Phoenix-107 Reviews

Spider-Man 2 (2004)

The Greatest Comic Book Movie Ever Made

[10/10 · 29 June 2004]

Period. And if you want to include movies that seem inspired by the genre of comics, such as Dark City and The Matrix, go ahead. Spider-Man 2 is funnier, more powerful, more Amazing, more Spectacular (couldn't resist) than anything you've seen before. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but the film was perfect. I would not have changed anything. And brother, I mean it. The conversations between Peter and Otto? Perfect. James Franco's performance? Perfect. Peter and MJ going back and forth? Perfect. The elevator scene? Classic. The fight scenes? Don't get me started.

I can say no more. I went to the midnight show, I'm going again tomorrow afternoon with a lucky, lucky lady, and I'll be going again this weekend. I didn't get home til 230 in the AM but there is no way that I can sleep right now. That's it. Just go. And go again.

Taking Lives (2004)

Taking Lives or: Taking Two Hours Of My Life That I'll Never Get Back

[2/10 · 14 March 2004]

I was just wondering...how many movies have been made about unorthodox agents tracking down serial killers? Well, here's one more, and you'll find nearly nothing original or unique. And how Olivier Martinez gets away with playing a French Canadian cop is beyond me.

Anyway, I'd go into detail about the plot, but...there isn't too much to be said. The killer's mom has a role, and she acts a little shady, but you don't get to find out why. Thanks. Uh...blah blah blah, people keep dying, blah blah blah, Ethan Hawke is a witness to the crime, Angelina falls for him, there's the obligatory Angelina sex scene..."shocking" surprise twist about the killer's identity...and then it's over. There's a few "boo" scares, but only one near the end that will really garner a reaction...that is, until you find out that...well, I guess I won't ruin it for you. But don't waste your time with this one anyway. Just ask some sucker who wasted his money (I'm sure as hell glad I didn't) on this average piece of dreck what happened at the end.

No chances were taken, nothing sets this film apart from any other serial killer movie ever. Except its seeming desire to NOT set itself apart from every other serial killer movie ever. And in that, "Taking Lives" succeeds admirably.

I rated this movie 2/10, one point for every hour of my life that was taken from me. Is that irony?

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

The Greatest Film Series Ever

[10/10 · 17 December 2003]

I don't know what else I can say. The film is beautiful beyond words, and I feel like a better person for having seen it. I finally feel like I have seen the movie...to me, The Lord Of The Rings is one big 11 hour movie (Extended Editions) , and it has been incomplete...until now. An epic that will most likely never be equaled. Out of sheer respect, the movie deserves to win Best Picture, Best Director, Best Supporting Actor (Sean Astin...he's incredible...one of the better supporting performances ever) , Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Sound, and more. Bravo, Peter Jackson. And thank you.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

No Pulp Fiction, But...

[9/10 · 10 October 2003]

Goddamn if "Kill Bill" isn't better than anything else you could see. Wow. An amazing film. If you thought that "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" set the bar for girl-on-girl fights, then "Kill Bill" raises it. Uma Thurman, as The Bride, is sensational. Lucy Liu, as O-Ren, is spectacular. Need I continue? Honestly, this is the kind of film that if you weren't already interested in, you're not gonna like later. It is an ultra-violent tribute to Japanese chop-socky films, masterfully done by Quentin Tarantino. It's only half a movie...but twice as good as any movie deserves to be. And no, it's not quite Pulp Fiction...(not yet) but what is? QT, after what some feel was a misfire with "Jackie Brown" , hits the bullseye and cements his position as one of the best directors of his time.

The Italian Job (2003)

Seth Green + Shawn Fanning + Spider-Man = Good Movie Made Great

[8/10 · 28 May 2003]

Well, it wasn't anything original or never seen before, but it was a lot of fun. I was worried the Napster joke was going to get old quick, but it stayed fresh, and it was nice to see Shawn Fanning again. Seth Green's Lyle (The Napster) is the greatest character in the movie, and his VO of Handsome Rob and Becky from the car is the funniest scene in the movie. He steals every scene he is in. Also...there's a quick cameo from Spider-Man! Blink and you'll miss it! Right when the guys are blowing up the ground to get the truck, there's a quick shot of him. Good stuff, enjoyable popcorn that is most definitely worth seeing. My only complaint is that the most talented actor in the cast (Edward Norton) is given the least interesting character, made especially disappointing since the villain is usually supposed to be more interesting than the hero. Unfortunately, Mark Wahlberg's "hero" also falls somewhat flat, but you'll be having too much fun to really notice until later.

