Crafty78 Reviews

3 from Hell (2019)

Why does this guy keep making films?

[1/10 · 6 October 2019]

Ahh, you've gotta love Rob Zombie for STILL directing absolute garbage like this, haven't you? and not even in the good way my I add, but obviously he thinks it's B movie genius as he keeps directing the damn things.

Let's see how this was always going to be a waste of money from the start, shall we? First of all Sid Haig is in it for about 10mins, ok I know he was ill at the time of shooting, but the film studio wouldn't of even let Zombie release this steaming pile in the first place if he wasn't even in it. Danny Treo who is quite a regular in Zombie's films is also in it for about 5mins (if that) and you can tell he couldn't even afford to have him in it for too long otherwise it would've sucked out most of his budget (even for a B movie star like Treo is these days). And lastly, it was a straight to DVD release which actually suprised some fans? I mean, what did they actually expect when somehow Zombie's films just keep getting worse instead of better?

Rob Zombie's films have always been trash, let's face it but the guy just cannot help himself and continues to make the same old mess. Profanity every few minutes, rednecks who like to kill people and ripping off Tobe Hooper and sometimes Stanley Kubrick every chance he can get. Personally I think somebody should just sit him down and tell him to stop but he obviously has too many yes men (and his wife) around him telling him what he's doing is worth releasing.

I don't recommended this, or any of his other films whatsoever and I think he really needs to just stick to his music, which isn't even all that better to be honest. AVOID.

The Beach Bum (2019)

Made me angry it was that bad

[1/10 · 9 June 2019]

Now Harmony Korine doesn't exactly have the best filmography out there, apart from Gummo which is brilliantly weird and horrible imo, but anything else, especially 'Trash Humpers' and his last effort 'Spring Breakers' are just absolute wastes of film.

The character of Moon Dog played by McConaughey has to be one of the most pointless and stupid people I've seen on screen for a long time, yet everybody who he comes into contact with in the film praise him as this fantastic guy and local legend. He has absolutely no real feelings for anybody, except say 'his' cat which he basically steals anyway and continues his drug fueled binge even when his wife (Isla Fisher) dies.

I absolutely hated this film and I honestly can't believe any of the actors agreed to be in it, I'm guessing they were all high as Moon Dog and that's the only reason to star in such a s*it show of a film.

I would've given it a 0 rating but it's not possible, although the film did feature 2 songs by The Cure, so I guess that can merit the 1 rating.

Hallows Eve (2016)

Awful

[1/10 · 7 October 2017]

I'll admit I only gave this a chance because of the fantastic cover art by Graham Humpreys, who if you didn't know already is responsible for some of the greatest VHS horror cover art of the 1980's. What I got was one of the worst acted, unoriginal, and terrible films that I've seen for years.

The acting from pretty much the entire cast was unbelievable bad, especially the main kid Derren played by Ethan Taylor. Obviously the cast aren't Oscar winning actors, but even for unknowns there was some unforgivable displays of 'acting' throughout. The sound mixing was also a massive issue in some scenes and felt like I was watching an old school Jackie Chan film at times.

The attempt to create a Halloween atmosphere littered with pumpkins and various other decorations around the estate, while wasn't a bad effort just didn't really add anything, and the need to add even more pumpkins to the third act of the film in the abandoned factory setting was just completely unnecessary and just seemed forced to try and create a 'spooky' atmosphere and failing miserably.

Overall though it really is a boring, clichéd, drab piece of work which will no doubt be found on the horror channel repeating itself every other week, or in the bargain section of HMV.