This show isn't worthy of a lengthy review. The plot is sophomoric, the acting just passable, the characters .5 dimensional, the subplots unbearable, the pacing jagged, the whole thing is just a chaotic farse. Best avoided, but if you fall prey of it don't say I didn't warn you. And of course the imbecilic fight choreographing where once one party have the other one on the floor instead of finishing the task of the immediate threat we should instead do anything - literally ANYTHING - else to allow our opponent the time to get the upper hand again. I guess that's what you get when 80% of the shows today are seemingly written by the same group of 17-year-olds.
Reviews
11 Reviews
Cypher
(2021– )
Holy crap...
24 December 2023
Poor acting, poor direction, poor pacing, but fundamentally the worst script I have ever seen money put behind. The core premise could have been interesting, but the script kills any hope the story have of becoming engaging., Whomever wrote this farse should revisit their career choices, because with all the practice in the world they have no hope of anything but abysmal failure. The characters are unbelievable and unlikable, the choices and paths are so low-brow even an infant would shake their head in disbelief, and the acting is largely phoned in on a bad connection to voicemail. Best avoided, but can serve as a case study in what not to do.
Uncharted
(2022)
Thanks, Atlas, for ruining this
28 April 2022
As a film, unconnected to its source material, this rates as a 5-6 movie. However, they completely ruined the feel of everything from the source; characters, environment, everything. Not to mention that the FX seemed like this was a high school project film. If you have no connection to the Uncharted game series, this is probably an OK-ish movie. If you do, however, this is best avoided.
9-1-1: Lone Star
(2020– )
The three stars are solely due to Rob Lowe's charisma
29 August 2021
I really wanted to like this show, I really did. Half way through the first episode I came here to read some reviews to see if what I feared was true.
It was.
I am a bleeding heart liberal, and even I cannot stomach the incessant reminders of us, the audience, are not woke enough. It is so in your face that whatever sliver of a storyline is to be found in the show is only there to loosely tie together the caps-lock moralizing on permanent display. Other than that it is poorly written, the acting is overall quite woody, and the storyline(s) are quite unengaging. Even Lowe and Tyler deliver performances well below their capabilities. The cinematography is good enough, as are the set pieces, but it is anybody's guess how Rob Lowe and Liv Tyler got roped into this. My guess is they lost a bet.
Very disappointing.
It was.
I am a bleeding heart liberal, and even I cannot stomach the incessant reminders of us, the audience, are not woke enough. It is so in your face that whatever sliver of a storyline is to be found in the show is only there to loosely tie together the caps-lock moralizing on permanent display. Other than that it is poorly written, the acting is overall quite woody, and the storyline(s) are quite unengaging. Even Lowe and Tyler deliver performances well below their capabilities. The cinematography is good enough, as are the set pieces, but it is anybody's guess how Rob Lowe and Liv Tyler got roped into this. My guess is they lost a bet.
Very disappointing.
War of the Worlds
(2019– )
Oh boy...
4 June 2021
EVERY character is written in a way that makes you root for the aliens. Is it considered poor storytelling these days if you provide a character with a brain? So disappointed. I think most previous adaptations in various formats brought at least SOMETHING to the mix, but for the love of deity... Just wow. Giving it three starts as the acting isn't horrible. The characters, however, are. So much so that the story becomes irrelevant.
The Man from Earth: Holocene
(2017)
I ?so? wanted for this to be good
14 October 2018
I absolutely love the 2007 installment. I think it was intelligent, entertaining, and exceedingly well executed on a shoestring budget. I was hoping for some of the same magic in a bottle from this, but it isn't even close. Lazy writing, mediocre performances from the on-screen talent - although if I were them I would feel comfortable placing the bulk of the blame for that on the writer/director. This was massively disappointing, and I regret having seen it as I fear it will subtract from my next viewing of the 2007 installment.
