Change Your Image
toffeedragon-3
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Splinter (2008)
Enjoyably silly.
As I had read reviews of Splinter prior to watching it I knew that it was a low budget creature feature along the lines of 'The Thing'. All things considered, the acting was actually reasonably good, the special effects made the most of the limited budget in my opinion and it was enjoyably silly.
I would not usually give this type of film more than 5 stars as for me they don't bring enough to the table to warrant the extra star. However, the main reason I give it a fairly good 6 is because as I watched it I didn't sit there saying "why didn't they do this?" or "why would you do that?". Usually with horror films you can pick lots of holes in the character's behaviour but with this one I suppose that there was not a lot more that they could have reasonably done.
If you like horror B movies then you could do a lot worse than watch this.
Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger - London, New York, Johannesburg (2008)
The law of diminishing returns strikes...
I have enjoyed all of Chris Rocks' specials having watched them all several times both on TV and DVD but this one is just plain annoying.
Rock performs in three different locations during his tour, London, New York and Johannesburg and the producers saw fit to emphasise this with horrible editing that hammers it home by constantly switching the footage between the three locations. (Note to producers - you told us at the start of the DVD that it was the most successful comedy tour in the history of the world, we are capable of remembering this fact for ourselves without the constant reminders. In actual fact, I didn't care how successful the tour was, I just wanted to watch a Chris Rock stand up comedy DVD and have a laugh).
If you haven't watched this yet I want to warn you that it is very, very distracting. Rock is wearing a different outfit at each location and the sound quality varies so you are halfway through a joke and the footage switches and becomes quieter and I ended up thinking more about how much the outfit and sound changes were irritating me than whether I found the jokes funny.
The jokes themselves are not up to his own high standards set by the other specials and I think Chris Rock is starting the believe the hype and get big headed, hence less work on the material.
The crowds at the three locations (remember that there were three locations in case you had forgotten since I last mentioned it) all seemed to be rolling in the aisles but I believe that they had all been drinking at the bar prior to the show and were just happy to be watching Chris Rock live rather than paying attention to what he was actually saying, which wasn't much.
I give this show 3 out of 10 because I just didn't laugh much. I love stand up comedy and have many DVDs by a variety of different comedians and am easy to entertain but this just made me go 'meh'.
Unfortunately, I am unlikely to watch this again.
Chris Rock, please don't get involved with the hype and how much everyone 'loves' you. I know you've made your money and that you probably care less than when you started out on your career as you are now rich but if this will be the standard of your output for the future then please call it a day.
Cloverfield (2008)
A pretty good monster movie.
I watched Cloverfield the other night and have to say that I did enjoy it. The movie is all told from the viewpoint of a group of friends with a video camera so maybe avoid watching it on a big screen if you are prone to motion sickness.
Anyway, the film begins at a surprise going away party for a man named Rob who has got a job in Japan and is about to emigrate there so the Manhattan apartment is filled with people having a good time until the power briefly fails and there is a tremor. They all rush to the roof after hearing an explosion only to flee out of the building to the street when debris rains down and the power totally fails.
Once in the street the action really begins and they catch a glimpse of a giant monster on a rampage. The group tries to leave Manhattan via one of the bridges but are foiled when the monster smashes it killing Rob's brother. Rob then decides to go and rescue his girlfriend Beth and his friends follow leading to encounters with monsters and so forth.
The reason I enjoyed this film is because it makes you feel on edge as it is quite claustrophobic because the only viewpoint is through the hand-held camera and I found it quite exiting. It also has a running time of about 80 minutes so it is not dragged out too long. The special effects of buildings collapsing and the monster itself were really good and realistic enough that you don't feel like you're only watching a movie.
I've noticed that this movie divides opinion between those such as myself who can switch off enough to enjoy it for what it is, an hour and 20 minutes of entertainment and those who like to expose improbabilities such as Rob stealing a phone battery from a looted electronics shop and using it in his phone without needing to charge it. Also, the fact that the cameraman films unlikely moments such as when Rob has to tell his mother that his brother has been killed and moments when they are being chased and the fact that a half demolished skyscraper is leaning on another without collapsing.
What gets me about those that enjoy picking films like this apart is that they complain about things like the phone battery, which are plausible as I have bought electronic gadgets that are supposed to be charged before first use but which do actually work for a bit before the first charge and the fact that the tower of Pisa has been leaning for centuries without toppling but fail to mention the biggest implausibility of them all which is the fact that a 100 foot tall monster is rampaging through New York and can't be killed by conventional weapons.
