, cheesy, fun with a few moral lessons thrown in for "redeeming social value." In this film's retelling one gets a much better feel for the kind of story the bards might have told the assembled drunken retainers in the King's Hall on a late mid-winter night.

I give it a 7 for capturing the spirit of the tradition (that Monty Python Holy Grail feel that one detractors here noted as though it were a bad thing) , great acting by the legendary actors in smaller parts noted above and the James Bond pulp fiction feel. I'm detracting points for the music, skipping the fountain/storm and the ogre/giant, and that dumb ending scene.

(PS contrary to one reviewer's accusation that it looked like a back lot in Pasadena, these were real Welsch castles including Cardiff and the former Palace of the Pope in Avignion.)

Mystic River (2003)

There are two kinds of movies audiences

[10/10 · 20 December 2004]

One wants to escape into a pretend world.

The other wants to see stories that make them think about theirs.

This movie is for the latter, the former will be sorely disappointed.

What looks from the onset like an unfortunate sequence of personal tragedies intended to tug on the sympathetic heartstrings of the former begins to wear thin and tedious about half way through as the all too obvious tragic outcome begins to roll downhill like a snowball gathering momentum.

But like a well constructed drama the denouement (thats the comedown after the climax where the meaning of the whole thing gets explained) hits first like a splash of cold water and then delivers the blow to the gut that left me reeling with recognition.

Not too many movies out of Hollywood lately have hit with that much moral force AFTER the ostensible climax. Usually you get some lamers making some clichés pretending to explain what needed no explanation because it was all too trite from the beginning. This one actually set off the old light bulb with the "Oh THAT'S what the storyteller was trying to get at with this story!"

This story tries to make similar moral judgments about ancient ingrained traditions of morality and justice in a microcosm of 3 families that Scorcese tried to portray in Gangs of New York on the grand scale.

Wings of Desire (1987)

A Poet re-discovers life, love and beauty

[9/10 · 10 December 2004]

It's amazing that any non-German speakers can even appreciate this movie. True the basic story is universal and beautiful, but it's Peter Handke's poetry that makes it breathtaking. Wenders had done other Handke works in film - Alice in the Cities, The Lefthanded Woman, The Goalie's fear of the Penalty- but this one is very different.

This movie is about giving up the ethereal life of the observer and actually living it. Handke had lived as a hermit after his wife's suicide and raised their child alone for 10 years - claiming all he needs of a woman is a good prostitute every so often. This movie script marks his turn to the pure love of life that this dreary Goth never really displayed, even in his youthful writings. It's the wonder of the child within discovering life in all it's beauty -- in even the most mundane and everyday things.

************ PLOT SPOILER ALERT ***********

The job the angels that nobody seems to have noted here is this: They can exist in all times flowing through one spot (Berlin) and must record instances of Humans

expressing "Spirit".

A damned rare thing, it's true, but they must record it whenever they can.

Hollywood chose to leave that notion completely out of that horrible Nicolas Cage/Meg Ryan "Vehicle" remake.

(Worth it for the Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and Mick Harvey's Crime and the City Solution alone)

The Lion in Winter (1968)

The two most powerful people in the world

[10/10 · 4 December 2004]

I was just watching this again on PBS, maybe the 4th or 5th time I've seen this one. I've also seen the play performed and the TV remake. That last is also a worthwhile interpretation -- I even think Patrick Stewart did a better Henry. He showed more of the pure self possessed confidence and power. But Close and the other actors were not nearly as memorable as this cast, with the possible exception of unknown Soma Marko's completely vile moron John (he really shows us why he became the villain of the Robin Hood legends.) This 1968 cast included a brilliant young Anthony Hopkins as the deeply troubled Richard and a delightfully slimy Timothy Dalton as King Phillip of France.

But these are mere bit players opposite two of the greatest characters of their time. The second Welsh Plantagenet took one of the most beautiful, powerful and intellectual women of all from the King of France, (and some say his own father) It was one of the greatest love stories of all time between the two most dynamic individuals of their era. And this is what it's all about and what makes this play and this movie work. Each was really the only one the other could ever really love. Nobody else in their time even came close. And only a Hepburn could pull off Elenore of Aquitaine.