Guilt
(2016)
No wonder it got canceled
3 May 2017
Written for toddlers, I suspect. Or perhaps by toddlers. Not a single believable character. It opens OK with a decent albeit not original plot, but falls apart quickly when it turns out EVERY character is a one-dimensional caricature. Disappointing to say the least. Too bad, as there are some above par actors and actresses in it.
Real Steel
(2011)
Another title that makes me long for the Zero vote at IMDb
4 January 2012
Got this one because I am a fan of Hugh Jackman. I was not expecting much given the premise of the movie, and even with that I was disappointed. It makes no difference what level of dispencement of reality you are willing to afford this epic rubbish, you will lose interest about 12 minutes into the carnage of intellect this thing is.
HJ must have been desperate for a payday. This POS flick would be a career killer if he had but a little less merit in his history. Honestly, the fact that I had to suffer through watching this made me want to punch the entire cast and crew in the face.
At the end of the day, I cannot in good faith find a single reason to recommend this time-waster. It is completely worthless, and makes me cringe for a number of reasons outnumbering the number of running minutes of the "movie".
HJ must have been desperate for a payday. This POS flick would be a career killer if he had but a little less merit in his history. Honestly, the fact that I had to suffer through watching this made me want to punch the entire cast and crew in the face.
At the end of the day, I cannot in good faith find a single reason to recommend this time-waster. It is completely worthless, and makes me cringe for a number of reasons outnumbering the number of running minutes of the "movie".
Slither
(2006)
Steer clear
14 September 2006
I was hoping to be able to give this movie zero stars, but alas - one was the lowest. I am actually writing this while suffering through the end of the movie, as a need for something semi worth while to do has arisen.
I won't go off on my usual rant about this movie stealing time I want back; it brought value in the sense that it brings hope for aspiring movie makers out there. That someone found it in their hearts to pour money into this project is beyond me, but it gives promise for mankind as a giving and generous species.
A script as poorly written as this hopefully only gets set into production once every decade, in which case we should be safe for the next fifty years or so, as this definitely makes up for a few decades to come. They even got a couple of normally above average actors to "star" in this flick, which to me seems like a strong sign their careers are going down in a havoc of flames.
A poor script combined with acting resembling what you'd expect to find at a kindergarten play (aside from the fact that might prove to be charming) leaves only the special effects as a potential savior of this epic mess. While I must admit I have seen worse FX, you've come to expect a little more at this day and age.
I hope James Gunn is a pseudonym. I would have been shameful for the rest of my years if my name was associated with this fiasco.
All in all; if you enjoy watching turkeys, this might prove semi fun. If you are fearing your next dentist visit, watch this first. It is a lot more painful.
I won't go off on my usual rant about this movie stealing time I want back; it brought value in the sense that it brings hope for aspiring movie makers out there. That someone found it in their hearts to pour money into this project is beyond me, but it gives promise for mankind as a giving and generous species.
A script as poorly written as this hopefully only gets set into production once every decade, in which case we should be safe for the next fifty years or so, as this definitely makes up for a few decades to come. They even got a couple of normally above average actors to "star" in this flick, which to me seems like a strong sign their careers are going down in a havoc of flames.
A poor script combined with acting resembling what you'd expect to find at a kindergarten play (aside from the fact that might prove to be charming) leaves only the special effects as a potential savior of this epic mess. While I must admit I have seen worse FX, you've come to expect a little more at this day and age.
I hope James Gunn is a pseudonym. I would have been shameful for the rest of my years if my name was associated with this fiasco.
All in all; if you enjoy watching turkeys, this might prove semi fun. If you are fearing your next dentist visit, watch this first. It is a lot more painful.
The Pledge
(I) (2001)
I want my two hours back
30 July 2006
Just saw this movie, and I guess I'll partially have to blame myself for setting my expectations a tad high, but then again... Considering the heavy guns involved in this movie, I expected something of a different caliber. I want to rate this movie with one star, but the acting bumps it up a notch. Nevertheless, I am border-lining suing the production company for allowing this garbage to hit the public.
As the heading states, I want my two hours back. And my faith in Jack Nicholson restored. I cannot believe he willingly signed this contract, or at least not while sober.