If you don't like implausible plots and dialogue then why do you watch movies? I admit that this film does corner itself by only using the hand-held camera but it was very entertaining. The only complaint that I have is that it ends very suddenly and you don't get any closure. I wonder if a sequel is on the cards?
Iron Man (2008)
The perfect Iron Man adaptation.
Robert Downey Jr plays Tony Stark a billionaire, genius weapons manufacturer who gets injured by one of his own company's bombs whilst travelling in a combat zone.
Not all the shrapnel can be removed from his body so to keep the shrapnel from puncturing a major ventricle he has an electromagnet inserted in his chest to hold the shrapnel in place and keep him alive. He then invents a tiny power reactor to power the electromagnet and a prototype armour that he uses to escape his captors whom are trying to force him to build them a missile.
Once Tony has returned to the United States he has a change of heart and announced that his company will no longer build weapons. This causes his company's stock to plummet and Obadiah Stane gets a court injunction freezing Tony out from his own company.
Tony perfects the Mark II armour and uses it to destroy caches of his company's weapons being stockpiled by warlords in the Middle East. In the meantime Obadiah Stane uses the remnants of Tony's prototype armour to create the 'Iron Monger' but needs the mini power reactor embedded in Tony's chest to power it.
John Favreau has done a fantastic job adaption Iron Man to the big screen. John's version of Tony Stark is spot on. Tony is arrogant, brilliant and compassionate in equal measure and all aspects of the character are explored.
I also liked how the military were portrayed. The Marines/soldiers were regular young people with personalities just like real life soldiers/marines are and it was the weapons corporations and top brass that were rightly the villains of the piece.
Obadiah Stane was also brilliantly realised by Jeff Bridges and the Iron Monger armour was truly menacing, the total opposite to Stark's svelte red and gold armour. The special effects in this movie were terrific and some of the armour's gadgets when used in combat were suitably advanced just like in the comic books.
Overall I really enjoyed this movie. There was plenty of action and comedy and a good storyline. If you enjoy superhero films or just good action films then I definitely recommend this to you if you haven't already seen it.
Along Came a Spider (2001)
A truly awful adaptation.
I usually shy away from slating a movie and give a constructive critique but after reading the book of 'Along came a spider' and then watching the film I have to say that the director/producer/screenwriter have made an absolute hash of an above average thriller.
I am aware that not everyone will have read the book but even so the character development is non existent and the characters and relationships between them have been so changed and watered down that it becomes nonsensical.
For instance, it does not delve into the reasons for Gary Soneji kidnapping the child and trying to make a game out of it. The actual reason is that Gary was abused and locked into a basement by his stepfamily leading to him having quite a warped outlook on life. He is also very very intelligent and had supposedly murdered more than 200 people. Gary believes that he is intellectually superior to others and can make a game out of the kidnapping because he doesn't believe that he can be caught. He also named himself the 'Son of Lindburgh' after an unsolved kidnapping of a small child in the 1930s, a kidnapping which he admires.
Alex Cross is in his late 30s, has children, lives with Nana Mama (as his parents are dead) and has a relationship with Jezzie Flanagan from which the twist appears. The story also unfolds over a period of two years not a couple of weeks as seems to be the case in the film.
The problem with this is that Morgan Freeman has been brought in to sell the film on the strength of his performance in Se7en. Unfortunately this is a mistake and they should have hired a younger actor who could have been more like the character in the novel and left the story to sell itself. These days a film that tanks at the box office can recover through word of mouth and DVD sales. The Shawshank Redemption being an example.
Also, the plot requires too many leaps of faith and the fact that what the clue was that Alex Cross has picked up on is not very clear and is badly edited making it confusing for the viewer.
This story would have been better if it was half an hour longer and used the time to examine the psychological aspects of the film in greater detail. I even believe that it would have been better as a TV mini series which would have allowed the massive FBI manhunt to unfold with greater dramatic effect.
E yu tou hei sha xing (1978)
So bad it's good!
I give this film a seven because it's just so much fun to watch. The acting is truly diabolical but Jim Kelly is just the coolest martial artist to ever hit the screen.
The dubbing, editing and plot are really bad and the story at points doesn't even make sense. "Well then, how could you think it's worth seven precious stars?" I hear you ask. It worth seven because it's really, really funny, full stop.
For instance, there is a scene where where the evil boss rips off a womans (who happens to be about three mens girlfriend!?) dress. The camera then zooms in to a closeup of her breasts and then the boss' face and then the breasts and then the eyes, the breasts, the eyes and then he throws her to the bed and gets it on and then we see... a formula 1 racecar...
