ashspicefilms Reviews

Congo (1995)

MUST SEE!! (spoilers)

[9/10 · 19 May 2007]

OMG, if you liked jurassic park in all of its cg-dinosaur glory, then you really owe it to yourself to check out CONGO, my personal favorite film of all time. Tim Curry? Hell yeah. And you don't just get monkeys, you get TALKING monkeys, cg monkeys, EVIL monkeys... and btw, WHY didn't this win the best special effects Oscar? I remember back when this came out and I first saw it my sleep pattern was destroyed by the horrific visions of a potential forest future illustrated by CONGO. If you like this, I also really recommend you check out FIRST DAUGHTER, another absolute forgotten classic. And also if you are one of those people that wrighte this sort of thing off without seeing it because of the silly sounding premise, I plead with you to give this film a chance. And if you saw it and don't have fond memories, just give it one more chance, see how it holds up in a post-911 world... if you have an open mind at all, the jungle will change you, way more than anything stupid like 'Gorillas in the Mist' or 'King Kong'. And

Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

8 wasted dollars

[1/10 · 5 December 2002]

People on this site are complaining that people who don't like it are simply upset because they don't like it's stupid or gross humor. I am here to dispell that fallacy. The very vulgar Baseketball is a work of art in my opinion. I cracked up at the obscenity-laden Jay and Silent Bob strike back. The brainless Kung Pow brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Even a lot of Sandler's jokes and songs on his CD's are pretty funny. The reason I can't stand this movie is not because of the nature of the jokes, it's because it's a terrible movie! When leaving the feature (sadly I witnessed the whole thing) I apologized to the people I went with for picking it. Next we conversed on how hard it must be to make a movie that bad. I really wish I trusted my instinct to walk out during the opening sequence. Those were 90 something minutes I could have done something infinitely more entertaining and time-efficient, like relaced shoes, walked in circles, stared at a wall, etc...

Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

8 crazy nights in 90 horrible minutes

[1/10 · 28 November 2002]

(Mild spoiler warning- I reveal some of the vulgar scenes in the movie)

I can hardly describe just how horrible this movie is. Actually, I don't see how anybody could like it. I, myself, wanted to walk out numerous times and afterwards I wished I had. First off, it has much too much harsh language (I think I counted over five uses of "sh--") for any youngster who will find its juvenile humor funny at ALL. Second it is far too mean spirited (even in the 'happy' moments) with jokes steeping as low as to even attempt at deriving laughter from an old man having a seizure. Third, it attempts to have a 'sentimental' family-movie feeling by adding a back story and conclusion that is supposed to be moving but ends up just being depressing and unfilling. Fourth, the movie's songs, which are infinitely less funny than anything Sandler has ever sung in the past (and I wasn't the biggest fan of them either), would only be tolerable for kids too young to see the movie. They don't feel like Adam Sandler songs, they feel like a song from a bad direct-to-video disney movie with random swear words thrown in. Fifth, the crude and vulgar jokes just aren't funny. Don't get me wrong, I don't think jokes don't have to be clean to be funny- I was a fan of movies like Dumb and Dumber and even Sandler's own Billy Madison which are also very vulgar- its just that in this movie every vulgar seen is mind-numbingly unfunny. This movie is too stupid, immature and unfunny for an older viewer, too lame and family-feeling for the 12-13 year olds who may find the vulgar images funny, and too obscene and depressing for the younger viewer. For example, we are asked as an audience to find humor in a group of deer defecating rapid fire all over themselves, not too far after a scene where we are expected to laugh at the same deer revealing teeth covered in human excrement. 'Ha'. We are witness to the 'humor' of a group of children shooting green snot out of their noses all over the table. 'Ha, ha'. No, not really. More of a yawn actually. An occasional 'why?' maybe. But never really a 'ha'.

