If you're looking for apocalyptic content - this is definitely not it. It's a very confused film with poorly contrived characters that most resembles one of those dramas where old college friends reunite and hash out all their old unresolved relationship problems. It's so bad, the characters are a joke, along with the plot really. Despite the fact that the world is ending and there is serious danger right around the corner - these idiots just keeping getting high/drunk and waxing philosophically (moronically rambling)... they'll worry about the apocalypse tomorrow, party time comes first. Oh also, despite being college educated, in their 30s, and with a young daughter present throughout - they are continuously getting drunk, high, and skinny-dipping as if college never ended. Not at all concerned with protecting the 5 year old girl from the serious and immediate dangers that have already presented themselves. It is absolutely moronic. I watched just over an hour before throwing in the towel. More than enough to say this was absolutely a pile o'crap.
Reviews
14 Reviews
The Darkest Dawn
(2016)
Freaking terrible.
15 May 2020
I wish I could give this negative stars. I only watched the first 13 minutes, which was more than enough for me to say this movie is a bag of barf.
For the record, I'm a person who loves low budget and cheesy sci- fi movies. The Tremors series is one of my favorites, if that tells you anything. But this..... this was completely unwatchable.
Shame on the people who made it for making something so far beyond stupid I don't even have words for it. You don't need a big budget to make a good movie. You do, however, need a few brain cells. Clearly, the creators of this had none.
Infinite poop emojies for you Darkest Dawn and whoever created you!!!!
For the record, I'm a person who loves low budget and cheesy sci- fi movies. The Tremors series is one of my favorites, if that tells you anything. But this..... this was completely unwatchable.
Shame on the people who made it for making something so far beyond stupid I don't even have words for it. You don't need a big budget to make a good movie. You do, however, need a few brain cells. Clearly, the creators of this had none.
Infinite poop emojies for you Darkest Dawn and whoever created you!!!!
Quarantine L.A.
(2013)
No
29 April 2020
IMDb says the estimated budget for this film was $1.2 million.... whattt??? And more importantly- WHY??
I guess the budget was spent on decent cinematography? But the script was weak, the characters were generic cliches, and the acting was pretty dang bad. I mean - I've seen worse. But that doesn't make this good by any means.
The worst character was a very small Asian woman who was supposed to be a powerful player in charge of military decisions and with an evil side. While I commend powerful roles for women - please hire a woman who can play the part. I wouldn't believe this woman is capable of being head librarian, let alone in charge of the military. Also, she was visibly reading her lines off cue cards, so yeah...
The lead alpha male type guy was also a total flop. Cliche generic character, poor acting, just generally lame. Nothing interesting about him, zero charisma, not attractive. Annoying/idiotic alpha male cliche behavior.
I sometimes really enjoy low budget zombie and sci-fi films. And I'm usually pretty generous with my ratings, but this one was such a dud. There was nothing that made it interesting at all. A bunch of non-actors repeating lines without any sense of them being real characters.
Also, some ridiculous choices in the plot were a total joke. At one point, the characters are inside of a big sturdy building that is surrounded by a fence with barbed wire. They declare that this place is too unsafe to spend the night and they must go a mile further to a safer spot. They lazily trudge along as the sun sets without any sense of purpose or urgency and finally decide to sleep outside in a parking lot slash junkyard??? That was the safer spot?? Ummm okkk. Just plain stupid.
If there was at least something mildly entertaining, interesting, funny, or original here I would give a better score, but there just wasn't. I'm giving 2 stars only because I've seen worse.
I guess the budget was spent on decent cinematography? But the script was weak, the characters were generic cliches, and the acting was pretty dang bad. I mean - I've seen worse. But that doesn't make this good by any means.
The worst character was a very small Asian woman who was supposed to be a powerful player in charge of military decisions and with an evil side. While I commend powerful roles for women - please hire a woman who can play the part. I wouldn't believe this woman is capable of being head librarian, let alone in charge of the military. Also, she was visibly reading her lines off cue cards, so yeah...
