Sexandroide
*DVD*
This has been like a holy grail for me the last few years and I was going to wait until this weekend to watch it but what a better way to spend a Wednesday morning?
Finally, FINALLY I'll hopefully be able to piece together what R2-D2 was up to during those dark times in the late 1980's/early 1990's when Star Wars wasn't very popular!
Part 1 Some dude uses a voodoo doll to make a seemingly random girl at a bar across town(?) feel sick, go to the bathroom and puke, strip her clothes off and bleed from her nether region. Then he uses a photograph of her to make her cry blood tears, bleed from her nipples, he burns the dolls face...you get it.
Part 2 A terrified girl slowly makes her way down a staircase into a dilapidated basement/dungeon and then is approached by a zombie which she shoots twice but obviously doesn't die. It attacks her but she fends it off then removes all her clothes and does a fire dance. She starts whipping herself but OH NO; THE ZOMBIE IS BACK. They make out briefly, she pukes up a tarantula (I think, you can't really tell before he quickly puts it in his pocket), more whipping, forced nipple piercing, straight razor erotism, he eats her nipple...you get it.
No, no you really don't because then he cuts his own arm and pops her eye out before finally killing her, bathing in her blood and disemboweling himself (the image on the cover). It's beautiful though because she likes all this.
Oh wait, she's still moving. He gives her a flower. They walk back up the stairs together into the great unknown.
Part 3 A coffin. A vampire! A witch! Or is it a mourning lover? Who cares? He's still alive and starts foaming at the mouth before jumping out of the coffin and ripping her clothes off. He bites her and gets back into his coffin. She reanimated (or vampirates or whatever it's called when someone becomes a vampire) then dances to some '80's song staring directly into the camera and into your soul. She finally gets in the coffin with the Count and he pulls the lid closed, but not before hanging a sign off it that shows a picture insinuating "do not disturb".
Credits roll.
I've said it before: the Germans can do gore, Latin America can make you wonder if what you're watching is fake or not, Japan takes it to comical levels of extreme but the French; they can do F'D UP. And buddy this was F'D UP.
There's no dialogue in this or story. It's pretty much exactly how I described it accompanied by a droning soundtrack consisting of three or four notes for 57 minutes (save the song the third girl dances to at the end). The gore was pretty nuts, the girls were really hot and NOTHING made sense. So I got exactly what I wanted. Maybe even more? I read about this movie (what little there is about it on the internet) and thought there was no way it could be as messed up as I was reading. But it was and it truly deserved its "holy grail" tag that I'd aspired for it to be.
*DVD*
This has been like a holy grail for me the last few years and I was going to wait until this weekend to watch it but what a better way to spend a Wednesday morning?
Finally, FINALLY I'll hopefully be able to piece together what R2-D2 was up to during those dark times in the late 1980's/early 1990's when Star Wars wasn't very popular!
Part 1 Some dude uses a voodoo doll to make a seemingly random girl at a bar across town(?) feel sick, go to the bathroom and puke, strip her clothes off and bleed from her nether region. Then he uses a photograph of her to make her cry blood tears, bleed from her nipples, he burns the dolls face...you get it.
Part 2 A terrified girl slowly makes her way down a staircase into a dilapidated basement/dungeon and then is approached by a zombie which she shoots twice but obviously doesn't die. It attacks her but she fends it off then removes all her clothes and does a fire dance. She starts whipping herself but OH NO; THE ZOMBIE IS BACK. They make out briefly, she pukes up a tarantula (I think, you can't really tell before he quickly puts it in his pocket), more whipping, forced nipple piercing, straight razor erotism, he eats her nipple...you get it.
No, no you really don't because then he cuts his own arm and pops her eye out before finally killing her, bathing in her blood and disemboweling himself (the image on the cover). It's beautiful though because she likes all this.
Oh wait, she's still moving. He gives her a flower. They walk back up the stairs together into the great unknown.
Part 3 A coffin. A vampire! A witch! Or is it a mourning lover? Who cares? He's still alive and starts foaming at the mouth before jumping out of the coffin and ripping her clothes off. He bites her and gets back into his coffin. She reanimated (or vampirates or whatever it's called when someone becomes a vampire) then dances to some '80's song staring directly into the camera and into your soul. She finally gets in the coffin with the Count and he pulls the lid closed, but not before hanging a sign off it that shows a picture insinuating "do not disturb".
Credits roll.
I've said it before: the Germans can do gore, Latin America can make you wonder if what you're watching is fake or not, Japan takes it to comical levels of extreme but the French; they can do F'D UP. And buddy this was F'D UP.
There's no dialogue in this or story. It's pretty much exactly how I described it accompanied by a droning soundtrack consisting of three or four notes for 57 minutes (save the song the third girl dances to at the end). The gore was pretty nuts, the girls were really hot and NOTHING made sense. So I got exactly what I wanted. Maybe even more? I read about this movie (what little there is about it on the internet) and thought there was no way it could be as messed up as I was reading. But it was and it truly deserved its "holy grail" tag that I'd aspired for it to be.
Tell Your Friends