David_Niemann Reviews

De l'amour (2001)

Mostly good film ruined by empty ending

[6/10 · 5 September 2003]

The setting is modern day urban France. Maria, her boyfriend Karim, her best friend Linda and Karim's best friend, Manu, are the main characters in this at times powerful and intriguing yet ultimately empty film.

The first 20 minutes or so are very dull, especially the scenes between Karim and Manu. But Linda has charm and is a nice character, and whilst Maria isn't the most likeable character to ever appear in a film, she does have a certain quality that engages the audience, say, an X-factor.

Once the film gets going it's mostly a good to average experience. One of the film's main strengths is its portrayal of the ethnic melting pot that is modern day France. Racism is a subject running through the film, from inter-racial relationships to police brutality and ignorance, which is the other main aspect of the film. After she is caught shoplifting, Maria is taken to a police station. And what unfolds will become one of her worst nights ever.

And while all of this is very moving and involving, towards the latter part of the movie everything really kind of sinks. A plot turn is handled very messily and our feelings toward certain characters are almost turned on their head. And the ending is empty, trying to tie up everything but tying up nothing.

One aspect of the film that I must mention is the cinematography, which is excellent, especially towards the end of the film. Also, the editing, also near the end, is wonderful. The editing of Maria thinking back to what happened to her is superb.

Pascal, the Police Inspector, is a very nice character who is very chipper. The `evil cop' character seems a little over done, but at the same time you never think what he does cannot or hasn't already happened in real-life, and I'm sure, sadly, it has.

While the film isn't terrible, and does have it's good moments, I can't really recommend this ultimately empty experience.

6/10

Legally Blonde (2001)

Illegally Bland

[3/10 · 1 September 2003]

Elle Woods thinks she has it all. She goes to the coolest parties, has great friends and has a total babe for a boyfriend. And things are going to get even better! He's going to propose to Elle! Or at least that's what she thinks. But things go horribly wrong at dinner when instead of asking for her hand in marriage, he dumps her. In his mind, for his time at Harvard Law School to be successful he can't have such an unserious girlfriend, he needs a much more sophisticated and conventional girl. But Elle is heartbroken, for she is in love. But what's a girl to do? Duh! Isn't it obvious! Just improve your grades insanely high almost overnight, get into Harvard yourself and show him you're the smart girl you know you are. Like totally cool!

This is such a boring, unfunny, hypocritical, lame and unintelligent movie.

I'm not sure if it's because the last movie I watched before this was Spike Lee's legendary `Do The Right Thing', but I found this movie to be terribly white. I just got so sick and tired of seeing so many white people in this movie. (And I'd like to point out that I am white.) There are very few black or ethnic people in the film, with just three customers in a beauty salon (one completely in the background), an Asian woman in another beauty parlour and a judge only coming to mind. And the scene that includes the Asian woman turns disgusting as the subtitles say she swears. I found this terribly offensive and quite distasteful. Are there actually people out there that would find this drivel funny?

In one rather poorly constructed and pointless scene, a rather average looking guy asks a girl out on a date. She flatly refuses and call's him a loser. Upon overhearing this, Elle wants to help. So she pretends she spent a night with him filled with red-hot passion. The girl that called him a loser is now impressed and wants to go out with him. Yay for Elle for saving the day! Does anyone else see the immorality shown in this scene? The disgusting lack of ethics displayed in this atrocious scene pretty much sums up the movie. It is well meaning and wants to make a difference but is severely unintelligent in the way it goes about achieving its goals.

And how are we to believe that Elle truly has intelligence? In my mind anyone that actually believes someone that despises them has just genuinely invited them to a party is not only stupid but also profusely naïve.

The character of Vivian (played by the excellent Selma Blair, who struggles with the pathetic material she gets here) is ludicrously 'written'.

***SPOILER***

Vivian's turn around is just incredible. It was at this point that the film really lost me.

*** END OF SPOILER ***

The character of Paulette, who becomes a sort of confidant and shoulder to cry on for Elle, is one of the worst characters. Her character should have been limited to her first scene or completely cut. Words like arduous, pointless and inane spring to mind when thinking about Paulette. And the 'bend and snap' scene is one of the most truly horrendous moments ever captured on film. I felt like I wanted to be sick. It is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Reese Witherspoon is a great actress and here she comes off quite well. Though I never felt sorry for Elle, and in the end I didn't care about her at all. With some better writing this could have been the `Election' of law. Certainly, it's the writing and direction that makes the film a disaster, not the acting.

Elle's boyfriend, Warner Huntington III, at least adds something to the movie with one of the most truly funny lines in the film, `If I want to be elected Senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.'

Luke Wilson is as wonderful as ever. But it's a shame he isn't in the film more as it's a case of blink and you'll miss him. And the same goes for the unbelievably talented and beautiful Holland Taylor (who plays a judge in The Practice). But she is in so little of the film it's very disappointing. And her last scene is awful; I felt sorry for her having to deliver such dire lines.

The film is very hypocritical. One of the main themes is 'don't judge someone's intellect by what they look like'. But the film goes back on its own words, when, shock, horror; Elle begins to show signs of intellect. Her wardrobe, even though still colourful, becomes much more conservative. And becomes more and more conformist as the film continues.

*** SLIGHT SPOILER ***

And the film's lasting message is cruel, deluded and just plain moronic. Good people end up with good lives and bad people end up alone and with bad lives. How could anyone find that uplifting and inspirational when a message like that is totally fraudulent and fanciful?

***END OF SLIGHT SPOILER***

I love anything to do with court cases. The Practice is one of my favourite television shows, and I even loved Ally McBeal. But the court case in this movie is so boring and insanely predictable. It felt like a rejected script from Ally McBeal. The woman, who they are defending in a murder case, is very dislikeable and ugly.

