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Reviews
Funny Games (2007)
An Absurdist touch to horror
I admired this film for its courage to break from the typical horror/hostage genre. It is more of a psychological terror than anything else, as it's villains seem to be aware of the audience as we watch; a clever touch. One must be patient when viewing this film so as to not right it off as a cookie-cutter horror/hostage film too early on, for the true genre remains to be discovered later in the movie. It is like a David Lynch film meeting a standard film in which our protagonists are terrorized, and that is where the genius rests. Overall a solid effort, and one that will keep you pondering for quite some time.
Dead Man's Shoes (2004)
a beautiful tribute to a loved one....
This film is a prime example of an effort that truly captures the heartbreak we feel when thinking of a passed loved one. A truly beautiful revenge film. Every violent action is handed out with consideration and endearment for the loved one who was so wrongfully abused. If ever there existed a tear-jerker retribution film, this is it. Unrelenting brutality for those who have ravaged one's life, a just and a right end for evil creatures. I cried. A must see for fans of revenge films or more so just great films. Drama at its best. The acting was perfect, the villains loathsome, the protagonists angelic. I loved this film.
Superman Returns (2006)
Just another mediocre comic book movie
This film just failed to break any new ground, which is awful considering how great a director Bryan Singer is. There is entirely too little action, and far too much story-driven drama in Superman Returns. This film could have more accurately been titled "Superman Re-runs" which is basically all it was. Having Kevin Spacey play the infamous Lex Luther was huge, but the character's role in the film was shockingly minimal and forgettable. To add to all the gripes I already have with the film it was also one of the most anticlimactic films I have ever seen. No resolution, basically leaving for no character depth. In short, don't waste your time.
Slither (2006)
A must see for Gore fans
Slither was just a fun ride. Stupid and gross, but also hilariously entertaining. This film however did not quite live up to all the gross out hype that was bestowed upon it. With that said the acting is admirable and the humor well timed. Overall it's bubblegum, you enjoy it for a little while then forget about it, but such is the nature of the Gore genre, so the mission is accomplished. Slither is better than most gore films I have seen, and for fans of the genre Slither is a must see. The unforgettable characterizations are the most memorable part of the film, from the jerk mayor to the blood thirsty alien zombie King. Check it out if you have a strong stomach.
Attraction (2000)
Forgettable at best
Attraction is a melodramatic sleeper that never picks up. An obsessed ex boyfriend freaks out his old girl with stalking
so what. This film is not exciting, entertaining, nor even interesting in the least. This movie is not scary; it even goes so far as to mention how harmless this stalker really is. So what exactly is Attraction? A waste of time. The characters are pathetic, all of them, and poorly acted to boot. This is one of those films in which you will catch yourself repeatedly looking at the wall instead of the screen out of sheer boredom. The worst part is that the whole time I was waiting for something cool to happen, but this film never picks up. Overall Attraction took away an hour and a half of my life that I want back. This movie sucks.
London (2005)
A slightly better than mediocre film
So everyone has problems, we all know that, and this film is just like that one friend we all have who complains about everything. The friend who whines about their life as if they are the only one alive who has problems. While this film does have its moments, like the bathroom heart to heart chats, overall it is just another been there done that young person angst film. I don't know why Hollywood thinks they can shock us by repeatedly showing drunken people abusing drugs. Everyone has been drunk at some time, so why it is always portrayed on film as if someone is hopeless just because they enjoy a drink? While this film does accurately depict the pain of a hard breakup and the depression that lingers, it does not accomplish much else.
Irréversible (2002)
The most shocking scene ever...
If anyone doubts the rumors about this film all it takes is one watching to know that you must believe the hype. This film is brutal, perverted, and even sadistically pornographic yet I can't look away. It is home to the most shocking, mind altering violence ever displayed on film. I have never had to actually stop a movie to calm down after watching a scene, but this movie's "fire extinguisher" scene forced me to. I find myself watching it again and again. The damage that this film does to you psychologically is certainly irreversible. Overall a good film, but undeniably excruciating to watch. I have scene some horrific films in my time, but nothing I have ever seen stands up to Irreversible.
The Departed (2006)
Scorsese's best yet!