The lead alpha male type guy was also a total flop. Cliche generic character, poor acting, just generally lame. Nothing interesting about him, zero charisma, not attractive. Annoying/idiotic alpha male cliche behavior.
I sometimes really enjoy low budget zombie and sci-fi films. And I'm usually pretty generous with my ratings, but this one was such a dud. There was nothing that made it interesting at all. A bunch of non-actors repeating lines without any sense of them being real characters.
Also, some ridiculous choices in the plot were a total joke. At one point, the characters are inside of a big sturdy building that is surrounded by a fence with barbed wire. They declare that this place is too unsafe to spend the night and they must go a mile further to a safer spot. They lazily trudge along as the sun sets without any sense of purpose or urgency and finally decide to sleep outside in a parking lot slash junkyard??? That was the safer spot?? Ummm okkk. Just plain stupid.
If there was at least something mildly entertaining, interesting, funny, or original here I would give a better score, but there just wasn't. I'm giving 2 stars only because I've seen worse.
Fanboy
(2019)
Cute short movie
8 April 2020
This was a cute short movie about a young man who ventures to Hollywood to pursue a part in a movie and the adventures he has along the way. It was cute, funny, a little corny, but in a good way. A light, enjoyable watch. I liked it!
Parents guide: pretty non-offensive. Kissing scenes, but no sex. Mild language. No drug use.
Parents guide: pretty non-offensive. Kissing scenes, but no sex. Mild language. No drug use.
Harold's Going Stiff
(2011)
Cute and heartfelt
27 March 2020
While technically this was a zombie movie, as it had zombies in it, it actually felt like more of a heartfelt drama and was surprisingly sweet.
I assume the budget was low - some of the zombie lesions looked like play-doh stuck to their faces. However, everything else about this movie was pretty good! The story was clever, the acting was good, the main characters were endearing, and the landscapes were visually interesting. By the end, I actually quite cared for the main characters and cared about the outcome for them.
Not a Hollywood blockbuster, nor a typical zombie horror flick. But simple, sweet, and a good watch.
I assume the budget was low - some of the zombie lesions looked like play-doh stuck to their faces. However, everything else about this movie was pretty good! The story was clever, the acting was good, the main characters were endearing, and the landscapes were visually interesting. By the end, I actually quite cared for the main characters and cared about the outcome for them.
Not a Hollywood blockbuster, nor a typical zombie horror flick. But simple, sweet, and a good watch.
10.0 Earthquake
(2014)
Loved it!!!! Ok well.... it was entertaining anyways!
24 March 2020
The reviews here are unnecessarily harsh, therefore I'm awarding this low budget disaster flick a perfect TEN!!!!!
Come on people, lighten up!! This is a SyFy channel-quality disaster film. Is it ridiculous and corny? YES. Are the special effects cartoonish and absurd? YES. Did it star the guy from Beetlejuice slash Principle Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day Off? YESSSS!!!!!....... And I loved it!!!!!!
Actually, it reminded of "2012" - a Hollywood blockbuster disaster film starring John Cusack, which, despite having a much bigger budget, was equally as corny and ridiculous. I guess all disaster films, regardless of budget, seem at least a little ridiculous/unbelievable. Some are worse than others, but that's what's fun about watching a highly implausible, non-scientifically-accurate disaster film, right?
Well, I enjoyed it. The Los Angeles scenery was lovely. I enjoyed seeing Ed Rooney as a mad scientist. If you want a perfect script, amazing special effects, and scientific accuracy - look elsewhere. If you want a silly, fun watch without any high expectations, then yes!
Come on people, lighten up!! This is a SyFy channel-quality disaster film. Is it ridiculous and corny? YES. Are the special effects cartoonish and absurd? YES. Did it star the guy from Beetlejuice slash Principle Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day Off? YESSSS!!!!!....... And I loved it!!!!!!
Actually, it reminded of "2012" - a Hollywood blockbuster disaster film starring John Cusack, which, despite having a much bigger budget, was equally as corny and ridiculous. I guess all disaster films, regardless of budget, seem at least a little ridiculous/unbelievable. Some are worse than others, but that's what's fun about watching a highly implausible, non-scientifically-accurate disaster film, right?