I understand the movie is not meant to be serious or realistic; I didn't watch it thinking it was going to be a hard-hitting drama. But if a film is meant to be light and fluffy it should at least be entertaining and funny. But this movie is just one boring and arduous scene after another. If you want to see a simular film (in style, not story), try the much superior 'Never Been Kissed'.

'Legally Blonde' is laborious and unintelligent garbage. I insist that you don't watch this putrid mess.

My score reflects how many times I laughed during the movie.

3/10

In the Realm of the Senses (1976)

Good film, but shock might over shadow finer points

[7/10 · 1 September 2003]

The general outline of the movie: 5 minutes of sex. 40 seconds of no sex. 5 minutes of sex. 30 seconds of no sex. 10 minutes of sex. 40 seconds of no sex. 5 minutes of sex. 20 seconds of no sex. 10 minutes of sex. Etc, etc, etc. And no, I'm not exaggerating, that is literally how it is.

Oh my goodness! This definitely has to be the most graphic movie I have ever seen. This film was banned for over 20 years, and while I do not agree with censorship, I can certainly see why it was banned. This has to been some of the rawest, brutality honest and just plain bona fide scenes of sex ever captured on film.

The plot centres on a young Japanese geisha, Sada Abe, and her boss, Kichizo. He takes a shine to her and they spend quite a lot of time together, and decide to get married. And the film is pretty much just them having sex. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of sex. Did I mention they have sex a lot?

Kichizo seems to be a sex addict. In fact, it's pretty much the only thing he does and talks about. I was interested to find out this movie is based on a real-life story, so in a way I feel the sex is justified if this all actually happened.

If you're the type of person offended by breasts, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! This movie is so graphic I was happy for a reprieve of just breasts. In fact this film is so graphic breasts shouldn't be defined as nudity here. And I can tell you I'll never eat eggs again!

You might think I'm talking too much about the sex, but really there's not much else to discuss. Being liberal I'd say the film is about 85% sex. But the scenes that do not contain any sex (about 4 minutes, I'd say) are quite beautiful. Japan is such a beautiful place, not only the landscape but also the architecture. It's disappointing that these elements were not utilised more. I think in retrospect there is much more to this film than just the sex. However I feel as if I was so taken aback by the sex that the film's finer points may have passed me by. Certainly, the film gets better as it progresses and continues until it reaches it's shocking but surprisingly beautiful ending.

This really isn't a bad film. Technically it is very good and the significance it had on Japanese film culture and world censorship needs to be explored. I feel as if I can't recommend it, but as the credits went up I didn't feel as though I'd wasted my time. If you don't see this movie you're not really missing out on anything. However, if you think you can handle a lot of extremely candid sex scenes and are quite interested in the real-life story or film culture from around the world, then, with extreme caution, I'd say the film is worth it.

7/10

Tuno negro (2001)

Lightweight slasher flick fun

[8/10 · 27 August 2003]

Alex has just arrived at university and before you can say ‘slacking off on studies' someone is hacking up students. But who would ever want to harm a university student? Well it seems as if someone in a Black Minstrel costume has a serious problem with the students, as who ever is underneath that costume is killing students at the university. Alex starts to think she might be on to the killer, but could her detective work make her the next victim?

I found myself really enjoying this slasher flick. I never found myself terribly scared but I was entertained nevertheless. If taken seriously, this film will disappoint. But if taken as the lightweight entertainment that it is, you'll probably have a good night in. This is one of those horror movies that fairs better when watched with a group of friends. You can all try to predict who the killer is; it's great fun! There are a few frights here and there but nothing to really scare you.

Technically the film is kind of average to good. The soundtrack is efficient but hardly noteworthy. The cinematography does what it has to. The horror effects are good, but the computer graphics look cheap and nasty. At least the setting of the university is beautiful.

The acting is competent from the main characters. The lead character of Alejandra (Alex), played by Silke Klein, does a good job but is sometimes lacking in emotion that some scenes require.

Recommended to horror fans looking to see a Spanish version of the teen hack ‘em up, or people who want to enjoy a good party movie.

8/10

1900 (1976)

Under-rated epic

[10/10 · 3 July 2003]

"1900" follows the lives of two friends (although sometimes they seem more like enemies!) born on the same day in a beautiful part of Italy. Olmo is born a bastard to peasant farmers and Alfredo is the son of a wealthy businessman. We watch their lives unfold with vivid cinematography and lush visuals of the exceptionally beautiful countryside. The movie jumps forward, to the end of World War 1, and Olmo returns home after fighting. And essentially the film follows the exploits of the two protagonists as they deal with love, friendship, money, death and the evils of war.

The film unfolds like a finely crafted book, taking its time to tell its story.

Unfortunately, the version that I watched was horrendously dubbed. It was so bad my brother couldn't continue watching. I tried to look past this major fault, as I started to love the film's story and visuals, and it does get better, but I'd be extremely disappointed to find out a subtitled version doesn't exist. And to make matters worse, it was also a Pan & Scan version. This doesn't bother me too much if I'm watching, say 'Mrs. Doubtfire', but "1900" is definitely a wide-screen movie. Some scenes were practically ruined as characters are framed to the extreme right or left. For example, at the beginning where Olmo lays on the train line, I couldn't see him in the wide shot! I couldn't see what was going on. Terrible! And the version I watched came in at about 4 hours and 35 minutes. So it was a cut version, and this is blindingly obvious. The cuts are dreadful. This has to be some of the worst editing I have ever seen in my whole movie viewing life.

