everthought8 Reviews

The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (2000 Video)

I'll bet Neptune rolled over in his watery grave

[3/10 · 21 July 2007]

Though I've yet to review the movie in about two years, I remember exactly what made my opinion go as low as it did. Having loved the original Little Mermaid, and having been obsessed with mermaids as a child could be, I decided I'd take the time to sit down and watch the sequel.

Disney, I've got a little message for you. If you don't have the original director and actors handy...you're just looking to get your butt whooped.

In the sequel, our story begins with a slightly older Ariel and her daughter, Melody. My first big issue was that Eric and the rest of the crew sang. Yes, I understand that Disney is big on sing-and-dance numbers, but really, that's what made Eric my favorite prince. He was calm, collected, and a genuine gentleman that knew how to have fun. And he DID. NOT. SING.

And then there's the villain. Oh, how could we forget the shivers that coursed down our spines whenever Ursula slunk onto the screen, terrifying both Ariel and audiences around the world? Unfortunately, that gene was not passed on to her seemingly useless sister, Morgana. Nothing was ever, EVER said about Morgana in the first movie; she just pops out of nowhere, trying to steal the baby. Oh, how cute. The younger sister is ticked off and instead of going after the trident, decides to kidnap a month-old baby. Gag me.

Other than being a flat character with no sense of originality in her, Morgana was just very unorthodox. The same plan as her sister, the same minions (who, by the way, did not scare anyone. I had a three year old on my lap when I watched this movie, and she laughed hysterically.) She had no purpose being in there; I'd like to have seen Mom be the villain. I'm sure she would have done a better job than Little Miss Tish over there.

King Triton held none of the respect he'd earned from me in the first movie, and don't even get me started on Scuttle, Sebastian and Flounder. Triton was a stern but loving father in the first movie, and in the second, it's almost like he's lost his will to knock fear into the hearts of his subjects. Scuttle, once a comic relief that made everyone laugh with his 'dingle-hopper' (yes, I'll admit it; I did call my fork a dingle-hopper from time to time after that). In this film, Scuttle's all but forgotten. A supporting character even in the first, he at least added something to the movie. He was rich with a flavor the others didn't have, and in the sequel, they all but stripped it from him entirely. Sebastian was still the same, but twice as worrisome as before. Disney, don't do that. Don't even try to mess with our favorite crab. Or our favorite little fat fish, who becomes a dad and has a multitude of very annoying children. He's fat, and he's bland, and he looks like he's going to flat line any second.

The walrus and penguin were unneeded, and after a while, you just start to resent everyone. Especially Melody, who has no depth to her whatsoever.

And one of these days, Disney, I'm kicking out of my life.

If I didn't love your originals so much.

The Messengers (2007)

PLEASE shoot the Messengers

[4/10 · 3 February 2007]

*Contains Spoilers*

*Though if you've ever seen a horror movie, you've basically seen the Messengers*

I have never liked horror movies. I've always been terrified of the slightest tension in a dark hallway or too quiet house. This afternoon, after being stopped by a traffic cop on the way to the theater, was forced into the Messengers. That was the first mistake.

The second was believing this movie would 1) be scary and 2) make any sense. Curling up with my knees to my chest, my arms wrapped around my face so that only my eyes were peeking over, I prepared to be petrified. Never happened.

I jumped maybe four times, despite the hundred chances I was given. There were dozens of crows for no reason, a blurry background, and unbelievable characters. The field-hand, I had to admit, actually kind of threw me a curve ball at the end. But the dirt in the cellar- that was very uncalled for. It made no sense whatsoever and I'm glad he died.

And just as a note? A pitchfork through the back is going to cause a lot more than just a flesh wound. I felt like getting up and slapping the father for his unrealistic acting. Even more so, I felt like slapping the directors, who lumped together perhaps every horror movie I've ever seen, and there haven't been that many. One that kept sticking out was the Shining with Jack Nicholson. If he'd been in this movie, I think I would have actually been afraid.

Arthur and the Invisibles (2006)

A fast-paced run toward fame

[7/10 · 14 January 2007]

The timeless tale of a great adventurer, out to save his family and home.

Lovely, but much too fast for my taste. I realize this was a movie for children, yet when you think about it, children's parents have to sit through the movie as well. The animation in this movie were wonderful, but the plot- the plot was enough to make my head pound.

Arthur, a lonely little 10 year old boy, sets out to save his family's home by traveling into the world of the Minimoys. Watching the movie, I found quite a few holes along the way.

1)Why was it that everything seemed so set up for Arthur, but none of it was discovered before? 2)Why wouldn't Beta inherit the throne instead of Arthur, in the event that Selenia couldn't fulfill her duties? 3)What was Selenia's goal in finding Malthazar? She made no move to defeat him, even at the most opportune moment.

4)Why is it that Arthur is the only English person in all of this? 5)What was up with that true love thing between Arthur and Selenia? They're ten years old, not twenty.

The scenery was beautiful, and the overall movie an enjoyable experience. It was just irritating in some aspects, like they'd created some new technology and had to put a story to it.

Something you should see, even if you are a stickler for detail.