Well, I enjoyed it. The Los Angeles scenery was lovely. I enjoyed seeing Ed Rooney as a mad scientist. If you want a perfect script, amazing special effects, and scientific accuracy - look elsewhere. If you want a silly, fun watch without any high expectations, then yes!
A Harlot's Progress
(2006 TV Movie)
Life was bleak in 18th century England
23 March 2020
Warning: Spoilers
A look at life in 18th century England shows the dark, depressed, and desperate state of many people during this period. It focuses on prostitution and highlights the plight of women which involved much abuse, degradation, and suffering.
The lead male is supposed to be our hero, but he is a faulty man who proves to be as sleazy as any other in the film, only less abusive than some of the other male characters. I did not feel inclined to cheer him on. I only felt sorry for his wife who seemed to be the only good person in the film.
While watching, I was thinking this story was based on a man's real life experience. However, in the end some concluding statements are presented that suggest the actual details of his life are uncertain. We do not know if this man was truly involved with a prostitute in the ways presented in the movie. So please be aware, this movie is not entirely based on facts.
There is a lot of sexual content, violence, abuse, and overall very dark material. Not for children.
The lead male is supposed to be our hero, but he is a faulty man who proves to be as sleazy as any other in the film, only less abusive than some of the other male characters. I did not feel inclined to cheer him on. I only felt sorry for his wife who seemed to be the only good person in the film.
While watching, I was thinking this story was based on a man's real life experience. However, in the end some concluding statements are presented that suggest the actual details of his life are uncertain. We do not know if this man was truly involved with a prostitute in the ways presented in the movie. So please be aware, this movie is not entirely based on facts.
There is a lot of sexual content, violence, abuse, and overall very dark material. Not for children.
Mountain Men
(2014)
Ok.... kinda dull
14 March 2020
This movie was ok, but nothing more than that. I see some rave reviews here and I'm wondering if they're fake. I also see some people saying it's a comedy?? Huhhh. It's definitely not a comedy movie. I don't know what movie they watched.
It's a drama about 2 adult brothers dealing with life problems, family issues, and growing up/maturing into adulthood. They work out their issues, grow and evolve over the course of a weekend in the mountains.
There is some mild action that takes place, but overall not very thrilling. Chace Crawford is pretty to look at, but nothing exciting or romantic happens. And he's bundled up in winter gear the whole movie, so no sexy shirtless scenes either.
Production value was decent. Acting was fine. But overall, this movie was pretty dull to watch. And despite the attractiveness of Chace Crawford... there wasn't much charisma happening either. Neither brother made you want to care about their character.
Overall, it was ok. If you have nothing else to watch or feel like watching something boring then this will due. But definitely nothing thrilling here. I wouldn't watch it a second time, that's for sure.
It's a drama about 2 adult brothers dealing with life problems, family issues, and growing up/maturing into adulthood. They work out their issues, grow and evolve over the course of a weekend in the mountains.
There is some mild action that takes place, but overall not very thrilling. Chace Crawford is pretty to look at, but nothing exciting or romantic happens. And he's bundled up in winter gear the whole movie, so no sexy shirtless scenes either.
Production value was decent. Acting was fine. But overall, this movie was pretty dull to watch. And despite the attractiveness of Chace Crawford... there wasn't much charisma happening either. Neither brother made you want to care about their character.
Overall, it was ok. If you have nothing else to watch or feel like watching something boring then this will due. But definitely nothing thrilling here. I wouldn't watch it a second time, that's for sure.
Alien Arrival
(2016)
Decent!
9 March 2020
I love low budget sci-fi films and this one qualifies! Definitely low budget, but totally not bad. I would even watch it again.
Of course, you have to be willing to suspend your understanding of reality a bit. Some things in the film are inconsistent, unclear, or never explained. And at times, the pace lagged a little. The special effects are not mind blowing, but not terrible either... good enough for me to enjoy watching without being distracted by them.