I still like Stewart's Henry better because he gave me more of the Henry we know from History as a completely fearless dynamic powerful King who could do and have

anything he wanted. Even though her youthful beauty had faded, Elenore as always the great love and the only woman who could ever have been his equal. So despite all the scheming, infidelity and dysfunctional family betrayal, those two will always be one of the great matches of history right next to Caesar and Cleopatra. That's what this play is all about and why this cast's rendition will aways remain a classic.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)

Lowbrow humor that works - STUPID HORSESHOE LICKERS!

[9/10 · 10 January 2000]

No plot - except the standard brand hollywood romance routine. No nekked Breasts - except Rob Schneiders. No Buckets of Blood, Decapitations or Bullet-Riddled-Bodies.

We do have - 600lb transvestite, 8 foot tall woman with size 18 feet, pretty date with tourret's syndrom screaming obscenities that would make an adolescent male proud, narcoleptic date (but you probably saw that in the trailer), man whores, a compassionate man-whore-pimp and a cop obsessed with dropping his pants and asking the man-whore's opinion. Oh yeah, did I mention lots of PC man-whore jokes and an exotic-fish-in-a-blender.

I watched this alone one afternoon while ill with one other teenage couple in the theater, and even the girl laughed.

Man on the Moon (1999)

sweet sappy holly woody that would make andy upchucky

[8/10 · 10 January 2000]

Let me start by saying that I do not regret seeing this movie, nor would I recommend against it -- especially those who thought that Andy Kaufman really was a sexist pig who wrestled women to prove men were superior. But fans of his humor will be disappointed. I must also say that I have not liked most of Carey's humor with the lone exception of "The Mask" -- he does manage to pull off AK as well as anyone could have.

This was a real hollywoodizationalization that tries to "humanize" AK for those who "misunderstood" his humor. Anyone who took his macho wrestling against women stuff seriously should see this movie and be "educated." Just like anyone who thinks the pro wrestling fights in the parking lot are real should talk to his or her daddy or mommy.

I remember almost wetting my pants during the real letterman "fight" when the "insulted pro wrestler" decked AK whose neck he had "cracked" in the ring with a "piledriver". Dave's reenactment was less than genuine -- i remember him pulling off his "fearful" routine far better in the original -- kissing up to Lawler. That was part of what made the whole routing funny then, it was decidedly less funny in this movie. Thinking about it I have to agree with many viewers' impression that this thing looks like it was hacked up by some standard brand studio editing.

Like a pro wrestler, andy made us believe his characters while this movie tries to make a larger audience that never liked or even had a clue as to the humor in his routines "like Andy".

A nice homage, I would have preferred less sap and more AK spirit -- like trying to convince us his death was staged -- that would have Andy Kaufman smile. I think those sightings of Elvis in the Supermarkets are really Andy Kaufman's ghost having one more laugh at us all.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Makes you identify with his urges.

[16 November 1999]

At times it was hard not to let yourself get sucked into the idea that this was a documentary. Much of the story and acting and scenery is believable as such. Only when one murder scene had me cheering the murderers when they wasted a jerk who was ripping them off -- and rude about it to boot -- did the idea that this was a fictionalized movie sink in. Several of the audience left at this point. Now I would never do something like that to anyone, nor would I cheer a real murder, but this film had me identify and empathize with the hero/victim so much that I took his side in this, if only in part to lessen the increadible tension the director developed. This is as close a real life depiction of a real life serial killer that I have ever seen. It also reinforced my opinion about judging someone before walkining a mile in their shoes (esp if the judging involves death) Most viewers couldn't stand to watch 90 minutes of Henry's life, much less live a day of it.

The Honeymoon Killers (1970)

Isn't that Cute!

[9/10 · 16 November 1999]

Ray is a gigolo who cons lonley heart women. Martha was to be his next victim, but she has his number, and because she loves him so decides to force him to partner up with her. Ray introduces Martha as his "sister", but she is too jealous and begins killing the intended victims of the con. Only when we all laugh at the "cute" victim, does the movie show its real dark side. It allows us to side with the killers, if only for a moment.

A very anti-Hollywood movie. None of the actors are pretty or somehow people that our escapist fantasies would want to become, unlike John Malkovitch.

Being John Malkovich (1999)

Laugh out loud with the rest of the audience

[15 November 1999]

Saw this one Sunday Night late show in Santa Cruz and felt free to laugh out loud at every joke I got, and take the hints from the audience that split a gut at every joke they got. I haven't laughed this much at a movie since ....

