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Equilibrium (2002)
Cliched and miserable attempt to unite the geniuses of Brave New World, 1984, and the Matrix. Utter filth.
Here's a true story: This evening, I went to see a movie called "Equilibrium." Now normally, I save every movie ticket and throw them in a shoebox filled with precious mementos. On my trip through the parking lot, I pulled out my Zippo and proceeded to burn it. Then proceeded to speed home, so I could take an extremely violent crap. I don't know what was worse; how painful the bowel movement was, or how painful the movie was.
Roger Ebert gave this movie 3 stars out of 4. As soon as I'm done writing this review, I'm going to track him down and force-feed him his review. Laced with Strychnine. I realize you're probably thinking, "Shouldn't the punishment fit the crime?" But frankly, I'm a busy man, and I don't have time for 6 months of chakra torture.
I suppose you're expecting some sort of review of the movie, so I guess I should make an attempt. Then again, if I put as much effort into this review as writer/director Kurt Wimmer put into his screenplay, I could call it a day right now.
"Equilibrium" gives us a society, Libria, which is opiated by a drug known as Librium, a necessity after World War III. The survivors in power decided that it was man's emotion that led to war, and in order to prevent any such future occurrences, they constructed a society based on emotionless. This is aided by the destruction of all art, music, and cultural relics, not to mention 3 doses a day of the aforementioned Librium injection.
Those who forsake the drug are known as "Sense Offenders," and these criminals are tended to by an elite class of soldiers known as Clericks. And by "tended to," I mean "Terminated with extreme prejudice."
Within the first 20 minutes of the film, we've encountered Clerick John Preston, watched him kill his partner for being a sense offender, and discovered his wife was executed for Sense offenses 4 years earlier. But thanks to his Librium doses, he doesn't seem to mind much. Watching this movie, I suddenly wished they made a drug which made horrible movies good.
All is well and good in emotionless Libria, until Preston accidentally knocks a vial of his Librium off the bathroom sink, and doesn't have time to pick up another dose. Suddenly, he is overwhelmed with emotion, and continues to abstain from his medication, leading him to question authority and rebel. And by "rebel," I mean "Terminate with extreme prejudice."
I suppose you're expecting me to say something along the lines of, "At this point, the movie degenerates into a Matrix-wannabe." Unfortunately, the movie was that from the moment Preston and his partner show up to tend to the first lot of sense offenders. Christian Bale was dripping with Keanuosity, from the slicked-back black hair, black garb, and generally emotionless acting ability.
Although one would be hesitant to mention the dullness of his performance, given the fact he was on the drug, he was only on the drug for the first 20 minutes. After that, I would've expected him to suddenly become warm and likeable. Instead, he merely dives into his best Keanu Reeves impersonation and begins dealing with ludicrous amounts of heavily armed soldiers in his attempt to overthrow Libria's regime. And by "dealing with," I mean, "Terminating with extreme prejudice."
During the course of the movie, we are subjected to no less than 6 major gunfight scenes, not a single one of them memorable. The Clericks display incredible superhuman agility and strength, which would be fine if this was the Matrix, but this isn't. It's set in the future, in the real world, and yet we're supposed to digest the idea that humans can jump 20 feet into the air and dodge the bullets of 20 close-range gunman using "statistical probability."
I suppose by now you're thinking to yourself, "This movie sounds awful. I should go see it just for the cheese factor." This is where I warn you that I saw the Transporter and the One, and I enjoyed both on a cheesy action movie level. I feel confident saying this movie makes abysmal blush. Gut-wrenchingly-awful could stand next to this movie and therefore look attractive in comparison. After seeing this movie, ritual seppuku seemed like a fun way to pass the time.
This movie will be the low marks on the resumes of actors and actresses like Christian Bale, Taye Diggs, Sean Bean, and Emily Watson. Kurt Wimmer, whose visuals were forgettable and his screenplay full of clichés and attempts to rip off many other successful movies and books, will hopefully never write a screenplay again. And I sincerely hope the entire special effects team returns to throwing together low-budget effects for advertising, because Terminator 2 had more believable special effects.
In short: Do not see this movie. Ever. If you see it on movie store shelves, run in the opposite direction screaming. If not for yourself, then at least for the children. Do it for the children.
Memento (2000)
A total mindf**k.
This movie is one phenomenal masterpiece of mindf*****y. I'm not going to waste your time with a trite description of the beautiful cinemetography, the flawlessly written plot and dialogue, or the perfect acting of Guy Pearce, Carrie Ann Moss, and Joe Pantoliano. Instead, I'll tell you just this: Prepare to be taken on a rollercoaster ride of a mental trip and, despite being left shivering in a corner curled up in the fetal position with blood dripping from your ears, you'll have loved every second of it.
The Matrix (1999)
An attention-grabbing film which successfully weaves gunplay, martial arts, and explosions together with a screenplay possessing both excellent dialogue and deep symbolism, all thrown together with a fine ca
Looking for an action movie with white-knuckle gunplay? How about a movie with absolutely beautifully choreographed martial arts? Or maybe one which is set in a future of unimaginable decay? Or even a movie which contains deep symbolic subtexts?
There is only one movie which possesses all of these qualities, and that movie is "The Matrix." Think of it as a feast for the eyes, ears, and mind.
From out of almost nowhere, this movie debuted in theaters. There were TV ads, a few magazine ads here and there, but for the most part, there was no anticipation. None, of course, until critics began publishing reviews one week before the movie came out. All of its finer qualities made it the surprise smash of Spring 1999.
On the action movie level, you have Keanu Reeves as Thomas "Neo" Anderson, a computer software engineer who finds out he is the savior of the world, and the only things in his way are The Agents (led by Hugo Weaving). Of course, the Agents are basically invincible, almost all-knowing entities, and the number of rounds expended as Neo and his freedom fighters battle probably reaches up into the ten thousands.
On the martial arts level, Woo-ping Yuen, veteran of the Hong Kong martial arts movies and highly acclaimed fight choreographer, keeps you on the edge of your seat as Neo, Morpheus (Lawrence Fishburne), et al. battle unarmed with the Agents and their underlings. All of this is helped along by superb wire effects, which allow the actors to perform complex aerial maneuvers which defy the laws of gravity.
The plot is one thing which shouldn't be revealed prematurely, there are myriad surprises which must be viewed rather than spoiled.
And finally, the religious and symbolic subtexts, the references to Christianity and Buddism, all of that provides your mind something to think about while your eyes are enjoying the candy.
The Matrix is a movie to be seen over and over again, preferably, on a large-screen TV, with a booming audio system hooked to a DVD player, and with no distractions whatsoever.
If you haven't seen it, see it. That fact cannot be emphasized enough.
Go Tell the Spartans (1978)
An excellent film spotlighting early American "advisory" to South Vietnam up to 1964.
To anyone who has studied Vietnam, Go Tell The Spartans portrays it quite accurately. From the weapons of the era, the general disdain of some officers over our involvement, to the psychological effects on the soldiers themselves, this movie succeeds in each department. Burt Lancaster does an excellent job of portraying the hard-boiled Major Barker, and is backed by a fine cast. All the facets of the soldiers are portrayed, though often through amplified stereotypes, giving the viewer a feel for what made the soldiers tick. Drug use, libido, cowardess, heroism, concern, hatred, each of these traits find themselves embodied in one of the characters.
This isn't a feel-good film, but it did provide a few chuckles here and there. And although it doesn't come close to informing the viewer about what Vietnam was like, it tries admirably.