On the positive side, I thought the concept was creative, with some good twists and turns, good acting, and a hunky male lead who looked good with his shirt off (if you're into that sort of thing).
There was an element of an evil bad guy, but without causing the film to become overly grotesque, vulgar, violent as some other films/shows do nowadays.
Overall, I enjoyed watching it. Kudos to the male lead who did a good job with the content. And I also enjoyed the desert landscape and sky. I'd watch it again!
Of course, you have to be willing to suspend your understanding of reality a bit. Some things in the film are inconsistent, unclear, or never explained. And at times, the pace lagged a little. The special effects are not mind blowing, but not terrible either... good enough for me to enjoy watching without being distracted by them.
On the positive side, I thought the concept was creative, with some good twists and turns, good acting, and a hunky male lead who looked good with his shirt off (if you're into that sort of thing).
There was an element of an evil bad guy, but without causing the film to become overly grotesque, vulgar, violent as some other films/shows do nowadays.
Overall, I enjoyed watching it. Kudos to the male lead who did a good job with the content. And I also enjoyed the desert landscape and sky. I'd watch it again!
The End?
(2017)
Annoying to watch
6 March 2020
I love zombie movies. Sometimes I even enjoy the really bad ones if they are entertaining in some way. However, this one was just annoying to watch from beginning to end. You couldn't even find it entertaining from a corny or comedic perspective. It was just plain bad.
The whole movie revolves around a man who they set up to be a totally unlikable douchebag from the start. He is an obnoxious businessman who shouts instead of talks, treats people around him like pee-ons, cheats on his wife, and tries to force an objecting woman into having sex in an elevator. And this is just the opening scene... what a winner!
As the movie goes on, we don't find any redeeming qualities to his character. Instead, he is consistently annoying, incredibly stupid, cowardly, loud, emotionally unstable and terrible at handling a crisis situation. Absolutely NOT the kind of guy you'd want to face the apocalypse with.
The few other characters that make appearances in the movie aren't much wiser. The actions of both the human characters and the zombies are often stupid or make no sense other than deliberately designed to serve the main character's needs. Abysmal.
And the ending... oye. I think they made a feeble attempt to have the main character come out looking like a hero, even though he did absolutely nothing heroic or intelligent the entire time. And the ending was just a joke altogether. They may as well have had the main character wake up in bed and realize it was all a dream.... it was that bad.
If you want to watch an annoying man make phone calls, shout, scream, and cry in Italian for 2 hours, then watch this. If you're looking for a thrilling or even remotely entertaining zombie movie, then definitely pass on this one.
The whole movie revolves around a man who they set up to be a totally unlikable douchebag from the start. He is an obnoxious businessman who shouts instead of talks, treats people around him like pee-ons, cheats on his wife, and tries to force an objecting woman into having sex in an elevator. And this is just the opening scene... what a winner!
As the movie goes on, we don't find any redeeming qualities to his character. Instead, he is consistently annoying, incredibly stupid, cowardly, loud, emotionally unstable and terrible at handling a crisis situation. Absolutely NOT the kind of guy you'd want to face the apocalypse with.
The few other characters that make appearances in the movie aren't much wiser. The actions of both the human characters and the zombies are often stupid or make no sense other than deliberately designed to serve the main character's needs. Abysmal.
And the ending... oye. I think they made a feeble attempt to have the main character come out looking like a hero, even though he did absolutely nothing heroic or intelligent the entire time. And the ending was just a joke altogether. They may as well have had the main character wake up in bed and realize it was all a dream.... it was that bad.
If you want to watch an annoying man make phone calls, shout, scream, and cry in Italian for 2 hours, then watch this. If you're looking for a thrilling or even remotely entertaining zombie movie, then definitely pass on this one.