Spider-Man (2002)

Great superhero film

[5 May 2002]

Let me start out by stating that I am not an avid reader of comic books and I don't especially care for most superhero movies (Xmen seemed like a choppy mess made just to please comic readers and kids, Superman was too childish, and the batman films just don't do anything for me). I also wasn't expecting anything better than Xmen to come from Hollywood. However, Raimi's crafting of the spider-man story was, for me, the most engrossing and adventerous movie I've seen in years. The way Peter Parker (Maguire)'s character is played out in the early film really sets up for his character's dynamic and evolving mind set. And Dafoe's Goblin, aside from the character's minor setbacks (which I will mention later), was really one of those villains that you really hate yet somehow feel bad for at the same time. And the portrayal of Mary Jane, Parker's love interest to whom he cannot profess his true feelings, perfectly captures the essence the teenage romance which Parker feels. My favorite aspect of the film is its sense of time. The first part of the film focuses on a young Parker, and the early events which led to him emotionally and physically becoming the spiderman character, while giving a slight introduction to the villain character. After a particuarly poignant incident, the film cuts ahead an unset amount of time, into a time where spiderman is in full costume, understanding more of his powers, and the villain is ready to begin his maniacal plans. What I liked about this transition into a later time period in the film is that it allows the film to show us both the back story on the characters and the more important later conflict. Most superhero films these days stay in the back story part, making the whole film seem like a setup and leave the film lacking a real conclusion, with the hero only truly present (i.e. in costume and right mindset) for only the last portion of the film. "Spider Man"'s unique sense of time elevates it above such films. I also feel I must point out that this film is much more dramatic than most superhero films. Unlike "X-men" or "Batman and Robin" type films, "Spider Man", which remaining fun, has a slight air of reality which the latter films lacked, which may cost it some of its appeal to the viewers who wish only to see their childhood cartoon shows in live action. This slight sense of reality, however, is completely gone in a few distinct parts. And on to my complaints: Well for one thing, the central villain in the film, the Green Goblin, is armed with weapons which were supposedly being invented for the US military (Don't worry, I'm not spoiling anything you don't find out early in the film). But his outfit just begs the question why, if it were being developed for the military, would a suit contain built-in, metallic green muscles like those of a super villain? I can see why his suit wasn't made more realistic (and if it was he probably wouldn't have been as super of a super villain anyway) but it is still off-putting and it's introduction momentarily deducts from the realism. The other part in which I felt this was when Parker's character instinctively does a quadruple back flip to avoid a punch early in the film. Wouldn't it be extraordinary enough for him to just double, or even single backflip away? It's not a major complaint, it's just that when it happens the scene loses the realism. But despite these lapses in the sense of reality, the film manages to be entirely convincing. On another note I would just like to mention that the Goblin's voice could have sounded a little less like that of the Joker in "Batman", I mean, the films are going to be compared enough anyway. In the end, I must recommend this film to anyone who wants to see a good adventure and experience an engrossing story, and if you are bringing a child make sure they can handle some of the scarier scenes with the Green Goblin. And hats off to director Sam Raimi- I can't wait for the sequel, I just hope it doesn't detract from the original.

That Darn Punk (2001 Video)

It's all about the build-up and the ending! That's punk stuff there

[10/10 · 11 July 2001]

At first I was kind of dissapointed with the video i bought for 15 bucks at a concert, with some real bad acting, vandals pretending to be another band yet still playing vandals songs, and a relatively slow pace. But all of the events in the movie start piling up on the main character (and viewer) and create such a sense of chaos that you want to keep watching to see what else worse could happen to Dirk. And when I felt there was no way to end this mayhem without just cutting to credits, there was that ending. And all was resolved and I was left a satisfied viewer then BAM I was shocked (if you've seen it you know what I mean) and something happened that was so totally un-Hollywood that it gives the whole viewing experience a punk rock feel. That was the punkest way to end the movie. Movie up to ending- 2/4 Movie with 'ending'- 3/4 whole movie- 4/4!! See it and watch through the whole thing! Although a lot of it seems a little too conventional and linear, once it was over I just wanted to go out and jump in a mosh pit!

Zitlover (2000)

Violent and disgusting... great hilarious movie!