If you like martial arts flicks then get this film have a couple of glasses of your favourite booze and settle down with this movie. It's like a spoof of martial arts movies of the time and some of Jim Kelly's move are pretty good.
It's actually way before it's time. Pure comedy gold.
Heartbreak Ridge (1986)
As fun and tongue in cheek as war can be.
I don't know quite what it is about Heartbreak Ridge that makes me enjoy it so much. I first saw it in the cinema upon it's theatrical release and have since worn out my VHS copy which I later replaced with the DVD. I even watch it when it's on TV.
I am not a person that is prone to having heroes or being a 'fan' of celebrities but Clint Eastwood is about as close as I come to having a hero of the big screen. Clint has a quality about him that even though as an actor he can seem wooden or awkward at times he has that gleam in his eye that allows him to carry of comedy with some aplomb. He is the comedy opposite of Jim Carrey.
In Heartbreak Ridge his character Gunney Highway has a real chemistry with Mario Van Peebles 'Stich Jones' from the moment they encounter each other on the bus. Highway is a gruff old-style marine gunnery sargeant with a gravel voice who chews nails but has a strong sense of responsibility and cares greatly about his men in the Recon platoon.
This is shown when he first appears to the men under his command. they are a rag-tag bunch who are not fit to be called marines. The Major in charge only cares about his beloved 1st Platoon and lets discipline go to pot just so 1st platoon can use Recon platoon as whipping boys in training. Highway stops Recon platoon from lounging around and makes them train hard. He explains to the Major that if Recon are not properly trained "they just get dead".
Cue the training comedy antics and personal drama with Highways branching plot line involving his ex-wife. It's all done in a fun way with rivalry developing between 1st Platoon, the Major and their drill sargeant and Highway and the Recon platoon once the Recon platoon realise their self-worth.
This all eventually leads up to the conflict in Grenada in which Highway and Recon platoon "Kick butt". There is some sadness with the death of one of the platoon members in combat and Highways romantic involvement is finally resolved.
It's not a brilliant film but is the type of character driven films that can suffer repeated watching which is more that can be said about some of the critically acclaimed high art or films with a twist ending that can only be watched once as it is spoilt once you know the ending.
Heartbreak Ridge's ending might be obvious but it is the journey there that makes it worthwhile.
Barton Fink (1991)
Strange but compelling.
I watched Barton Fink with no idea of the what it was about although I have enjoyed several of the Coen brothers films such as O' brother where art thou and the Big Lebowski and was pleasantly surprised that it was entirely different.
I do enjoy the Coen Brothers movies but I also like directors/writers to try different genres and formulas. Barton Fink is definitely different and I think that this is its strength. The setting is very surreal and I found the hotel corridor set to be very striking which is important as it is seen quite often. I am a person who appreciates a good set design such as the ship in Event Horizon and find that the appealing simplicity of sets such as the hotel whose only member of staff seems to be the ubiquitous Chet played by Steve Buscemi works really well.
The 1930's Hollywood scene is really enjoyable and I think Michael Lerner and Tony Shalhoub's performances are brilliantly hilarious. John Turturro also gives a good performance and I particularly like the penultimate scene in which John Goodman's Charlie lets him know that he doesn't listen.
I won't pretend that I understood the whole concept of this film but I did find it compelling and would probably watch it again.
Mystic River (2003)
A wasted opportunity
I watched this film with high hopes for a masterpiece from such a high profile cast but was disappointed for several reasons. I won't go over the plot as several other people have done that with their own reviews but this film really makes no sense.
I am a big Clint Eastwood fan but did he not get anyone to watch a cut of this film before release to point out the plot holes? The motive for the murder is highly dubious and based on too many coincidences to really be believable. The characters are all highly unlikeable. Sean Penn's character is a petty thug. Tim Robbin's character seems unable to explain a simple concept to his soon-to-be killer such as "I didn't murder your daughter I murdered a paedophile. Please don't kill me until after I prove what I have said by taking you and your ridiculous henchmen to the place where I buried his corpse in a shallow grave to show you the evidence". Kevin Bacon's cop doesn't mind that one of his childhood friends murdered another one of his other childhood friends in a brutal error of judgement because the friend who got murdered must have had it coming after he was abducted and raped as a young boy and had turned a bit weird. Good going there Kevin (that is sarcasm by the way).
