ispelunk Reviews

Orange County (2002)

Oh My God, Could A Movie Be Any Worse?

[2/10 · 6 January 2002]

I was suckered into seeing this piece of dribble by some buddies that go in for the "Dumb & Dumber" style of physical humor. The trap that hooked me was the noteworthy supporting cast. With Kevin Kline, Chevy Chase, Katherine O'Hara and more (none lightweights of physical comedy), I expected something, anything more than the pathetic excuse that was presented. John Lithgow looked like he was physically in pain while delivering his lines. Some of it could be attributed to having a son like Lance, but I think he may have realized how bad this one was while he was performing it. The one bright spot may have been the surprise at seeing Ben Stiller as a LAFD uniform. A pretty small part, and definitely not enough to save this flop. No spoilers here: I left with about half an hour left and snuck across the hall to watch the ending of The Royal Tenenbaums (now THAT movie looks good). I can only imagine that the prep and the schlep realize that the brotherly bond is stronger than anything. I wouldn't be surprised if the Freak actually pulled off some outlandish and wholly unbelievable scheme to get his lil Geek bro into Stanford.

In my humble opinion, don't waste 2 hours of your life on this hokey garbage. If you're looking to find a piece of work that director Jake Kasdan could be proud of, try Zero Effect. And if you're looking to see a better display of our hero, Jack Black's, acting talents. Well, that's a lot harder, but you may try the scene in The Jackal right before Bruce Willis plugs him with a .50 Caliber Assault Cannon.

The Element of Crime (1984)

What kind of world is this?

[7/10 · 5 January 2002]

Though supposedly taking place somewhere in West Germany, I cannot imagine a world such as this, with the exceptions of perhaps a Mad Max movie, or maybe Waterworld. Water seems to be the dominant element in the film; the entire piece is saturated. In one early scene in police headquarters, our hero, Fisher, visits the archives by climbing a rope down to a flooded basement. He wades in waist high water, searching through damp and waterlogged files encased in plastic baggies. He searches for clues to the elusive Harry Gray. This world has definitely suffered some apocalypse, though details are sketchy.

Finding a long forgotten surveillance report, he tracks the movements of Mr. Gray through the muddy streets and towns. He tries to put himself into the shoes of his prey, perhaps too much so. Who is Harry Gray, anyway? Is there such a person? Will the hunter cross the line and identify too closely with the hunted?

Lars von Trier's directorial debut definitely foreshadows some of his later works. All of the lotto girls bear a striking resemblance to "The Kingdom's" poor Mary Jensen. And much of the camera work is reminiscent of "The Kingdom" and "Europa". Although the film is somewhat slow, especially if you've been bred on a diet of standard American cinema, it's dreamy, somber tone is nothing if not original. Shot entirely in shades of sepia, with startling blasts of blue color that remind you that this is not a black and white film of the Fritz Lang era, you wonder if the entire movie is but a dream, conjured in our protaganist's mind and surfaced under hypnosis. Why is he in Cairo being hypnotized, anyway? Was he the killer all along, murdering the lotto girls and mutilating them with broken bottles? Does he really not remember? And am I the only one who sees the similarity between Harry Gray and "The Usual Suspects'" Kaiser Soze. The classic red herring that leads you... where?

More than likely, you will only see this film if you purchase the Criterion Collection Edition (at least in the USA), or borrow it from someone who has. So, is it worth the fourty bucks to add to your collection? If you are a Michael Bay, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, shoot-em-up action guy, then probably not. But if you enjoy something completely different, then this may well be for you. By the way, the Criterion release includes a documentary about the life and work of von Trier, including some of his first adolescent films shot with his mom's 8mm camera. If you are a fan of "The Kingdom", as I am, or of any of von Trier's works, it may well be worth the asking price for this alone; and you can consider the feature a quirky bonus, showing his singular genius at such an early stage.

Regular Guys (1996)

Hard to find in the US, but worth a watch.

[8/10 · 7 September 2001]

The only copy I've seen was an all-region import disk from Kowloon; the subtitles which appear with Mandarin with English below, they are very sloppy, fading in and out, and not always jiving with the action. There are also lots of noticeable pops and crack in both score and screen.

The story follows Christoph Schwenck, (or Schwenky, as some of the women he's bedded call him), a cop in some hard to pinpoint German town, who hits a streak of bad luck. More accurately is that he causes it himself. He prefers cruising the Autobahn and watching a football match to spending couple time with his lady, who proceeds to kick Schwenck to the curb, with his meager belongings in tow. For some hard to believe reason, there are apparently no rooms at nary an Inn, Boarding House or Brothel anywhere within like a hundred mile radius... With no place to stay, he proceeds to get tanked, lose all his possessions, and wake up the next morning in the bed of, as well as the arms of another man. YIKES! "What the *@!? did I just do?" He leaves not knowing how far things went, or even who this other dude is, for that matter.

But alas, he returns to become this gay dude's straight roommate (only temporarily, he assures us) and this bizarre mènage à quatre develops between Schwenck, Edgar (gay roomie), longtime police pal (male), and new partner (female). Pretty much every imaginable embarrassing situation that can happen to Schwenck does, and he proceeds thru the picture from embarrassment, humiliation and fervent denials to almost coming to embrace being gay. But Schwencky is straight, and stays true to that till the end. He gets the girl in the end, and the original quartet reshuffle, recouple and drive off into the sunset.

Not a bad flick, it's fun watching Christoph squirm and rebuff Edgar, who never seems to give up. Some scenes are pretty graphic, and arguably distateful, to say the least, but you come away liking and maybe even identifying with one (or more) of the quartet, and thinking a bit more about tolerance and understanding. Best luck finding on ebay or something similar, and worth adding to your collection if you are: a) gay, b) female, c) open minded; but don't spend too much. I'll probably not watch the thing repeatedly, but I'll almost definitely pass it along.

The Night Strangler (1973 TV Movie)

Can anyone say 'Eugene Tooms'

[9/10 · 15 August 2001]

To say that Chris Carter was influenced by this is putting it mildly. Watch the first season episode "Tooms" and compare / contrast.

The comparisons are multiple, especially the concept of an adversary that has been killing at specific intervals since the late 1800s.

McGavin's character strives to be Taoist in nature, but when butting heads against editor, publisher, police chief, tinker, tailor and thief, he cannot help but get his fur riled. Maybe less Taoism, more Don Quixote.

And like Mulder, he's left with little or no hard evidence at the end of the drama. Nowadays he would publish his pics on the web ála Matt Drudge or maybe sell to Hard Copy. We're jaded enough today to accept a lot of things that were fantastic in the 70s.

Nina Wayne, by the way gives a standout performance as the Jüngian archetypical BLONDE BIMBO, (a Stripper, no less) with the unlikely name of Charisma Beauty. Until, of course, the point where Richard Anderson crushes her neck (not McGyver Anderson, $6,000,000 Man Anderson).

Classic 70's Must See TV.