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Thirteen (2003)
4/10
Oh, it's so "SHOCKING!"
18 March 2004
Warning: Spoilers
**Spoilers (I guess)**

This was a trite, predictable film that seldom presented something other than a contrivance. The acting was pretty sub-par overall...in fact, there were few things about this film that I didn't have a problem with.

First of all, Evan Rachel Wood was terrible in her role as Tracey. Her performance lacked any subtlety. Perhaps it was the directing, though; since that was so terrible in every other aspect, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. I have a huge problem with the fact that she's supposed to be a sympathetic character, and here's really where my deepest discontent with this film lies. Tracey is presented as a poor little baby whose daddy's not around, and who cuts herself up when she doesn't get her way. How is this supposed to make me feel anything at all for this character? She abuses her family, she's disrespectful to her mother and everyone around her...I remember being 13, and I know it was an incredibly difficult age, but I didn't lose all compassion for the people around me! Ridiculous. Wood screams and cries and carries on, and in the moments when she's alone and we're supposed to feel sorry for her, she is so melodramatic that all you can do is roll your eyes and wait for the scene to end.

Secondly, Holly Hunter. I can appreciate her talents in other films, but it seemed there wasn't a whole lot she could do about the character of Mel, who was completely obnoxious; a stereotypical L.A. airhead (e.g. "Am I not allowed to look at your body anymore?" Who the hell says that to their daughter, and in such a hurt tone of voice???). Her irritating, whiny pleas for Tracey's compassion seriously made me want to throw things at my television. As a matter of fact, there were numerous times in this film that I started feeling like every character was a classic L.A. stereotype. This story could not have taken place ANYWHERE else. The father, for instance, with his cell phone and slicked hair, was completely L.A. and totally one-dimensional.

Nikki Reed was atrocious as well; the scene in which she cries when rejected was completely pathetic. At first I thought maybe she was *supposed* to be fake-crying, in keeping with the shallow nature of the Evie character, but no...that was just poor acting on Reed's part.

The character of Mason was likewise over-acted, in typical fashion of this film; his sole purpose seemed to be to stomp around SCREAMING at his sister for her out of control behavior. Then, after all that, when Mel finally calls a family meeting to confront Tracey, he begs off to go surfing! Just another example of the poor writing...

There are really too many bad things about this film to even bother listing them all. PLEASE don't get me started on the PAINFULLY CONTRIVED scene of the two girls practicing kissing with each other. That was the most gratuitous, repulsive piece of shock-value crap I have witnessed in a movie posing as an "art film" in as long as I can remember, possibly surpassed only by their "threesome" with the boy next door.

There are things about this film that are not terrible, but these things are not concrete scenes in the film, more just the suggestion of the reality of being a teenager. The girls have no regard for their safety; they take drugs of all kinds as if they're invincible, sleep around without any thought whatsoever for the consequences...but even this brutal truth doesn't save this cliché of a film.

BOTTOM LINE: This is a spurious, poorly-acted, miserably-directed film that could really only be appreciated by a thirteen year old girl who fancies herself a rebel. The characters are unattractive, the story is unattractive, and you can definitely tell it was shot in under 30 days, and scripted in under 6. I would not recommend this film to anyone.

Oh, and PS--To everyone who keeps mentioning the girls are bad because they're having sex with "black boys": I think you're missing the point. It isn't at all that they're having sex with "black boys," just that they're having sex with boys. The fact that the boys are black is pretty incidental; that just happens to be who the girls are attracted to and who they primarily hang out with. (If I'm wrong about this, then please add "Racism" to the list of reasons why I hate this film...)
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3/10
It sucked!
5 October 2003
I love Mr. Show. Love it!!!

With that said, Run Ronnie Run was a huge piece of crap. I truly felt like I had wasted my money after viewing it. There were literally only two times while viewing that I actually laughed. It reminded me of a horrible SNL movie, or perhaps of UHF starring Weird Al-- only not as funny. This movie was completely devoid of the comedic genius of Bob and David to which fans are accustomed. It was lame, boring, and painfully unfunny.

