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tommo9
Reviews
Blow Dry (2001)
The most comedy thing is Josh Hartnett's accent
This film is one confused mess. The cast and crew must have thought that they were on to a winner, with a Yorkshire set comedy by the same writer as 'The Full Monty.' However the few gags there are just come across as ridiculous, most of the characters are way over the top, and at the end things take a turn for the surreal, but not in a good way. The funniest and most interesting thing about this film is Josh Hartnett's attempt at a West Yorkshire accent. To be fair, some lines he seems to pull off ok, but most of it seems to be Yorkshire via Scotland, California and somewhere in India by the sounds of it. Avoid.
Ghost World (2001)
Heres an idea...
Film was ok, can't understand the comparisons between American Beauty though. Not a whole lot goes on, there are few laughs and was generally disappointed. Best thing about it is the nunchuka wielding fella with the mullet. Would definetly pay to see a film about his adventures! he was great!
Planet of the Apes (2001)
why it doesn't satisfy...
Besides all the plot discrepancies (of which you could write a book, but I'm saying nothing because at the end of the day this film is about talking monkeys) this film left me feeling extremely unsatisfied. Whenever I see Mark Wahlberg in an acting role I don't see Mark Wahlberg , I see Dirk Diggler, the character he excellently portrayed is 'Boogie Nights.' Probably has something to do with the fact that that character was a dim porn star, and Mark Wahlberg is a dim former underwear model. He applied his dozy screen persona to good effect is 'Three Kings,' in which he played a dim soldier. He doesn't come across as the heroic, inspirational leader type, and in the scene where he is 'rallying the troops' before the final battle, this is clearly evident as the scene just doesn't work.
It was clear to see that the actors were struggling to speak under all that make up, and Helena Bonham Carter seemed to be wearing eye liner and lip stick. This is a human version of attractiveness, and its just a bit warped really. If they were to make a realistic attractive female ape, they should have given her a big pink arse that stuck right out. or something.
Mark Wahlberg doesn't seem too shocked, or even bothered to have landed on a planet populated by talking apes, merely a bit disconcerted. There is no fear, which suspends involvement in the film because you cannot relate with the main character. *Minor spoilers* The 'love triangle' of Leo (Wahlberg) Daena (the gorgeous Estella Warren) and Ari (Bonham - Carter) is never convincing. When Leo kisses Daena, you think 'what, they fancy each other?' and when Leo leaves, all Ari says is 'maybe you'll come back?' The ending leaves you baffled. I thought about it for a bit after seeing the film, then just gave up. Is the world at the very end a future version of the planet Leo initially crashed onto at the start of the film? Is it a future version of the planet he left after influencing events there? Is it something else entirely different? It was reassuring to see fellow reviewers were equally baffled and confirmed that I'm not thick (that thick anyway) but that the screenwriters of this remake (sorry, re-imagining) were keen to emulate one of the greatest film endings ever, even if it made no sense, and no attempt was made to explain it. 4 out of 10 (1 for Estella for being a tasty bird, 1 for the suits of armour, 1 for Tim Roth and 1 for the music).
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Awful, awful awful. I want a refund!
I was quite looking forward to this film. I think I had been brainwashed into thinking it was going to be good by all the trailers and hype. But after I saw it, well, disappointment is not the word. The plot is ambiguos and uninvolving. The characters are awful, cheesy and not particualrly likeable. The kid is irritating as hell. He speaks with an English accent, but keeps saying loads of cheesy American things. There features a jet powered Airship. A jet powered airship in the 1930's? The CGI is a bit ropey, which adds to the impausibility of it all. All in all, its rubbish. I left the cinema feeling immensely dissatisfied. And what the hell was Donna Air doing in it? Not impressed.
American Shaolin (1991)
Daft as a brush
Some 'Gee whizz' kid goes to China to learn Shaolin Kung Fu after getting knacked and humiliated in a martial arts tournament. They teach him Kung Fu, he teaches them to rock n' roll with broomsticks. God bless America!
Ngo si seoi (1998)
not great...
Not a brilliant Chan film. Theres no kung fu until 45 minutes into the film. The plot is daft, and the whole thing left me feeling fairly dissatisfied. Worth seeing for the end fight, against some German fella who apparently is to play 'Bryan Fury' in the new Tekken film. So there we are.
U-571 (2000)
Blatant historical revisionism (again).
Once again, Hollywood changes history to make the good old USA come out on top. It first happened with objective Burma, with US paratroops dropped behind enemy lines in the jungle, but in reality it was the British army who won the Burma campaign. U-571 swaps the Royal navy for the US navy. Braveheart, the Patriot, Saving Private Ryan, Michael Collins, and even Titanic all change the facts, to either make Brits the villains, or replacing real British heroics with ficticios American ones. And now I hear Miramax is planning a remake of 'THE COLDITZ STORY.' Reality - British escapees 109, US escapees 0. No doubt in the film the Americans will be escaping left right and center, while the cold hearted emotionally repressed Brits inform the German guards. You can't help but think that there is some hidden agenda at work here, maybe its because after the genocide of 12 million native American indians, and continuing slavery 30 years after Britain abolished, America is trying to project its historical guilt onto someone else?