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Reviews
Underworld (2003)
Minor Spoilers
I was excited about this movie when I first saw the previews, from what I had seen, the action sequences appeared to be quite interesting and I have always been enthralled with vampires and werewolves, especially them battling it out. I usually do not expect much from movies from this genre nowadays, but I would have been a lot more dissapointed by the quality had a I not read some rottentomatoes reviews previously. Did not make me not want to watch the movie, but I took it with a grain of salt so to speak. Now I enjoyed the movie, but I was not exactly 100 percent sober, so that may have helped me through it somewhat, but I am sure I would have enjoyed it at least minorly otherwise. But I went in there to see an action, vampire versus werewolf type thiing and that is what I got.
But the acting, EVERYBODY'S acting was horrible. Kate Beckinsale's fans seem to want to exclude her, or think her looks make up for the lack of talent she displayed in this film. Now I am not saying she is not a good actress, but she does not have the capacity to play a somber, lonely, renegade vampire well, she, just like EVERYBODY else in the movie were doing some serious overacting. Especially Kraven. At first I was just annoyed, but eventually I just had to laugh at how bad of an actor he was, and how he acted the exact same in every scene, there was no flexibility in his "talent". Terrible. Lucien at first was not doing too well either, overacting it up, but he seemed to warm up to the role towards the end, and Viktor, for the same amount of time he was on screen, did a good job as well in my opinion.
The fight scenes had some cool parts, but it also had some really contrived cheesy parts. I cannot even begin to explain how cheesy some of the stuff was, you just had to see it. I was annoyed by how many vampires wanted to take on a werewolf head to head, unarmed. They actually thought they had a chance. In the first fight scene, the vampire sits there hissing and hissing, while the changed werewolf is growling and looking much more sinister. I was expecting the vampire to display some sort of strength, even if the werewolf is physically superior, the vampire should still be able to hold his own for awhile. And this is what any viewer would think, considering the vampires absolutely annoying, I could even call it sissy-like hissing. But with all the hissing, the werewolf merely walks up to him and that was the end for that very silly vampire who did not even put up a fight. And I thought that would be the end of that but my favoritest stupid scene had to be the second vampire that ran out of ammo and finds himself head to head with a werewolf. But wait, this vampire is armed, with...(if you have never seen the movie you will never guess it)...with...with two metallic whips! What the hell was that all about? I did not know there were some lion taming vampires out there, but this one really took his whip wielding very seriously. This scene was by far the cheesiest, hilarious because it was so pointless, and what made it worse was the people who shot the scene, thought it was cool, at least I thought that was evident. And he had like a routine, he was not even trying to hit the werewolf, he was just wielding them in a circular motion...Why? And it was so unexpected when the werewolf walks up to the "cool" vampire and kills him right away.
Everything in this movie had to be spoonfed. In the end when Selene cuts Viktor, the audience was left to believe that it was possible she missed, because Viktor was still standing. Countless movies have done the same, and then the head falls off (I say countless, but I know that is an exaggeration, because right now I cannot even think of one). But that was enough, she is standing there, and so is he, would it not have been enough just to show the slice of head fall off? Like somebody said about the music, the music should fit the scene, not the other way around. The score in this movie was trying to make you feel a certain way, surprised or scared. Selene lifts up her sword and we see the blood on it (she DID cut him!) and the music tells us we are supposed to be surprised. I thought that whole shot was laughable, annoying actually, unnecessary as well. There was just no chemistry between Selene and Michael, none whatsoever, I never sensed like the two had any feelings for each other, so that Romeo and Juliet thing was out the window. Also, Romeo and Juliet's families were trying to keep them apart, while the werewolves wanted this union to occur, in the end when Lucien is coaxing her to bite him. I was also very disappointed that Lucien did not get to see the vampire/werewolf hybrid, and that he went out so easily, and stupidly, turning his back to a traitor after having talked to him like he was an idiot. I was also very disappointed that they ended it to be continued. I did not care about Selene, if she died or not, the movie would have probably been more interesting had she died. The vampires just seemed to me like some coked up humans, never were they frightening.
Although the movie disappointed me a little, I still enjoyed it. Someone was saying they could not understand why people were laughing, they were just not taking it seriously. None of the scenes in there had any comic relief, so they were laughing at the stupidities of the movie. Unless they were supposed to be expecting an Oscar winner, I do not understand how that could baffle anyone, laughing at silly scenes, well, I guess unless you paid nine dollars to see it expecting more, I did not spend that much, and I wouldn't, I recommend this movie on video if you feel like you have to watch it.