Truly a must see, it is unbelievable how far Scorsese has come as a director. His most ambitious film yet is a knockout, with a stellar cast and an even better plot. A cat and mouse game until the very end, The Departed had my heart pounding for the whole film. The characterizations were perfect, with each actor playing roles that seemed tailor made just for them. The story is such an immersive and masterfully interweaving tale that I actually had to catch my breath a few times due to the intensity. Complete with the trademark Scorsese tongue-in-cheek dialogue and violence and The Departed packs plenty of laughs and even more thrills. Ultimately this is why we go to the movies.
Higher Learning (1995)
Worst movie ever
This may have been the worst movie I've ever seen. You have a normal white kid who is picked on one time by black kids, and he becomes a skin head!!! Then you have a girl who has one problem with a guy so becomes a lesbian! Then a black kid who feels ignored so he joins the black panthers!!! This is a joke of a film. Never watch it. Never ever watch it. I want my two hours back! I want my life back! It was just so awful. I am so mad I watched it. It was so bad. It was such a joke, and a waste of time. I would never want anyone to see it ever in a million years. I would not watch that black propaganda again if I was held at gunpoint!
Troll 2 (1990)
Troll 2, The Cure For AIDS!!!
I was recently diagnosed with AIDS. I was depressed, scared and lonely, then a friend turned me on to the homeopathic remedy known as "Troll 2". You simply watch this film one time, and it is such a wonderful film that the AIDS just goes right away! "Troll 2" is the best movie ever made, if you don't believe me you need to see it. If you see it and still don't agree you might be insane! But its OK because this movie also cures insanity. This movie is better than Jesus, in fact "Troll 2" is God. Yes, you heard me right, "Troll 2" is God. Pray to the film, pray to "Troll 2" and you will live a long and eventful existence.
This Thing of Ours (2002)
Worst mafia movie ever made
This film is a joke. Apparently stuffing a bunch of well dressed Italians around a dinner table and having them tell anecdotes and curse a lot was someone's idea of a good mafia movie. All this movie consists of is random arguments, occasional unrealistic violence, laughable acting, and a numbing level of foul talk. "This thing of ours" plays into every possible Italian mafia stereotype, and blatantly attempts to rip off good gangster films like "Goodfellas" and "The Godfather". I would rather watch "Pink Flamingos" again, than watch this failure again. Do not waste your time, life is too short, and this film is simply too bad.
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)
A poor showing by a great director
I consider myself a huge David Lynch fan, and with that said I still cant like this film. It is totally unlike his better films like Mulholland Drive and Eraserhead. Its hard to quite put my finger on it, but his other movies just really work, Twin Peaks doesn't. If you watch this film it almost looks like the unfinished blueprint of Lynch's ideas for his better future films in which he really masters his craft. This film seems unfinished, and uneventful compared to his other movies. Twin Peaks just cannot stand on its own. Nonetheless Lynch is still the man, and basically only stupid people who don't understand his movies dislike all of them.
Pink Flamingos (1972)
This is not a movie, its a porn with a filthy story line
This movie contains unedited male-on-male oral sex. In which the camera zooms in on a character's erect penis being licked and sucked on by another man. Many times the actors penis's are shown completely uncensored womens nether regions are shown as well. It also contains skat porn, as Devine eats dog fecal matter at one point. It is supposedly the most offensive film ever because they took a nasty messed up porno and slapped a "film" title on it. Open your eyes, its not a film, its obscene, it is a porn. John Water is still is smart man for making such a film, years later it is still getting attention. But this attention is still from a bunch of confused people who are calling a porno a regular movie. It is not a film.
Darkness Falls (2003)
This movie is actually worth a watch
This film is actually quite scary for the first half. I was shaking in my boots many times, and found myself wanting to hide underneath my covers just like the characters throughout the movie. Yeah yeah, the other reviews all have the same points to complain about; mediocre acting, cheesy scenes, but with all of this said "Darkness Falls" is still worth seeing.
One ingenious idea this film plays with is the concept of staying out of the dark, ironically enough to be able to watch this film, or any film at all, the audience must remain in the dark for the duration. This left me with a very vulnerable feeling.
I will admit that at the halfway point of this film it is no longer scary. The tooth fairy starts to float and dart around like someone from "The Matrix" and loses the initial terror she brought the crowd when she was more sparsely seen. Also the movie climaxes with yet another lame movie line; when the main character rips off the porcelain mask the tooth fairy hides behind he yells "I SEE YOU BITCH!!!" just before smashing her in the face with his burning sleeve. This was outright lame.
With that said this film is still worth a watch. Its a fun movie if you don't expect too much from it, overall I enjoyed it. It packs some scares for sure.