Girl on the Third Floor
(2019)
Lame-o
1 March 2020
This movie alternated between very boring and very stupid. I eventually started fast forwarding to get through it quicker. I agree with all the other bad reviews.... They made the lead character an unlikable human that you have no reason to care about at all. Very little character development of any character in the movie. Sexy scenes were not sexy at all. Characters weren't particularly attractive, nor did they do anything to create any chemistry there.... It was simply perfunctory for the plot. Just plain boring to watch. No redeeming anything here. The people who enjoyed it must be easily amused enough to be entertained by the mystery goo/ dish soap - which was the main star of the movie. I occasionally enjoy bad, corny movies, but this one offered little to enjoy. Don't waste your time.
The Last Kiss
(2006)
Dead boring and depressing from the start
22 February 2020
Exploitational use of female sexuality attempts to offset the boringness of this awful film. I'd rather nail my thumb to a wall than watch this pathetic, depressed, uninteresting and sexist drivel. Couldn't be any worse.
7:19
(2016)
An ok disaster film
16 February 2020
I'm always surprised by movies with large budgets... then you watch and wonder what they spent the money on. This was one such film. Not much happened here. A building collapses in an Earthquake. People are trapped under the rubble. The movie focuses on the personal connections and psychological progression of those who lie trapped in the collapsed building. It was an ok movie. I watched the whole thing, so it wasn't terrible. But not a lot happened.... I wouldn't watch it a 2nd time.
Cute teen fantasy film
23 April 2019
I'm an adult who happened to catch this film on cable TV, having no prior knowledge of the books or storyline.
Others have compared it to Twilight and Percy Jackson. It definitely falls into that field, so if that's your jam, then I think you'll enjoy it! As long as your expectations are realistic for what you're gonna get.
PROS: 1. Fun fantasy world with a variety of mythical creatures. 2. Attractive cast of young adults has good chemistry. 3. Moved at a decent pace, plenty of action. 4. Family friendly for teens. I didn't notice any vulgar language or sex scenes (some kissing and skimpy clothing, but nothing pornographic). There was violence amongst human actors and special effects creatures.
CONS: 1. Script could have been better. Some moments where the character's choices, actions, or words seemed stupid, nonsensical, or cheesy. 2. You jump straight away into a world with a variety of mythical creatures and you don't quite understand how all the creatures interact within the world. It's a little unclear, but you're still able to watch and follow the story as more information unfolds. 3. Special effects were generally decent. One thing that could have been improved - the characters had tattoo-like "runes" on their bodies. They create them using a device to burn them into their flesh, but later they turn into black makeup that washes off with water? That seemed a little corny to me.
Overall, I would watch this film again. It was fun, easy entertainment, non-offensive.
If you hate cheesy teen films like Twilight and Percy Jackson then it's not for you.
And if you're one of those obsessive film critics who likes picking movies apart then there are plenty of imperfections here for you to revel in.
Enjoy!
Others have compared it to Twilight and Percy Jackson. It definitely falls into that field, so if that's your jam, then I think you'll enjoy it! As long as your expectations are realistic for what you're gonna get.
PROS: 1. Fun fantasy world with a variety of mythical creatures. 2. Attractive cast of young adults has good chemistry. 3. Moved at a decent pace, plenty of action. 4. Family friendly for teens. I didn't notice any vulgar language or sex scenes (some kissing and skimpy clothing, but nothing pornographic). There was violence amongst human actors and special effects creatures.
CONS: 1. Script could have been better. Some moments where the character's choices, actions, or words seemed stupid, nonsensical, or cheesy. 2. You jump straight away into a world with a variety of mythical creatures and you don't quite understand how all the creatures interact within the world. It's a little unclear, but you're still able to watch and follow the story as more information unfolds. 3. Special effects were generally decent. One thing that could have been improved - the characters had tattoo-like "runes" on their bodies. They create them using a device to burn them into their flesh, but later they turn into black makeup that washes off with water? That seemed a little corny to me.
Overall, I would watch this film again. It was fun, easy entertainment, non-offensive.
If you hate cheesy teen films like Twilight and Percy Jackson then it's not for you.
And if you're one of those obsessive film critics who likes picking movies apart then there are plenty of imperfections here for you to revel in.
Enjoy!
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