But for all these problems (easily solvable problems that have nothing to do with the movie itself (unless the dub is the original)) I fell in love with this movie. I didn't really notice the hours passing by; the story and the characters suck you into their world, and don't let go until the final credits roll. And even then they are stuck in your head, along with the more memorable scenes. I couldn't help but be reminded of my own childhood, even when the scenes had no context to my memories. For instance, the simple setting of workers ploughing a field bought back memories of playing in a big dirt mound in our backyard as a child, or beautifully lit scenes at sunset; I could almost feel the warmth. These memories made me feel really good, and whether it was intended or not to remind the audience of their childhoods, the film certainly had this wondrous effect on me.

I was quite shocked with some of the scenes in this film, especially the rape scene. While there is no sex shown at all (at least in this version), the crying eyes say more than any words or images could. You should be warned this film has some pretty graphic violence and contains a few explicit sex scenes. But the sex scenes are refreshingly realistic, as opposed to Hollywood's fraudulent version of sex.

The acting is, for the most part, admirably handled. Robert De Niro is convincing as the rich son with a poor peasant as his best friend. This role could have descended into cliché, but De Niro steers it clear of any such event. Towards the end of the film De Niro's performance is terrific. It's remarkable that in the same year that this was made, De Niro played a certain Travis Bickle in the seminal 'Taxi Driver.' 1976 was certainly De Niro's year! Gerard Depardieu is wonderful as Olmo. I have never seen a movie of Depardieu's where he was young, and I must say he was very handsome in his day! His performance elicits emotion without settling for sentimentality. The supporting cast do a good job. Burt Lancaster is both charming and divine, yet in one scene I was quite uncomfortable as to where it was going to lead. But he portrays this without the cliché of a `dirty-old-man' but rather a lonely man who may not remember where the line of decency may now lie. Donald Sutherland is disgusting beyond description. No, not his acting, but the character he plays. I haven't seen too many of Sutherland's films (unfortunately, off the top of my head I can only recall 'Fallen') but I'm keen to see more of his work, as his acting here is top notch. And the hunchback (sorry, can't remember his name) is delightfully endearing. Only some small characters have questionable acting talents, but in a film with so many bit parts this may well be expected.

The word 'epic' seems to imply greatly to this film. While the scope and size of the film is epic, the film relies heavily on the lives of the main protagonists. In a way this is an intimate epic, if such a thing could exist.

This is an excellent film that is highly recommended for people interested in Italian history, the landscape of Italy and beautifully crafted films. This particular version is recommended to people interested in gaining evidence that Pan & Scan is the work of Satan and that dubbing should be a sin.

If you enjoyed the films `Schindler's List' and `La Vita é Bella', then I'm sure you'll get something out of this film.

You shouldn't be turned off by the long running time of this film, you get so engrossed with the story the time just flies by. This is certainly an under-rated classic, treated poorly by some versions.

10/10 If in wide-screen, un-cut and subtitled. 9/10 If Pan & Scan, cut and dubbed.

But as I have to give one overall score, I'd have to say 10/10.

The Mole (2000–2013)

One of my favourites

[1 July 2003]

"The Mole" is my favourite 'reality' television show, along with "The Amazing Race".

The show's format consists of around ten contestants who compete in a series of challenges, both physically and mentally straining. If the group succeed they win money. But there is one catch, among the group is a player deliberately sabotaging the challenges so that the group get less money. That person is the mole.

Unlike other 'reality' television shows such as Big Brother and Survivor, where people are voted off, this show rewards good thinking. At the end of the show each of the contestants must answer a series of questions relating to who they think is the mole. The person that is least right is eliminated. In the end there are only three people left: the mole, the winner and a loser. The final episode is always very tense and exciting.

This show is so captivating. Once you've seen one episode you're hooked. One hour a week isn't enough!

The show's host, Grant Bowler, is wonderful. He is sympathetic to the losing contestants and he has a devilishly fun side to him. But he always remains smooth, calm and relaxed.

"The Mole" is one of the best shows on television. I love it!

Everybody's Famous! (2000)

Wonderful comedy/drama

[9/10 · 1 July 2003]

Marva is an overweight teenager who regularly participates in karaoke competitions. Her father really believes in her and is always pining for her to win. Unfortunately she doesn't seem that good and gets low scores from the judges. This angers her father, as he knows she is capable of winning.

Early on, it seems as if he is just a loyal father, and would support his daughter no matter how bad a singer she was. But during a puppet-show for children, Marva (hidden behind the puppet-show stand) starts singing. Her voice is incredibly beautiful and passionate.

It seems that her confidence is severely under pressure in front of adults, who judge her for what she looks like. But children don't care what she looks like, so she is free to sing like an angel (I know its a cliché, but her voice is so sweet.) Her father, Jean, has dreams of success for his daughter, but is there a way to show-off her real talent to people at the record company?

Jean works a gruelling night shift in a bottle factory. When he loses his job, the family finances are put further into jeopardy. Producing a CD now looks impossible. But a chance encounter may provide Jean with the perfect opportunity for Marva to achieve a singing career.

While out driving, Jean's car brakes down. A female cyclist turns up to help fix the car. The woman just happens to be Debbi, the biggest singing sensation in this part of the world. So Jean kidnaps Debbi, thinking he can bribe the record company into giving Marva a chance.

Okay, so the plot might sound rather ridiculous. But if you go into this film wanting it to be 100% realistic, you'll probably hate it. While many scenarios are very realistic, this is more of a dreamer movie. Something not to be taken 100% seriously.

"Everybody Famous!" has some very funny scenes (the Michael Jackson mask) and some very sad moments. The scene where Jean desperately wants to win some money with scratch tickets is heartbreaking.

The acting is superb. Eva van der Gucht is simply wonderful as Marva. It is hard to believe that this was her first movie role! Josse De Pauw as the father is excellent. His desperation and love of his daughter is extremely moving. And I particularly liked Werner De Smedt as Jean's friend Willy. Willy is a very nice character and is someone who has a good heart. And plus, he is very good-looking. The supporting characters are all handled splendidly. I just wish Marva's best friend were featured more. It's like she's in it for two seconds!