Puppet master performs Abelard and Heloise!!! Gets a "straight" job filing in the 7 1/2 th floor, finds portal into JM's brain. Has crush on evil manipulative witch who talks him into charging admission (she treats customers like a $200 hooker!)

OK you get 15 miniutes of fame, but you get to experience it through a real life celebrity! Morality tales, examination of the Id and Ego, boundries of the individual, all that is there to think about afterwards, but while watching you'll be too busy laughing.

Warning: do not try to explain the plotline to anyone who

hasn't seen it. They will think you're crazy and no one would believe it anyway.

Hitler: A Film from Germany (1977)

Brilliant cinematic masterpiece, worth all 8 hours

[10/10 · 13 November 1999]

Warning. This is not a movie for an evening of entertainment. Its is 8 hours of surreal images about mass media combining with trivialized pop culture versions of German romantic irrationalizm to create that phenomenon called Hitler, which will never leave the dark corners of human nightmares and the strange world of pop mythology.

I've seen this film twice in a cinema (Berkeley, CA) when it came around. Obviously people willing to subject themselves to eight hours of surrealist images about Hitler as the Great Communicator (the original for you Reagan fans) are going to go in a bit prejudiced. I had not yet seen any other Syberberg films nor read anything about him or his films, as I wanted to experience this for it's own sake without preconceived notions. After intermission, my friend, a warehouse manager, and I couldn't wait to see the rest. The same was true when it returned a few years later and I saw it with an artist friend, who was even more excited. We heard similar buzz from the people around us at intermission. This movie was something special, and after all these years, having re-read the screenplay and amazed at the images, I'd see it again for an all nighter. But I don't really have to because I can replay most of the scenes in my head at any time -- they were that striking and memorable. I guess part of that may have to do with the fact that I am born German, and was once a student of modern German literature, theater, art and lived in Munich when artists like Handke, Thomas Bernhard, Max Frish, Fassbinder, Herzog, Wenders and Syberberg challenged the status quo and awoke Germans to the idea that there is something else besides Brecht, Grass and sighing the Mea Culpa over the Third Reich.

Syberberg had already done films that were hard to get shown (this was before the Video Revolution) and with Hitler he really went overboard. This film could never be a commercial success, but it was worth the making and seeing. It creates images, meant for someone who is steeped in German mythos while at the same time aware of the changes wrought on world media by Edison's invention of the moving pictures. Combine these with mass communication capability, the capability to entrance the masses with the images they want to identify with is the history of both Hitler and Movies. So for eight hours Syberberg bombards the viewer with images of the Black Mary (Edison's studio) as a backdrop, Hitler rising out of Wagners grave in a Roman toga, Radio tranmissions of SS Troopers singing Silent Night direct from Stalingrad, touching personal reminiscances by Hitler's butler of how he liked his underwear pressed, his projectionist eating a sausage picknick at the old Eagle's Nest talking about what a nice regular guy his old boss was.

In short, this movie fills the viewer with indellible images of the capability of mass media to suck in the viewers, give them a sense of intimacy, and trivialize mass murder from a "real life human perspective." No single scene or sermon or 90 minute expose of Auschwitz can ever hope to drive home the real insanity of the mass delusions which created the greatest tragedy of this century. And for Germans the constant cleansing and coping escapism of the post war era (It wasn't us, it was those few bad guys that are now dead) needed a real response by the generation that was born afterwards. And the only way Syberberg could do that was to let all those images of the collective German memory of the great history of its irrationalism and romanticism fight against the attempt to rationalize it's rape by their own philestines.

Memorable quotes include the famous "Every time I hear the word Art I reach for my pistol."

Particularly good are Andre Heller as the melancholy narrator, the dialog between Himmler and his masseur, Christmas stories, and touching human stories about Hitler and his beloved doggies. Those skits are kind of like a news magazine story about the human side of John Wayne Gacey as Bunel and Dali might have filmed it.

Diva (1981)

Zen Master, How do I reconcile my love for the Diva's music

[9/10 · 11 November 1999]

Let's see what we have here. Young man is obsessed with the singing of a brilliant young diva, who only performs live. (Ala Harry Haller in Hesse's Steppenwolf, can't stand the sonic compromises of recorded music.) He also falls in love with a teenage shoplifter who is taken care of by a mysterious man in a white suit who meditates to a wave machine. Am I missing anything? Oh yeah Taiwaneese music pirates...