Waking Life (2001)

Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

[1/10 · 25 January 2003]

Look, Mr. Linklater, if you want to preach your philosophical ideas to us, write a book. There are better ways of doing it through film, and that's in the subtext, not shoving it down our throats. If I'm going to invest 100 minutes of my time into a film, I want it to mean something. I want to care about the characters, I want something to happen. I realize the theme was "there is no story, just people", or whatever that guy was rambling about, but nothing happened in this movie. A guy wandered around and lots of people talked to him about their personal (even though I know it was YOUR) philosophies, and he couldn't wake up from the dream. Then he does wake up, or so you think, then floats into the sky. Wow. Well, aren't you smart. You are truly a man behind your time. If this film had been made, say, 30-35 years ago, it would have been revered. But now, it's just a bunch of pscyhobabble bulls*** that we've all seen and heard already. I used to think American Psycho was the worst movie I have ever seen. Now, it's the second worst.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Wow.

[9/10 · 18 December 2002]

Wow. That's really all I can say. When you give a movie a 10, and then the sequel is better, what do you do? Hell if I know. But any doubts I had about LOTR are officially gone. Gollum/Smeagol steals the whole show, with eyes that look more real than those on the humans. I hear there's a Best Supporting Actor campaign to Andy Serkis for his voice work and body work on Gollum, and while I first thought that ridiculous, they've got my vote. I mean...damn. I have no words. Just one more year til the Return of the King.

Men in Black II (2002)

What Movie Was He Watching?

[4/10 · 6 July 2002]

This film is an already tired variation on a theme that was only good the first time around. You'd think in the last five years they had to prepare this movie that they could get MIB 2 a decent script, wouldn't you? You would. You'd be wrong. I've been on a recent hot streak of movies, there hasn't been one I've disliked in quite some time, what with LOTR, The Rookie, Spider-Man, SW:E2, Blade 2, e.t.c. Well, thanks a lot, Sonnenfeld. Now I've got to start all over. I read an interview with Lara Flynn Boyle, who plays Serleena, saying how happy she was in the role because she could overact as much as she wants. Still waiting...Boyle is one of the worst screen villains I've seen since Ahnold in "Batman and Robin". Yes, THAT bad. While he overacts, she underacts. No emotion whatsoever from her. I've never seen her in anything else, but if that's what she calls overacting, well, then...you get the idea. Highlights? Well...Frank the pug was funny. And there's a segment at the very end of the movie that got the only real laugh out of me, plus a neat little twist similar to the one in the first movie. Aside from the random chuckle here and there (Jacko's cameo, Playstation controller, that kind of thing), nothing. Nothing at all. I just did not enjoy the movie at all. Ninety minutes of my life that I will never get back. I've spent six dollars on worse things, but I had such high hopes. Ah, well...plus, what was up with that videotape?!?! How did that guy know all about the MIB?!?!?!?! I'm sorry, excuse me...but when you see the movie, you'll understand. I gave this movie a 4, for Frank and the last 2 or 3 minutes of the film. It's not that Smith and Jones's chemistry was bad, it's just that I've seen it all before. Bottom line: If you're looking for something new, you won't get it. If you're looking for basically the same movie with the same effects and a less impressive story/cast, you got it.

Insomnia (2002)

Great movie...until the last five minutes

[7/10 · 21 May 2002]

I saw this movie at a preview screening last night. Throughout the movie I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for the resolution of an engaging, suspenseful film. Well, I got one. It's too bad that it was one of the most anticlimactic endings I have ever seen. Despite great performances from Al Pacino and Robin Williams, I walked out of the theatre severely disappointed. It's sad that the final few minutes of the film can ruin an otherwise good movie, but it happened here. I'm still upset at the terrible ending. I gave the movie a 7, but only because I'm feeling generous, and 95% of the movie was great. Still, it's worth seeing. You may not think so from the review, but that's just me venting. It's a very good film.