[10/10 · 11 July 2001]

A short film (i saw it on a tromadance vhs) that despite it's low budget, low story, and short run time, manages to gross it's entire audience out in every way and if you can make it through without throwing up you will laugh at some of the many sights in this movie: a man hallucinating on liquid cement, a dismembered man being burned by little kids, and the hilarious consequence of a fat man, fire, and two grenades. Most troma-ish stuff doesn't gross me out but man, a lot of this really made me cringe in horror, especially the mirror scene (intro) and the ending. If you can handle gross-out gore and don't expect high budget stuff, you will be entertained.

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Brainless and funny spoof

[10/10 · 11 July 2001]

There are a lot of reviews bashing this movie but I think if you go into the theatre with an open mind for a new movie (this sequel has a slightly different feel from the original)and don't take it too seriously (these kind of movies require no real brain use) you will crack up at some of the funniest and most extreme sight gags to grace the screen in a while. I find the opening 'exorcist' spoof to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen, more so than the rest of the movie or it's prequel. James woods does a great job (this is his least serious role I've seen him in, I'll always remember him as Max Renn) but his and Andy Richter's characters are only in the opening sequence. The most memorable characters from the original return, although most of them died in the first one, but in this movie they are more than the simple straight copy from another character in a scream/I Know What You Did Last Summer movie. In this movie the characters, being in a completely different spoof, have more of an identity. With this sequel being pretty much as gross and extreme as the original (I was just glad ms. man didn't return) it's still not for little kids, although I'm sure tons of little kids will end up seeing it anyway. The acting gives me a lot of respect for the actors and actresses, because just not every actor in a big budget Hollywood movie is willing to do such self-demeaning gross-out humor (like the Cindy character). The Wayans were lucky to find such great and willing actors/actresses because performing a lot of their jokes (in what millions of people will see) is not easy to do, and for that I give them respect. I laughed very very much when I saw this movie. One thing that may hold back a viewer's laughs: you need to have seen a LOT of movies to get most of the jokes, most importantly: The Haunting (1999), Poltergeist, Hollow Man, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Hannibal. Oh man, I thought this movie was hillarious. Best gag: The exorcist's reaction to seeing the little girl's head spin around. It is a simple and fast joke, yet it was hillarious.

Waxwork II: Lost in Time (1992)

Hilarious, especially for horror fans

[10/10 · 27 September 2000]

Hilarious to anyone, but even more if you've seen the numerous horror movies it spoofs, from Haunting to Dawn of the Dead. I haven't seen the original, so seeing it isn't really necesary to watch this crowd-pleasing film. The opening 10 minutes makes the film appear a lot darker than it really is. Once you see Frankenstien battle his monster, you know you have what should be a horror classic. Many people don't like this film, but I think it's great. it even has the best actor of all time, bruce Campbell, in it! What more could you ask for?

Videodrome (1983)

TRIPPY, scary, cool

[10/10 · 24 September 2000]

Very trippy and VERY cool. Has intricate plot that is never directly told to you. You are constanly guessing if what you are seeing is really happening or if it is just a hallucination, and the movie lets you wonder this. Great effects by the always amazing Rick Baker. Very cool and strange. Just be warned it is VERY trippy.

Better Off Dead (1985)

Most accurate description of teenage life, also very funny.

[11 September 2000]

This is a very good movie. Not only does it have silly, impossible, unrealistic humor, but it also creates a High School life that feels exactly like what I had to go through. At first it seems like the main character can't get anything right, and always feels like an idiot. He always screws everything up and constantly considers suicide, but he then realizes that his troubles aren't near as bad as they seem and that nothing is worth his life. It has a serious topic but is a very fun movie, and is never depressing, as most movies with this topic are. Also, I don't know about you but in High School I felt like I was this kid. Sure, I didn't ski or look like him, but this kid goes through the same problems as I did and shows that he could suceed over it and have a good life after all.

In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

A real scary film- even scared me!!