The film also focuses on how the media twists things and presents things in a different manner. It a way it's almost 'Natural Born Killers 2.0' without the violence.

I loved the locations, especially near the beginning. The photography is well handled and rarely does the music become irritating. As a nice extra (well, at least for Aussies) Melbourne is mentioned! And the very last scene is charming.

This is an incredibly engrossing, intelligent, beautiful, funny, sad and all around wonderful film.

9/10

Press Gang (1989–1993)

One of the greatest television series ever made

[1 July 2003]

When I was a kid I absolutely loved "Press Gang".

I really feel sorry for the children of today, who get served up so much crap. This show never once underestimated the intelligence of its audience. The story-lines and characters were believable, intelligent, gripping and emotionally powerful, as well as being incredibly funny.

I wanted to be just like the people in this show, and I even started writing my own "newspaper"!

Lynda Day was such a great character, played with real enthusiasm by the wonderful Julia Sawalha. And the supporting cast were magnificent.

The show was not afraid to address confronting social issues that were relevant to its audience. In some ways it is quite like the "Degrassi" series.

I long to see this show repeated on television here. Oh Press Gang, I love you!

Life Support (2001–2003)

Wonderfully dark satire

[30 June 2003]

If you hate all those lifestyle shows on television, then this is for you.

But make sure you can handle some pretty dark satire. If you're idea of sick comedy is "Some Mother's Do 'Ave 'Em", then you'd better stay away. Everything is fair game, from suicide bombers, to people starting bushfires, to people sniffing paint. And if you want any more examples just watch Dr. Rudi looking at the car in the opening titles!!

One of the funniest pieces was about euthanasia, and getting around the fact that it is illegal in Australia. Just dress-up you're loved one in an animal costume and have a vet put them to sleep!

The character of Todd really captures that home handy man seen on so many lifestyle shows. Whenever I'm channel surfing and come across one of those lifestyle shows with a handy man I have to laugh. The actor that plays Todd is spot on in his depiction.

I hope this show gets screened in other parts of the world, as I think people with a weird sense of humour would find it very funny.

This is a hilarious satire of lifestyle shows and is highly recommend. But be warned, it is very dark sometimes.

The Office (2001–2003)

David Brent is the Anti-Christ! (And he doesn't know it!)

[30 June 2003]

This show has gained an enormous amount of praise and hype, and all of it is justified, as `The Office' is hilarious, ingenious, breathtaking, original and just flat out laugh-till-you-cry funny.

David Brent is the manager of a British paper company. The day-to-day goings on in the office is boring, dull and mundane. The employees try to find ways of relieving themselves of their boredom, including putting dorky Gareth's stapler in jelly and making prank calls. A documentary crew have come to the Slough branch to document the daily events and this footage is the basis of the show.

This is such a funny show, I'm sorry it only lasted 12 episodes (but at least it never had the chance to go stale). At the end of each episode I longed for more. But thankfully this is from the BBC, so it runs for the full 30 minutes, unlike sitcoms that contain ads, where the actual show goes between 22 and 24 minutes.

A lot of the humour is very subtle, and a lot of it is going on in the background. In the second last episode, I was laughing so much I almost couldn't breathe! I'm not kidding! My mother wanted me to stop but I couldn't, it was that funny. Even after the episode finished I couldn't stop laughing, I was crying with laughter.

David Brent is one of the greatest creations in television history. In the beginning I felt sorry for him. He is so dorky, sad and pathetic. But over time I became really uncomfortable. My skin crawls whenever he is on screen. He is so pathetic and everyone knows this except himself. He thinks everyone loves him and looks up to him for being a great leader and an entertainer! It's not that he is pompous or stuck-up, but just really inept at life. He is like that kid at school who really wants to be your friend but actually already thinks he's your friend. His stand-up ‘comedy' routines are truly painful to watch.

Just wait for the scenes where the documentary crew are interviewing other office workers and David Brent just happens to walk into frame in the background, and then walk away, then back and then interrupts the interview with some meaningless chat and walks away. He is constantly doing this and whenever somebody is being interviewed I'm just waiting for David's head to pop into shot.

And actually there is quite a bit of drama as Tim realises he might have feelings for receptionist Dawn. Their awkward silences around each other are excruciating. You really start to feel sorry for Tim.

The theme music is refreshingly excellent. And I know you don't need to have worked in an office to find this funny, as I haven't set foot in an office. But if you have, then you probably will have even more reasons to love this.

This has to be one of the funniest television shows that I have ever seen in my life. Utterly brilliant.

Bull (2000–2001)

I wished it had ran longer...

[30 June 2003]

"Bull" follows the professional and private lives of a group of Wall Street stock-brokers.

Robert Roberts III (nicknamed "Ditto", for obvious reasons) leads a revolt from his grandfathers firm to start up his own firm, HSD Capital. But things may not be as easy as they first thought.

I found myself getting really engrossed by the characters lives and the story-lines. The acting is well done, you learn a lot about the back-story and family lives of the main six, and I like the fast paced dialogue.

I think the theme music is good and is quite distinctive. Also, the show's score will be familiar to fans of 'The X-Files' and "Millennium' etc, as Mark Snow is responsible for Bull's music. I also love the scene dividers, which are beautiful shots of New York in fast motion.

I don't really have a favourite character, as they all have their strengths and weaknesses. Carson "Rookie" Boyd is very interesting, as he supports his wife and baby, and sometimes they affect his judgements. Martin Decker is an odd guy! The scenes with his wife and son are amazing. His son is obsessed with his father's job and will probably be a stockbroker as well. Martin's wife keeps him grounded by offering sane advice whenever he is cooking up an insane plan. And the scenes with Marissa and her family are heartfelt and meaningful. It was a nice surprise to see Ryan O'Neal from 'Barry Lyndon' and in the last episode Tippi Hedren, 'The Birds', makes an appearance.

