theduckofdeath-2 Reviews

Abominable (2006)

Abominable? Descriptive title.

[2/10 · 22 May 2006]

I have seen some truly bad "monster" movies on the Sci-Fi Channel. This one doesn't quite live down to their level, but it's only a small step upwards. The plot is clichéd: handicapped individual undergoing psychological therapy who know one believes is seeing what he claims to be seeing; somewhat psychopathic therapist; good-looking girls with nothing to do but scream and run around in utterly bimbo-istic fashion; mysterious power outages and cellular dead spots; and law enforcement personnel that would make Barney Fife seem like Sherlock Holmes in comparison. And this doesn't even describe the incredibly bad "monster", which is supposed to be some kind of Bigfoot entity.

A couple of the previous reviewers have attempted to offer comparisons to Hitchcock's "Rear Window". Alfred would roll over in his grave if he ever heard that insult. The lead character, consigned to a wheelchair because of a mountaineering accident is definitely no Jimmy Stewart, and one has to wonder whether his physical handicap is worse than his obvious mental one. He is accompanied by a therapist with all the bedside manner of Genghis Khan and less personality. He watches pretty much idly as a group of five good-looking girls come up for a bachelorette weekend, then watches even more idly as two are killed by some dude in an overly hairy gorilla suit. He does manage to yell a warning to the others just before they are attacked, but only manages to save one. The sheriff believes the emails being sent by the wheelchair bound hero are pranks and refuses to respond until it is way too late. The ending leaves one to suspect that the Sci-Fi Channel may be trying to foist an "Abominable II" onto an unsuspecting viewership, so be warned. It too will be a waste of two hours of your life.

My X-Girlfriend's Wedding Reception (1999)

This is downright painful

[1/10 · 25 May 2005]

I willingly admit to being one of the biggest fans of Deborah (formerly Debbie)Gibson in the world. I also like Dom Deluise very much. I just wish both of them had passed on this alleged comedy.

The movie centers around the wedding reception of a badly mismatched couple and their friends and families. Unfortunately there isn't a single likable character in the film--including Deborah herself. How this film can describe itself as a comedy I have no clue. There isn't so much as a chuckle in the whole affair and the only thing worthy of applause is when this seemingly endless drudgery finally reaches its conclusion.

Ms. Gibson has made a couple of feature films which are very worthwhile, she is a rising light in the world of legitimate theater and listening to her sing is like listening to an angel. But even near perfection can slip up sometimes. Making this motion picture qualifies as a slip into a bottomless chasm. Avoid it like the plague!

Hardcore Poisoned Eyes (2000)

Well done

[8/10 · 24 May 2005]

This film shows what can be done by independent filmmakers with just a bit of effort. Hardcore Poisoned Eyes is an intelligent psycho thriller with more brain work than gore. The three ladies in the cast show a lot of potential, the director made a tight little film with no waste scenes, and the technical folks did a great job with sound and camera--excepting that the outdoor night scenes were too dark to allow the viewer to fully follow the action.

The movie also gives us a nice discussion of religion and moral values in the modern world, although I would suspect that some of the born again and hardline, hardcore Catholics might be offended by some of what is being said.

Looking forward to seeing more product from both the filmmakers and the cast.

Collinsville (2003 Video)

Not the worst film I've ever sat through--but very close

[2/10 · 24 May 2005]

This feature was independently produced, allegedly in seven days on a budget of $10,000. Alas, it looks like it was produced in seven days with a budget of $10,000.

The story is a complete mishmash, with no setup scenes to let the viewer know who is who or what is going on or why what is going on is going on. With my ability to construct the preceding sentence I could have been the chief scriptwriter for this thing.

The actors--and I say that with tongue firmly planted in cheek--would probably do well at waiting tables. The camera work is dark and dreary, both normally good qualities in a horror film, but in this case the sets are so dark and dreary that we can't see anything happening. Special effects and "stunts" are right up there with my Cub Scout skit from 1967.

Chief questions about the "plot": (1) Who is the killer? (2) What part does the dog play? (3) Why are the two female leads so totally unlikable? (4) Why didn't the producer spend his $10,000 on something worthwhile? Following the "story", we are then introduced to a round table discussion by the film's cast and crew. Or is it part of the story? It's definitely better than the slasher flick we've just sat through, showing far more drama and much better acting. But it is in the category of much ado about nothing, and adds little to the entertainment value of this substandard quickie.

I am a fan of independent films, and particularly of imaginative slasher films. Being that I have always desired to make a movie of my own I never give these films an absolute zero, but this one is definitely in the running.