[10/10 · 10 August 2000]

Only two films have ever had such suspense and horrifying imagery to scare me this bad. The other film is phantasm, so go read my review for that to hear about it. This film is so terrifying and very smart, and has great monster effects (which are very subtle, but scary) I like how it doesn't give it's plot away in a linear way, it presents the scary plot through clues and flashbacks and the ending will leave you freaked out, as it doesn't show what you know is about to happen (if you payed enough attention). IF you have seen the movie, read on-

Spoilers below- read only if you've seen the movie:

My take on the ending: So everybody who read the book became a monster, and they made a movie so people who didn't read would still be turned into monsters also. So the main character is going to become one as he watches himself. Yet we, as the viewer, are also watching the movie, so we are going to turn into monsters! A real shocker of a multiple-meaning ending, huh?

Phantasm (1979)

You think you go to heaven- YOU GO TO US!!

[10/10 · 9 August 2000]

The first time I saw this film (just in 1999) I was really freaked out and astonished, but I felt it would have been much more enjoyable if I'd seen it before I knew the secret of the dwarves. I read about it at www.houseofhorrors.com and it gave away the horrifying secret to what they are. I watched it again with a friend who didn't know the secret and when the secret of the dwarves was revealed he was so shocked it was amazing. Nobody was expecting the dwarves to be what they are. I kknow consider it the most horrifying movie experience of my life (and I've seen about 1000 horror films). The haunting music definitely sets the perfect mood for the film. Seeing the dwarve chase after Mike in the bushes, the sphere scene, the shocking revelation, and the ending will scare you. If they don't scare you, you are already dead. The Tall Man is death. An omnipresence. You cannot escape him. The best way to see this film is knowing very little of the plot. None of the sequels are as scary, but all have better effects and action. I think the original's darkness of the dwarves makes them much scarier. They show them more in part 2 and that makes them less scary. And part 4's attempt at explanations really ruins the story (so avoid part 4) . See phantasm, BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Decampitated (1998)

Another winner distributed from Troma team!

[10/10 · 1 August 2000]

Very cool and funny, and it's refreshing to see a movie with modern young people that aren't the boring characters from scream and IKWYDLS. Advertised as a horror film on the box, but I was lucky enough to see a trailer earlier so I knew what to expect when I bought this. Very very Reccomended.

Dogma (1999)

Kevin Smith film with more elements than usual

[9/10 · 20 July 2000]

I love Kevin Smith films like Clerks, Mallrats, and stuff, and this is also a very entertaining movie, but I thought that the serious and dramatic parts didn't fit in to this kind of movie. I mean there are funny R-rated kevin smith jokes then serious speeches and dialogue that slows it down... but it is still a very cool movie. It is cool how Jay and Silent Bob manage to be in all of his films. 3.5/4 Be sure to check out more Kevin Smith @ www.viewaskew.com if you like this movie!

Mallrats (1995)

One of the funniest movies ever made

[20 July 2000]

This movie is the best of the Kevin Smith films (although many critics disagree) and it is in my top ten funniest films of all time. This movie has so many funny characters, like Jay and Silent Bob, the wierd stoner comic book fans who want to act like superheroes, and a really perverted guy who talks about superhero anatomy. I think that I would have liked this movie even more if I was into comic books (a theme in the film) but even though I'm not it is still completely hillarious. If you can handle very r-rated language, See it now!!

Return of the Killer Tomatoes! (1988)

Funny, but where's the tomatoes?

[20 July 2000]

Being a huge b-movie fan, I had to see this movie. It is VERY funny and entertaining and still a b-movie even with a larger budget, but the only footage of tomatoes moving and attacking people (the best part of the original) is taken from the original "attack" film. Here instead we got tomatoes that look exactly like people. But when you buy an "attack of the killer tomatoes" movie that shows a giant killer tomato attacking on the cover, you expect to see a giant killer tomato attacking in the movie! John Astin as Gangreen was funny, but I like the original movie's reason for tomato attacks. In the original, man altered tomatoes to make them better but accidently gave them the ability to grow and attack people.

In this movie that is all ignored and now the killer tomatoes were made by a evil professor in his basement.

I think the original plot AND movie are much better, but this films is still very funny in it's own way. And I am surprised it got away with many of the raunchy jokes while staying PG.

