TheNorris Reviews

Terrahawks (1983–1986)

Why is this not a cult?

[14 January 2003]

I have recently bought all the re-released Terrahawks programmes on DVD and I think its great. I never really liked Thunderbirds as it seemed a bit bland, but this has a continuous theme going throughout the shows.

Just a quick thought, what is Gerry Andersons obsession with Mars, I mean first it was the Mysterons and now its Zelda and her rabble.

Strange.

The Lone Gunmen (2001)

Why was it cancelled?

[30 September 2002]

Why was it cancelled? It was beginning to take shape and was cut down before it could get better. The humour was a big part of the storyline, why else would there be a character called Jimmy (James) Bond?

It was not perfect however, the tango episode fell flat on its face but was still watchable.

Fun. So when is it going to be released on DVD?

Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)

Oh grow up Mike Myers

[1/10 · 28 July 2002]

Grow up Mike Myers. This film stunk, it was a rehash of the other two films, same jokes, same plot and same lame characters.

Why does Mike Myers think its funny to tell a joke, get a geniune laugh and then linger on it for about two minutes when you think "For god sakes get on with it".

As Ozzy Osbourne puts it.

"They're using the same f****** jokes as the last Austin Powers movies"

Its just a shame that Myers does not get the irony.

America's Sweethearts (2001)

UUURRRRGGGGHHH At least I saw it for free!

[4/10 · 18 July 2002]

UUUUURRRGGGGGHHHH I really wanted to see this & it did not really live up to my expectations. I mean when Billy Crystal has an intimate incident with the dog, the sound of the dog growling is obviously dubbed, badly dubbed.

Christopher Walken was good though. Infact I can't fault the cast, but it does not really take off. As John Cusack says "Its bulls**t" and that really sets the tone of the film.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

If Yoda can master the force, then why can't he master the English language?

[9/10 · 18 May 2002]

"Dark side of the force clouds everything, now get me a cup of tea Shaft"!

Everyone has seen The Phantom Menace and was bitterly disappointed by the result. Attack of the Clones is a massive improvement. There is a lot of CGI but very little Jar Jar Binks (YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS, sorry). The first half hour is slow but moves along quite swiftly after that.

The acting is still bad however, well that is a LITTLE unfair due to the fact that the script is DIRE. Some of the dialogue between Amidala and Anakin is sickening, but apart from that it is a great film.

Forget Lord of the Rings (Which was crap anyway, see my other comments about that). Star Wars: Attack of the Clones has the best big screen battle ever.

Also I hope that this is not a spoiler, but lets face it Lucasfilm has leaked SOOOO much over the last year that everyone knows the basic plot anyway. Yoda, well I don't want to spoil the surprise at that is unfair.

"Kick arse I will. But I Diet Coke only will I drink"!

The Norris

Rat Race (2001)

Extremly funny

[9/10 · 26 January 2002]

I loved this film! My girlfriend, Emma, has never laughed so much at a comedy and it is not difficult to see why. The cast is top notch, the comedy well timed and extremely unpredictable in places that make it very refreshing to watch. I especially liked the Dean Cain scene and the scene with Cuba Gooding Jr and the Lucy's. I saw this film in Ashford, Kent, which strangely enough is where I saw Men Of Honor with Cuba Gooding Jr as well. Spooky huh?

Braindead (1992)

Hilarious

[10 January 2002]

I watched this film with my mouth wide open. Not because I felt sick, but because I was not believing my eyes.

IT WAS FANTASTIC!

So very funny and so brilliant.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

I walked out halfway through the film, it was THAT bad!

[1/10 · 24 December 2001]

I have never seen so many people walk out of a film. I cannot see how anyone can have enjoyed this film, the acting was awful, the script dire. Now I knew nothing about this film or Tolkien apart from the hype around it so I went in with an open mind hoping to enjoy it. However about an hour in I was bored stiff. It was not the fact that it was three hours long,I knew that much. It was not the fact that it was a slow film, I knew that much. It was the fact that they fought a baddy, then fought another baddy, then fought another baddy. BORING with a capital B!

Anyway when I left two hours in I had just realised that I had missed nothing and I already knew the ending as it was so predictable without even knowing anything about the film.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Complete and total Crud

[1/10 · 21 December 2001]

Well I went to this film not know what to expect so I had an open mind. I left about 2 hours into the film because it was so slow and mind numbly dull.

I can appreciate that for a film to incorporate a massive novel it needs a long time to set the film so that people can get into it, however it starts off dull and never goes above mildy interesting. It is a slow film, I knew that from the beginning, however Apocolypse now was a slow film but that was never boring or tedious.

The acting is dire, apart from Sir Ian McKellen who is alway a pleasure to watch. But I cannot feel that I was watching a Playstation computer game with nicely drawn people.

All I know is that you will not see me at the next two films for no amount of money or wealth offered.

Matt Norris

Sean's Show (1992–1993)

One of the most underrated programme of all time!

[22 August 2001]

Seans Show was an off the wall TV programme shown on Channel 4 in the early 1990's. It created some of the most funniest lines ever

"That socks still not dry" "We're not that close".

In context they are hysterical.

One of the most memorable ideas on the show was that over the course of the first series was that the regular cast all got killed over a period of time. Then at the end of the second series they all came back as their "twins".

The funniest episode was the one where Windsor Davies knocked on the door and asked Sean if he could use Seans' bath to create a giant jelly (Jello) in it.

Pure insanity.