With the events of September 11, 2001, I was interested to see how this affected the show and how the writers handled it. But it was axed before it had the chance to tackle this issue.

I'm very disappointed to find this show was axed after such a short time. Bull is an intelligent, engrossing and witty program, and you don't need to be a business freak to understand it (though, if you have absolutely no idea about business your patience might be tested.)

Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993–2009)

Hilarious

[30 June 2003]

This is by far the funniest late night chat show on television.

In my opinion, the thing that really makes the show a winner is Conan's spontaneity and rapid-fire wit. For instance, I used to watch The Late Show with David Letterman a lot, but whenever there was a guest that was unappealing to me, I would not continue watching. With Conan, however, even if he had the most boring guest on the planet he would add his trademark humour and spice up the interview. He just has this wonderful knack of coming up with consistently funny lines.

The sketches veer from absurdly weird to spot on satire. One of my favourites had Conan going on a "drive" with his desk, along with an audience member. It was also very funny when the show poked fun at 24-hour news channels broadcasting police chases. The episode was filled with cuts to toy cars chasing each other in a mock-news style. Very Funny!

I started watching this show when Andy was Conan's side-kick, and I thought Andy was very good, but I don't think the show has suffered from his departure.

This is a very funny show, hosted by a charmingly goofy guy, who is also refreshingly not stuck up. Highly recommended for fans of slightly left of centre comedy.

Spiral (1998)

Very Under-rated

[9/10 · 29 June 2003]

It's kind of hard to really explain the plot of Rasen (Ring: The Spiral) without giving away some major spoilers from the first film, Ringu (Ring). Firstly, I'll explain for people who HAVE seen the first film.

*** SPOILER WARNING *** SPOLIER WARNING ***

Sadako has killed Ryuji Takayama, the ex-husband of Reiko, the reporter investigating Sadako's cursed videotape. The film begins with Doctor Mitsuo Ando, a long time friend of Ryuji's, who performs the autopsy on Ryuji (the film begins just after the first one ended.)

After the autopsy, Dr. Ando meets Mai, a student of Ryuji's (as you'll remember, she was the one who found his body.) Mai is very upset and hasn't really communicated to anyone. Mai remembers Ryuji talking about Dr. Ando, so she is warm to him. She tells him about the legend of the cursed tape. Of course, he doesn't believe her. But over time several events occur that makes him look at the idea of a cursed tape in a whole new light. But this is just the beginning to a series of events that could be Earth shattering.

*** END OF SPOLIERS *** END OF SPOLIERS ***

Rasen (Ring: The Spiral) is a follow-up to the Japanese cult-horror film Ringu (English title: Ring), but I don't really want to call it a sequel. It is recommended that you see Ring before watching this.

Essentially, it continues the legend of a video-cassette with a curse. The theory is that if you watch the special videotape you will only have one week before you die.

I loved the original film, so when I found out about this film I just had to see it. Before I watched it I had a look at the reviews at the IMBD. I was disappointed to see so many negative reviews. I started to have doubts that it would be a good movie, but I decided to see it anyway. And I'm very glad I did.

This is quite different from the original. Ring was very scary and creepy. Plus, you didn't know much about the legend behind the video. This time around we know the background story, so there's much less mystery behind the tape. Also, the film is much less scary. But this didn't bother me that much. If I want to watch Ring, I'll watch that. This is a different movie, and I think it is quite brave to take the film in a different direction. But not to say the film is completely different, it still has the same sort of style. The difference mostly comes towards the end of the film. Some people will really hate this with a passion (and judging from reviews here, many people do).

However, I enjoyed the different direction the story took. And the ending had me in tears, not with fright but in joy. The very last scene is extremely predictable, but this didn't stop me from having a good cry! But if you find it hard to even consider a film about a cursed video, then you'll probably really hate the ending. Also, you'll probably be irratated by the story change if it took some time for you to digest the original story. But I'm used to Japanese stories turning on previous scenarios.

The music is wonderful in an atmospheric and moody way. And once again the credit's theme is quite different from anything heard in the rest of the movie, but I think it works in a very Japanese way. The photography is very nice and adds to the film's moodiness. In the beginning I found the character of Dr. Ando quite unlikeable. But over time I warmed to him. The acting is of a high standard and the actors portray their characters with great results.

*** WARNING SPOLIER ***

Though, yes, Sadako is much less scary now that you can see her face. But this was done to fit in with the story. I think she looks very beautiful, especially in the final scene.

*** END OF SPOLIER ***

I liked 'Ring' better, but I still enjoyed this immensely. This is a moody, creepy and fascinating film. I really want to recommend this film, as I think it is excellent, but be warned, the story does take a different route in the last half hour. I just hope that doesn't put you off, as I really love this film and hope many people see it (and enjoy it!)

9/10

Blue Velvet (1986)

Brilliant

[17 June 2003]

A beautiful white picket fence, surrounded by vibrant red flowers. The local fireman, a hero to all. Children happily and safely crossing the road. A big, white, two-story house, with a car in the garage. It is the American dream, the perfect life. Nothing can go wrong. Evil doesn't lurk here... Not in sleepy Lumberton, USA.

But David Lynch prefers to differ. In David's mind evil lurks behind that picket fence. Perverse people lie under the happy image purported by the small town. Sadness and depression reside over the joyful sound of children playing.