In short, this movie totally sucked and you should just save your dough and watch Mr. Show instead. The Season 3 DVD just came out and it's so much better than this trash that it can't even be compared.
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5/10
"Thanks for killing my mom, man..."
28 July 2003
This is a campy little movie that looks like a person afflicted with Parkinson's disease shot most of it; a corny punk trash flick that follows the rise to fame and fortune of the all-girl teen band the Lovedolls. Chock full of SHOCKING and OUTRAGEOUS behavior, hilariously bad acting, and a pretty good 80's punk soundtrack.

There are many priceless bits that make this film a lot of fun for anyone who's a fan of cheesy flicks. Highly recommended for lovers of bad movies!
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7/10
Thought-provoking; interesting subject matter
24 July 2003
Lucy Walker presents a view into a community that is rarely glimpsed by outsiders. The Amish community, tightly knit as it is, has little use for the "English" world outside. I was very intrigued by the premise of a film following young Amish people through the rite of passage of Rumspringa, wherein they discover what kind of people they want to be, and decide whether to join the Amish church.

The view given by Walker is largely unbiased; she presents the viewer with a portrait of several Amish youths and their decisions to join the church or to remain in the english world. The film focuses mainly on Faron, a youth who has gotten himself into trouble with drugs, and she does not judge him or criticize him. Rather, we see his actions and are told of his choices, and are left to draw our own conclusions and wonder what will become of him.

I found this film to be quite well done, and unlike some of the other reviewers, I don't think it felt staged or stilted. I found myself thinking about it long after I'd seen it, and wondering what had happened to the people whose lives it followed.

I recommend this film, and feel that as a debut, it is quite an achievement. Some of the moments actually reminded me of Harmony Korine's work; it has a subtle air of discontent and uncertainty. Well done. ****/*****.
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3/10
Good Premise, Bad Flick
29 June 2003
Warning: Spoilers
*SPOILERS*

I expected more from this film. The premise of a photo-lab techincian developing an unhealthy relationship with his customers was an intriguing one. However, this movie was dull, poorly-acted, and boring. There was not enough background on any of the characters to create sympathy, and Williams' character's behavior was not explained until an astoundingly trite (and insufficient) scene at the end of the film. This left me feeling annoyed and wondering why in the world he was doing all of these things, and why I was expected to care.

Overall, the performances were stilted and the dialogue trite. The supposedly "shocking" hotel scene was incredibly lame--I actually laughed as I was watching it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and not because it was "shocking" and confrontational, but because it was so stupid and unnecessary. The grimaces of "shame" and "fear" on the characters' faces were ridiculous, and Williams' overacting was embarrassing.

This is a bad, bad movie. I just watched it and I've already forgotten most of what I saw. The symbolism was overdone...the entire thing just seemed so contrived. In fact, this movie was so bland that I came away from it with the vague feeling that I'd seen it before. Unoriginal, boring, bland, bad.

Ultimately, this one gets a 3/10 from me. Not worth the effort.
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Moulin Rouge! (2001)
2/10
Awful, painful, migraine-inducing sparkly vomit (*SPOILERS*)
24 March 2002
Warning: Spoilers
I didn't want to see this movie. I'll just come right out and say that up front. From the very first preview I was turned off by all the singing and dancing and glitter. I was incredibly bored one day, however, and a friend who really loved it insisted that I would, as well. I didn't think so, but I decided to be open-minded.

I was ill-prepared for the next torturous four hours (or however long it actually was; it certainly seemed like four hours or so) that I was subjected to.

This film is so shallow as to be less than one-dimensional, if that's possible. Everyone was so busy showing off that there was no time for any character development. It was impossible to care about any of them. The tale itself was trite, rehashed old crud served up in a glittery package. Oh, but wait! They're singing awful pop songs from the '70's and '80's that everyone hates! How terribly clever and original!

Oddly enough, for a movie that moved so fast and had so much going on at once that I literally got a migraine after watching it, it certainly dragged on and on. By the time I finally made it to the end, I just couldn't wait for the main character to DIE ALREADY so that this nightmare would end, but she had to cough for about 6 years and look beautiful first.

This film's broad appeal truly causes me to fear for our society as a whole. The only two kinds of people that I could see enjoying this film would be either people with severe ADD or fans of Elton John. Or perhaps a frightening combination of the two. I guess there are more of these people around than I thought.

If you have a soul and want to keep it, avoid this horrible, horrible movie.
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