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bill_haworth
Reviews
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
Gamers: don't waste the time and money!
Ah, I am SOOO disappointed in Wizards of the Coast! Okay, okay, get this, WotC made this movie to attract all those 9 to 12 year-olds who are possible future customers, and did not make it for those of us who have been into D&D for a while now! No plot (to speak of), no character development, and, probably the most disappointing of a movie with the title D&D, no fight scenes to speak of. They even had a JarJar character in the movies for the kiddies! Who we all clapped for when he FINALLY died! As for the fight scenes? Contrived namby-pamby ballet with poorly designed weaponry and armour. And whoever heard of a thief who could fight better than an experienced and tried warrior, veteran and survivor of many a campaign? Come on! Oh, and for those aspiring adventurers out there, when you've got a sword, and the bad guy turns his back on you and proceeds to give The Bad Guy Speech, RUN THE BLOODY SWORD THRU HIS FRIGGIN' BACK!
All in all, show the kiddies, but anyone over the age of 13 (funny, it was rated PG-13, and I saw no need for that strong of a rating) will not enjoy this flick.
Titus (2000)
funny, but also sad
Titus. What can I say? This guy's got it bad: a totally neurotic family, a freaky friend who either needs to come out of the closet or get in touch with his manhood, a good looking girlfriend, and a business that is struggling to get off the ground. Okay, the good looking girlfriend is the really good part, and the freaky friend isn't all that bad when you look at the rest of what Chris has to deal with. But, he keeps kicking back, episode after episode. They knock him down and he jumps right back into the thick of things. Much like the Simpsons, Married with Children, and others in the genre, this show makes your family, no matter how deranged, seem like the Brady's. The first season and the beginning of the new one had me coming back for more, time after time, and little did I realize that the series is based on Chris Titus' real life story. I laugh when I watch the episode's, and then thank god that I wasn't forced to be raised by these people. Titus himself says that this show (and the standup act the show is based on) is therapy for his soul and from what I've glimpsed in the show so far, it is a soul long tortured.
Red Planet (2000)
Lesson learned from this movie: never train the robot as a green beret.
A freak accident (a solar radiation storm, really weak plot device here) sends most of the crew, minus Ms. Moss who stays in the ship the whole time -- with her own problems, never fear -- scurrying towards Mars where a crash landing causes the navigation robot to malfunction. Unfortunately for the cast, the robot was originally programmed as a military weapon, and begins going thru the steps to eliminate them. Unfortunately for the viewers, almost all of us were hoping the robot had been set up by some nefarious third party to assassinate the crew as he/she/it did not want them to find something on Mars, but, no such luck, we were stuck with one haywired doohickey trained to maim. Still, a much stronger plot device than the solar radiation storm, and as uncomplicated as the plot is, much more believable. Good points of the movie: 1) realistic flight model for the space scenes, was very pleased with the special effects crew on this one as we seem to suffer from the "airplanes in space" physics movies and TV have wrongly loaded our subconciouses with. 2) The robot!! If nothing else, rent this tape just to see this "cute" little killing machine go thru it's paces. The special effects guys came thru once again, and spent a lot of time designing and implementing this one. All in all, not great, but not terribly bad. Low A rating.