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Hell Below (2016)
Opinion, not history
Ok series I suppose. As an avid historian, I tend to disagree with this programs depictions of German U Boat crews as god-like supermen. I also find their praise of these brave heroic god-like supermen slaughtering innocent unarmed civilians like trophies a bit unsettling. Definitely written and produced by people with a pro Hitler agenda. You see, in this series, the German submarine commanders and crews were brave heroic patriots defending the oceans from the evils of Britain and the United States. I kept watching, and kept getting more upset and confused. This series actually wants the viewers to believe that bravery only existed in the German navy, all others were cowards. I'm sure in the opinion of this shows writers, Germany won the war. Not history, not factual, but to it's credit it's an action packed fictional farce.
First Man (2018)
Boring, and things I didn't want to know
First off, let me say I'm a huge Ryan Gosling fan. That being said, First Man is slow, long, and way too drawn out. So boring, lost interest early on but suffered through expecting my interest level to pick up. Honestly, it is one of the greatest achievements in the history of mankind, but this movie didn't do it justice. In my heading title I stated their was things in this movie I wish I never knew. Like the old saying, if you ever got to know your heroes, they wouldn't be your heroes anymore. First we learn in the movie that Buzz Aldrin has no self awareness, he's just a horrible human being. But worse than that, we learn that Neil Armstrong is not much better. Confrontational, argumentative, rude. No people skills, a bad husband and father. A nasty introvert who has a terrible disdain for all of humanity. I didn't need to know that. Hard watch. Wish I didn't.
Everything That Glitters (2018)
Corny plus boring equals bad film
Acting was slightly beneath horrible. The directing and continuity was garbage. Even though this movie was plagiarized from better movies, the writing was hack. If this writer is on strike, let them stay there. As the movie goes on, you get the feeling it was filmed on somebody's cell phone. Yes the cinematography is THAT BAD. This movie has nothing going for it, every aspect of it is worse than horrible. If it was a cash grab, it's producers are bankrupt. If you get a chance to stream this movie, don't. You'll get more enjoyment painting your walls then watching them dry. I'm a movie addict, love most cinema, even B movies, but this trash makes me angry I wasted time I'll never get back. Awful.
Digman! (2023)
Comedy Central's worst work yet
I wish people could sue for time lost. Two episodes in on Digman and I've regretted every single second. It's worse than awful. You would think a show on Comedy Central would at least be a little funny. Digman has zero laughs. The writing is abysmal. Whoever is writing this garbage is stealing money. Over the years, Comedy Central has had more than It's share of flops, probably more than all other networks combined, we the viewing public continue to watch because of their rare hits. Digman is their worst flop yet. Not interesting, not funny, and they beat their cute little catch phrases to death. Comedy Central, do yourselves and everyone else a favor and put this atrocity in the bad idea file. Just end it.
The Protégé (2021)
Gold medal for corny
I love Samuel L Jackson. And I give him all the credit in the world for trying to save this atrocious corn ball cliche fest. He was the only character in this movie even halfway likable. I love most of Maggie Q's work, it's really not her fault that the writing and directing were several levels below awful. Awful, in fact, would be a compliment to the writing and directing of this horrible waste of time. Maggie is supposed to be the world's most deadly assassin, only for good causes. Here's where the corny comes in. She's allegedly tracking down an evil kingpin as it were, who's protected by an elderly tough guy, Keaton, who is just as evil. But apparently, instead of completing her mission, attaining her goal, she finds the need to have sex with the protagonist. What the......?!?!?!? Despite several chances to eliminate her enemy, she clearly loves him. Again, what the......?!?!?!? If corny clichéd writing was an Olympic event, this movie would take the Gold, Silver, AND Bronze! Save yourself from time lost and don't watch this garbage. It's too late for me, I'll never get that time back.