I had figured out the plot twists in this film after 30 minutes and found that I was only watching to the end in order to confirm my suspicions. I did not, however, guess that the moral of this story would be that violence is OK if you have a reason and that 2 henchmen are all that is needed to take over Boston's crime scene from the location of a small corner shop. I could also not fathom if Kevin Bacon's cop is letting Sean Penn's thug off the hook indefinitely or if the finger gun pointing action during the random parade in which everyone turns up at the same spot meant that he will get him in the end because he was smiling whilst making the gesture!? Finally, Sean Penn's wife makes a random speech at the end for no apparent reason. Those old Budweiser adverts in which the protagonist shouts "Waaassuupp???" really loudly to his friends made more sense in 30 seconds than this film did in over 2 hours. Time not well spent.
Million Dollar Baby (2004)
A Clint special
The themes in this movie have been addressed before in various guises, however, this is no reason not to address them again and I'm glad Clint did. Some of the themes I refer to are 'always follow your dream', 'be the best you can be and win against all costs', 'poor uneducated and unloved underdog comes good' and 'man seeks redemption'.
The acting is very good and the banter between Eastwood and Freeman is particularly enjoyable at points especially the bit about the socks. I would agree with some of the other reviewers who felt that parts of the film were manipulative and contrived as the family characters were so unsympathetic and hateful with no redeeming features that it does try to force your hand about how you are supposed to feel.
I also found the fight in which the main character, Maggie, is injured to be particularly annoying as the German fighter's cheating antics would surely have seen her disqualified as it was hardly illegal underground boxing. Also as there is no mention of the fight's aftermath and it would have been nice, but not essential, to know if the German fighter was indeed disqualified or banned from fighting. The fact that there is no closure on this issue made me feel a bit irritated as surely someone as passionate about her boxing as Maggie would have asked Frankie (Eastwood) when she was able.
Criticism aside I really did enjoy this movie and the way the bonecrunching (literally) scene was filmed it left me rubbing my neck and gave me an unforgettable 'inhalation through gritted teeth' moment.
This movie is definitely above average with good cinematography and sound quality. There are some memorable characters such as the 'evil' German boxer and Danger a hopeless gym member who mistakenly believes he is ready for his first fight.
It is really worth seeing if you like sentimental movies with an emotional premise mixed with good acting. Definitely worth an 8 out of 10.
The Devil's Rejects (2005)
Violent but mostly pointless.
I thought that this movie had some good cinematography and a dusty washed out feel that has been done before but still lends the right atmosphere for this kind of violent horror.
However, there is minimal plot although we do discover that the psychos murdered the Sheriff's brother which has made him hell bent on revenge. It would have been nice to have some background as to why this family of killers is on such a random violent killing spree and where they are trying to go.
There is also a scene in which one of the killers (sorry but his name didn't stick in my memory) takes two men to a deserted place where he has buried guns. He ends up killing the two men but returns to the others without the guns and they don't ask him where they are as they are too busy torturing a woman for absolutely no reason.
Another unexplained scene is at the end when some deformed bloke arrives in time to save them from the sheriff. Who is he and why did he walk into the burning house?
I watched this film to the end but I would not watch it again for the following reasons:
1) No real plot 2) No character development 3) There is not one character that you care about 4) The dialogue was poor 5) Violence for the sake of violence
I don't mind violence if it is integral to the plot or if it is even scary such as in Hitchcock's Psycho. This film is neither thrilling or scary and feels like the director had a bunch of ideas that he wanted in the movie and everything else must fit around it. Even the title has no meaning but Rob Zombie probably just thought it sounded cool.
Overall, this is by no means the worst film I have seen recently (that honour is solely reserved for Bar-Be-Q)but falls into the category of very average.
Bar-B-Q (2000)
Terrible, badly made movie
Someone I know bought this DVD. I was a bit suspicious when they gave it to me as an impromptu gift but decided to watch it anyway. Now, the big mistake I made was selecting this movie as my film to watch on my portable DVD player whilst using the treadmill in my homemade gym in my garden shed.
I cried tears, but not tears of laughter. This film enraged me and I felt like a captive audience as I had brought nothing else to watch and did not want to stop halfway through my workout. Oh how I cried! This film has no storyline and terrible, abominable, alarming, appalling, atrocious, deplorable, depressing, dire, distressing, dreadful, fearful, frightful, ghastly, hideous, horrendous, horrible, horrific, horrifying, shocking acting and camera-work.
I have now given this disc to someone else and double dared them to watch it to the end.
Watch this movie if you don't value your sanity.
You may wonder why I said that my comment contains spoilers but I can safely tell you that I have spoilt the plot by revealing that it does in actual fact contain no events of any note whatsoever. I'm so evil...Mwa ha ha haaa...