Perhaps I was just expecting something more Memento-like of an ending from Christopher Nolan. You can judge for yourself.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Wow

[10/10 · 21 December 2001]

That's all I can think of to say. While I don't think this was the best movie EVER (as evidenced by its #1 ranking as of today), I didn't feel I should give it a lower score than it deserved just to lower the score. Lord of the Rings is a brilliant movie, go see it. I cannot cannot cannot wait for Two Towers next year.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

I Think It Is Clear...That We Can Expect Great Things From These Movies

[9/10 · 3 December 2001]

Wow. That's all I have to say. A wonderful adaptation of one of the best books I've read in a long time. However, I can't wait for the sequels. As great as Sorcerer/Philosopher's Stone is, it's the "worst" of the series, with Prisoner of Azkaban being my favorite. Christian Bale as Sirius Black? I'll keep my fingers crossed...but I digress. I thought that they put as much of the book as they possibly could into the movie, which also worries me...all the books get continually longer, and the first movie was already 2 1/2 hours long, AND they cut all the scenes with Peeves AND pretty much the entire Norbert storyline. BUT STILL...Alan Rickman is brilliant as always, Richard Harris is very good as Dumbledore, and the rest of the cast I have no complaints about. Great job, Chris. Just don't screw up the rest of the series, ya hear????

Glitter (2001)

It Just Doesn't Get Any Worse Than This

[23 September 2001]

Say it ain't so, Mariah! Tell me that isn't you giving one of history's worst performances up on that screen, tell me it's some freaky clone or something! There just aren't enough bad words I can use to describe this movie. It's completely deplorable, and I am worse off physically and emotionally for having sat through it. Oh, does my girlfriend owe me...please, do yourself a favor and avoid this movie like the plague it is.

James Dean (2001 TV Movie)

Wonderful

[9/10 · 5 August 2001]

Wonderful. James Franco brilliantly channels James Dean in what is easily one of the best made-for-television movies ever made. Franco delivers a knockout performance in his portrayal of one of the most celebrated teen idols of all time.

The movie opens with Dean filming a scene from East of Eden, adding his own personal twist to the shot. A focused relationship of this film is the one between Dean and his father. After Dean's mother dies when Dean is only 9 years old, he is sent to live with his aunt and uncle. His father seems to be embarassed by him, and will not invite him into his home. Eventually, Dean's father will not see him at all.

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised with this movie, and hope that from beyond the grave, Dean is watching, and smiling. Franco's next big role is that of Peter Parker's best friend Harry Osborn in the big-budget superhero flick Spider-Man, and I for one cannot wait.

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Entertaining

[7/10 · 20 July 2001]

Although not quite as funny as the original, I still enjoyed Scary Movie 2 very much. While some bits are downright idiotic, some are genuinely hilarious, and will have you rolling in the aisles. If you're not a fan of Scary Movie, you won't like this one either, however. But, if you enjoyed the first, come back to see this one too.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

Boring

[2/10 · 20 July 2001]

Boring, dumb, choppy animated tale by Disney. The premise is noble, but the script is completely ludicrous. How can the Atlanteans know French and English when they were sunk before the languages were invented? How can the Atlanteans age insanely slower than us? I don't want to waste any more time talking about this stupid, stupid movie. It only avoids a 1 because every once in a while, the old lady would elicit a chuckle or two.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

Damn That Spielberg And His Happy Endings

[6/10 · 20 July 2001]

When I first read a review of A.I., I was informed that Kubrick's and Spielberg's respective styles in this movie clash. I wasn't sure I would see it myself, but oh man, was it there. A perfectly good Kubrickian sci-fi tale is ruined at the end by

*SPOILERS*

stupid talking aliens and a happy sweet ending. Had the movie ended with David praying to the statue at underwater Coney Island, I would have given this movie a 9.

*SPOILERS END*

Instead, the dopey ending dropped the movie's rating three whole points, and I walked out feeling disappointed and rather angry at Spielberg for tampering with Kubrick's vision of how this movie should be.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

Ugh

[3/10 · 20 July 2001]

Sitting in this movie, I was shocked by three things: 1. The computer graphics are absolutely amazing. 2. The plot and storyline are absolutely terrible. 3. The Spider-Man teaser trailer was more enjoyable than this entire movie. That pretty much sums it up. Some people give this movie a high review because the CG's were great, which they were, but I care more about what goes on than how they look doing it. The animation is the only factor that saves movie from a grade of 1, but it was just so outstanding that it gets two points by itself.

Rounders (1998)

Great Performances Pace The Movie

[8/10 · 20 July 2001]

Some of the best acting I've seen in years. Matt Damon tries to give up card playing and gambling, but realizes that he can't walk away from who he is. The ever more remarkable Edward Norton plays his buddy Worm, who takes too many chances. Other good performances come from the creepy John Malkovich and John Turturro. Overall, the best movie about real card playing ever made. Recommended to anyone who just wants to see good acting with a good script without the typical Hollywood cliches of sex and explosions. A well deserved 8.

