plaid ideals Reviews

Do You Know the Muffin Man? (1989 TV Movie)

not quality at all.

[1/10 · 5 August 2002]

This movie was terrible. It was so very terrible.

Most annoying was the way the trial was conducted. The defense attorney is allowed to ramble on and on when questioning a witness without the prosecution making any objections. He attacks the children brought to give testimony with cruel ferociousness and repeatedly yells at them that they're lying. These just aren't things that they subject children who have been sexually abused to. The trial is silly and it ruins the whole movie...(Law & Order has spoiled me for courtroom accuracy-ness).

Tron (1982)

incoherent dribble...i mean...

[1/10 · 18 February 2002]

Now granted I woke up to a friend kicking me awake, but from what I saw of this "movie" it is complete crap. As I plopped myself upon the couch. My friend, who had given me several sharp kicks, now explained what had happened thus far (something about how this guy was zapped into a super computer because some guy had stolen his computer games or something...it really wasn't logic based) and so i accepted it as illogical at best. And just enjoyed myself as it wallowed it in its own crapulence. A lot of stuff happened but i really don't know what if anything was accomplished. Undoubtedly the movie hit its peak in an energy frisbee battle (that's right energy frisbee battle) between Tron(?) and some other guy in orange. I have now decided that the incoherency of these words is now a commentary on the movie...that's just how incoherent the movie is...goodnight everybody.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

little flaws i saw...

[9/10 · 1 February 2002]

Overall i must admit i enjoyed this film. It was not a comedic masterpiece as portrayed by so many preveiws, or even what i would classify as a comedy. Yes parts were good for a chuckle and the like but nothing truly hilarious. Each and every character seemed incredibly well fleshed out despite their unusually high numbers. i saw (in other comments here)complaints about how they [the reviewer] didn't care about any of the characters and there were too many, but i found that quite not true (perhaps because my last veiwing was that of Gosford Park).

Anyway i've gotten off track. I'm writing this because in reading other comments i saw no mention of the 2 things that botherred me throughout the film...they weren't awful things but i found them to be a hinderance to my veiwing.

The first of which was the voice of the narrator. It struck me as a very non-narrator voice...it didn't sound good or anything to be described as positive...i believe it to be that of Alec Baldwin and thought it just plain bad, i'm probably alone here now that i think about it.

Anyway my next (maybe more valid) complaint is that of the music. Similar to the narrator complaint but with some possible explanation to it...i thought the music almost never went with what was happening in the story and was far too ubiquitous (look at my fancy word). It seemed to be going so often that you more noticed it when it was not playing than anything else. A lot of the time i just think they're shouldn't've been music playing when it was...i don't know i just think it subtracted a bit...

but still it was quite good in content and all stylistic-ness...so go see it and find out i'm probably all wrong.

Gosford Park (2001)

god awful

[2/10 · 20 January 2002]

Now maybe its just not my cup of tea, but i found this film to be bad. There were so many characters that one was left quite confused when someone's name was thrown about in conversation. i don't know how they could've possibly fixed this character problem, but i would argue that the problem is this shouldn't be a movie. i believe it could fair well as a book, however in movie form it was a big nothing. I was bored through much of it (back to that tea thing) and that which did happen was lame. Even those of my grouping that did enjoy it were unsure of what had happened at times. The murder motives while i guess were valid were still a little shakey in my opinion. I also found the conversation to be dull and nothing important not repeated at least 2 or 3 times...well if such things weren't repeated then i myself probably would've been clueless to the happenings of the movie. It just wasn't anything. There were one or two niftty little focus shifts but in such a long movie this was hardly enough to keep me entertained. See this if you like boring dialogue or a movie that just seems like you should like it when really there's nothing likeable about it.

The Shipping News (2001)

Shipping News is Crap...

[5/10 · 3 January 2002]

Let me first state that Spacey is god...he is by far the best actor period. However...however, shipping news is crap. the movie is a big nothing. Occaisonally Spacey's acting prowess does shine through and make one awe. But it is only for short instances and the whole movie is just lame. It wreaks of blandness. Things happened but there just is no real driving point, the story is going nowhere the whole time. And then over and over the viewer is introduced to weird creepy things that make little sense and seem almost random. I would now regret having viewed it had it not only run me $3. Unless you're seeing it cheap don't. Even if you love Spacey you best steer clear LEST it ruin your image of just how great Spacey truly is.

Red Dawn (1984)

crap

[1/10 · 4 December 2001]

i am appauled that this move is rated so very very high. This movie seems like it never ends. I and friends rented this as a joke movie to be made fun of...but it was just awful. At the beginning we laughed well enough but as the movie wore on we grew tired and the last hour and thirty minutes was sheer hell. it was just boring and bad and stupid...based on this movie the gross incompetence of the Soviet forces leads me to believe that there was no training for Soviet soldiers. ITs really quite ludicrous and bad and only worth renting/buying if you wish to be ripped off and have time wasted.

Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)

giant tail

[1/10 · 3 November 2001]

the only part of this movie that matters is when that crazy cooky bum guy gets hit by the "alligator's" tail. its solid gold...seamless editing. and then later when JOSEPH BOLOGNA (his name is bologna! ...if that's not gold i don't know what is) stuff happens and you have all the information you'll ever need.

the end

see the movie...or live a happy life, the choice is yours

Planet of the Apes (2001)

this was complete crap with a capital C and a capital R and a capital A and a capital P

[1/10 · 28 July 2001]

Today was to be a great day, but then this horrid thing called a movie ruined it. Today, or rather yesterday at this point at 1pm nine friends came over and we watched all 5 original Planet of the Apes movies. Those movies were complete crap but still entertaining (if not only for the extreme taunting they invoked). As bad as all those movies were this new one is worse. It is quite the repulsive movie and not anything I would pay to see...again.

***I plan to go through this whole CRAP movie and explain everything wrong and bad about it...as such there is likely to be many a spoiler contained here in***

POSITIVES:

1) Great make-up! That's all I got

NEGATIVES:

1) The first thing I noticed was that in the year 2029 we are super advanced...we have laser guns and nuclear powered spaceships and super-smart genetically engineered apes.

2) The ape society is nearly identical to that of the Romans. They have a senate and military rule and slavery... and I'm sure there's some kind of crazy combat arena where one referred to, as "the Spaniard" will defeat the emperor in combat.

3) General Thade is the primary villain. And he is the most annoying and most absolutely evil thing in the world. He is constantly breathing exceptionally loud all the time, even when he sits down to dinner he is loudly breathing. And then there is his complete bloodlust as he kills anyone he can even when it doesn't help him to do so. For instance he is shown that marki mark (our brave hero) has crash-landed in the forest and he kills the two that told him about it because...I don't know why it doesn't make sense.

4) The apes refuse to go into the water at any cost. The movie explains they can't swim, but that doesn't make sense either. Even if apes can't swim (which I assume is the case otherwise there is no reason why they would put it in the movie) I believe that if they were super intelligent apes then they would be quite capable of overcoming such a basic fear of water and would be able to learn through common sense. Unless monkeys are made of lead or something, which they may be, I'm not sure.

5) The second bad ape, Attar is his name, is a religious little ape. Religion and blind faith were key components of the original and were actually a nice little commentary on humanity (despite the overall poor quality of the movie), however it plays little to no role in this newer version. By the end of the movie Attar, who was shown to be quite devout to his beliefs, has renounced his beliefs and with great willingness accepted it. Which is hardly realistic. If some monkey came down from space and told everyone or anyone that there religion was wrong it would hardly be just accepted. So that's another wasted point of the movie...in fact at one point the movie specifically points out that the general populace of the apes is not religious at all.

6) At one point in the movie a lot of people descend on the spot that marki mark and the funky bunch are at. They go to an area within the forbidden zone and as far as we know nobody has been there since the apes first left the desert it is located in and yet they find it with ease...not just a couple people but a whole horde of people and they all seem to reach this destination no more than a couple minutes or so after marki mark reaches the place. It is peculiar at best and ludicrous as a fact.

7) Not one character is developed in any manner in any way what so ever. The closest they come to developing a character is creating some kind of weird monkey-human love triangle, but that was just weird not really even developing the characters.

8) The ending battle scene is overall your typical action movie battle scene, except the titanic clashes between the great warriors/leaders of each side are meek at best. There are two such battles. One is between that Attar guy and another gorilla. The two gorillas simply take turns pinning the other one on the ground and beating on the opponent's chest till he is dead. This battle isn't even fair as Attar has armor and the other does not so clearly the one with armor will not easily die when simply having his armor hit with fists. Another battle is between marki mark and general Thade. General Thade simply beats the crap out of marki mark...its not even close to a battle its just marki mark getting beaten up. Oh wait that's not true, at one point marki mark gets a gun and starts trying to shoot the ludicrously fast monkey.

9) Oh yah I completely forgot about the fact that the monkeys could jump roughly 30 feet in any direction they wished and with complete ease. They were also frightfully strong, they merely throw humans around as they pleased and that was it. Also in the climactic battle Thade handles most enemies by tossing them away. Yes, he was quite strong and threw them a good ten twenty feet but that will hardly kill a man. I'd be willing to bet that most of the people thrown to the side got up dusted them off and continued the fight.

10) There's a lot more that doesn't make sense but I'm tired and this movie is depressing me...(tear) so I shall end with one more

11) As for the ending of the movie (which I could only begin to explain how bad it was) I have but two words... APE LINCOLN, You'll understand if you have seen it or dare to in the future

Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993–2012)

best show ever

[24 July 2001]

this is one of the best shows ever. and to prove such a point i shall recount an episode...eck eck hem. at about 15 minutes left in the episode space ghost discovers there's an ant problem in his little hosting area and as such he decides to follow the ant home so he can kill all the ants. the last 15 minutes of the show is him following the ant very very very very slwoly on his hands and knees while humming to himself and occaisonally throwing in snappy threats/comments like. "oh i'm going to get you" or "ants are so stupid". this is literally at least 15 minutes of him following this stupid little ant around. it is the most hilarious thing ever. My friends and i were in histarics the first several minutes. Then we just commented on how long and tedious the thing was...which provoked more laughter and then we laughed some more at the shocking conclusion and laughed even harder when we discovered the show had been primarily made up of space ghost following the ant...oh it was great