4 out of 10
High Fidelity (2000)
TOP 250? I don't think so
The most singular most interesting thing about this movie is that it made it to the IMdb Top 250 list. I am not saying that certain parts were not enjoyable, but the movie as a whole was a disappointment. I rented this movie expecting more of a comedy. Instead, I got a movie that was more about a defunct relationship and a man trying to breath life into it. The only enjoyable parts took place in the video store with the very underrated actor Jack Black and funny actor Todd Louiso. I am a big fan of John Cusack, but he did nothing that he has not done previously. This romantic comedy failed because it should have centered more around the "comedy" component instead of almost ignoring it to a degree. I did not sympathize or care for the characters at all and I really did not want them to stay together. They were like children. Laura left him and wanted him to get over her, yet she showed up everywhere he was. She called him, she was always around him I just wanted this ridiculous game they were playing to finish. The movie dragged. And for some odd reason, I felt suddenly very tired after watching it. I do not know where the praise for this film came from. I think that Pushing Tin (similar in that it was about an ended/ending relationship) was much better than this bore of a movie and yet, it has like a 6 and people are so very critical of it on the IMdb. That movie had an equal amount of comedy and romance. This movie, was more romantic, but I thought it was very unromantic.
The other good aspects (those of which are few) of this movie is that John Cusack as the dumped boyfriend had bad qualities. He was not perfect, he was somewhat the protagonist with human faults. The music of course was great. And I believe this is why High Fidelity is praised. People love that the movie incorporates classic songs instead of modern ones to give an underlying message in the movie.
Don't waste your money on this movie, unless you:
A)Love John Cusack B)Love music C)Can relate to a truly messed up and almost hopeless relationship. D)You have enough caffeine to maintain yourself awake through the two hour something long movie.
Drop Dead Fred (1991)
I thought this movie was dead, until I saw it
First I must say that I prejudged this movie as an idiotic pile of c***. How could anyone create such filth?(I got all this from the previews). But I was stunned when I caught this film on television one day, because I liked it in all respects. There have only been a couple of movies that I have judged so harshly without seeing them and was enthralled by them and Drop Dead Fred was one of them. This movie was hilarious but it was more then just that. A lot of people did not understand this movie because they were searching in the shallow waters and never dove deep into the meaning of it. Fred may or may not be a figment of Phoebe Cates imagination, that is left for the viewer to decide. He was obnoxious, he was mean and selfish, but was their any other way to portray him? Cute and cuddly maybe? Sweet and likeable? Now that would have annoyed me. Fred was a troublemaker, he was the wild, uncontrollable child in Phoebe Cates. He represented the ounce of child left in her. This movie was made to show that adults abandon the child within to live a bore of a life. This adult was portrayed in Cate's mother to contrast with her character. People who deny their inner child can never live an entirely fulfilling life.
Rick Mayall did an incredible job as Drop Dead Fred. Without him, the movie would not have survived. But everyone else in the movie did a great job too. This movie is very enjoyable-watch it with an open mind.
Dance with Me (1998)
Who told Chayanne he could dance?
And for that matter, who told Vanessa Williams she could act? I am unable to believe the good reviews I have read for this movie-I have realized that they must be sarcastic comments aimed at humour (although it is bad humour). Great dancing? Where? Chayanne made me laugh because he looked like he was trying to do something but I did not know what it was. Was he trying to dance? I don't think so. He is considered the best salsa dancer nowadays? He looked utterly ridiculous! If anyone was watching the same movie I was they would know that. Everyone that watched the movie that I know thought the same and we all have different tastes.
Besides the ridiculous dancing and Williams sad attempt at overacting, the movie was a complete bore! Where was the fun? Fun did not exist in this movie and the director did not have that in mind. When the movie has a terrible plot full of holes, at least have good eye candy. Williams and Chayanne's facial expression were hilarious. They looked determined, as if they were making a special, effectual, *good* movie. This movie was humourous torture. One more thing about Chayanne (I cannot say enough about him) he could not act either. The dancing was pathetic, the only good dancing in the movie was by all of the dancers except the two leads.
I give this movie a 1/10. Somebody said he tries to get all of his friends to watch this movie, please don't. Unless you hate your friends or want them to laugh on with you, nobody deserves that kind of pain.
The Hurricane (1999)
biased account of a "factual" event
When I saw this movie I heard all the hype, and I heard how people said that Denzel deserved the Oscar alongside his Golden Globe and I believed he must have done an outstanding job considering Kevin Spacey was excellent. I was wrong. I realize that people say this not to anger the African American community (if they are not African Americans themselves). I always hear complaints on how African Americans are never nominated and how they should have won. Sometimes this is true (not as much nowadays) because Whoppi Goldberg should have won best actress for The Color Purple and the movie should have won best picture. The only reason this movie was so blown up the way it was, is because people see a movie about the (*SEMI-SPOILER*) hardships of an African American during a very racist time period and they automatically label it as a masterpiece.
Denzel Washington is an outstanding actor, but his role in this movie did not affect me whatsoever. I was bored with him in the movie, and his acting here was quite similar to his role in Malcolm X but not as good. The audience is supposed to leave believing this man, Rubin Carter, is a saint. People left the movies worshipping this man, this hero, and they went out and bought his book, making this hero of a man rich.