Sleepy Hollow High (2000)

Not bad considering the budget

[7/10 · 24 May 2005]

This is an independently produced slasher flick, and as such has many of the shortcomings incumbent to financially strapped filmmakers. The special effects are pretty cheesy, the plot is somewhat clichéd and there are pieces of the story that had to be left out. There are, however, a couple of strong points to the picture. First, the two female leads--Meagan (credited as Meaghan in the film) Lopez and Wendy Donigian--are both lovely, and far more importantly, show great promise with their acting skills. Second, the ending is fairly unique, and does manage to catch the viewer by surprise. And third, directors Arth and Summerfield did an excellent job with the continuity. A bit of a rarity in these "homemade" pictures. I look forward to seeing more product from these folks.

Space Nuts (2003 Video)

Funny and sexy

[9/10 · 22 April 2004]

This is what adult films should be. A solid story with real acting and good old-fashioned hot sex. Space Nuts is an obvious homage ripoff, depending upon your viewpoint] of the Star Wars series, but it is done so delightfully that you don't really mind.

We get wonderful comedic turns by Mike Horner as the Evil Overlord, Randy Spears as the devoted android and even from the normally wooden Evan Stone as the fearless--and none too smart--Buzz Starfokker. We also get a nice job out of Devinn Lane as the Dark Witch and Stormy as the lovely and beleagured princess. A supporting cast of lovely young ladies rounds out the sex appeal necessary for an adult movie.

Director Jonathan Morgan is a shining light in today's porn world as he brings in quality film after quality film, all telling a real story without sacrificing the heated eroticism which most of us watch adult films to find.

Fear (2000–2002)

Horror television at its finest

[21 April 2004]

This show was absolutely terrific. Each episode would find six intrepid teenagers or twenty-somethings transported to an undisclosed and purportedly haunted location. Once there they would be assigned a series of "dares" to be accomplished as they moved towards a cash reward. With atmospheric lighting and camera work the locations seemed even spookier than they already were. The finest single episode of this great and lamented series was a trip into an abandoned mine in Mexico where all six competitors bailed on the first try and three of the six departed in fear on the second try. The place was fearsome even through the television screen. Far scarier than eating a plate full of worms or soaking in a vat of fat on that similarly named show that is still going strong on another network. This show's cancellation is just more proof that MTV hasn't got a clue what to do with quality programming other than to get rid of it so as not to show up their mindless spring break drivel.

Loveline (1996–2000)

Another great concept derailed

[21 April 2004]

This show offered everything: Public service, education and comedy. Dr. Drew Pinski provided serious medical information on topics such as sexual relationships, prevention of STDs and even coping with addictions. Adam Corolla offered comedy and even some "average Joe" advice. A variety of female cohosts offered the feminine perspective. So where is this show? Once again MTV, which loves to portray itself as a progressive network, found itself with a solidly entertaining, yet publicly meaningful show and had no clue what to do with it other than to dump it onto the trash heap in order to make room for such widely acclaimed successes as "Cribs" and "Beavis and Butthead". Oh well, if we clutter up the vast wasteland of television with quality shows how will the networks ever make a profit?

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Not worth the price of admission

[1/10 · 20 October 2003]

This film looks as though it were edited by Timothy Leary while on one of his hallucinatory trips. The story is a poor carbon copy of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and about 150 other teenagers-meet-slasher-family flicks. Which isn't too bad if you're a fan of the genre. Unfortunately, in this film the makers decided to use sepia toned intercuts amidst the "main" action sequences. And the flashing back and forth is so fast paced, and so totally random, that half the time the viewer can't tell who is doing what to whom, and for all of the advertised gore, we really don't get to see anything all that explicit.

The acting is pretty deficient as well, although newcomer Sheri Moon shows some promise in at least being a captivating screen presence.

This movie was a total waste of time, and the cost of the movie tickets, and hopefully shows us the bottom of the barrel in slasher horror. At least we can rest assured that there is no way for the genre to go from here but up.

Death Hunt (1981)

Terrific neo-western set in Canada

[7 January 2001]

Charles Bronson is an ex-patriot of the United States who travels to the Yukon to escape his past. He gets on the bad side of a group of trappers, kills one of them in self-defense, and is wrongfully accused of murder. Lee Marvin as a veteran Mountie, Carl Weathers, and fresh from training Mountie Andrew Stevens set out to track Bronson down as he tries to escape into Alaska.

The acting in this film is sensational, the settings are true to life, and the story is riveting. A must see!