This is amongst the few times I've been down right angry after watching a movie, for the sole reason that it stole time I will never get back. To add insult to injury, I actually BOUGHT the DVD, I didn't even have the foresight to rent it first. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a DVD to destroy.
If you have some cash you are contemplating using on this movie, I recommend donating it for your favorite charity instead. At least they will not steal your time in the process.
And Mr. Penn.... PLEASE stick to acting in the future. Most of us movie-watchers out here have never hurt you in any way, so I think it is unfair of you punishing us like this.
As the heading states, I want my two hours back. And my faith in Jack Nicholson restored. I cannot believe he willingly signed this contract, or at least not while sober.
This is amongst the few times I've been down right angry after watching a movie, for the sole reason that it stole time I will never get back. To add insult to injury, I actually BOUGHT the DVD, I didn't even have the foresight to rent it first. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a DVD to destroy.
If you have some cash you are contemplating using on this movie, I recommend donating it for your favorite charity instead. At least they will not steal your time in the process.
And Mr. Penn.... PLEASE stick to acting in the future. Most of us movie-watchers out here have never hurt you in any way, so I think it is unfair of you punishing us like this.
A Walk to Remember
(2002)
The only spoiler here is my dark little secrets...
19 July 2006
I bought this movie at the local supermarket, at a substantially reduced price. From the cover and the resumé, I figured this would be a decent flick to have handy in the event I got some female company for a movie night.
Now I find myself watching it alone.
Repeatedly. By CHOICE.
At first I tried blaming it on the presence of Mandy Moore. When that got old, I tried blaming it on the songs she sings in the movie (some of them are quite brilliant ballads). When that lie also faded, the truth stood clear; I simply love this movie.
As a previous comment stated, "You'll hate yourself for loving this movie". How utterly true this is. I DO hate myself for loving it, but I love it nevertheless. It will make you smile, frown, laugh and cry. It is like taking an emotional roller-coaster, but you find yourself not wanting to get off. That said, director Adam Shankman elegantly avoids spending three hours telling the story, even though the story itself easily could justify it.
Mandy Moore and Shane West both perform superbly, where I have yet to find significant flaws in their performance even after the n'th viewing. Supporting actors Peter Coyote and Daryl Hannah both deliver the goods with seasoned timing.
I watched this movie again this evening, on TELEVISION, even though I have the DVD on the shelve next to it... I even get emotional reading the QUOTES from this movie on IMDb.com (which by the way contains a few spoilers - do not read until you've seen the movie!!!).
All in all; I fail to see how anyone can be totally unaffected by this diamond in the rough. Watch it. Rent it. Buy it. Even as an "aging" flick by relative standards, it will prove well worth full price.
Now I find myself watching it alone.
Repeatedly. By CHOICE.
At first I tried blaming it on the presence of Mandy Moore. When that got old, I tried blaming it on the songs she sings in the movie (some of them are quite brilliant ballads). When that lie also faded, the truth stood clear; I simply love this movie.
As a previous comment stated, "You'll hate yourself for loving this movie". How utterly true this is. I DO hate myself for loving it, but I love it nevertheless. It will make you smile, frown, laugh and cry. It is like taking an emotional roller-coaster, but you find yourself not wanting to get off. That said, director Adam Shankman elegantly avoids spending three hours telling the story, even though the story itself easily could justify it.
Mandy Moore and Shane West both perform superbly, where I have yet to find significant flaws in their performance even after the n'th viewing. Supporting actors Peter Coyote and Daryl Hannah both deliver the goods with seasoned timing.
I watched this movie again this evening, on TELEVISION, even though I have the DVD on the shelve next to it... I even get emotional reading the QUOTES from this movie on IMDb.com (which by the way contains a few spoilers - do not read until you've seen the movie!!!).
All in all; I fail to see how anyone can be totally unaffected by this diamond in the rough. Watch it. Rent it. Buy it. Even as an "aging" flick by relative standards, it will prove well worth full price.
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