The Northman (2022)
Overhyped
I usually love movies of this ilk but not this one. The plot line is way too complicated and convoluted. The previews made the claim that this movie was "action packed" but nothing could be further from the truth. There was some good action in it, but all combined the action scenes in this movie took up 15 to 20 minutes tops. Very hard to follow. Most of the film I didn't know heroes from villains. Storyline was that there really was no storyline. Very dark, no lighting, I guess that's what they were going for, but this makes it even harder to watch. Characters would randomly pop in and pop out of the movie. I really didn't know what the heck was going on start to finish. This movie was a difficult watch because it made no sense. Save your time, avoid this movie, it is way overhyped.
House of Darkness (2022)
Cure for insomnia
This movie goes nowhere. A waste of time that you will never get back. It is really a movie about less than nothing. The good news, if you can't sleep, this movie will knock you out cold. Cast must have needed a paycheck because clearly this movie has no script, no writers. Improv at its absolute worst. Not scary, not tense, not dramatic, not interesting. An appropriate title would be KATE AND JUSTIN NEED WORK. Warning, cash grab ahead. Watching your lawn grow will provide you with a thousand times more entertainment. This awful production is truly the cure for all insomnia the world over. Too late for me, save yourselves. You're welcome.
Cosmic Sin (2021)
Save yourself, avoid this movie at all costs
Science fiction action thriller? Nope, Science fiction borefest. Willis was clearly just collecting a check. Continuation, horrible, acting, horrible, directing, horrible, writing, worse. That is hard to achieve. Only positive note, this movie could cure insomnia.
The Voyeurs (2021)
The worst of humanity
Pippa, the main character, might just be the worst human being who ever lived. She causes her new friend Julia to commit suicide. Then has sex with her husband before her body is even cold. Abhorrent, slimy, evil.
Do or Die (1991)
Sad day for Pat Morita
I'm shocked Morita was in anything to do with Andy Sidaris. He must have been homeless or something. All Sidaris movies are the exact same tripe. Bad directing, bad writing, bad acting. Apparently, in the Sidaris world, America's most accomplished and lethal special ops are nymphomaniacs who must actually have sex with terrorists before they defeat them. Doesn't matter what crimes these monsters have committed, the bad guys get laid more than John Holmes. Thank God Sidaris world ain't reality.
Eternals (2021)
Overrated borefest
To say this was awful would be a compliment. Just putrid. A waste of time. Acting was horrible and the writing? Let's just say this is a movie for toddlers. Every male character in this movie is a whiny needy lovestruck loser. Too long, yet it goes nowhere. On the positive side, if you can't sleep, 5 minutes of this borefest will knock you out cold for hours.
Warning (2021)
Please don't waste your time
Simply awful would be a compliment. This is worse than extreme garbage. It drags on and on with little stories which make no sense, have no meaning, that go nowhere. If people could be sued for time, the producers of this tripe would have a class action lawsuit on their hands. Can't get lost time back. Save yourself, don't even start this movie. You're welcome.
Speeding Up Time (1971)
Ultimate borefest
Short film, only an hour long. Be thankful. This is actually a movie where nothing, I MEAN NOTHING happens. A dude drives around and talks to other dudes. That's it. Roll credits. So boring it was almost painful.
Antebellum (2020)
Looking for more
In my opinion, this could have been way more deep, intense. Especially in lieu of current events. Monae was strong, no surprise there, but the writing was weak. Cliche stereotypes, cartoonish oafish bad guys. I had hoped for a thrilling vehicle that would tackle racism head on, after all, the Confederate flag represents the darkest most evil time in our history. Given the opportunity to really go for it, the writers of this film failed miserably. This could have been and should have been epic, too bad. An ok watch once, definitely not a keeper.
Then There Was (2014)
After school special.
Yawner. Pushed no boundaries. A what could be movie about a blackout. Everything implied, nothing seen. Good cure for insomniacs.
The Misery Index (2019)
Unwatchable garbage
Love impractical jokers. Love the Tenderloins. But this show sucks. And that's being kind. It's a shameless vehicle that provides absolutely nothing. I honestly believe it's only on tv to help Q and Murray get dates. How pathetic is that? Save your time, the weather channel is more interesting.