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

I Wanted To Hate This Movie, I Really Did

[7/10 · 23 June 2001]

As much as I tried to hate Fast/Furious (and believe me, I did), I found it impossible to do so. Leagues better than Driven, and even more exciting than Gone In Sixty Seconds, this movie has genuine suspense, an engaging plot, good character development for at least Vin Diesel (who, by the way, does a great job), and is just all-around good entertainment. I have a confession to make...I told people this movie was going to suck. Fast/Furious probably lost some money from me, and I just want to apologize. I was going to give this movie an 8 instead of a 7 as an apology, but then I realized the finale leaves too many loose ends, and I'll die before I see a movie called The Faster and the Furiouser, or The Fast and the Furious 2: Even Faster. In any case, kudos guys, you made a believer out of me.

Can't Hardly Wait (1998)

Best Teen Movie

[8/10 · 18 June 2001]

Without a doubt the best of all movies in the oversaturated teen genre. More accurately describes high school life and kids than any other movie, and especially any TV show (i.e. Dawson's Creek,juniors in HS use doctor vocabulary). If you're a teenager and have not seen this movie, then shame on you, see it at once. If you're over the age of 20 or so, you may not enjoy it as much. But give it a shot anyways, what else do you have to do tonight?

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)

Disgusting

[2/10 · 17 June 2001]

I was looking forward to this movie as one of my Top 5 of the summer (Tomb Raider, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Planet of the Apes, Jurassic Park 3, A.I.) and could not have been more disappointing. Even the fight scenes were boring. My date fell asleep, and by the end of the movie I wished I had as well. Even worse, Super Mario Brothers was on TV the next day, and I found myself realizing that Tomb Raider was even worse than that. Do yourself a favor and rent the Mortal Kombat movies if you really want to see a half decent video game/movie adaptation, or just wait for Final Fantasy. Either way, do not see this movie.

American History X (1998)

Disturbing, Powerful, Thought Provoking

[9/10 · 9 June 2001]

Amazing film. Ed Norton gives a spectacular performance in this film, only further solidifying his place as one of my all time favorite actors, and I feel ashamed for not having seen this movie sooner. Ed Furlong also gives a good show as Mr. Norton's little brother. The most disturbing thing about this movie, I think, is the fact that I found myself seeing points in what Derek Vinyard (Norton) was saying. What if Rodney King had hit a kid, then attacked the police? Would we be thinking the opposite? And what his father was saying about two white men who scored higher on the fireman's test than two black men, but didn't get the jobs because of affirmative action. Honestly, I don't support that kind of thing. If there are seven white men and three black men who have the credentials for ten top jobs, then those are the men who should get the jobs, not five men, five women, or five white men, five black women. On the other hand, if there are ten black men and women who are all more qualified, then so be it. I realize this is not the place to state political views and such, but this movie really made me think. See it, and you will too.

The Godfather (1972)

Good, Maybe Great, Not The Best Movie Ever

[7/10 · 9 June 2001]

Like I said: Definitely not the best movie ever. While the movie had its good points, I can't see why it's number 1 on IMDB. I don't even think it was better than Goodfellas, or even better than the other two movies I rented (American History X, Casablanca). Oh well, still good entertainment, looking forward to Godfather Part II.

Evolution (2001)

Wonderfully Cheesy

[7/10 · 8 June 2001]

Hilarious! Expecting a lot of cornball humor, I was not disappointed with Evolution, which actually stuck in some scientific jargon every once in a while. David Duchovny is great in his role, and was the highlight in my opinion. Go see this movie if you're in the mood to have some fun, laugh, and overall have a good time.

The Mummy Returns (2001)

Stupid.

[3/10 · 8 June 2001]

That's exactly how I felt after walking out of The Mummy Returns. A huge fan of the first movie, buying not only the VHS when it came out, but also the Ultimate Edition DVD, I was counting the days til this movie came out. I could not have been more disappointed. A weak plot, weaker acting by quality actors, incredibly ludicrous special effects (See! Brendan Fraser outrunning sunlight! See! Computerized The Rock giving his trademark eyebrow to Fraser!). After watching the MTV Movie Awards last night, I enjoyed the Jimmy Fallon/Kirsten Dunst/Rob Schneider/Snoop Dogg(!) parody much more than the actual movie. It's a good thing I work at a theatre and can see movies for free, because I would have asked for my money (and IQ points) back. As it was, I was almost tempted to do so anyways. I would recommend this movie to anyone who doesn't like to think during movies, and needs to be visually entertained to enjoy a movie. Judging by the insane box office totals, there are certainly a lot of you.