All in all a zen masterpiece about the relationship between art and life, and clothes, lifestyle, antique cars, recording, artists, their fans and the type of industrial lofts with freight elevators that are now popular even on Nash Bridges.

I've seen it a couple of times in re-release after its original run, and can honestly say this is a movie that would play well on the small VCR TV screen. It has the ambiance of a TV show in it's message that those things we worship are really no big thing -- nothing really worth sweating about.

Contact (1997)

It all makes sense, now that we know what Carl was smoking.

[10 November 1999]

I didn't want to see another romanticized alien movie like the oen where Jaws-boy goes crazy and builds volcanos in his dining room out of mashed potatoes so I skipped this one in general release. But when I saw it on cable a few weeks ago, I even sat through it a second time, and didn't channel surf once. It was captivating. Much more scientific reality that the X-tremely weird little green men stuff. It was a touching testimonial to modern scientific knowledge. Maybe Einstein was wrong and God does play dice. The probabilities are in favor of this movie. But the contact would have to be many light years further away and hence a few centuries for the round trip. The transport mode depicted is the only scientific possibility for these distances...but I thought time would condense ?

Conspiracy Theory (1997)

All assassins and serial killers have three names.

[10 November 1999]

OK, I haven't liked a Mel Gibson movie since the first Mad Max. This one finally gives him a role that fits him. Mel really is a way out conspiracy nut and believes some of the stuff in here. This insane taxi driver's conspiracy theories make Oliver Stone look like an apologist working for the "Shadow Government." This movie is like the X-files without aliens, complete with those evil black helicopters and unmarked SUVs. And the casting is perfect - Mad Max Gibson, Pretty Woman Roberts investigator, and evil Captain Stewart.

Not something I'd have gone to the movies for, but I watched it twice in a row on cable during the same week.

Serial Mom (1994)

Ms. Cleaver is Sick and Tired of Bad Manners, Eddie Haskel!

[10 November 1999]

Another hilarious vision of Suburbia from the sick and twisted mind of our greatest satirist late 20th century America. Here in lies the essence of the serial murderer's need to kill, everyone has lost their good manners. Obese people overeat, some don't brush their teeth, and a woman wears white shoes after Labor Day -- all insufferable crimes. It's enough to make any good Mom want to kill these worthless scum. They deserve it. They broke the rules which the role models of our Moms, Donna Reed and Mrs. Cleaver, taught us to live by.

Kathleen Turner plays the perfect Mom modeled on these 50's TV icons who snaps and starts killing those who will not follow society's rules. Hilarious sendup those 50's TV Moms.

That is what makes great satire -- taking a very recognizable and common human foible just beyond the extremes of reasonableness.

Only thing missing was a cameo by Jack Nicholson playing Eddie Haskel, with his "Here's Johnny" face and voice from the Shining, saying "Well hello Mrs. Cleaver, that's a nice dress you're wearing today."

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Objectification of the Individual

[10/10 · 10 November 1999]

Marines are not drafted. One must volunteer to get in. So these characters wanted to be part of the best killing machine for whatever reason. I am gratified to read here that real Marines commend the real nature of the depiction. The Boot Camp Sergeant is real, as is the blanket party. The men must be stripped of any ego and humanity in order to survive war intact as a unit. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- Great Literature about war is about Objectification of the Individual -- Go ahead and re-read Achilles' treatment of Hector's body in the Illiad if you have any questions. This movie makes that point with its two halves. Just think about how each character dealt with Boot Camp and then the War. And for fans of Private Ryan I challenge you to compare the sniper scenes in the two movies! The former makes it a sad scene, this movie makes it a real life horror nightmare akin to the surreal bridge sniper scene in Apocalypse Now. Deer Hunter gives you before and after, FMJ gives you some glimpse into the how and why.

A masterpiece for any director, but seemingly a disappointment for those who expected -- what? -- from this one. Glitz? Dream sequences? A music video? No it's real Kubrick allright. It explores the individual in the context of the environment and how that makes and changes the individual. And very nicely displays the effect on every single character from the soldiers to the hookers and the enemy.