*SPOILERS* This movie tells the tale of a man who spent the majority of his life in prison mainly for crimes he did not commit. Of course the crimes he did commit (stealing mostly) was only to survive, nothing more. People felt sorry for him, even though the drug dealers and thieves probably amounted to as much for the same reasons but are looked down upon in society. Everything in this movie tries to portray this man as a saint (except for the obvious infidelity he had towards his wife and the aggression he showed the other man when he met his wife) but why wouldn't it-after all, it is his point of view. I do not like movies (especially Hollywood interpretations) that are based on "true" stories because they usually distort the "true" parts into something else, something not so true. This was his point of view and a Hollywood construction, yet everyone believed it was the truth unquestionably. Well I researched his past a bit before making any assumptions, and he was a very violent man. Not only that, there is still a possibility that he did murder those people. If you do not believe me, search for him on the internet, and read the articles some people have of him. The boxing match he claimed to have won so easily, was actually won by his opponent Joey Giardello and there are tapes to prove it. Besides that, there are many twisted and purposely left out facts in this movie. The supporting cast were the nicest people I have ever seen on the face of the Earth and their "nice and perfect" persona looked difficult to keep up.
This movie was a Hollywood version of yet another unfortunate true story that is still left to be told truthfully. Denzel's acting is stale, and the supporting cast's Mickey Mouse attitudes are annoying. The movie also begins very slow paced and is boring.
Hollow Man (2000)
literal torture...the worst kind
I do not know where to begin on this movie. It was a mess, it was an insult, it was utterly painful and I did not recover from such pain for a while. How one could direct or even worse, write this movie is beyond me. This movie had many bad components but the script was the ultimate worse. I felt very compelled to write a review for this movie like never before because I do not want others to suffer the same pain I and everyone around me did. But I am surprised, no I am shocked that some people found this movie remotely entertaining, I was insulted. I was upset that I actually paid to watch this in a movie theater and did not leave when I wanted to. Ok, enough of that, here is the actual review of the movie.
*SPOILERS*SPOILERS*SPOILERS The minute this poor excuse of a movie began, the very second the mouse was eaten by an invisible force, I know there was no salvation. When the outset of a film begins so violently, it basically shows that the director is trying to grab your attention, but does not know how to do the most important thing-hold it. After that, we see that here are many intelligent scientists working on a clandestine project for the government, yet they all talk and act like morons. The acting was laughable (maybe I would have laughed if I had not paid) with the exception of Kevin Bacon who could not save this film and I do not know what he was thinking when he starred in it. Elizabeth Shue astounded me how badly she was acting. But I did not entirely blame her, for how can she act accordingly when the script was written by a bunch of lab monkeys mocking all the cliches the human world could possibly display. Everything was injected with cheesy cliches, like Bacon attacking Shue (his ex and coworker) and saying, "I always knew you were a b****." Why oh why did they do that? That comment stands out in my mind the most, because it sums up the movie all on its own.
All in all, the movie was boring, the outstanding special effects it had only lasted about five minutes, the script was pure cheese, the movie was stricken with a cliche epidemic, and the only horror about it is that a movie this bad was produced.
Don't Go to Sleep (1982)
a haunting film...literally
I saw this movie in the middle of the night when I was unable to fall asleep years ago. I turned on the television, and voila, this movie was starting. I never saw the name of the film, I only knew that I was going to watch a horror movie. This movie was unexpectedly good. I liked it so much, I told everyone about it, but no one had ever heard of the movie. I realized I did not know the name and probably never watch the movie again. For years I emailed horror sites on the web asking them if they recognized the movies and none of them did. I found out recently and was so happy until I realized this movie is hard to find. It was actually made for TV and that shocked me because it was so good.
*SPOILERS* All I remembered of the film was a family with three children, two young (a boy and girl) and one older (girl). They got in a car accident, took out the younger kids, and rejoice outside while the car lights on fire. They forgot about their older daughter, who was sleeping and woke up to find she was caught by her shoelace. The family realize she is still in the car, they stare in disbelief as the car explodes. The girl comes back to haunt them through the younger daughter, and does a very convincing job (from what I can remember).
This movie is highly recommended, and I give it a 10/10.
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
A Terrific Masterpiece
I can not express in words how artistic and captivating this film is. Almost 30 years old, and I only heard about it this year...that is such an embarrassing shame. Stanley Kubrick did an exemplary job with this film, it is a jewel. This movie is based on a book I have yet to read, but I will. I already have a fascination with the criminal mind, and this movie allows you to dive deep down into a true criminal's mind and be erotically frightened.
*SPOILERS* First I must say that Malcolm McDowell was the absolute perfect choice to play Alex. He was haunting, erotic, evil, and utterly bewildering. You can see from the beginning, that even though his friends are also violent, he gets more of an erotic pleasure from feeding off of the fear of others and hurting them. The use of Beethoven in this movie was genius and I personally love the Ninth. The music he loved was shown as a corresponding parallel to his love for violence. When he began to abhor the violence he so loved, he also began to hate the Ninth Symphony of Beethoven. The movie is completely unpredictable, so you do not get anything you have seen before, even in this decade. There are many movies about the criminal mind, but this one has to be the best.