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stefanbain
Reviews
Home Sweet Home (1981)
A terrible, terrible student film
This is one of the worst movies ever made. Not 'fun' bad, just plain awful. It is about a man who escapes from prison. He was there for killing his parents. He shoots up some PCP and goes on a strung-out killing spree. The victims are comprised of these very annoying characters who gather at a home for Thanksgiving. They are so annoying and poorly acted that you can't wait for the killing to begin. The acting is worse than anything one can see in bad porn, the editing is choppy, the audio is poor, the dubbing does not sync up, the art direction consists of spatters of novelty blood. The killer actually spends the last part of the movie with a big butcher knife sticking out of his back...why didn't he die? The PCP, of course...that stuff makes you, like, live man. In the end credits the director/editor thanks her Dr. parents (for the funding?) and her College film school. Watch this only as an example of 'How not to make movies."...the killer looked good in his tight jeans, though.
Don't Go in the Woods (1981)
Worse than anything you can imagine
I thought I had reached the bottom of the bottom when I watched "Feeders" but this movie has out-ranked Feeders for the bottom spot. I can't believe that this came out in the same time period as Friday the 13th, Happy Birthday to Me, The Funhouse, and My Bloddy Valentine. There is nothing here worth watching, as there is no plot, just a bunch of people in the mountains (not the woods) getting killed. The killings are not clever or scary. The special effects are nothing more than red paint thrown at the 'actors' and the music is some guy hitting the same key over and over on an electric keyboard. The dubbing is so bad; every voice is dubbed and the dubbing often does not match the screen. There are better 'bad' horror films that at least get a chuckle (see Slumber Party Massacre) and show some attempt at honoring the genre. Yes, the man climbing the mountain in a wheelchair is interesting, but I would rather sit through another painful viewing of "Mac and Me' to get a laugh at wheelchair shtick. This movie is just plain bad and is a total waste of time.
The Prowler (1981)
A Major Misfire from the 80s
Released the same year as Friday the 13th part 2, Halloween part 2, Happy Birtday to Me, and My Bloody Valentine, this is a major misfire in the slasher tidal wave that hit theaters in the early to mid 80s. It tells the story of a, well, a prowler, who is killing young students at a college in New Jersey. There is a back story of a broken romance from WW II that (supposedly) sets the stage for the current murders. The back story is the first thing in the movie that goes wrong, and the movie never recovers.
The acting is bad, even for a slasher film, and the characters are, well, dumb. They do all the things that people should not do when being chased (they don't go for help, the split up instead of staying in a group, they sit alone in cars that are parked in cemeteries). They also do the same things we have seen EVERY character do in EVERY horror movie, but again, this is from 1981, so at the time this movie may have been fresh. When the killer is revealed, it is more of a 'who cares' moment than anything, as there had been nothing told about him. And the actual last scene (the shower scene) makes no sense at all, and is a cheap shot at trying to capture that last scare a la Carrie. There is also a scene that is EXACTLY like a scene from F13th part 2, where the heroine is hiding under a bed, a rat, and a pitchfork. I wonder what movie is copying the other?
The special effects are good, but dated, and not good enough to hold a viewers attention through the whole movie. There are a lot of better slasher flicks out there; movies that don't make you fall asleep due to boredom.
Trick or Treat (1986)
Really boring; not sure why it has the cult status
This movie does not rock, as others have said. I found it really boring and silly. The story is about this metal high school kid who idolizes this really bad heavy metal singer. The singer dies, but not before making one last album that is to be played over the radio at, of course, midnight on Halloween (which would actually make it November 1st, a much less potent date to be sure). The kid gets a copy of the record and it contains secret hidden back-play messages. It also is the key that opens the door so that the really bad metal singer can return to bring havoc and death to the world.
The first part of this film is not a horror film at all, but rather an After School Special. We see the metal kid (the outsider) tormented over and over by the popular kids. And he fails to learn the most important lesson in high school movies: When the cool kids who bully you suddenly invite you to a party, DON'T GO! It is a trap. Especially if it is a pool party. Anybody surprised when he ends up in the water?? It was such an After School Special that I kept waiting for Melissa Sue Anderson to show up and teach Jody Foster a lesson.
So back to the horror part of the film. So this metal kid gets some powers and instead of using them to kill the bully boys (which would have made much more sense), he freaks out and tries to protect all of the bully boys and girls from harm. What? A sensitive hero? What fun is that in a horror movie? Thank goodness Carrie White did not follow this lesson. He actually tries to PREVENT having the music played at the Halloween Dance, the very music that could unleash a power to kill all the kids who had been mean to him. If it were me, I would have put that music on, and pronto.
The rest of the movie is about this metal kid going around town trying to kill the horrible metal star he idolized. Why not partner with him and REALLY do some damage. Why you ask? It seems he is in love with one of the popular girls and does not want her hurt..more appropriate for a Molly Ringwald film. Is this a horror film or an episode of Beauty and the Beast? The movie just goes on and on at this point, with no scares, horror, or anything worth watching. If you went to high school in the late 80s like I did, this movie is fun to have a little flashback to fashions and big hair, but that is it for this film. Skip it and stay home and just listen to some KISS.
The Final Terror (1983)
Really boring; not sure of the cult status
I had heard a lot about this movie, and was told that it was pretty scary, an 80s time capsule of a smart slasher film. In fact, a few towns over this movie was shown as a midnight movie for a while, and people showed up dressed as the forest mom. Having just seen the entire movie, I am not sure what the hype is all about. It is a very silly little film. The acting is horrible, but not as bad as the lighting. The story is about a small group of campers who go into the woods to "build a stream" per the leader (even though there is a stream). The dialog is really silly, as are the decisions the campers make to escape (split up, sleep in separate camps). All the expected characters are there (the pot head, the joker, the so-crazy-he-may- be-the-killer) and they do all of the expected things (scream, fight, and sometimes, thankfully, are killed). The gore is tame and there are no scary parts at all. The movie is sloppy, for example the female body double in the opening scene (falling from the motorcycle) is SO obvious not the same person.
I guess this movie would be okay to watch if it was on TV and there was nothing else to do, but otherwise it really is not worth the time. It is a bad sign for a slasher movie that more people are alive at the end then were murdered, especially when you want them to die SOOO badly.
House on Greenapple Road (1970)
Not as scary as I remember, but very cool nonetheless
I remember seeing this as a child...It would come on TV every now and then. As a little boy, I could never get past the opening scene where Eve Plumb comes home and finds all that blood. I was terrified that it was real. Seeing this 30 years later, it has lost more than a bit of the terror it held over me, but with that said, it is very well acted. The detective story is pretty run of the mill, and not as clever as Columbo, but a notch above Murder She Wrote. The final scenes are pretty powerful and the dialog seems very risqué for the 70s. It is great to see this again; it is very well made for a TV movie and it made me long for the days of 70s TV. Now all we got are Lifetime movies, which are pretty dumb. This movie is not on Netflix, but I was able to order one from www.adifferentcity.com the copy is fine.