From Beyond (1986)

Spoiler: Tuning Forks make you want to suck peoples brains out

[10 November 1999]

The second HP Lovecraft by the lovable folks who gave us the disembodied "Head" in Re-animator, with many of the same folks. Seems this tuning fork in the attic opens a portal to another dimension and makes peoples pineal glands grow into a third eye that pops out of the middle of their heads and makes them hungry for human brain protein that they realize they can get through the eye socket of their victims. Mind you this is only the concept behind the basic plot line. The team puts together a whole two hours of hilarious horror behind this simple concept. Lots of sucking your brains out scenes IYKWIM-AITYD*.

Great date movie if your date is a bit queasy about oral sex(as is Re-Animator BTW) or you wish to broach the subject of a little leather restraint. Not recommended if you like cute yapping toy poodles -- hint the audience cheered when the little bitch bit it.

*If-You-Know-WhatI-Mean--And-I-Think-You-Do

Re-Animator (1985)

Evil Doctor Brings the Dead Back to Live as Murderous Zombies

[10 November 1999]

Yes, my evil assistant, we can re animate the dead brain cells, but they will have deteriorated so far that all that returns is a murderous zombie. Hey oops I killed the cat. Here let's try the serum. EEEEEEKK Get that thing off me. Scene of dead-cat-foo with actor fighting and throwing around stiff stuffed cat on throat ala Saturday Night Live. All I had to know was that it was HP Lovecraft inspired. The master of horrorshow.

By now everyone else has given away the great "Head" scene. I can only add that it is a cinematic horror masterpiece from the perspective of the camera angle, capturing the victim's horror as her face lifts from the morgue slab. I saw it in a nearly empty theater with mostly black teenage couples. The full effect of the scene can be summed up in their reactions, the girls squealed EEEEK and the guys chuckled Hyuk Hyuk.

Great date movie.

(On one of his 80's Drive In Movie Reviews Joe Bob Briggs responded to a question about the best B-Movies of all time, and he named Basket Case and Re-animator, and it is from his summary -- # nekkid breasts, buckets of blood, and dead cat foo)

Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)

Exploding cartoon diesel dyke head

[10 November 1999]

I got into Pee Wee Herman's TV show when I found out the sets were done by one of my favorite underground cartoonists Peter Panther. Well It got me so I had to make a point of getting up early Saturday to see it. Being the fan of German expressionist cinema, I loved the talking chair, the head, the clock everything and everyone. Now I had to see the movie too! And it did not disappoint! Whew. That little pansey boy befriending those big bad bikers (hint bikers like people who are real and themselves.) And Big Marge - what can I say. I almost jumped as high as when the witch in Armies of Darkness showed her real face.

This movie reminded me of a dorm councillor in college (lasted exactly one semester and even his wife left him) who responded to our rebellious antics with the timeless wisdom "I think this is all pretty juvenile" (As we tossed his volkswagen off the freeway overpass onto a gasoline tanker to the cheers of thousands of spectators on one of our radio shows.)

This movie is juvenile in the finest traditions of American cartoon cinema, think Betty Boop meets Bugs, Daffy and the Road Runner on a classic 50's red bicycle. Memories of the song about the wreck of the old # whatever will run through your head when you meet Big Marge.

I will never forget Isabella Rosselini's first Letterman appearance, when she commented about Pee Wee's pee wee scandal. That's not a scandal, she said, now my mother having me while living with my father and still married to her husband, that was a scandal. Then proceeding discuss the sex life of snails, their organs, hermaphroditic gender....American have no idea how hilarious our sex scandals are to the rest of the world.

Basket Case (1982)

Top Ten Drive In Movie

[10 November 1999]

On one of his 80's Drive In Movie Reviews Joe Bob Briggs responded to a question about the best B-Movies of all time, and he named Basket Case and Reanimators. I was so shocked to read a respected film critic agree with me on my selection of two of the greatest films of all time. And here's why.

In the opening scene, beautifully shot from the angle of the nurse's ankles upwards, we can see the horror making something in the bushes move. We can also see the string pulling on the tree branch up and down -- horriffic! I knew right then I was going to love this movie. It had everything: Misunderstood youth, parents that don't understand, mutant siamese twin brother in a wicker basket, evil murderous doctors, revenge, true love and a hooker with a heart of gold. How could this movie miss!

On another level it is a psychological analysis of the conflict between the id and the ego and the importance of integrating the two and knowing that self love must precede love of another. But then again who needs that when you can go see a movie that will make your date squirm and grab on to you.

Warning, as good as this movie is, the successor Basketcase II is a stinker and hardly worth seeing unless you want a camp remake of Freaks.