critical_reference Reviews

Blades of Glory (2007)

not THAT good

[7/10 · 5 April 2007]

I went to see it based on IMDb reviews and I gotta say I think some are seeded. I'm a fan of Will Ferrell but let's talk straight. It's:

* better than Talladega Nights

* not as funny as Old School

* falls obviously shy of Dodgeball

* nowhere near Zoolander

Ferrell's good, Heder's spot on, Nelson keeps solid, and the girl from the Office is adorable. There are some laugh out loud parts (phone sex, cross bow).

But the movie's heart is off. Imagine the Farrelly Brothers were called in late in the game to gross it up.

Remember, Heder's biggest fans are adolescent girls! IF you're going to make fun of him, lock him in a __girls__ bathroom.

Not terrible. DVD funny, even matinée funny.

Not full price.

xXx (2002)

No amount of CGI wizardry can hide the lunkhead in front

[1/10 · 17 August 2002]

Howlingly bad. My friends were laughing in their seats at the absurdity of the action, the lameness of the dialogue, and ultimately, the thickheadedness of this main actor.

Oh, and everybody has tattoos.

A truly ridiculous movie. It's aimed at the most low-brow 15-year-old boys you can imagine. It's an insult to fifteen year olds everywhere.

I wish it was worth seeing just for the camp of it (like Showgirls), but it's not.

Turkey.

Harper (1966)

To think Goldman uses this screenplay as teaching material

[14 April 2002]

This is little more than a cast of unlikeable characters, uninspired directing, chemistry-challenged actors, and Paul Newman acting tediously fake in every scene (take the one at the Piano Bar's telephone with his laughably fake laughter). Goldman's script guarantees each character has their precious little moment (like when Harper's wife spears the eggs), but all in all, the story doesn't add up to anything. Tedious. All in all, this one is best left in the 60s.

American Gigolo (1980)

Vapid

[4/10 · 20 March 2002]

I rented this movie after Sommersby because I was interested in seeing Richard Gere in another somewhat shady role. Ugh, this film was tedious. Another reviewer has written that it's like Showgirls without Verhoeven, just Eszterhas. That feels pretty accurate. Lauren Hutton seems to be a mouthpiece for Schrader's fantasy (I hope she got paid well). Gere's character sounds as snotty as Pamela Lee Anderson in VIP. Maybe that's a credit to Gere's range, but it's not fun to watch. Not long into the film, you start hunting around for anything to alleviate the tedium. I can only point to the soundtrack, which remixes Blondie's "Call Me" in a lot of slinky ways. So download the soundtrack, skip the movie.

Sommersby (1993)

Surrealistic story overcomes realistic medium

[7/10 · 19 March 2002]

I really was skeptical about this movie. It seemed it would be another good imaginative story that failed because Hollywood relies on crystal clear "realistic" film-making. But the film did work for me. After awhile, I was comfortable with these people's acceptance of this man as Jack Sommersby. And if you can more than you ever hoped for by just believing...well, it's definitely a great date flick.

Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001)

Flick starts as picturesque werewolf movie, adds kickboxing, veers into Lone Ranger/Last of the Mohicans, climaxes in Rosemary's Baby, ends in French Revolution (ugh)

[2/10 · 18 February 2002]

Wow, next time I need to see the plot first. The movie starts with a refreshingly evocative view of the countryside. Bravo, DP. Unlike the sharp realist look of Hollywood horror flicks, this one recalled the soft focus Peter Cushing flicks I used to watch as a kid. This dismal rainy hole in France looked as vast as the moors of Wuthering Heights and as exotic as the jungle in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

UM, LEARNED IT FROM THE ESKIMO, WHO LEARNED IT FROM-- In this alternate universe, Indians know how to kickbox. The main character has an Iroquois sidekick (a la Tonto), and he spins and twirls throughout the flick. Of course to make the fights fair so do the peasant-hooligans who provoke him (just not as well). This declarative weirdness (let there be kickboxing!) pervades the movie.

FIRST HALF DELIVERS GOOD ACTION, VERY GOOD HORROR-- The beast is kept well-hidden, you get scared pretty often, and relatively sensible people still get caught in seriously creepy situations. My only regret is that even a little glimpse of the creature reveals it to be hard-edged digitized CGI fare.

SECOND HALF COMES AND THE SUBPLOTS SMELL RIPE-- At this point, it starts to get ludicrous. First, the main character is supposed to be not only Sherlock Holmes but implicitly a representative of French Rationalism. Unfortunately, the movie's creators pay enshrine him in gratuitous Romantic scenes (lover, fighter, outlaw, etc.). There's nothing clear-minded about this movie. Indeed, both the main character and his sidekick are so deliriously good-looking, the movie's a romance novel. On top of that, the creators are dishing out ludicrous amounts of superstition. Besides dipping seriously into the noble savage bucket, they bring in Africa and voodoo-esque weirdness to explain the beast.

CATHOLICS, ROSEMARY'S BABY, AND THE KU KLUX KLAN-- French Rationalism needs bad guys, and that's gotta be the Catholic country aristocracy. I don't think I'm spoiling the movie to say that before long there's papal conspiracy, demonized Catholicism, and a whole bunch of crosses with blood on them. While this flavor of broadside strikes me as particularly French, the US has its own flavor (look at any 80s action movie and try to find a German who's not a bad guy). But this is still not to my taste. And then one of the papish villains rapes his sister. Yick.

CONCLUSION: GOOD TRIPE FOR WHEN YOU'RE IN THAT MOOD-- Some rainy Saturdays you want a putrid ghoulish flick. That's part of what makes them fun. (The Cushing films usually had some obscene beheading early on.) But I need to know the ingredients first. If I know ahead of time what's coming, I can stomach it better. For this director's next feast, I'm going to need to see the menu first.

Foul Play (1978)

Sweet and Kooky

[10 December 1999]

After reading the Maltin summary, I was a little afraid to rent this movie. Tasteless? I'd loved watching it as a kid on TV (I think I saw it about six times). But a lot of comedies don't make it past their decade.

Foul Play does better than most. It's the characters that make it. Imagine a feminist librarian warning Goldie Hawn about men by telling her "Really, honey, you gotta drag yourself into the seventies!"

Goldie Hawn plays her role sweetly.

The Dudley Moore slapstick didn't delight me as much as when I was a kid (it's a little broad).

The writer and director, Colin Higgins, is known for Harold and Maude. This film doesn't measure up to that one, but it still has a lot of the same touches. In particular, it's the human side of the humor. I laughed at the characters AND liked them.

Once the film leaves the characters for the action, it's not as much fun. The carchase ending drags on a bit too long.

All in all, a sweet movie. Great fun if you'd like to "drag yourself into the seventies."