ndwhite Reviews

Kangaroo Jack (2003)

Fun, stupid, but fun.

[10/10 · 3 February 2003]

The CGI kangaroo dominates the film, but Jerry O'Connell and Anthony

Anderson are an engaging duo.

Christopher Walken. If he does not intimidate you, you are either dumber than a brain-damaged clam, or you smoked too much pot, or both.

Australia is cool. Let 'Dundee' make way for the next franchise.

Queen of the Damned (2002)

How...predictable.

[10 March 2002]

Wow. Anne Rice pulled a Stephen King, and sold out. Oh, well. It was only a matter of time. At one point I was wondering when Brittany Spears would make a cameo to complete the total lack of taste.

All the special effects in the world can not save a bad movie. Bad movie, bad acting, bad screenplay, bad editing, and the list goes on. Another round goes to the abject lack of movie artistry.

Kudos to the greedy multimedia corporate slobs that pander to the common element. You must be so proud. I hope your shareholders see it your way.

Titans (2000–2001)

Brain hurts...losing perspective...

[1 November 2000]

I was not paying attention to what was on the TV while working on some emails. I turned around to see that "Titans" was 'coming up next on NBC'. Titans conveyed to me a sense of giants playing in the fields of mortal men.

As it turns out, the main characters were perfect archetypes of quasi-realistic mythical figuers that might exist. In other words, there was not one human character in the show. All were plastic (and badly molded) figures with a shallow attempt at inserting personality.

Given the writer, and the cast, this was not a surprise. The main characters all rely on physical appearance, and their ability to pout and get angry. Throw in a little hard core sex, cheapen the filmography, and you have a nice little soft-porn to peddle to the masses.

I have to admit, I almost thought that this was going to be a satire due to the over-use of the extremely obvious. When the identified alcoholic female character sat by the window awaiting her boyfriend (who was ... married) there was a liquor cabinet within a few feet. The set up was so telegraphed that it was comical.

All in all, this show may survive if the brainless daytime-soap crowd manages to shake off their substance haze, and manage to stay tuned.

Zeiram (1991)

Anime meets Cinema

[21 June 2000]

I have always had a soft spot for anime-esque films. Zeram was both entertaining and indulging. I have no idea what the budget of this well produced film was, but the initial battle scene between Iria and Zeram was staggering. Those who appreciated the Kryptonian battle in 'Superman 2' will love this piece of cinematography. Kuddos.

Zeram's plotline is simple, the actors are fun to watch, and the action is a blast, the villain is more elemental than 'evil'. What else does the action-adventure viewer expect?

Thumbs way up.

Reptilicus (1961)

Don't be quick to dismiss this classic

[24 February 2000]

Reptilicus is a classic film of the merits and failings of science. The creature is discovered as miners dig up tissue of an ancient "fossil", later that tissue is essentially grown in a nutrient-rich vat by scientists. Big surprise, the creature regenerates and goes amok. This is classic Hollywood, yet it is filmed, acted, directed and produced by the good people of Denmark.

The scenery is beautiful, the actors play the perfect American stereotypes of the era. Sure the monster is cheesy but, given the time and technology available, this film was pretty entertaining.

There are a legion of American-made monster movies that pale in comparison with Reptilicus. What most viewers tend to forget is that the modern concept of the monster movie was still new in 1961. Cheesy monster-effects are what really sold me on this movie.

Carl Ottesen playing General Mark Grayson was the key character of the movie. He could easily be moved to a multitude of roles in US films playing the hardened American officer sick of dealing with bureaucrats and been the guy to "push the button". Kudos to Carl for being ahead of of his time.

This movie is a much a classic to cinema as "King Kong" and "Godzilla". Take off the "critic-hat" and give it a chance.