The nice-as-pie Jeffrey Beaumont stumbles upon a gruesome find in a back lot one day. A severed human ear. Who is it from? Who did it? And why? These questions lead clean-cut Jeffrey on a mysterious journey through perversity, sexual desire and the evil that lurks, just below the surface. The mystery leads Jeffrey to bar singer Dorothy Vallens (a wonderful Isabella Rossellini). There seems to be some mystery surrounding Dorothy, and Jeffrey is determined to solve the mystery, quite naive, really. And things are going to be made harder by the psychopathic Frank Booth, played with real menace by Dennis Hopper, who adds a severe amount of humour to the film, which really puts you off-kilter. You don't know whether to laugh or cry, and usually you end up bizarrely conflicted, laughing when you know you should be crying and crying when you should be laughing. Welcome to the world of David Lynch.

The writing is like a soap opera from another world. The cinematography is excellent and the sets are atmospheric are delicious. The background music is amazingly sinister. The acting is top notch and the film's little nuances are to die for, such as the man buying the axe, the creepy man with dog, the woman dancing on top of the car and the man driving the car shouting sexual advances to Sally, the daughter of the main police officer investigating the severed ear. And the quotble lines keep coming, "It's a strange world", "Now it's dark", "I don't know if you're a pervert or a detective."

The music, from Angelo Badalamenti, as always, is stunning and haunting. The song 'Mysteries of Love' is usual David Lynch fair, beautiful and ghostly.

There's no doubt that most David Lynch movies are weird. And while this is no different, it is certainly one of his more accessible films to audiences turned off by really confusing and bizarre films.

This is a masterpiece of modern filmmaking, and a trip into perversity that I adore taking.

9/10

The Children of the Marshland (1999)

Boring is boring, even if it is by a beautiful location

[7/10 · 14 June 2003]

Riton and Garriss are friends who live by a picturesque marsh, in early 1900's France and make a living by selling flowers, snails and frogs. Former Manchester United football star Eric Cantona plays boxer Jo Sardi, who is in town for a big title fight. The film follows their adventures and the different people they meet, some friends, some lovers and some enemies.

I found most of the locations to be very good looking and very pleasing to the eye. And the film does contain some bits of comedy and drama, but the majority of the film is just so boring. Sometimes it seems as if the film has no point, and aimlessly wanders from boring scene to boring scene.

I really enjoyed Jacques Villeret in "The Dinner Game", but for the most part I found him really irritating and he got on my nerves a lot in this film. Jacques Gamblin does a good job of his character. But for the first half of the film I just couldn't fall in love with the two characters, which is very bad considering this is a character based film rather than plot based.

Eric Cantona might have been a good football player but as an actor he should have got a red card. Every single scene he is in is ultimately pointless and boring. If all of his scenes were cut it wouldn't make too much of a difference. In the scene where he has the run in with Riton, near the beginning, he drasticly over-acts to the point of crassness. In fact, the first 30 minutes could be cut and not too much would be lost.

But for the weak (and pointless, i.e. Jo Sardi) characters, there are a bunch of good characters. One of my favorites is Mr Richard. The scenes with him and his grandson are very touching and moving. He certainly adds a lot to the film.

Amedee is another nice character, who is interested in music and books. He tags along on some of the main protagonists adventures. I also think he looks like TV host Jerry Springer!

The other character that I most enjoyed was Madame Mercier. Riton and Garriss do work in her garden (though Riton prefers to drink her fine wine rather than slave in her garden!).

Ultimately, a nice ending, a few good characters and the beautiful location can't fully compensate for the arduous and boring scenes, which sadly make up most of the film.

Gravely disappointing.

7/10

Unbreakable (2000)

The Sux Sense

[7/10 · 11 June 2003]

David Dunn (Bruce Willis) is the only survivor in a horrific train trash. Remarkably he doesn't break a bone, or even have a scratch on him. On the other end of the scale is Elijah Prince (Samuel L. Jackson), whose bones are as brittle as glass. Elijah thinks the two have a special bond, total opposites. David thinks not. But upon thinking about the situation, and having some revelations, David starts thinking that Elshia might be right. But is he just falling into a trap or does he really have remarkable powers, the gift of being 'unbreakable'?

I am a huge fan of M. Night Shyamalan's "The Sixth Sense", so I was always very interested in seeing "Unbreakable".

While I enjoyed most of the film, I ultimately left the film with a huge feeling of disappointment.

There are several scenes that are just totally contrived, such as the 'kid with gun' scene. How that cut made it into the final edit, I have no idea! And the weight-lifting scene just goes on and on. And a few plot hole/inconsistencies really played on my mind. When I first heard about the plot I thought it sounded really interesting. But while watching the film the premise ran around my mind, and I started getting really bothered by it.

Setting that aside, the film offers some intrigue. And the beginning is quite interesting. However the film is really let down by the end. We have to endure a really long, quite pointless scene. And then the twist! The 'Sixth Sense' this ain't. While it is slightly creepy, it was kind of predictable and ultimately unsatisfying. While looking back at it, it seems rather ridiculous.

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

And what is with ripping off "The Dead Zone"? If his bones are unbreakable fine, but what is up with touching people and seeing things. That whole story-line seemed very under-written and got quite boring. If this premise was talked about earlier, than that would have been OK (if a little unbelievable). But to spring this on us so late. Thats not good.

*** END OF SPOILER ***

Bruce Willis comes across as not very good. Though Samuel L. Jackson is as good as ever. The supporting cast don't provide sterling performances, though nothing really bad.

There are some nice looking scenes. My favorite being the comic book store (not Elisha's "Limited Edition"), very dark and stylish. And the photography is quite nice. The music score, however, is forgettable.

This isn't a really bad film, just very disappointing. A lot of the good scenes are stained by the poor ones. If it was the only thing on television on a rainy Saturday afternoon I would probably give it another outing. But I certainly won't be going out of my way to see it again.

7/10

Boomerang (2002)

Intelligent toilet humor

[9/10 · 7 June 2003]

This is a very funny Australian short film.

