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Raines (2007)
Waste of Time
Network TV again proves it cannot produce programming worth a damn.
Let's start with the name; "Raines" is supposed to make the viewer think of Claude Raines, the police chief in "Casablanca" and actor with many detective roles under his belt. PROBLEM: Jeff Goldbloom is over 6 feet tall, Claude Rianes barely over 5' 3"
Opening gives the feeling you are about to see a film noir. In fact the entire episode tries to be noir. PROBLEM: Noir is French for Black; as in Black & White; as in Casablanca, Maltese Falcon etc.; NOT COLOR
The lead character tries to solve crimes by having imaginary conversations with the victim. PROBLEM: USA Network already tried a similar and successful shtick like this; its called Monk and that show is lot more entertaining.
There is no action or gripping dialog. Good cop shows (Law & Order) either have a fast pace to pull the viewer in or some straight-forward dialog for the viewer to get the gist. PROBLEM: This pilot developed slowly and sometimes the dialog did not make any sense. I turned it off after the first 20 minutes.
SUMMARY: 1- This show ain't film noir; so it can never aspire to be Casablanca 2- Jeff Goldbloom is not Claude Raines or Boggy. He is a good actor but this is not the part for him. 3- This show was so slow I watched a re-run of Papillon.
Die Another Day (2002)
Castration of Bond
The worst I have seen and I have seen them all at least 20 times each.
This one is a homage to Brian DePalma who is notorious for stealing scenes from great directors to make a movie (See Untouchable with scenes stolen from Hitchcock; Eisenstein, etc.) In this Bond, the weapon is stolen from Diamonds are Forever, The Hale Berry laser scene is a copy of the Goldfinger laser scene which by the way was voted as one of the most memorable movie scenes with the famous line from Auric G. "No Mr. Bond; I expect you to die". The Astom Martin is a throw back to Goldfinger/Thunderball.
James Bond, the main character, once the most suave, dashing, sexiest and for lack of a better word "the most perfect man alive", who made some of the most gorgeous women in the world surrender themselves to him and compelled men to wishing they were him, has been castrated in this movie.
It seems that since Judy Dench took over as M in Goldeneye, all the male employees of MI6 have become impotent and occupy secondary roles. Our hero is totally ineffective in this movie and is cast aside to a secondary role while Dench, Berry, Pike and Moneypenny are elevated to hero status. ITS A "CHICK BOND" WORLD I GUESS
The opening scene is supposed to be the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea, except there is military presence!
Our hero, who in the past opening sequences managed to escape from the most dire of situations relying on his gadgets and instincts is caught. Hint to Write and/or Director: BOND NEVER GETS CAUGHT; HE IS SUPER AGENT
A Female Korean soldier is in charge of torturing Bond, who we are told is suspected of cracking under pressure and revealing secrets. This the symbolic castration and conveys the message that Bond is castrated.
Berry throughout the movie is portrayed as superior to Bond. In fact Berry's character is exactly what Bond was in the past (now you know why I call this movie "Chick Bond")
Moneypenny the secretary knows about MI6's most secret meeting place, but our Super Agent only suspects it existed. (Its a "Bond Chick" world)
Pike's character, which I am still not sure whether she is a "00" or not, apparently has more of "M"'s confidence that the man who has served Her Majesty's government since the 1960s with a perfect track record (See it is a "Chick Bond" world)
Madonna sings the theme song (Final proof that this a "Chick Bond" version of a great franchise)
While Bond always had the best gadgets, the bad guys have even better ones that can beat Bond's which is a symbolic castration of his character as well.
The entire movie would make the "NOW" happy, but made a life long fan like me want to sit down and watch all of Connery's Bond movies.
BEST SCENE: Bond cruising down a Havana highway driving an immaculate 1950s Ford Galaxy with a Latin version of the opening theme playing.
WORST SCENE: The rest of this waste of money, time and material.