Recommended if you want to laugh.

Scary Movie (2000)

Very funny and sick

[16 July 2000]

Why does everybody say the preview is better than the movie? I thought the preview sucked but the movie is awesome. Some unfunny moments, but many hillarious moments. Being a guy, I would have rather not seen all of the gratuitous male nudity but I have a feeling that's what this movie will become fammous for.

Me, Myself & Irene (2000)

Very Funny movie.... but-

[10/10 · 1 July 2000]

I thought this premise was hillarious and the previews made it look hillarious. And I thought it was hillarious. But they weren't advertising thins film as it really was. The trailers make it look like a different type of comedy than it is. It has a lot of really sick humor that was really funny but at one point I think it went a little overboard (Hank and the woman with her baby- you know what I mean) . I still think Its hillarious, but not what I was expecting. I will buy this movie as soon as it arrives on video. Also, I think the commercials should have shown the three kids more. They are pivotal characters in the movie but the trailers gave us only glimpses of them. Still a great movie if you can hack the gross-out humor.

Silver Bullet (1985)

A wierd werewolf flick

[1 July 2000]

I am usually a huge werewolf movie fan, and this movie has everything a wolf movie needs (Gore, action, transformations) but for some reason it doesn't really work for me. I think that's because after the cool transformations the werewolf is fake looking( but with a semi realistic head) and it kept reminding me of the singing animals at Chuck E Cheeses'. I think the movie should have had a darker ending. And the two kids should have been in it less. It feels like a TV movie to me.

Hobgoblins (1988)

So god-awful bad its hillarious

[1 July 2000]

I saw this film and thought it sucked so bad that it was kinda funny, then I saw it on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and it was even funnier! As a serious film, a 0/10, but just to make fun of it 10/10!

The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie (1989)

Makes up for part 2, but impossible to live up to original

[9/10 · 24 June 2000]

If the entire movie were like Toxie 3's opening sequence, it would live up to the original. This movie has an awesome first 15 minutes and last 25 minutes, but NO action in between. The nudity from parts 1 and 2 are gone, but there is still some really funny sexual humor in 3 that was missing from 2. In the opening scene in makes up for all the missing gore in part 2. The least action of the toxie series, but really funny still. A cool movie for any troma fan.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Best werewolf movie ever. period.

[10/10 · 24 June 2000]

All werewolf movies have a lot of buildup before they show the creature. Usually 45 min. or so till the first attack. And the conclusion shows the wolf. This movie is like those, but during the parts of the movie without the wolf, you hear some really funny stuff and get to see some freaky yet funny zombies. Most werewolf films are boring for the first half, but this one isn't. Also contains the best werewolf transformation EVER. I dont see how people say "The howling" has better effects, these effects are AMAZING. Action, horror, and humor all delivered from John Landis's AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

Mallrats (1995)

Funniest film ever

[16 June 2000]

It is just SO funny. Very much like Smith's other films, but this is faster paced and funnier, and never takes itself too seriously. It has returning characters JAY and SILENT BOB pretending to be superheroes. It has a whole slew of funny characters. But what I didn't get was why it had so much to do with comic books. It doesn't matter, though, because the movie is so funny.

Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986)

100% troma

[16 June 2000]

Troma usually gives us demented violent comedies and they are really cool if very politically incorrect. I love them. This film is also cool. It has no real plot, but it's fun to laugh at the weird stuff going on. It is funny, but not as dark as the average troma film. If you were just trying to get into troma movies, this would be a good place to start. Not as gory as Toxic Avenger, Not as funny as Kabukiman, but still a cool movie.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978)

GREAT, but get original version over directors cut

[16 June 2000]

This film combinds funny jokes with funnier unintentional humor and the result is one of the funniest cult films ever. The rest of the series is o.k., but the original is amazing. Horrible effects galore. make sure you try to grab the original version and not the director's cut. The new version is remastered in better quality, but they altered the film and it just isn't as cool that way. my rating 5/5 and for directors cut 4/5