theCHUD Reviews

War of the Worlds (2005)

Mindless screen writing at it's best. (SPOILERS)

[3/10 · 3 July 2005]

Here is a classic case of many talented people and hundreds of millions of dollars being put into a movie, and the end result is mediocre at best because of idiotic screen writing and plot holes that somehow evaded everyone involved with the films production but seems obvious by many of the people paying to see the film, like myself.

I won't bother with a long review of the film, I will just point out the rampant stupidity. Sure, the CGI effects are impressive, the Tripods are intimidating and there is some decent action, but it takes more than that to make a good movie.

SPOILERS AHEAD: Okay, my biggest gripe is the screenwriters deciding to completely change how the Martians invade Earth. H.G. Wells vision of the invasion was fine, and the original film got it right. How does this new invasion mess things up? Simple. They decide to have it go like this: The Martians came here before (no real time is given, except for one crazy character who says it was "millions" of years ago) and buried the Tripods underground. Then, when they decide to invade, they send lightning down to Earth, which knocks out the power to surrounding areas and transports the Martians (inside little coffins) into the Tripods who then activate them. Later on, the Martians die due to bacteria, water, food etc. That part is fine, since that is how they die in the book. But what makes this film stupid is, if they all die from our bacteria etc., then when they came here before to bury the Tripods, why didn't they die THEN? And how did humans NEVER detect the Tripods underground? And what about the ships that sent the Martians down in the lightning? Why didn't we detect them? There must have been quite a few of them considering Tripods appeared all over the world. I noticed all these plot holes as soon as they appeared on screen. How did the films screenwriters, editors and director miss them? Why couldn't they have left it the way it was in the novel? If you're going to change things from the book, at least change them so it makes sense.

Like I said, mindless screen writing at it's best. Sigh.

Blood II: The Chosen (1998 Video Game)

Great looking sequel to a great old school shooter!

[10/10 · 3 March 2002]

I was a HUGE fan of the original Blood when it was released. Unique weapons and the bloodiest deaths seen in a first person shooter at the time. When I got my hands on this sequel, I was not disappointed. The game looks great. Although the game engine is dated by a few years, it looked fine at the time of it's release (and still looks good now).

The important thing is, the game has kept the heart and spirit of the original. Lot's of enemies that die bloody deaths, many cool and unusual weapons, and the sarcastic undead anti-hero Caleb returns. The story is decent, and follows the original closely, plus there are cool cut scenes in between the action. The game is also fairly long with a lot of levels and some impressive bosses. You can find find this game fairly cheap now (just check the bargain bins of any video game store), and I strongly recommend picking it up and giving it a try. It's a lot of fun!

Blood (1997 Video Game)

The first of the blood soaked shooters.

[10/10 · 3 March 2002]

Man, I can't say enough good things about this game. Sure, it's dated, but at the time of it's initial release, it was very cool. You get to run around as undead anti-hero Caleb and kill monks & monsters with all kinds of cool weapons that result in bloody, gory deaths. Even better was the flare gun, which caused enemies to run around screaming "It burns! It burns!".

I don't expect anyone to run out and play this game considering it's age and Doom like graphics, but it was obviously made by people who like video games and like horror movies, and that is a cool combination. If you want a taste of what this game has to offer, check out it's sequel Blood II: The Chosen. It uses the much more advanced Lithtech engine but still has the heart of the original game. Blood rocks!

Songs from the Second Floor (2000)

One of the worst movies I have ever seen.

[1/10 · 2 March 2002]

I try to keep an open mind when I go to the movies, and I saw this on the word of a friend. I'll never trust his word again. This was 90 minutes of sheer boredom. People are saying it's a classic, and that Monty Python had better "watch out". Monty Python has nothing to worry about.

Sure, a few scene's gave me some mild laughs, but this was nothing more than a pretentious art film. I'm sure people will just say I don't "get" the movie, and that's fine. Frankly, I don't WANT to get the movie, one viewing was enough. I like independent films as much as the next, but after the movie ended, I wanted to watch an Arnie flick and forget all about this experience.

Down to Earth (2001)

One gag movie with a lame ending.