A man and a woman are going out on a date. Their at his place, and before they leave she just needs to use the toilet. Bad idea!

After using the toilet, she finds that her... um, waste will not flush away! What is a girl to do?! The answer will have you equally disgusted and laughing. And just wait for the ending!

It's nice to see Tom Long (SeaChange, Young Lions) in this film. I think he is a really great actor, even if he isn't in this a whole lot.

You have never seen toilet humor this intelligent!

9/10

117 (1999)

Interesting

[8/10 · 7 June 2003]

Sitting alone on a train, a man travels home. While walking along a lonely road it begins to rain. He rummage's through some garbage on the side of the road for some protection. He finds some plastic sheeting, but it has a hole in it. Upon further hunting he uncovers a weird pattern on the wall, with the number '117' written in the middle. Then all sorts of bizarre things happen.

If you like films that are set in lonely cities, that are forever rainy and depressing, with a good amount of paranoia and weird happenings, this is for you.

I found this short film quite intriguing. The acting was convincing and the photography was really nice. The locations are very drab and unsettling. The rain in-front of the bridge was very beautiful, and is probably my favorite thing about the movie. In some ways this film reminded me of 'Se7en' (for it's sets) and some early scenes from 'The Matrix'.

One criticism, I found some of the writing to be cliched. But it isn't a major downer.

8/10

Pleasures of War (1998)

Pleasures of animation

[7/10 · 7 June 2003]

Interesting animated short on the horrors and circle of violence of war. The animation is quite superb, incorporating real footage with the drawn images. The voice-over, done by a child, is haunting. Mixed with the violent images, you won't forget this in a hurry.

Only complaint, it feels slightly too long. Maybe a cut of one or two minutes might have been a good idea.

This is a film that really encourages you to think. If you get a chance to see this, I highly recommend it. If not for the meaning behind it, then just for the amazing visuals.

7/10

The Baby-Sitters Club (1995)

Shattered memories...

[6/10 · 7 June 2003]

I first seen this movie when I was about 14 or 15, and I loved it. For years I have wanted to see it again. Today I had the chance to watch "The Baby-Sitters Club" once more. Maybe I shouldn't have...

The movie essentially follows a group of girls who are all involved in a baby sitting club. As the summer approaches they think of ways to stay together, coming up with the idea of hosting their own summer camp. Over the course of the movie we follow the characters as they deal with the summer camp, an angry neighbor, parents coming back into their life, summer school and love, among other things.

I am a big fan of Ellen Burstyn, so it was a joy to see her in this movie. It was also a nice surprise to see a very young looking Marla Sokoloff, who plays Lucy in the television drama "The Practice".

The characters that make up the baby-sitters are all really stock characters. The tom-boy, the environmentalist, the creative one, the smart one, etc. The movie also contains yet another stock standard spoiled brat "bad girl", and as always is docked by two "side-kicks", who hardly respect their "master". It's been done so many times, when will people stop writing characters like that? It even happens in Harry Potter! Why can't we have an insight into why this girl acts this way? I know this is "just a children's" movie, but I think you'd be insulting the intelligence of many young people by saying they couldn't handle such writing and depth of character.

And the character of Jessi seems serverly under-written. She only has a few lines in the whole film. I get the feeling she was just a stapled on "black character" to add a diversity to the movie. (I haven't read the book series, so sorry if she is in the books.) Which is a huge shame as she seems like a really nice girl. And the opportunity of a racism sub-plot has gone missed, which is another shame, as many young people will probably see this at some point. When a movie starts preaching at least one area you should discuss is racism. Oh well.

And the whole relationship story with Luca was really quite pointless. I did, however, enjoy the scenes with Kristy and her father. It added a lot of realism to the story, and I'm sure a lot of kids watching could relate to what was going on up on the screen.

The movie has some really poor pacing. And a lot of the dialogue sounds corny. Plus the science rap is just awful. I wanted to be sick!

Don't get me wrong, this isn't the worst movie ever made. There are a lot of good things to like about this movie. But the bad out weights them. I might revisit this movie one day down the track. I had expected this to be a guilty pleasure, but it turned out to be a real disappointment. Maybe some memories should just be left.

6/10

Eat Carpet (1989–2005)

I love this quirky show

[2 June 2003]

"Eat Carpet" is an hour long show comprised of a selection of short films from around the world. It seems as if anything is fair game, animation, film, video, digital, drama, comedy, experimental, funny, quirky, moving, disturbing, odd, intelligent, stupid, and stuff that just can't be categorized.

I can't get enough of this show. If you have access to SBS and aren't watching it, you're missing something great!

You could be moved by a very sad true story, then next minute laughing at a cute comedy and then be enraptured by a bizarre experimental film. This show is so varied and intelligent, it's so refreshing from most commercial television.

I highly suggest you add "Eat Carpet" to you're viewing list if it's not already there. And check out the new title graphics and intro, using some music from the wonderful "Autechre".

What Lies Beneath (2000)

Wannabe Hitchcock crap

[5/10 · 1 June 2003]

Michelle Pffeiffer plays Claire Spencer, who starts suspecting something bad is going down next door. The newly arrived couple seem to have some problems. But she not only has to deal with that, she also starts thinking the house she and her husband, Norman (Harrison Ford), live in, is haunted.

One of the characters sums up the movie best with the line, "Not much happening."

There are some really poorly written lines. For instance, when Norman wants to make love with his wife he says, "Wanna fool around." Wanna fool around?!! Groan.

This movie has no rhythm to it. And the performances are quite lacking in any real emotion.

Too often the movie relies on cheap thrills, such as bouts of silence before a loud phone ringing or people creeping up out of nowhere. There never is any real tension or suspense.

