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brianpanto
Reviews
Koty Ermitazha (2023)
Yep - the worst film I've seen too
I'd be embarrassed to have my name in the credits - sure fire way of never getting another job.
The voices - did the voice actors actually see the film as they did their bits ? Often sounds like they read from a script with no real idea of the context. Very badly matched voices to character.
The animation - the scene with the mouse running up a rope: it doesn't look like the mouse is on the rope, it's just an animated mouse moving through air near a rope. The dog falling out of the window into the fishing nets and bouncing : this is an abandoned house with abandonded nets at least a few years old, how would they have any springyness, and how could anything bounce less convincingly than the dog did. In fact all of the jumps look like "let's move x from here to there by a jump and never mind if it looks impossible and fake". And had anyone in the animation department ever seen a cat 'cos they don't look great.
The scene where Vincent runs up a metal slope, slides back and then puts his claws out to help him climb - what ? How do claws help on a metal surface ? I don't mind suspension of disbelief but it only goes so far and this and many other scenes were just plain ridiculous. Like the Alexander Pushkin stopping (it takes miles for a vessel like that to stop) to pick up a piano in the middle of the sea - why ? And why take it to The Hermitage (and how) and how did the crate that it and the cat and the mouse were in just open ? Ridiculous.
The ghost - really ? Did it need a Scottish voice to fit a quota or something. And the possession thing - words cannot explain how stupid that looked.
Cleopatra seems to have no real role in the story - another quota requirement ? Or was she voiced by Putin's wife so they had to leave her in ?
A good bit ? Maurice playing the Dead March on the piano strings. There was joke a little before that but I can't remember it - the next 75 minutes wiped it out.
The only glimmer of hope was the possibility of the Mona Lisa getting eaten or shredded by Max - I've never understood what people see in that painting, give me a Bosch or a Breugel or a Constable any day - but even that flickered out.
On the plus side, my eight year old son loved it and wants the DVD - his reaction when I told him what I thought of it gave me the best laugh of the day.
In short - don't bother, it's so bad, so, so bad. Someone here compared it to Masha and the Bear - I'd far rather watch three hours of Masha than 89 minutes of this film.
DC League of Super-Pets (2022)
That was a surprise !
I'm not really a DC fan and I didn't expect to like this but is was REALLY GOOD !
A reasonable story and FUNNY, Great evil ham ohhh no, Guinea Pig. Love the montage line from PB - reminded me of Team America (even Rocky had a montage). My 6yo loved it and to be honest I'd watch it again. Wait for the post credit scene. The disclaimer about real people ? I think they've added one about buildings right at the end of the printed credits (IMDB missed that one), clever, I like that.
Mind Games (2001)
Interesting idea - terrible script
It's a good idea but let down by the stilted dialogue. Couldn't bear more than 20 minutes of it.
The American (2010)
Pointless
Why do they go to so much bother to get a gun to kill Clooney's character with ?
Sat through it - and yes it is pretty to watch - only to be totally let down at the end.
Good acting, good scenery, rubbish plot.