move_on_reakshun Reviews

Megan Is Missing (2011)

i don't think anything needs to be said, Mr Goi.

[1/10 · 1 April 2013]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn6ZC2K0RQ0

it's simple, you watch this review and enjoy it. it's not being mean, but it's extremely well written and absolutely hilarious at the same time. while i haven't seen the film, i feel as though i have. i don't think i should have to sit through the whole thing after this guy has done so well as to point out every single error in the film and how much difficulty Michael Goi has in understanding technology and the youth.

these girls are meant to be 13 and 14, they look to be in their early twenties. the writing is absolutely atrocious, and is only matched by the delivery of these 'actors'. when Larry Clarke has been challenged for his content regarding sex between minors, Goi's willingness to portray a 14 year old girl as a drug addicted sex case goes largely unnoticed. i guess if anyone had actually seen this film, then perhaps more outrage would be far more widespread.

i urge you, watch the review, do not watch the film.

Wilfred (2007–2010)

one of the best shows in TV today.

[10/10 · 7 May 2007]

this show is freaking brilliant. based on how Sara's boyfriend Adam see's her dog Wilfred, as a person in a dog suit. the writers Jason Gann and Adam Zwar obviously know dogs really well, because they have conveyed a dog's behavior perfectly into a human actor, and it is brilliant.

ever walked up to a dog tied up outside a shop and gone to say hello or pat it, and it shows it teeth and gives you the look that says 'stay away'? in one episode, wilfred is tied up outside a milk bar while adam and sara are inside. he's playing with something, head down. a man walks up towards the shop and heads to wilfred with his hand out.

wilfred looks up, tilts back and says 'f*ck off'. spot on.

South Park: Smug Alert! (2006) Season 10, Episode 2

Ike is the funniest thing on south park

[9/10 · 7 May 2007]

in this episode, there is a very, very subtle moment that i found absolutely hilarious.

when the family arrives in san Francisco and enter their new house for the first time, i noticed something absolutely perfectly placed, almost hidden. everyone is paying attention to the kyle's parents talking to the neighbours.

at their feet stands Ike, dressed in a brown suit and bowler hat. why is he dressed like that? i'm guessing because he wanted to. if you notice how Ike behaves and acts in episodes previous to this, you'll notice he is very smart.

brilliant.

Wild Hogs (2007)

this movie makes up for Home Improvement, AND Look Who Is Talking.

[9/10 · 22 March 2007]

ever since i seen John Trvolta in Jurassic Park as the maths genius, his love for rage against the machine drove me toward a love for rap AND rock. bring 'it' home with a huge concert scene in the Andes, i was bewildered by the skill in product placement in the factory basement scene.

Tim Allen knows no bounds when it comes to actorising his way through a scene, especially when on day release. try not to drop the soap, Tim.

Eddie Murphy is at his best since Delirious, and franchised himself off as martin Lawrence to star in simultaneous productions of Black Knight 1 and 2 on Broadway. little known Lawrence has starred in many UK comedies, such as the deliberate rip off of Shameless, called Without Shame, where he took up the role of a suspiciously titled 'Frank Gallagher', a lazy, good for nowt giro-fiend. lawsuit pending.

i truly feel for William H Macy, who clearly lost a bet with Steven sea gal for this role. that is no heck. things have been looking up, however, as he scored a plumb role as Computer Cat's paws in a Bollywood production of Hunter: Where My Bike?, for which he also was nominated for an academy award. the run ended when the cricket world cup started.

Pat Mastroiani is STILL going strong as Wheels and Snake, going to the academy awards dressed as both. a classic evening, not seen since his 'nice strong legs' were almost dragged to their death by a field. it has been stated in an official police report regarding the incident that a 'broomhead' was seen running from the area. Yik Yui has been detained. his nomination for Best Asian Cast in a remake of Degrassi live at the Apollo has been revoked due to budget restrictions and his inability to understand. several audience members have raved about Yik's monologue, claiming it to be 'adequate'. not since James Earl Jones has the entire script from every episode of degrassi been read with such conviction in a one man show on Broadway and the West End simultaneously by one man. JEJ did it first, Yik did it last.

Grant Bowler plays a convincing crucifix, much as he chanted about jimmy blacksmith in Passions Of The Christ 2: Dead Man's Chest 2: Against The Table. if ken park was alive today to have a film made about him, it would certainly be set on fire screenically by said actor, Bowler.

the end.

PS, Travis Planke, acclaimed Awesome Avenger, has further projects in the pipeline, including a movie based on the game of doom and John Cena vs David Streeter in Rescue Rangers 4: The Fall Of Babylon and the Rise Of Grant Bowler.

Death Tunnel (2005)

my goodness

[1/10 · 22 February 2007]

i hired this out because it had the cast member from a TV show that was popular so i thought hmm, maybe that means it will be alright.

NO.

worst acting i have EVER seen, and i OWN a copy of Snitch'd (definately check this film out).

what i loved about it though, it the director in the special features. he looks like a drifter/wrestler/singer from Poison, and acts as though the sun shines out of him. the way he talks about his film is unbelievable, especially if you're just sat through the damn thing.

who funded this, the Society of Shitty People? god, if you want a laugh, have a look at it, but beware, its 90 minutes you'll never get back.

Snitch'd (2003 Video)

gangsta!

[10/10 · 9 April 2006]

where would one start a review of the film Snitch'd? James Cahill, god rest his soul, made one of the most daring insights into the human psyche since Encino Man. his beautiful story unravels around a drug squad cop McClure, which is a name synonymous with a character from the simpsons who also happens to be an actor! said cop delves deep into the underworld that is high school drug taking, and discovers a gang war to rival that of Police Academy 1, and i mean the one where Jones is racially vilified by his new partner, but manages to come out with some of the funniest sounds you will EVER HEAR.

Cahill's grasp of effects, both visual and aural is electrifying, the slight pause between action on screen and from the speakers adds to the drama that is snitch'd, a real gritty like underground thriller. also, kudos to his brilliant use of makeup, such as the supremely convincing burn marks a gang member suffers in his showdown with an indoor barbecue! YUCK! i feel the world of film is much less from James' passing, his memory will linger on and on and on, reborn with every passing mention of his flagship production, Snitch'd. his insightful director's commentary released a coke-hit up the nose of any discerning film goer, truly appropriate with the harsh reality that is life on the streets, captured in all the beauty of a roughneck punk knocking over a rubbish bin in a brawl.

but i ask you, why did the big bosses swimming pool look so cheap? i'll tell you why, because thats life in Santa Ana baby, its not all drive bys and hastily constructed principle's offices, oh no. there are some folk who must infiltrate the soft, tattooed underbelly of street life in LA to kick their way through in moves that would not seem out of place at a School For Special Children's production of Double Dragon: The Play.

the only qualm i have with this film, is that there was never a sequel made. come on Steven Spielberg, come on George Lucas, come on guy that made revenge of the nerds 1 through 23, how hard could it be to step it up a notch and pay tribute to this great man, James Cahill.

he discovered Eva Longoria you know. oh yeah, that he did.

Jonah