A movie can't be scary or thrilling when the "twist" can be seen miles away. The trailer even practically gives the whole story away. Do Hollywood really think we are this stupid? It seems so.

*** POSSIBLE SPOILER ***

And what is with the first mystery? It was just so irrelevant in the end, crazy!!

*** END OF POSSIBLE SPOILER ***

And to make matters worse, this film had to rip several bits from Hitchcock films. The first part is so "Rear Window", and elements from "Psycho" are used to the extreme. Even the score sounds like it's from a Hitchcock film. I don't mind film-makers making homages and the like, but I get the feeling the film-makers wanted to be Hitchcock and not just celebrate his work. I'm surprised this movie wasn't called "The woman who knew too much". If you want a modern-day film of the likes Hitchcock might have done, check out David Fincher's wonderful "Panic Room".

In the film's favor, I thought some scenes at the lake looked nice and there are some nice camera angles near the end of the movie, especially one that moves under the floor. Very cool!

But there are just too many detractors to this movie to find any real enjoyment in it. So many scenes and elements are just too insane to take seriously. And the ending is predictable and ridiculous.

This could have been a nice thriller, but it's too cheap and implausible to find any real terror in it.

5/10

Eurovision Song Contest: Latvia 2003 (2003 TV Special)

Great fun!

[10/10 · 31 May 2003]

After having seen clips from the Eurovision Song Contest on television comedy and chat shows I made the effort to watch the whole thing this year. And I'm glad I did, as I had a huge amount of fun. The show went for a little over three hours but the time just went so fast. In fact, I watched it twice in less than a week (first time with Australian commentary, then with the BBC's wonderful Terry Wogan).

If you don't know what the Eurovision is, let me explain. Countries from around Europe have a singer or group to represent them. After all of the countries have performed their song, the viewers in Europe get to vote for their favorite (but they can't vote for their own country, to stop bias). Then points are given out (12 points for most votes and 1 for bottom tenth) and the song that gets the most points wins.

But the thing about Eurovision is that a lot of the singers are really awful, and they don't know it! But in 2003 there were quite a lot of good performers. Personal favorites were Russian t.A.T.u., Belgium, Estonian band Ruffus and Turkey (you'll be humming "Everything that I can" for days after!). So it is a win-win situation, a bad song is funny and a good song is, well, good!

Eurovision is very quirky and wonderfully fun. Get a group of friends around and have a Eurovision party. I guarantee you'll have a great time. I love Eurovision!!

10/10

The Others (2001)

Good or Great? Hmmm...

[8/10 · 31 May 2003]

War World II has finished, and Grace (Nicole Kidman) and her two children, Anne and Nicholas, live in a huge foreboding mansion. Grace sadly, and perhaps naively, awaits the return of her husband, who went off to fight. Currently Grace has no home help, but she doesn't have to worry for too long. One day three people knock on the door and offer to be her servants. Grace not only needs help for the garden and cleaning but also for her children, who are photosensitive, which essentially means they are allergic to light. Keeping the children away from all light, except for dim candle-light, is a hard job, and this has taken it's toll on poor Grace. But soon Grace will have something else to worry about.

A weird noise here, a bizarre occurrence there. Strange things are happening in the house. Is it ghosts? Is it Grace's imagination? Or is she going mad? And do the three servants have anything to do with this, or are they innocent bystanders?

When the credits started rolling, I didn't know what to make of this film. I had enjoyed it for the most part, but near the end I started to wonder whether the film really was as smart as it thought it was. I had heard the film contained a nice twist, and when I watched what I thought was supposed to be the twist I was greatly disappointed. But I was wrong, and the film had a little bit more to go. I enjoyed the twist, but I don't think it's of jaw-dropping quality. Which is quite like the whole movie, very understated. If you only like big action movies, this isn't for you. I enjoyed the slow pace of the film, and the score is very nice, along with the cinematography. I enjoyed all the performances, with the children being stand-outs, and Nicole Kidman as good as ever. One complaint is that I would have liked more scenes with Lydia.

In the first half of the film there were several scenes, that while not boring, I thought weren't as amazing as the movie seemed to make of them. However, upon finding out of the twist I feel these scenes would have a bigger impact on me. So I certainly will be going back for a second viewing.

I have seen the other film by writer/director Alejandro Amenabar, Abre los ojos, and enjoyed it greatly, and I look forward to seeing more films from him.

Whether this is a good or great film doesn't really matter, have no doubt, this is a very fine film. I just didn't know how good it was. I couldn't decide whether to give it an 8 or 9. If I could, I'd give it a 8.5 out of 10. But I can't, so...

8/10

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

I was so scared & disturbed it had me in tears...

[9/10 · 25 August 2002]

Three young people enter the woods to film a documentary on the myth of The Blair Witch. Does the myth have some truth in it, or is it just a scary story passed down over the years. Heather, Mike & Josh intend to find out. A year after their travel their footage was found, and the movie is their footage put together.

'The Blair Witch Project' is a creepy psychological horror film. Stepping away from hack 'em up slasher movies, Blair Witch is more of a 'what was that noise?!' kind of film. Your imagination plays host a lot of the time. The more wild your imagination runs the more scared you get.

And certainly it's not a 'jump out of your seat' scary film, its more of a 'jump out of your mind' film. During the film there were two scenes that were extremely creepy, but the ending is the best part (or worst depending on how you look at it!). Coming up to the end I was rather disturbed, but the final scenes tipped me over the edge. The final scene had me in tears I was so scared and disturbed, I was almost shaking.

And through all the scares it actually contains quite a bit of humour. I was impressed with the three leads, all conveying a sense of terror in their own way. Heather is a really nice character, I would have like to have seen more of her. The interviews with the locals at the beginning were also very interesting and well done.

A lot of horror films have made me scared or jump out of my seat, but none have ever made me so frightened I started to cry...

9/10