[4/10 · 17 February 2001]

This is a gag movie, and the gag is that a hip, young black guy is in the body of an old, rich white guy. So the old white guy goes around acting hip and cool in public (dancing, rapping etc.) with "comedic" results. Unfortunately, people want to see Chris Rock, so 99% of the time we see him walking around doing these things, not the old man, so it isn't very funny. It would have worked out a whole lot better if they had the actual old, white guy doing the funny stuff (and it is funny when he does, although it is very brief). Chris Rock is a funny guy, and there are some laughs, but the entire gag idea this movie is based on is ruined by all of Rock's screen time, and the stupid ending which makes no sense.

*spoiler alert*

As you know (assuming you have seen the film), Rock is brought to heaven too early (he would have survived the accident), and is not supposed to die for another 40 years. So at the end, when the angels finally find him a young, black body, they tell him that all his memories will be erased. The angels, the girl he fell in love with, being the old man, being himself, all gone. He will become this new person who's body he is in. Which is completely STUPID. The point of him coming back was heaven's way of correcting the mistake they made. Yet his memory will be erased and he becomes this new guy. So instead of the original Chris Rock character getting a 2nd chance, this other guy who died continues his life (since it will be his memory and life that continues), and only "bits" of the Rock's character will shine through. What is the point then? This new guy gets to live his life, yet the original Rock character who died at the beginning is lost in limbo, or stuck in the body but can't act out as himself? What was the point of giving Rock a new body to live out his remaining 40 years if his memory is erased? It took 4 screenwriters (including Rock and Warren Beatty) to write this, and they never realized it made no sense at the end, and made the entire film pointless? Bah!

Manhunter (1986)

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[9 February 2001]

While I won't say this is superior to Silence of the Lambs, I still enjoyed it. People who say it's "horrible, bad" etc. obviously haven't seen many movies. It did feel a bit "Miami Viceish" at times, but the performances are great, especially by Tom Noonan as the Tooth Fairy. Some of the music is a bit wonky (please remember this movie was made in 1986), but some of the music is quite effective. The scene where Noonan takes Joan Allen to tiger is incredible and effective.

I try not to compare this to SOTL, simply because it can't compete with the star power or the larger scale storyline of it. Also, people like Hopkins more as Hannibal than Brian Cox, and Hannibal's screen time in this film is limited.

As a movie on it's own, it's an moody thriller with some effective music and photography, and some great performances, especially from Tom Noonan.

C.H.U.D. (1984)

C.H.U.D. DVD is a Director's Cut!

[10/10 · 6 February 2001]

I have been a big fan of this movie for many years (I love the 80's genre films). Just this weekend I bought the DVD and watched it. To my surprise, I found this version of the film to be about 7 minutes longer than my VHS copy (an original former rental). There are 4 noticable new scenes, the original ending is placed in the middle of the film and the ending is now different (no hint of a sequel). The extra scenes explain Captain Bosch's erratic behavior in the final 15 minutes of the film and gives the overall movie an better flow. If you are a fan of this film, I strongly suggest you pick up the DVD, as this new version is even more enjoyable. Also, it has commentary by the director, screenwriter and the three top billed actors.

Highly recommended for DVD collectors out there!

Valentine (2001)

Generic to say the least.

[5/10 · 3 February 2001]

Movies like "Valentine" remind me of why I miss the old school 80's slasher movies. This is just another MTV Scream hybrid (and it isn't as good as Scream, Last Summer or Urban Legend). The storyline is simple and unoriginal. I liked the opening sequence, some of the death scene's were well done and the killers outfit (mask included) was effective. Unfortunately, everything else was lethargic, and the ending could and should have been a whole lot better.

*spoiler alert*

I won't say the identity of the villain here, but for anyone who has seen this movie, don't you find it hard to believe that the "real killer" was actually the one dressed in costume? I mean, the "real killer" looked about 50 pounds heavier and 2 feet taller than the actor in the costume. Maybe it was a cheap way to make the killers identity that much harder to figure out.

Deadly Intruder (1985)

I have seen worse.

[7/10 · 30 January 2001]

I'll admit this movie isn't original or special, but it has stuck with me since I saw it a long time ago (back when I was watching every horror movie available, so I have seen a lot). Basically, a girl is being stalked by a serial killer that is loose in a small town. There is a drifter wandering around, engaging in violent behaviour, as well as a mysterious newcomer that may be too nice. All in all, it's passable fair if you like the old 80's horror films (although this is more of a thriller than a horror). I must say, I really enjoyed the ending, and the very last shot of the film before the credits roll is excellent.